Murder-Meatball Reviews

Tenet (2020)

I felt no emotional investment

[6/10 · 24 March 2021]

I felt nothing for the characters nor their predicaments. The whole movie was just a spectacle that left you the moment you walked out of the cinema.

I adore Nolan's cerebral puzzle style sci-fi, but usually he manages to make at least some of his characters engaging and resonant while geting up to his usual shenanigans. This time I had no connection to a single living being in the entire movie.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

I'm glad it exists, but didn't enjoy it

[4/10 · 24 March 2021]

I'm glad it exists and that Snyder got to wrestle back creative control for this remake. That being said, the movie is the definition of style over substance.

The movie has somewhere between 60 and 90 minutes of pointless/indulgent filler that does little to nothing for the main plot, nor the paper thin and one-dimensional characters. The pacing suffers immensely because of this, especially in the first half.

There are about half a dozen scenes in the entire movie where any character feels human or relatable in any meaningful way, and for the rest they are just stick figures flailed about to make the plot progress or to look cool. The best improvement by far in this version is the treatment of Cyborg who actually gets some characterization. I also really like the Barry-father scene, but that is almost it.

The plot is also almost literally children slamming their action figures together with very little rime nor reason beyond "defeat the big bad evil guy". The movie flip flops from heavy-handed overexplaining to left field jumps with almost no connecting foreshadowing or build up.

The action and spectacle is the main focus of the movie, and that it does mostly well; especially with some really good scenes at the end. However it is not enough to keep you engaged through 4 hours of action figure cgi-fiestas slamming into each other.

All in all, a significant improvement on the original version is not enough to make it a good movie.

40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)

The Ending

[1/10 · 4 January 2017]

So, this movie has many, many flaws. But it does not really push it down to anything but mediocrity. It is an acceptable comedy with a gimmicky set up to have a lot of good looking women skimping around. The acting was just barely passable and the characters about as one dimensional as you could possibly get. And all that is fine, I did not expect high art and what was delivered was some mindless fun. That is until the ending. The ending is just awful. Seriously, you have a mainstream romcom that ends with the protagonist being raped in his own bed by his ex and it is brushed over like some kind of "Gosh darn" moment. That is messed up! And for you who don't think it is that bad, just do a gender swap on them and see if you still feel it is ay-okay for her to f**k him in the sleep, while he is tied up. Really classy movie I tell you.

Luke Cage (2016–2018)

From Great to Acceptable

[7/10 · 16 October 2016]

Luke Cage starts off great with a strong classic noire vibe in a modern coat of paint. A strong cast creates a powerful atmosphere and tone that draws you in. Mike Colter clearly looks the part of an indestructible giant and plays Luke Cage in a somber and traditional "tormented, silent protagonist" kind of way, but it is the surrounding cast that truly brings out this jewel: Simone Missick as the honest officer from the street, Mahershala Ali as the tormented gang leader, Frank Whaley as the smart mouth sidekick cop, Alfre Woodard as the congresswoman stuck in both the future and the past, Frankie Faison as the mentor and spot of light in the dark.

Sadly as the story progresses through the season and especially about half way through with some major shake up of the status quo, much of the great character nuances and complex relationships that had started to develop were taken in a very different direction and new characters were given more screen time. This I think was a mistake; not only because in its current iteration replaced focus of interesting characters and arcs with something very straight forward and boring, but also because it happened so soon in the series.

Such a significant shake up would have been much more suitable for a season finally and with a second season dealing with the fallout and changing landscape for our cast to traverse, not as a throw in at the half way mark.

All in all the first half of the series was a clear 8 for me and the second half about a 6 so on average it comes out a 7, Good, but not a must watch.

Push (2009)

Awesome Premise, Acceptable Movie

[7/10 · 9 March 2016]

I will be honest, this movie is not really a 7. I consider giving a 5/10 to represent an actually okay movie (in contrast to many other voters on IMDb). And that is what this movie is. Okay action, okay story, okay actors and characters, okay soundtrack, the list goes on. Nothing was noteworthy bad or god really – Just inoffensively sort of average. There are some plot contrivances but not more than in most movies of similar genre. What for me lifts this movie far above the average though is the premise that I found fascinating.

The whole mythos of the different mental powers, the categorization and how they work both internally and work off each other was very intriguing. It is such a shame that this great world building is wasted on such a mediocre movie but if you enjoy intricate and stimulating systems, this movie is a great jump of point for your own thoughts and ideas and a fun source of inspiration.

Nymphomaniac: Vol. I (2013)

Not bad, not good, barely provocative

[5/10 · 4 February 2014]

I have never seen a Trier-movie before, but have heard a lot of good things about them in terms of creativity and provocation so I might be bias since I did have some special expectations walking in to the theater; this movie did however not live up to them at all.

It was not bad, but given the subject, the working material and the director I did expect a provocative and brilliantly intelligent comment on society, the human condition, a diorama of a nymphomaniac or you know something interesting… And all of that was there – from time to time. The hospital part was for example truly amazing and really touched me. The movie touches at several interesting topics and concepts which could have made it very strong.

But as I said, the overall move was certainly not that great. It was long, and it felt longer; the nudity was once or twice used in an inspiring or thoughtful way, but most of it could have choreographically and in terms of significance been from an ordinary porno for all I know; but even that was presented in a rather dull way (If you, like me, see naked bodies as normal and not inherently very morally/emotionally loaded you will not raise an eyebrow). The story was a tad too random for my taste (with several weird doings from different characters) and the constant use of out of the blue connections that did not feel natural or relevant was (though humorous at times) distracting. Also, the movie was oozing with (in my opinion) pseudo-symbolism that in most cases was ridiculously in your face and added little to the overall creation. The themes and concepts that the movie touches were really interesting (such as gender roles, sexism, addiction, moralization about sexuality, emotions, detachment, and so on) but they were never truly explored or done so in a way that did not feel particularly new, world changing or strong for that matter.

My final criticism is that the way human sexuality in presented we are all (nymphomaniac or not) apparently purely sexual meat heads that cannot control our sexual desires at all and will automatically f**k at any given chance whether we want to or not. I resent this notion: As a rule I believe in free will even when you are horny while making the choice.

All in all it was an okay, but slightly dull and too long movie that did not broaden my horizon noticeably and did not make me question anything except what all the praise this movie has gotten from all those brilliant critiques refers to. It just felt like he really tried to make a smart and artistic movie with a bunch of sex in it and it all just fell very short. Then again, it might just be too brilliant for a meat head like me to understand.

Life as We Know It (2010)

I do not know why, but I love it!

[7/10 · 3 November 2013]

I really should not like this movie as much as I do, but I can't help it. From every single angle this is just another solid, formula rom-com. I usually put such movies about 5-6 stars if they are good, but for some odd reason this one really, really worked for me so an 8 it is! If you like rom-coms, this is your move; if you do not, you would probably not love it – but to me at least it had something extra that hit all those bulls-eyes in my heart despite what my head was telling me. The acting is good and they sell this slightly odd set up and development impressively well. You know the drill: warm, funny, emotional and a cosy ending. What more can you demand from a rom-com?

Signs (2002)

It was okay until one fatal mistake ***Spoiler Alert***

[2/10 · 22 September 2013]

So this will be one big spoiler (Alert):

Who the F**K makes their aliens based on The Wicked Witch of the West?! Water is the worst kryptonite ever!!! Why would any alien come to earth (which is almost only covered with water) if they literally melt from WATER? And even if they come here; why do they not have some kind of protective gear?! They have invented spaceflight but can't make a water proof suit?

I hate this movie… It started of good and then it was all destroyed in the end. And by the way, Shyamalan: stop acting in your own movies, it is even worse than Tarantinos cameos.

The Last Airbender (2010)

Why beat a dead horse?

[2/10 · 22 September 2013]

Because it deserves it!

Like most of the reviewers of this disgrace of a movie I fell in love with the animated series in my mid-teens. It had everything an epic story should have and had an almost perfect balance between action, character development, story progression and contemplation of grand philosophical questions, as well as mixing adult themes and more child friendly elements, like no animated production I have ever seen (well except for Pixar I guess). Most of all it had an aura of joyful passion about it; even the weakest episodes still had a tonne of passion, playful energy, effort and commitment put in to them!

This is why it is so incredibly sad when Mr Shyamalan managed to suck all that great stuff right out of the source material by the gallon when he made this abomination; Poor acting (even by child actor standards), sub-par special effects that where an embarrassment compared to the show (casually soaring rock anyone?), horribly lifeless character interaction which only served as exposition and complete failure to adapt any of the qualities that made the animated series so amazing sinks this movie to the very bottom.

If I had not known the series before I saw the movie I might have given it two or three stars but as it is I wish I could give it zero. Keep beating this dead horse until Mr Shyamalan learn his lesson.