Change Your Image
fifi_fox666
Reviews
From Justin to Kelly (2003)
Faddish nonsense
I didn't see the whole thing. Do you need to? Surprise! It's stupid. I give it a "10" just because it's trendy. It's not something you'd ever watch again; it doesn't have that timeless kind of badness - it's generic pop-culture. Forgettable. It's so faddishly average; it doesn't deserve bragging rights of "Third worst movie ever" because you'll forget it even existed by next week.
"Justin WHO?" If he didn't have that poodle hair, he would have faded into obscurity even sooner, if that's possible. And Kelly? At least she was smart enough to focus on her "musical" career, because the transition into acting obviously didn't work.
A typical fluff film. Bad, but not epic in its badness.
Titanic (1997)
Typical drivel
Typical battle-of-the-classes pseudo-romance drivel. An amateurish script that trivializes the deaths of hundreds of {what become}impersonal nobodies, to focus instead on the dramatics and pitfalls of young "love."
It's like a bad soap opera; I'm rich, and you're poor...Society will never approve...blah,blah,blah,yawn. Daytime TV, anyone?
The attraction isn't believable, the chemistry is less than zero, the nude scene is gratuitously cheesy, but the fogged-up windows are cliché beyond belief.
Characters are barely two-dimensional. She's rich, and personality-free. Not wanting to marry Billy Zane - that pretty much sums up her whole persona. Jack- He's poor, but an artist {plot-wise, this gives a perfect excuse to throw in a nude scene. You know, for artistic reasons}.
Special effects- yeah. Enough's enough though. Do you need to see cabins flooding for 20 minutes? Not really. A more imaginative director wouldn't bombard you with such literal tediousness.
This movie fails on every possible level.
Troll 2 (1990)
Infectious Disease
I'm ashamed to admit I've seen this. I don't know what's worst- the "plot" or the "acting" -I've never seen a more hideous and inept cast! And how about the "special effects" and lame 80's music? Not to mention the hair, clothes, the lack of continuity... and that dance sequence! Was that really necessary?
The only positive thing I can say is that I laughed... but it's not supposed to be funny.
And, huh, "Nilbog?" Who saw THAT coming?
Horribly bad in an epic way. Torment friends, neighbors, love interests and total strangers with this, PLEASE!
I Suffered through it! I inflict it on everyone I know, like the infectious disease it is. Give it a "1" but spread it around.
Constantine (2005)
Say Cheese!
Say Cheeeeeese! Forget depth, plot, art and religion. The only God here is the god of cgi.
Keanu Reeves weakens the role of another indie comic book re-edited for mainstream appeal. The modern-day setting demeans any glorious or otherworldly associations you ever attached to the great beyond. The devil wears a suit. Archangel Gabriel is a catty she-male. There's a nightclub where vacuous drunks have to prove clairvoyancy for admittance. Several french kisses and dry-hump scenes later, we assume they're elite prophets, but they add nothing but risqué scenery.
Don't fall asleep in the bathtub...that's the simple Hollywood way of visiting Hell. Duh! Stupid! Unbelievable! How could anyone produce this?
Keep your own thoughts of heaven/hell/dogma/anything. Whatever you believe in. This movie will only trivialize any thought system You will gain absolutely nothing. I'm Christian, and ashamed of the contrived stereotypes.
Dellamorte dellamore (1994)
pinnacle of existentialism
This film was surprisingly thought-provoking. Far from the usual zombie fare, it dabbles in romance, dark comedy,and, shockingly, an existential philosophy. You feel yourself in Dellamorte's shoes at first, it's a curiously odd experience of alienation - "I haven't got time for the living!" So the line blurs...
His life seems an invention of extreme metaphor -it's ultimately pure solipsism - surreally symbolic, passive; even when he seems that he should be held accountable, he slips through the most obvious cracks of rationale. He's an invisible man - the product of a union between love and death- he tries to reconcile the two, even in a world that seems real, unless it's a fishbowl existence he quite possibly constructed as a means of fathoming the meaning of his place in "life." He suffers, he lashes back with obvious evidence, yet no accountability. While the film is never overt in its symbolism, it examines its protagonist via his hall-of-mirrors perspectives of love and death. You will never see this done in such an existential, yet eerily poignant manner. It's hard to tell what's "real" although the sequences are darkly matter-of-fact , even when dealing with absurdist situations. Watch it at least twice.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
stylistic genius!
Like him or not, Rob Zombie has a distinctly unusual stylistic flair. Lok at these disturbingly unique visuals! Quirks galore, dark humor, flashes of evil fanfare...You know you've never seen this bold psychopathically artsy take on horror... EVER! He's not courting an Oscar here - he's being himself unabashedly. It's an intentional throwback-style farce with modernistic gore and no apologies.
The real shame is that the satirical quality of this film was lost on viewers and critics alike. Don't complain about the "weak" or "predictable" plot: he wanted to restyle that genre, recycle the generic weird-murderous-inbred-type-family (that you probably appreciated in "Texas Chainsaw,""Hills Have Eyes," etc)and he succeeded with flying colors! Rethnk his film!
Rob Zombie set out to do his on take on 70's horror flicks and YOU weren't ready for it! Ihope he continues to resurrect this dead genre to more appreciative audiences.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Not the strongest of the trilogy!
Not the strongest of the trilogy! A lengthy, drawn-out "conclusion." It lacks the heart of the previous two, and lapses on awkwardly with trivial and extraneous characters while he focus obviously should have been elsewhere. I especially despised that tacky "girlpower" bit.
Just goes to show, directors actually CAN drag out irrelevant tacked-on plot pieces, and the ignorant hordes call it EPIC because, hey, it's really long!You can pee 3 times , get popcorn and soda refills,answer your pager,and not miss anything. Most of the dialog is redundant expectancies of ...the end! It's got to end, right? However tediously! And it is tedious! With proper editing, this movie could have been condensed into an hour. But...Guess WHAT? The whole trilogy's been padded so extensively for length so you can pay to see 3, not just 2 films...it's most obvious in this one. Wow. This passes for classic?