james_shaw1990 Reviews

Deadman Apocalypse (2016)

the Birdemic of 2016

[1/10 · 21 June 2016]

I have given 2/10s before but never a 1/10, but this "film" deserves nothing more.

It is not even worthy of watching for a little B-grade background badness. The movie honestly feels like the writer/director watched and wrote down a little game of make-believe performed by a couple of kids in a Mcdonald's play set and the set design, plot progression and god awful acting really makes you feel like you are watching a bunch of men-children playing pretend.

The only thing that could of saved this movie would be if it didn't take itself so seriously, it could of worked on some level if it was aware of it's own awfulness, like Kung Fury.

In conclusion; don't waste your time with this garbage and the director should go back to mopping sick off the McDonald's floor and stop watching kids in the play set.

The Horde (2016 Video)

I've seen better character development in a game of Guess Who.

[2/10 · 7 May 2016]

I will give credit where credit is due, the set design and makeup is decent, but that's is it for the positives for this film. This movie wouldn't be enjoyed by anyone with a mental mentality over a 12 year old's. The characters are as cookie cut as they come, the snobby rich kid, the over sexed teens, and you just want them to hurry up and die faster so you don't have to cringe at their presence any longer, I don't think you were meant to side with the murderers in this movie, but that's what it makes you do. at one point I was saying to myself "they better make that douche suffer" Our hero in this movie, the ex Seal is incredibly unbelievable, due to equally bad acting and fighting choreography. Having making a thing about being "aware of your surroundings" you could sneak up on this idiot on bubble-wrap carpet while tap dancing in golf shoes.

The thing I found most infuriating about this movie is the Seal was trying to save his girlfriend and the cookie cut kids but wasted all these precious moments in the woods building elaborate booby traps, with the hopes that a single antagonist would stumble through, among the dozens, while he was playing Rambo in the woods, his main objective was being raped and murdered, it wasn't until the climax that he decided he had enough of playing Hunger Games in the woods and decided to go save his girlfriend.

The whole movie was just a sloppy, badly thought out mess, and a complete waste of time, so hopefully you will decide to not endure this film like I have.

2/10 set design and makeup is the only thing that justified not giving it a 1/10.

Devil's Doors (2016)

Honestly worst movie I have seen this year

[2/10 · 7 April 2016]

This is the first IMDb review I ever written and this movie was so bad it compelled me to warn people to not be fooled into watching this. The acting isn't the worst I have seen, they actually improve during the second act, as if they had acting lessons during the filming but the script and plot are some of the worst. It's like a movie that is self aware of how terrible it is yet still too proud to make fun of itself. If you do plan on seeing this, get ready to spend the first 45 minutes of this "horror" movie without so much as a jump scare, following the most obnoxious stereotypical douche-bag college kids do nothing but make you wish they would die sooner and even when they do, it doesn't feel satisfying. You know a horror movie is bad when they cant even make the death of these cartoonesque morons enjoyable. The only justifiable reason to see this movie is to have something to rant about and you will want to get this off your chest pretty quick like I have.

Romeo & Juliet (II) (2013)

this broke Shakespeare

[2/10 · 9 March 2014]

you know the story, you knew about it before you even read or watched an adaption of it. this is because it is considered a timeless piece which this film failed to realize. Romeo + Juliet (1996) understood and played on the idea that you don't need to place Shakespeare in Elisabethan times to make the story work. this adaption should never have been made, too much unoriginal dialogue added unnecessarily. there is a reason why R+M (96) is shown to English students, because even though how vastly removed from original time and location, the characters, dialogue, plot are more relatable and loyal to the original material.

the story allows the director to experiment with countless adaptions, this movie could have been made out in space, a pixar animation, gay lovers, anything fresh and re imagined would have been welcomed,the director got it backwards, he kept the era and plot but changed the dialogue shamelessly. his writing isn't up to scratch to make it work, but don't blame the director, i blame the producers who didn't have the common sense or loyalty to Shakespeare to let this movie find its proper place in the bin