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Hell Asylum (2002)
Take the 50 cents you made from my Netflix view and buy some talent
This movie is unbelievably bad. There was nothing good about it in the least. Let's list the stupidity:
1. Haunted house built in the mid-1800's? Are you kidding? It looked like a school built in the 80's. Scout your locations better.
2. The scare challenges - locking some chick in the closet? And then letting her out after 2 minutes? The winner of this "reality show" was to get a million bucks. For that? At least make your premise believable.
3. The gore was noodles covered in fake blood. When Amber dies, the ghouls are merely moving it around on her belly. Poorly done.
4. Can you really kill someone and then stick your hand in the back of his head to make him talk? Should I have even asked this? 5. Is it just me, or did the actor playing Max's brother not have a beard in the beginning? He sure did have one when he died. I've heard of five o'clock shadow, but that's a little extreme.
6. The jerky cameras with static intermingled with the shots does nothing but annoy.
7. Stinging social commentary from Martin Sheen's not-famous brother in the end. Did he lose a bet?
All in all, not even worth watching stoned.
Transmorphers: Fall of Man (2009)
Not even one of those "so bad it;'s funny" movies
Saw this on Netflix late one night and decided to give it a whirl to see how bad it could be, and I wasn't disappointed. I can forgive movies made on shoestring budgets (Check out Clerks or El Mariachi) but the makers of this movie are not only untalented, they are creative looters: take a popular movie, rip it off, and give it a similar title. The reasons this movie are bad have been given in the other reviews: atrocious dialogue, bad acting, extreme lapses in logic and continuity, etc. Check these out:
1. The satellite man "transmorphs" then is only seen once again. And when you do, he drops from the sky in one of those "Matrixy" poses.
2. When the Nissan SUV (with the logo covered with black tape) spits out the dead driver, don't park it next to the crime scene for the next shot-check the license plate number, it's right there.
3. The title card describes an "Airforce" base. Sorry, folks, it's Air Force-2 words.
4. As the two government people drive the "doctor" in the Suburban, they go through a checkpoint, apparently into the "Airforce" base, then drive past the same checkpoint numerous times during their conversation.
5. Our hero fires not only his assault rifle, but his grenade launcher while sitting in the back seat of a pickup truck that has no roll-down back windows. And there is no brass ejected.
6. Our hero is known by the government agents as an expert in UAV operation. How they know that is unexplained, but no matter, the subject is never brought up again.
7. When the first robot attacks the Airforce base (which has no Air Force personnel), it is shown walking and shooting, and they use the same shot over and over and over and over again.
There is a place for low budget movies, such as the ones mentioned above, but at least put some effort into making a coherent script and story. Don't make a shallow ripoff.