TwentyCamels Reviews

Paul (2011)

Painfully unfunny and horribly unoriginal

[2/10 · 20 February 2011]

The thing about Spaced, Shaun, and Hot Fuzz is that they are actually funny. They are well written, energetically performed, and knowingly well-read in the medium of pop culture. PAUL sadly, does not fall into any of those categories, and the absence of Edgar Wright is quite palpable. In a nutshell, it's an incredibly lame plot, with tired, forced performances from Pegg and Frost doing a watered down version of their double act. A substantial amount of the humour is taken up with two running 'gags', namely a comic cover featuring an alien with three tits, and people mistaking them for being gay, because they are two men travelling together in an RV. Get it?? I'll pause so you can finish laughing.

Famous lines from popular scifi films are lifted in their entirety and used to fill gaps in the script (Seriously lads, this whole geek-chic thing is really past it's use-by date now), kristen wiig appears to deploy none of her comedic talents whatsoever beyond uttering profanities, and the film dedicates itself throughout to making patronising, superior swipes at religion, portraying it in a ludicrously simplistic light. Don't get me wrong, I'm no churchgoer or bible basher myself, it just felt a little mean is all.

The titular alien does have a couple of good lines, and comedy stalwart Jason Bateman is on top form and a sheer pleasure to watch as ever, the rest of it though is an uphill struggle of weak set pieces, uninspired dialogue, nutshots, and a cringingly bad first-toke-on-a-joint scene.

Just...put the American mainstream down guys, and get on with The World's End.

Sanctum (2011)

This movie is AWESOME!

[16 February 2011]

...If by AWESOME you mean an uninspired and flawlessly comprehensive collection of every single trapped-in-some-caves-movie cliché you could shake a fading head-torch at.

Seriously.

It might have cameron's name on it, but he gives the thumbs up to anything with diving in.

The only good thing I can say about it is that some of the dead bodies were a little creepy.

Other than that you're better off ordering a pizza, turning the lights off, and watching The Descent again.

The Reeds (2010)

Depressingly Naff

[25 March 2010]

Not so much a film as another painfully lacklustre reminder of the uninspired state in which the once-great UK horror scene is currently languishing. The first two failings of this excursion into lukewarm waters are casting a Craig David lookalike with the acting ability of a four year old, and casting an actor who is best known for his long standing roles in the cursed training grounds of Hollyoaks and Two Pints. Not a good move to miscast your lead roles with these two. The third is leaning way too heavily on location for effect, which quite clearly highlights the lack of effort put into the plot and script. The Fens are actually a very original and genuinely creepy setting for a horror film; just not this one. Acting talent from the female cast members doesn't offer much either, and britflick regular Geoff Bell hamming his part up to the hilt only adds to the comical side of things. Overall a vague mess of a movie. Triangle did more or less the same story, but a little better. My advice to budding UK horror writers is to aim for something different. Seriously people... Nobody cares anymore about photogenic city types getting into trouble in the countryside.

Legend of the Bog (2009)

How to behead a concept

[16 June 2009]

Sweet LORD this is without a shadow of a doubt one of the WORST films, let alone horror films I have ever seen, the cheapness of the budget shows more in the acting talent than anything else, with the exception of Vinnie Jones who puts in his usual performance as...well...Vinnie Jones. You would have thought he'd have developed some acting talent useful enough to broaden his range since LOCK STOCK but apparently not, he just grunts and mockneys his way through this heap like every other film unfortunate enough to be tainted by his embarrassingly unconvincing efforts at character realism. Also this film a lot of the time, especially for the first half doesn't appear to be sure to-be-sure whether or not it's a horror or an infomercial made for the travel and tourism board of Oireland, a lot of it seems to be jolly-begorrah panning shots of rural country or people going about their mundane business to the chirpy sound of Gaelic folk. The only saving grace to this joke is the on-the-floor-in-hysterics performance put in by whatever lunk they hired to play the bog man. He comes across like a supermarket trolley attendant lost in the woods on cheap speed, his facial expressions as he attempts to convey whatever the director told him to convey are priceless in their utter retardation, look out for a good bit at the end where the girl is squaring up to him, and for a minute he looks like he's building up to a really HUGE roar of fury, neck straining and everything, and then just suddenly looks confused, or constipated, a little embarrassed too. I'm totally in respect of the constraints in place once you've spunked most of your budget on hiring someone with some international kudos but no acting talent whatsoever to play one of your leads, but the least you can do is put SOME effort into redistributing the rest to good effect.