captaintetanus Reviews

The Magician (I) (2005)

Decent

[6/10 · 22 March 2024]

If I hadn't watched Mr. Inbetween first, I'd never have kept watching this. The show is great, this is just ok. I already liked Ray's character so I kept watching. It's hard to look past the fact that Ray would never agree to do a documentary. But once you can get past that as a necessary story device, it's decent enough. I'm just glad it was well enough liked that it led to the series. I'd rate it 5.5 if I could. Spoilers below.

----------------------- Kinda stupid how the documentary guy asks Ray to be less violent. The movie is a guys road trip with a minor crime element. They looked like they had fun making it. Calling him a magician at this point seems like an overstatement. Just seems like a guy who does his job well (besides agreeing to commit crimes on video with a human witness who would profit from releasing the video). In the show he lives up to that title well enough, proving notably more skilled than others around him in the same line of work.

Elvis (2022)

I got 3/4 through it and could take no more

[5/10 · 2 January 2024]

It was like they took a movie, an audio book, and a documentary, chopped them up, mixed them up, and pasted them back together in mostly chronological order. But each thing was by different people and didn't mesh quite right with the others.

It felt like a messy dream, and maybe that's exactly what they were going for to make you feel like Elvis may have felt living it. But it's not enjoyable as a movie or as a story due to the format. They were trying to make it different and to modernize it, and to tell the story about Elvis while validating the black culture his music stemmed from. That part they did the best of anything. The bits of black culture they show is vibrant and energetic and inspirational. Definitely beats the white culture that's freaking out about some guy's pelvic jiggling. If that's how it really happened those white folk were pretty thirsty for a little sexiness.

Normally I wouldn't say quite so much about a movie you maybe haven't seen yet, but I think going into it knowing all this would've made it better for me.

I got 3/4 through it and I'm not going back to it, but I'm glad I watched as much as I did. Parts of it are interesting and though I don't like the movie overall, I also recommend trying it. It's the kind of movie that's really going to provoke love or hate.

Elvis died before I was born, I only knew the basic stuff about him and I didn't go into it with much personal opinion/feeling about him. I like him a little more from seeing the movie. I read other reviews here that say the Elvis dancing wasn't quite right, so it piqued my interest to see him dancing. Much of Elvis dancing in the movie looked more like he was having a jiggling fit of some sort, with a violent pelvic thrust thrown in sometimes, than dancing.

I liked how they meshed old and new music in the movie.

The Girl Who Escaped: The Kara Robinson Story (2023)

So many pervs out there

[5/10 · 24 August 2023]

It's unfortunate how these stories are in endless supply because the pervs who commit these acts are so plentiful.

The main female character and the nice sheriff are both good actors. They're the only reason the movie is better than reading an article instead. The movie is very much a lifetime movie, which makes it not very good imo.

.........Spoiler below....... I did like how they focused on peoples treatment of the survivor after the crime. How people around her gossiped and how police treated her like a victim even though she'd saved herself and neighbors brought food as an excuse to be involved. How the survivor had to comfort others and how she had to thank those neighbors for bringing that unwanted food.

Kate (I) (2021)

No love plot, not sexy, just well deserved violence

[10/10 · 7 July 2023]

This movie is along the same lines as John wick or kill bill. It's also, just as good. The main actor does an amazing job and is believable in the role, unlike some other female leads in this type of role. The action sequences are great. All the actors really make this movie work. The two main women have good chemistry. I really enjoyed this movie. I liked the characters. I notice that movies with a woman in the ass kicking role often have low scores, especially when the ass kicking woman isn't dressed sexy or gets realistically filthy and there's no sex or love plot; she's playing the role in the same way a man would and thats why this movie is good. This movie definitely deserves higher than the 6.2 is has when I wrote this.

The Courtship of Eddie's Father (1963)

A cute movie

[8/10 · 27 April 2023]

This is a cute movie. The conversations between Ron Howard and his dad really make the movie. It's just a cute simple old movie. It has a little comedy. If you like this one be sure to watch houseboat with Sophia Loren. It's basically the same movie, but on a houseboat. There's not much more I can say without giving anything away. I'm not a big fan of old movies, they're hit or miss. Often they're just too boring for me, but this one is still watchable. Also there's a scene involving a rectal thermometer (a 100% innocent scene with no nudity or innuendo) that shows a piece of history younger people may have never seen. There we go, I've reached minimum required to leave my little review.

House of Cards (2013–2018)

Without FU there's no point

[9/10 · 6 April 2023]

I truly loathe politics and normally wouldn't like a show like this, but they paint such a dark and dirty picture of political conquest. They did a beautiful job with a hideous story. The combination of kevin spacey and robin wright was perfection. Definitely watch this show! But know you shouldn't watch the final season and you'll get no story closure whether you watch it or not. I don't know if spacey did the stuff he was accused of, but without Frank Underwood this show is empty, and replacing Spacey would've been unacceptable. Robin did the best possible job but without Frank Underwood, there was no substance. I wish all that stuff had come out after this show was finished. Pervert or not, kevin spacey does an amazing job in this role. And for this role, he was obviously tapping his inner pervert.

The Problem with Jon Stewart (2021–2023)

No, it's not the daily show

[10/10 · 31 March 2023]

Jon quit doing the daily show because he didn't want to be doing the daily show anymore, so I don't know why so many people are expecting this show to be like the daily show. That show was great while he was happy doing it, and now he's happy doing this one and it's great too. Don't expect him to stay the same, don't expect that of anyone. People grow and change. If you're not growing and changing as life goes by, what's the point?--So I think this show is good because Jon is enjoying doing it, and his enthusiasm is what's needed to make it great. He's addressing serious problems with his honest, sensible, and open mind. He asks questions that should be asked and he listens to the answers -- Watch this show with an open mind. Don't live in the past.

Bob's Burgers: The Plight Before Christmas (2022) Season 13, Episode 10

Beautiful moment, and deep psychological message

[10/10 · 25 March 2023]

I'm usually not one for the less funny episodes, but this one is entertaining while also being heartwarming. It makes me cry every time I see it, and I'm not a crier. That's why it makes me cry, because I'm cold and hardened by the harshness of life.

My family was never there for me and it had such an impact on my life. It makes me so happy to see. Louise's family cares so much, and then they show up there at the last moment, and her face when she sees them. That's such an important moment. It shows Louise how important she is to her family, it strengthens the family bond, it gives her the courage to try something she's afraid to do. If they hadn't shown up, a small part of Louise might've given up, even if she understood it could still hurt. And her family didn't let that happen, and it's just so great. I love how they show these kids having a good childhood. I love how the kids have each other and their parents love them and really care, even if they're poor and overworked and tired. It's beautiful.

When I first saw the episode I thought it was silly that they were worried about Louise having to be alone for one thing, and thought of course she'd be fine, she's tough. But no. We lose something when put in those situations. Like people living in war torn countries or refugee camps or abused children. They live through a barrage of negative experiences that make them feel unsafe and unloved. We carry on, we're brave, but it hardens us. It makes us less loving, less trusting, less able to feel because being tough is just shutting our emotions down so it doesn't hurt so much. It's survival, but our world is about more than survival. You can only turn your emotions down so many times before it's too low and you don't feel pain but you also don't feel joy. You feel it, but not like other people. It's our emotions that tie us together, so without feelings you're isolated and can only bond with other people as damaged as you are. Each thing that happens to a child that makes them feel unsafe or unloved is a step down to that level.

So Louise was protected from that by a family that loves her. A family that was so upset by the prospect of hurting her, that they panicked and found a way to be there when she needed them.

I'm 45 and I know what damage was done to the child I was, that kind of damage isn't reversible, you live around it, you make bridges across it, but it's always a part of you. Seeing that moment when Louise is spared that moment of feeling unloved, it makes me cry for the damage done to me, and for joy because other people are being spared the damage and that makes me so incredibly happy.

Also, gotta love Gene's class xylophone music once they get it working. What a powerful soundtrack for that ending.

Bob's Burgers: Brunchsquatch (2017) Season 8, Episode 1

Not a fan of the fanimation

[6/10 · 28 January 2023]

I wish they'd redo this one with regular animation. It's a good episode but while the fan animation thing is a cute idea, it's super distracting. Some of the animation is good and some bothers me because these are characters I know, and they look creepy and deformed strangers. Then they change every minute or so. I can't help but focus on the animation.

So I usually try to just listen to this episode. I often watch these while I work (self employed) so while this one plays I tend to go work on the computer or take pics. I'm watching it this time. This section of the show, everyone has really prominent teeth. There was just one where noses didn't match faces. Now their heads are gross and gigantic. This plot deserves regular animation. I'm so glad they only did this once.

The Accused (1988)

Much better than I expected from a rape movie or a 1988 movie

[8/10 · 20 January 2023]

I watched this, like so many others, because Jodi foster is in it. This is actually a good movie, really well done, especially for such an old one. Worth watching. The story is well told, the acting is good. It has a message that's still applicable today. The way the crime is shown is unique in that you dont just see the obvious crime but they make you aware of mental states and motivations behind the behavior. They slow the scene down and show it from different angles. It was much better than I expected. Also, fun to see some actors from stargate SG-1 in other roles. I only add that because this review must be this long to submit it and I was out of useful things to say.

Rick and Morty: M. Night Shaym-Aliens! (2014) Season 1, Episode 4

Why would a pop tart want to live inside a toaster?

[10/10 · 24 July 2022]

This is the first episode where they've gotten everything dialed in. All the characters are in character as they will be through the series. Lots of good stuff in this one.

Rick and Morty: Rixty Minutes (2014) Season 1, Episode 8

I want inter-dimensional cable

[10/10 · 19 July 2022]

I seriously want inter-dimensional cable. What more can I say?

They require more so I'll just say I love Rick and morty. If you do too, you might also like ugly Americans.

The Simpsons: The Sound of Bleeding Gums (2022) Season 33, Episode 17

Zero comedy here

[1/10 · 26 April 2022]

Not funny. Just a boring story. The Simpson s isn't intended to be a drama but more episodes each season are basically drama. Did they fire all the comedy writers??

The Assignment (I) (2016)

Deserves a better rank

[7/10 · 11 March 2022]

I'd never heard of this, happened upon it on HBO. Someone else here said this is a weird movie and worth watching, and that review made me give it a chance. Glad I did. Weird movie indeed. Michelle Rodriguez does an amazing job in this role. I didn't think they'd pull it off so well. Spoilers after this point. Definitely quit reading if you haven't seen it and plan to. Let it be a surprise.

In the scenes when Frank wakes up as a woman, the acting is great. How she leaves her robe open like someone new to being a woman would. How she moves like a man throughout the movie, and gotta love the huge penis shot while frank is still a man. What a fun role for Rodriguez, walking around with that thing. Also, seeing her acting like a man after she's a woman is fun. So out of place to see a woman wrecking up the place in anger, or even just being so direct and rude for a woman, but normal for a man.

Overall the movie is a 6, but I give it an extra point for its uniqueness and because people are rating it too harshly. It's entertaining throughout. It falls between categories, it's not a great action movie, but it's a good concept movie. You'll think about it multiple times in the weeks after seeing it. I suspect some men are made uncomfortable by the movie and it lost points for lacking sexy sex scenes. Cmon guys, it has nudity, just go with it. It's a fun movie.

Like someone on here already said, it's weird and worth watching if you like weird movies.

Let's Go to Prison (2006)

This stupid movie is underrated!

[9/10 · 8 March 2022]

This pos is such a ridiculous comic masterpiece. I just listened to the director, bob odenkirk's, autobiographical book and he wasn't pleased with this movie. I think this movie just asks a lot of the audience in terms of sense of humor. There are so many things in this movie that are absolute comedic perfection. Bob, you did a great job with this one. The writing is so crisp. The cast is incredible. This stupid movie is effing amazing. Bob, I suggest you watch this movie again with a fresh eye. Your dislike of it has to be your midwestern self loathing; a state of mind you were in while making the movie; or something some person said about it that made you ashamed of it. Maybe have a good cry, because crying takes the sad out of you.

Downhill (I) (2020)

Don't expect a comedy

[7/10 · 29 November 2021]

So long as you don't go into this with expectations that it's a comedy because of the actors involved, it's a good movie. It has a message and it's well done. Women will probably like it more than men, though men and women both could benefit from the message. Both lead roles are equally very well played. It addresses very real situations that most of us have been in. Not a feel good movie, but it makes you think about people and family and real relationships. I liked this movie.

Drunk Parents (2019)

This movie is a solid 5

[5/10 · 31 March 2021]

It's neither good nor bad, but it's decent and watchable. Sure its not great but it's definitely ok, and it has a great cast that makes up for its other flaws. It will pass 90 minutes and entertain mildly. That's it's job.

I'm reviewing because it has a 3.9 right now and that's just unfair.

Dicing with Death (2018–2019)

A great documentary series

[10/10 · 29 October 2020]

This is on Amazon prime, not sure why it still says coming soon here as of oct 2020. I was hooked after the first episode. Not at all what I was expecting from the title. It's about the dangerous things that are just everyday life and work in developing countries. Very well filmed, you see interesting things with just enough narration to know what's going on without being too much narration or unnecessary opinions. Its honest; the truth of how life works. People survive by whatever means necessary. It's life: mundane but fascinating.

Dark Matter: Nowhere to Go (2017) Season 3, Episode 13

Wtf?!

[8/10 · 17 May 2018]

I watched all 3 seasons on Netflix for the first time over the past 2 weeks and when the last episode played I was confused. I thought Netflix had a glitch. Surely that's not the final episode, I thought. It felt like I'd read a book to realize the back 1/3 of the pages had been ripped out. Why must every decent sci-fi show get cancelled before its time? The syfy network puts out pure junk and then cancels this well developed show with great characters and a plot that allows a nearly unlimited array of potential storylines to draw from. There was so much more they could do with this. It could've gone at least 2 more seasons. I just did a little research and this show isn't a syfy original (not surprising, it's too good) and they weren't making enough money on it. Corporations :/ Maybe someone else will pick it up.