artapme-840-333602 Reviews

Hellboy (2019)

Took me 4 sessions to finish.

[2/10 · 12 July 2019]

First off I have to say i'm kinda biased because I really really loved the 2004 Hellboy and expecially Ron Perlman as him and when I found out this new thing was coming I was not pleased to say the least.

But about the actual movie: Just boring, horrible script and exessive violense feeled strange. So much one liners from Hellboy and even though many we're actually kinda funny, they feel weird. This does not feel like Hellboy in any way. And even though I usually love brutal movies, in this one, it too seemed weird. Everything about this movie seemed a bit off and weird. I watched this in ~20-30min rations and every time got bored and did not wan't to start again, but I did eventually finish it and in the end I'm still wondering why I didn't just quit after the first 30minutes. Not even Perlman could have saved this ship. I think this is what happens when someone "important" just wakes up and decides it's time to reboot a movie series but they don't have a script yet. Then someone starts smoking weed and writes this, probably in 12 hours straight. Only thing great about this movie is the fact that there will never be a "sequal". No this is no a spoiler, just a fact because this was such a disaster.

Criminal Activities (2015)

Mainly average but the sudden twists will make you smile

[7/10 · 22 November 2015]

No spoilers!

This is a fairly basic Hollywood story of how things take a turn south really fast in peoples lives and keep getting worse by the minute. I've always liked "gangster" movies like this, kinda simple but yet funny characters and unexpected twists you really cannot predict. It's the small things that can make an average movie turn in to a good one and this did that for me. About half of it is just plain average but then things start to happen so don't stop watching.

The writing and characters have clear influences from Tarantinos Pulp Fiction, Guy Ritchie's Snatch(and others) and the ending is quite "Usual Suspect's" type but so what if we've seen it before, it still works. For it's budget I'm happy with what I saw.

Too much of movies these days throw money away in effects and other useless crap, they still haven't learned that a billion dollars worth of effects won't make a bad script good. Save that money Hollywood and make a hundred of these types instead. Put the money towards good writers and casting and that will save you a lot.. and make a better movies at the same time.

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

Butler "dance's the jig" like Willis, and does it well.

[8/10 · 20 November 2013]

Butler "dance's the jig" like the grand daddy of the action hero cockroaches(which never die) Bruce Willis (yes I just referred to The Last Boyscout =))

I loved it from start to finish. Just let your brain have a 2 hour vacation, no need to overthink anything. Yes this might be a "slight" ripoff of Die Hards but so what? Almost every movie we see are some sort of ripoffs of something from the past. It's not a crime to do so, unless you do it BADLY like White House Down. Olympos is an Oscar candidate compared to WHD and they pretty much we're a total ripoff of the same types of movies as this one. But done badly and with double the budget. Go figure.

I would give this an 8,5 if it were possible but 9 is overkill.

The Colony (I) (2013)

Only watch if you like B-movies

[6/10 · 11 November 2013]

First, do not watch the trailer. It has all the action from the movie and none of the good stuff. This should never been an action movie, just a sci-fi thriller.

I'm rating this as a B because I can't see how this could ever be considered an A-movie. Even with this trio in the leads. As an A, this would be about a 4.

I liked the start of it and liked what it was becoming, even though some say it was too slow but I don't think so. I think the whole movie should have been pretty slow paced. And totally different from the middle to the end. Because as the movie really started to move, it went to the wrong direction. The rest of it was rushed ..and just plain stupid.

This movie had potential to be good even as an A, but something went really wrong. Maybe they we're nearing the budget cap and someone walked in the room and told them to wrap it up.

One of those "what happened"-movies you see sometimes, or actually these days quite often.

Batman & Robin (1997)

The worst movie ever

[1/10 · 9 November 2013]

"The worst movie ever" has to be based on more than just a terrible film which has poor performances from poor actors and bad direction and script. So my vote goes to the one which has the "holy trinity" going for it and is still an epic fail. Superstar actors, good director and huge budget and still it manages to be more painful to watch than you watching yourself on the mirror while you are burning alive. Slowly.

#1 wost movie ever Made in 1997 and had a full superstar cast and a well established director. But what happened? Well I think Joel Schumacher was probably tripping on shrooms and decided to totally rape the theme and feel of the saga. And the actors we're acting as if they knew that Schumacher had probably just ended all of their careers. But it was too late, they had signed contracts so you gotta do your job to the end or be sued to the stone age. Thankfully this didn't end any careers, but if one had to go it should have been Schumachers.

But if that is not enough. This piece of sh*t actually had a "prequel" in -95 "Batman Forever" which also had the same director, a huge budget and superstar actors.

And from that, they made what can only be called a "warning shot". Batman was fast on his way to the wrong direction. And still they let Joel Schumacher go on his merry way to perform a Coup de gras to Batmans temple, and make another one.

This is one for the history books my friends. Word to the wise: If someone does a warning shot, don't let them shoot again.