on_the_can Reviews

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Lives up to the Hype

[1/10 · 27 June 2011]

Battlefield Earth has become something of a legend. It's the Holy Grail of Hollywood crap from the decade if not beyond and is quite possibly "that which we do not speak of" among scientologists. I was never one to pay much attention to critics, I always liked to watch and decide for myself but even I couldn't resist being strayed from any interest by the aura of disdain that surrounded this movie back in 2000. I was 16 then and any sci-fi adventure movie should've been worth a view, but not this one. Now, eleven years later I finally sat down to give it a shot and not only does it live up to it's reputation, it surpasses it.

I was expecting a bad a movie. I was expecting cheesy performances and a weak a script but I got so much more. Battlefield Earth is a garbled mess from start to finish. We begin, as you might have guessed, on earth. A tribe of caveman-esque people struggle to survive. They're warned of a beast that prowls the land just beyond the horizon and are told of demons that rule the planet. But one brave dude, played by Barry Pepper decides there's more out there worth seeing and sets out to prove it. That beast they're all scared of? That's a statue from a long since abandoned mini-golf course. And those demons they're always whining about? They're a race of aliens from the planet Psychlo that have enslaved the human populace. For you see this isn't earth billions of years ago but earth in the future where the humans are no longer the dominant lifeforce and it's been so long since they had any power they're not even aware of how badly they got screwed over. This might seem like a spoiler...like I just blew a twist for you...but nope...fear not. Because thanks to a lame subtitle at the opening we already know this is "A Saga of the Year 3000," and thanks to some other on screen text that we apparently needed we also already know that the human race is nearly extinct. Which basically means that if you actually managed to get to this movie without having seen any previews you still won't be in for any surprises. Because who wants to be surprised by a movie right? That would be stupid.

The basic idea behind this introduction to the world isn't actually bad, having us start on what seems like a primitive society and seeing the truth revealed in layers has been done before but it can be effective even in spite of those spoilerific titles at the beginning. The problem though is this information is thrown at us within about 15 minutes of screen time. The whole movie feels very rushed and none of the scenes have any room to breath and we're treated to the same split wipe transition every 5 minutes or so. I won't break down the plot any more than that because there's really no need...let's just say the badguys do some stuff, the goodguys get involved and they want to stop being slaves...because well, being a slave sucks.

The director seems determined to make this movie a visual feast but really doesn't know how. Every camera in the entire movie is tilted, which can make for an interesting shot, but when EVERY DAMN shot is done the same way it holds no artistic merit what so ever...instead it looks like they were working with a broken tripod. There's really nothing visually interesting about this movie at all except for the establishing shots of the planet Psychlo, which is only because they remind you of Blade Runner. In fact I'm pretty sure they just tinted a few shots from Blade Runner purple and cut them into this movie.

The aliens are essentially just people with dreadlocks and slightly bigger, hairier hands with an extra finger and apparently they're also really stupid. You see, they have access to all of Earth's history and the capability to learn how to decipher it but evidently nobody thought it was a good idea which is why they think the favorite meal of a human is uncooked rat, and they can't be sure of man's ability to fly without tossing them in the air as a test. To top it all off the alien performances are so goofy they lose all menace. John Travolta and Forest Whitaker have careers full of great performances but with this material they look like a High School theater troupe.

There might've actually be a decent story to be mined out of this mess but the people involved just weren't able to find it. I like to give credit where credit is due even in movie's I'm not fond of, it's not too often I find a movie with no redeeming qualities to be found but I'm afraid Battlefield Earth just made the list.

Green Lantern (2011)

It's not easy being Green

[6/10 · 27 June 2011]

The bottom line if you really wanna know is this movie isn't great, but that doesn't mean that it's bad either. The movie has a lot of fun stuff in it, mostly spewing from bucket loads of really cool visuals. The Green Lantern headquarters on the planet Oa is awesome and I loved every second of it. Toss in a couple decent action scenes and you can at the very least sit back with some popcorn and enjoy yourself for a couple hours.

BUT like I said this isn't a great movie. First and foremost there's just way too much going on for a 2 hour movie. It falls into a similar category as Spider-man 3, just too much stuff to tell a coherent story. But Spider-man 3 was a sequel, this is the first one, this is the origin story, this is supposed to be the easy one.

Here's the basic origin. The Green Lantern corps is the police force that protects the galaxy from all harm. It's made up of hundreds, if not thousands of alien creatures who are supposed to be the best of the best and each one of them is equipped with a power ring that enables them to construct anything out of energy that might help them in a fight. One of their star players is killed in a fight and it becomes his ring's duty to seek out a successor and it finds him in Hal Jordon, the first human to ever be picked for the corps. Hal is a test pilot for a military aeronautics company, and when the ring finds him he's automatically recruited and whisked away to the planet Oa for his training.

This is a fun origin story and it's unique among most superheroes, the origin itself has enough going for it to fill a solid movie but things get bogged down with our villains. There's this evil alien named Paralax who wants to destroy all the Lanterns and he also infects a scientist who develops telepathic powers and turns evil. We also get a lot of attempts a character development that do nothing but slow things down. We meet Hal's nephew and see them share a tender moment, this was obviously put in to show Hal's soft side, a change from the brash side we're introduced to in the beginning...but the scene just feels slotted in, it's too short to carry and weight and thus isn't very effective. If certain elements of the plot had been stripped down or removed we could've spent more time in these character moments and gotten what we needed to out of them. We get ample back story on the Lantern mythology but we really don't need it. We could easily learn what we need to through Hal's eyes when he meets the other Lanterns...and any detail beyond that could've been saved for a sequel. At the same time though other details are omitted. Evidently our infected scientist has known Hal for most of his life and has a history with his girlfriend too, we don't get any indication of this at all until they bump into each other at a party and already know each other.

The movie also falls victims to unnecessary superhero clichés. Hal's first public appearance as the Green Lantern happens at a large outdoor party when a helicopter malfunctions and crashes into the crowd, culminating in the final moments when he saves his girl Carol from the final impact of the chopper. We saw the party scene in Spider-man. We saw the helicopter in Superman and Fantastic 4 and we saw the damsel in distress in every other superhero movie. There's also a later scene where he confronts Carol on her balcony in the night...very original. Clichés like this really stand out like a sore thumb too because the basis of the plot is so different from the others...why forcefully fit it into the mold that the others were built off of?

There's just too much stuff in here and it all bounces violently off one another. We should've cut down the Green Lantern corps' back story to the bare minimum and removed the opening narration all together. We could've started on our doomed Lantern, watch him die in an epic battle to tied us over for action and then flashed back 24 or 48 hours to meet Hal in his final hours before meeting his destiny...and until the ring finds him, there would've been no need to even go into space again. We could've developed our characters naturally...he could've then spent more time in Oa, meeting Hal's comrades and getting some actual training instead of the 5 minute sessions we currently get. Paralax should've been no more than an entity for the time being, he could've showed up in a sequel but for now he should be looming in the shadows at most so that Infected Hector could be properly introduced and serve as the real threat. And we could've cut out Hal's tech buddy altogether because he's just a useless character, seemingly only thought up so he could utter the line, "you're a superhero!" Just in case that wouldn't have been otherwise clear to the audience.

In spite of the many flaws the story is now set for another instalment and theoretically with all the excess baggage out of the way a sequel should run much smoother. While this movie ideally would be standing out on it's own as a great movie it could at least serve as the first chapter in what could be a great franchise over all...as long as the lackluster reviews it's been receiving don't blow it's chances. A fun movie none the less...just nowhere near what it should've been.

Kiss Me Deadly (1955)

Hells ya!!

[10/10 · 10 April 2011]

I caught this movie on TCM a few years ago and it instantly became one of my favourite movies. I've never been able to find it on DVD but I've caught it on the tube a few more times since the first and I love it more with every viewing. I'm a sucker for film noir pulp fiction.

Set in the sleazy Los Angeles heat, you can feel the sweat dripping off the characters' even when they're stooped in shadow. This movie has more grit than Rooster Cogburn. Mike Hammer's a PI with a rep for blackmailed divorce cases with the help of his sexy assistant, Velda. When he's driving one night though he encounters Christina, a young woman, running down the road, naked under a trench coat and frantically trying to wave down a car for help in one of the best openings you could ask for in a film. After nearly running her down Hammer stops and picks her up, which snowballs into an intricate mystery that involves everything but the kitchen sink.

The action moves fast and has directly or indirectly influenced everything from 'Speed' to 'Pulp Fiction.' Mike Hammer is truly one of the original bad asses and Ralph Meeker plays him to the hilt. He doesn't take crap from anybody and isn't afraid of anything. His only weakness is his obsession with the case and the danger of losing himself in his ambition.

To give anything away from the plot would be criminal but if you want a fun, gritty and pulpy mystery with a dose of action you can't get much better than the original.

The Shadow (1994)

Not bad...but not great

[6/10 · 10 April 2011]

I find myself most inspired to write reviews when I see wasted potential in a movie...the Shadow falls in that category though it doesn't fit quite as snuggly.

Set in 1930's New York, Lamont Cranston(Alec Baldwin)is a rich playboy who moonlights as a mysterious superhero known as the Shadow. He can turn himself invisible, hypnotize his enemies, is a crack shot with twin pistols and most importantly, "who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?" The Shadow knows. When a descendant of Genghis Khan arrives in New York after completing his training with The Shadow's own former mentor(and killing him), The Shadow seems to have met his match, but he's not going down without a fight.

As a feat of art direction, The Shadow is pretty damn close to a masterpiece. It's set in a world of comic bookish 30's architecture, and light and shadow are played with a whimsical sense of noir. The movie is based on the 1930's pulp novels of the same name and visually it hits the mark dead center. The story unfortunately only makes it there half way. There's a lot of fun stuff in this movie and the plot is full of cool ideas that invoke the pulpy feel it should. Unfortunately it can't quite find its footing on the line between camp and dark grit. There's enough goofiness in the movie to keep you from taking it too seriously but not quite enough goofiness to make it just pure fun. Because of this the camp comes off as unintentional...like they wanted this to be serious and just didn't get there. The set up in the beginning of the film in particular is a little hokey in its clunky handling...if it had been slowed down it could've been interesting and cool...but then maybe the movie wouldn't have been as much fun. I found myself unimpressed with the script and yet at the same time I was more and more engaged as the movie waged on...by the climax I was very interested to see how it would all turn out and now, the next morning as I look back at watching it last night I find myself smirking at some of the fun quotes and winks at the camera.

All and all I enjoyed the movie I guess, but I just found myself so enthralled by the visuals of it, and combine that with my love of pulp fiction and I really should've loved this movie...so I guess, as I've often said before it just didn't quite live up to its potential.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Underrated

[7/10 · 6 April 2011]

In the spring of 2001 audiences seemed eager to see Tim Burton's retelling of the 1968 classic, "Planet of the Apes." By the summer of 2001 it seemed to be the movie everybody loved to hate. Were the criticisms fair? Not if you ask me.

2001's Planet of the Apes' biggest downfall, in my opinion, is unfortunately also it's biggest strength. Unlike many remakes which often end up as nothing more than weaker rehashes of their predecessor's this version of 'Apes' dared to be different. The plot has been stripped down to its bare bones and then rebuilt into something completely new. This is refreshing, if you ask me. Especially when rewatching it now, because just a few short years after this film came out we launched into sort of a remake renaissance, where half the tent pole films that come out every year are the same lesser rehashes that I spoke of a second ago. This film does take a moment here and there to wink at the '68 original, but Burton and his merry band of screenwriters has created a world completely original...it could be watched next to any entry of that original series as a wholey different film.

This is also the film's biggest flaw though, or at least financially speaking, because the original 'Apes' franchise has a cult following behind it that could almost rival that of Star Wars or Star Trek. The core audience for this film really only wanted to see their favourite story told with modern day effects and makeup. I don't think we needed that, but I'm not sure how many would agree with me.

Now, if you want to compare the two films plots and decide which one is stronger that's a whole other debate. But I don't think that's fair, that's why I champion it for taking such a different approach. I don't think this movie should be compared to any other movie and with that mindset a much better appreciation can be found. To put it bluntly, this movie ain't bad...in fact it's actually pretty good.

I won't deconstruct the plot for you...if you're interested enough to be reading this you probably at least know the jist of it anyway. But it's a solid and interesting plot that sets up a very fun and entertaining action adventure flick. Visually its in many ways a departure from typical Burton fair but his stamp is definitely evident in its art direction, and the atmosphere he creates in this jungle/desert/urban/high tech universe is really something to behold. The apes are not only impressive in terms of makeup but they are also creatively impressive from the choices of the species to match personalities, the incredible costumes and simply perfect performances by a cast who act through all that latex. And while I'm praising I'll also throw up a shout out for Danny Elfman's great score, which just might be one of his best.

The only caveat I'll lay on the movie is that the twist ending, obviously conceived to rival the famous twist of the original, kind of falls flat. BUT...considering how many instalments the original franchise had I have no doubt that the producers had hoped to make a sequel had this film been more financially successful, and had that sequel been made maybe we would've learned the story behind this twist and all would've been forgiven.

It's a little too late to say, 'long story short,' but I will anyway. Give this movie a fair shot. It may not be without its flaws but how many movies are? Try not to compare it to the original, just watch it with a bowl of popcorn and have fun.

Mystery Men (1999)

Worth a second watch

[7/10 · 3 April 2011]

So in the metropolis known as Champion city one hero stands up to evildoers, putting a triumphant end to criminal activity while the population swoons at his every act. His name is Captain Amazing(Greg Kinear)...but he's not alone. On the sidelines are Mr. Furious, The Shoveler and The Blue Raja. 3 misfit superheroes played by Ben Stiller, William H. Macy and Hank Azaria. They try their damnedest to follow Captain Amazing's example and help in all the crime fighting. But when Captain Amazing is captured by the villain Casanova Frankenstein(Geoffrey Rush) it's up to the three of them to find and rescue him, recruiting help along the way, rounding out their team with The Bowler(Janeane Garofalo), The Spleen(Paul Reubens), Invisible Boy(Kel Mitchell), and the Sphinx(Wes Studi).

This seemed like a hysterical premise for a movie and I was stoked back in 1999 to see it. As I recall I liked it but was maybe a little let down given my expectations. Apparently though I was alone in even that amount of praise. I remember at the time this movie getting a lot of flak, I had a couple of friends that out and out hated it. Maybe it was just unrealistic expectations from everybody given the film's stellar cast. Maybe the fact that it takes so many visual cue's from the Batman franchise(Burton and Schumacher alike), when people still had a bad taste in their mouth from 'Batman & Robin.' Maybe it's because superhero movies at that time were few and far between, so the references were just flying over people's heads...maybe if it had been released just a few years later things would've been different. Or maybe...just maybe it wasn't everyone's cup of tea. But it's my understanding that this film is finally starting to develop something of a cult following and I can see why.

I just watched this movie again, more than ten years later and I loved every minute of it. What many might have considered to be dumb in it's original run is actually a very clever commentary on superhero conventions. Out characters are gifted with ridiculous powers and skills that in no way should amount to any kind of heroics, and yet somehow they do...an extreme take on the superheros we're actually meant to take seriously. They poke fun at secret identities and costumes...these guys are just as concerned with allying their super persona with coherent themed branding so they can be recognizable to potential fans.

The movie is a parody on a genre that hadn't quite gotten its footing in the mainstream yet, and I'm sure that was its real downfall. Quite frankly with the A-list cast it should've been more financially successful regardless of the script, I just don't think many people quite knew what to make of it. If you were one of the many who was disappointed or in some way put off by this film back '99 I would recommend giving it a second shot. I never really hated it in the first place but my rating has definitely gone up and I've discovered a whole new appreciation for it. Beyond the plot which I've focused on in this review it is also quite well acted and directed and has some really stellar visuals in it...quite a feat of art direction as a matter of fact.

Jonah Hex (2010)

hmmmm....

[4/10 · 19 June 2010]

I'm hesitant to call this an out and out terrible movie as some have labelled it simply because it was mildly entertaining. There's a lot of action, some cool ideas, a great performance by Josh Brolin and the short 80 minute running time doesn't hurt it either.

The sad truth of the whole thing is that it just didn't come close to its potential. For starters, Jonah Hex didn't have to be macabre and supernatural...to my knowledge this wasn't even part of the original comic books that the movie is based on. The original story is simple, Jonah Hex's family is murdered, he's horribly scarred and left for dead. He gets better and sets out for revenge. It's a pretty classic western tale...one that we've seen before but given the general lack of western movies these days, that doesn't matter...there's plenty of room in theatres for a fun out for revenge Western. Having said all that, the supernatural ideas that they came up with are actually kinda cool, and I would've been happy to see them mixed in, if only they'd been handled better. Instead these elements seem tossed in as an excuse to include CG effects that the box office loves oh so much.

The end result is an unfortunate mash up of a good ideas...that maybe could've worked if more time had been put into development, it feels like it was either slapped together too hastily or suffered from a massive reedit...during most of the film I couldn't shake the feeling that there was maybe a 2 hour+ director's cut lying on the floor somewhere which may or may not be a superior and more coherent film. I was looking forward Jonah Hex based on a short appearance he had in a Batman cartoon years ago...from that alone I thought the character had a lot of movie potential but I was let down. Brolin's performance is the best part of the movie. Malkovich is good but nothing too spectacular considering his track record, and even Megan Fox is half decent but she doesn't have a lot to do with her pretty much useless character.

Foul Play (1978)

Breaks the mold

[8/10 · 19 September 2009]

Mystery/thriller comedies come and go fairly often with mixed results, but Foul Play is a rarity that stands out among them.

Goldie Hawn gets mixed up in a murder plot when she's unwittingly handed evidence by a dying man. Suddenly she becomes the target of an assortment of killers and stalkers. Along the way she meets a handful of colourful characters, one of which played by Chevy Chase is a smart mouthed cop who after some convincing realizes her trouble and helps her out.

The reason Foul Play stands out from others of its genre is that the mystery plot that the movie centers around is dealt with with genuine Hitchcockian flare. It's not there just to set up a series of gags, it's there to make the whole thing interesting. You could strip away all the humour and still have an engaging story, the jokes just make the whole thing more fun. The final act of the film does deviate a bit from that flare I've been praising but even the best of dramatic thrillers often lose steam once the mystery's been solved...at that point in the movie it's pretty much pure comedy.

It's aged pretty well too, although younger crowds may still be a little put off by the seventies-ness of it. I'm 25 and loved it, but I also saw it several years ago and wasn't nearly as impressed. Good movie, check it out.

I Saw What You Did (1965)

Surprisingly Good

[6/10 · 7 September 2009]

William Castle made a career out of monster and ghost stories, so even though the synopsis on my TV said this was a departure about teenage girls involved with murder I still expected the same kind of B-movie action. In truth though it was actually a pretty decent thriller.

A sixteen year old girl and her little sister who live in a secluded home a few miles away from anybody get the house to themselves for a night. The older girl invites her friend over for dinner and the three of them eventually resort to prank calling random people from the phone book to entertain themselves. Unfortunately for them they make the mistake of calling a man who's just committed murder and jokingly tell him, "I know what you did, and I know who you are." The man naturally assumes the voice on the line is serious and there is a witness out there who saw him disposing of his girlfriend's body. A variety of twists and intertwining characters eventually put the guilty man in the same room as our innocent kids.

The plot relies heavily on coincidence to stitch everything together and a major plot point hinges on an extremely stupid decision by our protagonists but in spite of it all, it still manages to build a lot of tension towards it's climax which although brief is handled very effectively. It also helps that this secluded home of there's is surrounded by forestry and continually deepening shadows as the night wares on with fog that's barely visible outside the moonlight, making for a very creepy and cool atmosphere. The acting is pretty good too, even our teenage heroes seem to exercise some decent chops all things considered. Good fun and good thrills.

The Pebble and the Penguin (1995)

weak

[4/10 · 27 August 2009]

I'm an animator myself and an all around buff of the medium so when I saw this movie in a $5 bin I figured it was worth a shot to add to my collection. While I never regret having a new addition to my animation library this film was definitely disappointing.

The premise has enough potential. A penguin named Hubie finds the perfect pebble to give to the girl he loves as the penguin equivalent to an engagement ring but before he can give it to her, he's cast out by an evil rival and lost at sea. He then befriends another penguin who helps him find his way home. That set up isn't great but it's enough to set up what could be a fun adventure. Unfortunately the duo's exploits never really amount to much and it all gets pretty repetitive. Most of the situations they find themselves in are really uninspired and lacking in creativity...and the bonding the two of them under go is cheesy and forced.

Animation is good but not up to Don Bluth's usual standards. This is the guy that gave us The Secret of Nimh, Land Before Time and An American Tale, all of which had an attention to detail that often surpassed Disney, the granddaddy of feature animation. This one doesn't amount to much beyond high end TV fair.

The music is alright but pretty forgettable and the voice actors are all wasted talent...Martin Short is particularly wasted here as the lead character who in spite of being spoken of as a bumbler is practically a straight man through the whole film.

In short the movie will probably appeal to very small kids but a good family film should appeal to all ages and unfortunately it doesn't got what it takes.

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Old Uncle Adolf

[8/10 · 27 August 2009]

With Inglourious Basterds Quentin Tarantino gives us a very different movie from what we normally expect. Mainly cuz it's not a crime movie. This isn't a non linear plot or collection of short stories and it's not a hodge podge of pop culture references among gangsters and assassins. All that being said though it is very much a Tarantino movie.

I won't get into a long drawn out explanation of that...you'll know what I mean when you see it...in spite of the subject matter and lack of some of his trademarks his stamp is all over WWII and you gotta wonder what took him so long to climb into that time machine. For any naysayers out there who have grown tired of his regular convictions this flick should prove you wrong.

In truth I don't have a lot to say about the movie because it was quite different from what I was expecting I don't wanna give anything away. It's more of a war thriller than an action yarn as the ads would suggest with a clever interwoven plot that includes several international characters all masterfully portrayed by their actors. It also a has a tremendous sense of fun and humor so even the most graphic or disturbing themes of the material won't dampen your mood. Good movie...I liked it.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

Loads of fun

[7/10 · 16 August 2009]

I'm gonna lay it all out on the table for ya. The plot is far from award material. The dialogue can be quite cheesy at times and the acting sometimes comes through as awkward thanks to that aforementioned dialogue. The characters for the most part don't have a lot of depth and most of the scenarios are about as realistic as a Chuck Jones cartoon. But to be frank...I couldn't care less!

This movie is so entertaining it's down right criminal to dwell on all these aspects. The story may not be award material but that doesn't mean it's bad. After a nearly failed military attempt to protect a top secret and extremely volatile weapon from a high tech terrorist group, the two soldiers primarily responsible for the weapon's safety are recruited into a secret world wide counter terrorist branch known as G.I. Joe. From then on it's a global game of capture the flag as the Joes fight to keep the weapon from the enemy and the enemy fights to get the weapon from the Joes. The weapon trades hands here and there and it's all in the name of action and fun.

The actors involved are all more than capable and for the most part they do a good job. A script doctor could have been put to good use to clean up some of the dialogue and that would have saved the cast from some embarrassing moments. There were also a few ill-advised attempts at drama, which was forced and out of place given the rest of the movie's tone. This stuff though, compared to the epic scale action that eats up most of the screen time is pretty minor.

The action is definitely overblown but the filmmakers were well aware of it when they put it together. It's adrenaline pumping, edge of your seat type stuff with all kinds of imagination, cool vehicles and gadgetry. I was pretty young in the cartoons hay day but from what I remember this captures the tone of the series pretty well and you can tell from the ending that as the franchise evolves into a sequel or two it will more closely resemble the original in plot...which I imagine put a lot of stewing fanboys at ease.

Would I want to see a sequel exactly like this? No. This movie basically serves one main purpose in the grand scheme of things, and that's to introduce a whole slew of characters, but not at the expense of action. That's no easy feat but they did it. I would hope that the sequel gets a little deeper into character and plot, and I think that it most likely will. And as long as they keep the excitement at this level, I'll be in line for a ticket.

Hancock (2008)

Good Flick...bad marketing.

[6/10 · 8 April 2009]

Hancock is the product of two very strong ideas that don't quite mesh as well as it's creators likely hoped. The first idea is that of an alcoholic superhero who only saves lives due to some natural compulsion that he can't fight but otherwise cares nothing for anybody. The other idea is a gritty realistic look at what life as a superhero would be like. The emphasis of the story is the latter, while the previews imply the former.

The first half of the movie plays out similarly to a super powered bad Santa...making for some very good and unique laughs. As Hancock attempts to clean up his act though things take a much darker turn and we learn that Hancock does in fact have a heart and it's broken.

If Super powers really did exist in this extremity Hancock's plot would likely be a pretty good representation of it's pitfalls. The guy's lonely as all hell, he drinks, he costs millions in property damage for every act of heroics. This is something different that we've never seen, Spider-man's not always loved by everyone he saves but at least he was never handed a bill for breaking a window.

Despite a good box office return I think feelings of the movie from it's general audience were only Luke warm but I think it will appreciate in value as time goes on. It's a superhero drama with a very interesting and original plot, it's just too bad it was marketed as a superhero action comedy. A stronger villain would've have helped to inject more action into the movie and possibly would have made everybody happy...the movie is a little slow but I've seen it a couple times and it's already grown more on me. I urge everybody to give a chance...even if it's a second one.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978)

Fun flick

[6/10 · 8 April 2009]

The most remarkable thing about this movie for me is the fact that it made me feel nostalgic for an era I was never even part of. I'm a classic rock fan so the Beetles aren't anything new to me although I'm far from a Beetlemaniac, yet I some how missed the '60's while watching this.

It also made me nostalgic for a forgotten era of comedy. This movie is not hysterical...but it's a fun story involving several intertwining characters and plots that you care enough about to stay interested. All in all it's a very entertaining film. We don't seem to get too many of these anymore. I'm a huge fan of Apatow films and others of the like, those movies have far more laughs per minute than "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" but will they still be entertaining 30 years from now? Who knows? Only time will tell...but this one's been time tested and I was pleasantly surprised by it.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

Ridden of it's goodness

[3/10 · 4 March 2009]

If you think my heading is cheesy and stupid you're absolutely right and I heartily agree...unfortunately that vary statement is the crux of the latest Street Fighter attempt's plot.

Ignoring the 1994 Van Damme version of the franchise this film starts anew, focusing on the character of Chun Li, a young Asian woman highly skilled in both piano and martial arts. Her dad gets taken away from her at a young age by M. Bison who uses him in his criminal plot to overthrow Bangkok. Unfortunately for Bison Chun Li grows up, meets a mystic who teaches her some freaky stuff and sets out to kick his ass. While the Van Damme version was far from spectacular it had a sense of humor about itself and wasn't afraid to have fun with the material, which was at the very least entertaining for a lazy hour and a half. The Legend of Chun Li tries to be a dark brooding action thriller with something like Batman Begins as its model...but the material just doesn't support it. The plot goes back and forth between clichés and just plan dumb hokey sci-fi stuff. Yes, being "rid of your goodness" is actually a plot point.

The script is loaded with cheesy dialog and flat characters which doesn't make the actors' jobs any easier and they really don't live up to the challenge. Chris Klein is particularly bad in his attempt to be the bad ass.

You would think the action would at least make it worth the time but even that is nothing to brag about. The fights are far too staged and obviously fake. They throw in some signature moves from the video games that are beyond reality. If they'd been shot differently they would've been cool, but here they just look ridiculous. These are things that would fit at home in a more cartoony film like its predecessor...but sorry, no go.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

If only they hadn't made so many...

[7/10 · 2 November 2008]

Halloween H20 is as much a tribute to the 1978 classic as it is a sequel.

The original two Halloween films blend together like a 3 hour movie and after it's explosive climax Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is taken away in an ambulance, a trembling wreck unable to fully accept that her stalker/brother Michael Meyers is in fact dead. Now 20 years later Laurie is living under the false name of Keri Tate with her newly 17 year old son John (Josh Hartnett), who is also one of the students at the private school she over sees in relative seclusion. She is still haunted my nightmares of her hellish 1978 experience and as such suffers from severe paranoia over the safety of her son. As the story unfolds though of course she learns that her paranoia was not unfounded as Michael is still very much alive and now has a penchant for not only finishing what he started all those years ago but taking it one step further and killing his nephew as well.

The film moves along at a brisk pace but manages to retain much of the feel of the original tone. Aside from the obligatory teen slayings of the modernized genre the first half of the film follows a formula more a kin to a thriller with the killer silently stalking its prey. This invokes a creepy vibe not present in a lot of these films of late and serves the story well. As I said at the start though this movie was made largely as a tribute and celebration of the original. There are several echoes of the original two movies seen through out, including eerie dream sequences, flash backs, lines of dialog, Michael's scenes of stalking and some more blatant moments, like Laurie almost taking futile refuge in a closet like she did 20 years prior.

The best moments of this movie though come near the end when Laurie and her brother Michael finally come face to face again. There's a truly chilling moment (especially if you're a fan) where the two characters stare at each other ominously through the window of a door. Laurie also isn't the defenseless teenager she once was and is now ready to stand up to her bully of brother, making for some fair fights.

The movie's downfall though, is unfortunately not its fault, but the fault of the four other sequels that came between II and H20. I'll admit to not having seen all of those sequels so any severe judgment of them would be unfair but even if each one was stellar in it's own right the formulaic killings of any slasher franchise grows stale after so many incarnations. It also takes away from the genuine eeriness of the character. There were implications from the get go that there may be something supernatural about Meyers, which is creepy and cool in its ambiguity, but after cheating death as many times as he has it soon becomes obvious that there must something unnatural and the blatant loss of realism steals from the fright. And most of all the emotional weight of Laurie seemingly moving on with her life only to be attacked once again is somewhat lost as she most surely would be aware of all the action Michael has seen over the years. H20 actually deliberately ignores those middle sequels so you could watch I, II, and H20 as a stand alone trilogy, but an anniversary movie just isn't the same when there's been no absence to make your heart grow fonder.

A fun horror movie...but as with most of these franchises, less is probably more.

Max Payne (2008)

A whole lotta nothing

[4/10 · 30 October 2008]

Video game movies have been hit and miss and as such have earned a pretty shoddy reputation. I've never been one to condemn one movie for the pitfalls of its predecessors anyway but the trailers to this film looked like it might promise something new and interesting. It doesn't.

The trailer (definitely augmented by the use of Marlyn Manson's 'If I Was Your Vampire')implies a film noir quality and textured feel like Sin City. The opening few shots of the film appear to be living up to that image. Max Payne has been left for dead in an icy body of water only a few yards from a decaying pier. It's night and the moonlight soups everything in blue, black and white tones and Max's narration of his impending death could make any noir fan shiver. It's remarkable however, how fast that slick opening collapses into a meandering cliché filled cop out for revenge plot. Conspiracies are revealed here and there, a strange new hallucinogenic gets passed around, a few hot chicks dance for the camera, Max looks constantly ticked off, dialog gets spewed with monotone attitude and a few bullets hit a few targets, but none of it stitches together the way it was likely meant to and the end result is the reason video game movies have earned their reputation.

Some of this could have been salvageable if the movie offered the unique and cool look offered by its trailer but it just doesn't. Save for a few money shots made with masterful execution the rest of the film is reasonably run of the mill with very little attempt at anything unique in art direction. It's also pretty light on action which would have at least made it more entertaining. The cast is loaded with a surprising amount of recognizable faces but their talent is wasted on the material. The only element that continually impressed me was the slowly falling snow(I assume it was digitally added), which helped to give a really ominous look to it's many night shots, but it's a pretty sad thing when the strongest element of a film is the climate it was set in.

There are certainly worse action films out there than Max Payne, but this one could have waited for TV.

Eagle Eye (2008)

A Solid Thriller

[7/10 · 6 October 2008]

A while back Shia LaBeouf teamed with director D.J. Caruso to make Disturbia, an uncredited but thinly disguised remake of the Alfred Hitchcock classic, Rear Window. The result was entertaining enough with a couple solid thrills but ultimately fell flat of its potential and didn't touch the original with a ten foot pole. Now the actor/director team reunites with a similar scheme but with much better and more creative results.

Like Disturbia this story draws from another classic Hitchcock flick, the twice filmed "Man Who Knew Too Much", but this time around the classic serves only as a skeleton for a much different movie. Only real Hitchcock fans will likely recognize the inspiration, I didn't actually connect the dots myself until the climax. Telegrams and traditional spies are swapped for cell phones, satellites, surveillance cameras, and pretty much any other electronic device with a potential internet connection.

Jerry Shaw, a would be loser who recently lost his war hero twin brother finds himself inexplicably framed for terrorism and is brought in by the FBI, only to be immediately sprung by the very forces that set him up in the first place. The evil forces at work are represented by an ominous female voice who conveys messages to Jerry in a variety of ways, helping to narrowly escape death defying stunts and the pursuit of the authorities all in the name of her own secret agenda. Jerry's not alone though, the same ominous voice is commanding Rachel Holloman (Michelle Monaghan) who's son may be in danger. The two collide in more ways than one and are forced to juggle their conflicting opinions on what they should and shouldn't do in regards to the increasingly bizarre circumstances they find themselves in. If that wasn't enough they've also got special agents Billy Bob Thornton and Rosario Dawson on their tails.

Eagle Eye is non stop action and suspense from nearly the first frame. My only complaint about the film would be that the nature of the villain is revealed much sooner than I would have expected...but that's a hard complaint to maintain considering it still kept me guessing to the end, even with that piece of information. I'm an action junkie who usually flocks to the CG laden adventure movies but has always had a soft spot for the classic thriller. While this movie is certainly more digitally augmented than the average thriller it still fits firmly in that classic mold and kept a much tighter grip on me than most of the genre have in quite some time.

In the end...solid entertainment and highly recommended for anyone looking for some real excitement.

V for Vendetta (2005)

Kubrick would be proud

[8/10 · 20 August 2008]

The V for Vendetta graphic novel would surely have been loved by Stanley Kubrick and the V for Vendetta movie is surely one Kubrick would have loved to direct.

In the future, England is over run by a totalitarian government made possible by an evil conspiracy that left several hundred's dead and one horribly scarred survivor whom the government would rather forget. In other words, England has become the country Hitler wanted the whole world to be back in the forties, and there's one man out there determined to change that. He goes by the name V, expertly wields a set of knives, knows all kinds of ways to kick your ass and proudly sports a Guy Fawkes mask. Guy Fawkes was a man in English history who was hung for trying to blow up the parliament building in the 17th century, and now V is determined to finish what he started and along the way rally the population of England against their fascist government.

The film is loaded with historical references and their modern day parallels, political connotations and in its own way debates the rights and wrongs, causes and effects of activism. It encourages freedom of speech and the righteous stance but does this all within the context of an action movie. V is basically a terrorist standing up for the little guy, he goes about the film raising hell, blowing up monuments, picking off those who done him wrong and doing his best to make it clear to everybody that things need to change, and he's only gonna be the beginning.

There are scenes in this movie that can stand next to many of the great action flicks and some that can ride alongside that of a political thriller. There are some slower moments here too, but they're so enriched with great acting and story telling that you can hardly fault the makers for slouching on the pace...especially when it all builds to its big finale.

This film may very well not be for everybody, which in of itself is a good reason to compare it Kubrick. It's a smart action movie with a bit of interesting commentary. The morality of it all in my mind comes second to the spectacle of it all, but it's a great add on to a solidly entertaining film.

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Quite simply a riot

[10/10 · 16 August 2008]

I'm just gonna come right out and say it, "I loved this movie!" I laughed consistently through the whole thing and at the moment it's one of the funniest movies I've seen in quite some time.

Who better to write and direct a movie about Hollywood and its eccentricities than Ben Stiller, a guy who grew up in the fold with actor parents? If you've seen the trailers you know the story. A handful of troublesome actors are dumped in the middle of Vietnam by their director in an effort to scare worthy performances out of them with guerrilla style film making tactics. What you don't see is the fact that in spite of the film being set mostly around the main actors in the jungle, the entire film industry is skewered right down to the last key grip. Agents and producers fight over whether to favor money or common human decency. Actors argue over method. An effects guy is just plain insane. And the war vet who wrote the source material for their production is just as crazy as the drug dealers our heroes run a foul of. Every actor, including the many cameos spread among the celluloid are at the top of their game. People who like to laugh should be easily entertained here and anyone who has ever watched a behind the scenes documentary may very well bust a gut before it's half over.

As for the controversy behind this. Don't peg it before you've seen it. The use of the word retard should not in anyway be construed as offensive in this film. They are making fun of people(especially Hollywood's) perception of the mentally challenged. That's the whole point of the movie. The same point made with Robert Downey Jr. in black face. The movie is poking fun of its own industry...and industry with a dubious reputation for the amoral and misinformed. That's why this is classic.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

Damn good...if you know what you're getting into.

[7/10 · 16 August 2008]

This film is gonna have two sets of detractors. One set will be of people dying to see George Lucas crash and burn because they didn't like the prequels. The other will be people who, regardless of their feelings about the previous movies will enter with an ill conceived expectation for a great story. The rest of you, like me will have a blast watching this thing.

This movie is basically an extended pilot for a soon to premiere animated series and it plays as such. We are introduced to our characters, some new and some old and watch them set out on missions that take them through hair raising battle after hair raising battle. There is no conclusion, yet no cliff hanger, just a solitary mission, another day in the lives of Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi. In other words, no attempt at any great earth shattering plot, just a lot of good solid action and fun. Whether or not the TV series will develop more complicated story arcs and sub plots is only known by its creators right now, but its the simplicity that works here. I went into this movie expecting nothing but big action, cool characters and a slick look, and that's exactly what I got. The heart of the Star Wars franchise has always been its fun, and this is a cartoon...they're taking advantage of the opportunity to take the explosive larger than life elements of the films and skew them to an altered animated reality...which is what makes cartoons worth watching.

I loved the design of the whole thing too. It is very graphic and unique and I can understand that it may not be everyone's cup of tea but for me it's a great look. In a time when movie theaters are saturated with CG animated fair, many of which are so concerned with out doing one another with their increasingly real skin textures and bump mapping, it's refreshing to see a film that wants to be different. If you want something to look real, you might as well get a camera. For those of you who thought this graphic simplistic look was some kinda time/money saver, give yourself a shake, they wanted it to look this way. And if you're an animator like myself...take note.

Bottom line, you're not gonna walk out of this movie a different person, and its not gonna win any awards...but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Weisz and Sommers are missed!

[6/10 · 3 August 2008]

I'll admit I went into this film with a handful of skepticism, I'm a huge fan of the first two films but couldn't help but feel uneasy about the replacement of the franchise's original director and co-star, non the less however the trailers looked to promise a good dose of action adventure and fun and I couldn't call myself a fan if I didn't give it a chance.

It's been about 13 years since Rick and Evie had their last adventure, putting down Imhotep for good and killing the Scorpion king at the same time. The two of them are now retired, Rick fills his days with hobbies that don't quite satisfy his craving for action and Evie's been writing about their adventures with the undead, but now with no more experiences left to tell of, she's stumped with writer's block and finding herself in the same funk as her husband. All this changes though when their son Alex (now in his early twenties) uncovers the remains of China's Dragon Emperor, a ruthless dictator who was turned to stone way back when. Rick and Evie are invited to China to help deliver an artifact for MI6 and while there, the Dragon Emperor is reawakened and they're back in action.

Once the Dragon Emperor receives his wake up call we are pulled into an adventure that I dare anybody to find unentertaining. It's funny, it's exciting, it's imaginative...and just has a lot of really cool stuff. The problem though lies in the opening twenty minutes. We're forced to believe that Brendan Fraser is the father of a twenty-three year old, only seven years has passed since the last one but they want us to believe it's been thirteen and that's pretty hard to swallow. In the name of entertainment you might be able to look beyond that if not for all the emphasis on their retirement and boredom in their lives. If you do the math it's possible for Rick and Evie to be in their forties and still have their adult son, but if that's the case why are they moping around, depressed they don't have any excitement left when they're clearly in good enough shape to be raiding tombs like the good old days. This, for me anyway, was a major black eye for the movie, the adventure that ultimately ensues would be so much more meaningful if you could care about the characters and their situation, if only their situation wasn't so damn hard to buy into. This isn't helped at all by Maria Bello's attempt to replace Rachel Weisz as Evie. Bello is a good actress but she is nothing like Rachel Weisz or the character she brought to life on the previous two adventures. She puts on a fake English accent that to me doesn't really work and seems to be trying too hard to hold an English heir that Evie never really had. Not to mention the obvious problem of her face resembling nothing of Weisz. That may seem superficial but lets be honest. Maria Bello's not hard to look at but how can you take her relationship with Brendan/Rick seriously when she's not the one he fell in love with in the first film.

As for the director, Rob Cohen does an admirable job here. The guy hasn't always been handed the best scripts but he knows his way around action and can deliver some pretty impressive money shots. Unfortunately though as a fan of the first two superior films you can't help but ask yourself what Stephen Sommers would have done. There are also some very convenient plot devices and inconsistencies that the franchise's original creator likely would have worked around better. For one, Alex had a distinct British accent when he was 8, now he sounds like he's from the states, this could be justifiable, but at least hint at an explanation.

So like I said, the movie is a lot of fun, and is genuinely entertaining. I'll watch it again for sure, but without Rachel and Stephen I think this franchise would have been better laid to rest.

The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)

Decent but could have been more

[6/10 · 26 July 2008]

Having never been more than a casual viewer of the X-Files the news of a new movie didn't blow me away. But when I learned that the plot was to be entirely stand alone, inviting fans and non-fans a like to a paranormal thriller I found myself getting genuinely excited.

My knowledge of the X-Files TV series pretty much starts and stops within the first three or four seasons and I didn't find myself confused or lost at any point. We catch up with Dana Scully in current day, roughly six years since the show ended. She's no longer with the FBI and now working as a surgeon at a Christian hospital, that is until a young agent goes missing and Scully is dispatched to find Mulder in an effort to prove or disprove the pedophile psychic priest who claims he can help find the missing woman. Mulder's been in hiding for six years now ever since the FBI decided to shut down the X-Files and discredit him. Reunited, the two of them accompany the FBI team to Virginia in search of the woman and while there, uncover the dastardly twisted plot behind her and several others disappearances.

Unfortunately said dastardly plot isn't quite heavy enough to sustain the entire 105 minutes. Entertaining though that part is the rest of the time is filled out with Scully's preoccupation over saving a sick boy with an experimental procedure despite the wishes of the hospital's head priest as well as her torn feelings over Mulder, she loves him, but doesn't want to be dragged back through the X-Files mud. All this is good stuff in its own right but tends to slow things down. A thriller with two protagonists who've already been established over nine years of TV should allow us to jump right into the action but instead we're periodically bombarded with character development scenes that might have been welcome in a separate and differently paced movie, here it just got on my nerves as things seemingly start to heat up and then grind to a halt a little too frequently. Scully's hospital dilemma could have been equally as thrilling as the missing women of Virginia if it hadn't focused so much on her dreary and depressed fear over it. It's this kinda stuff that makes me consider the promise of a stand alone plot only half true, sure non-fans aren't lost, but these character moments I suspect are gonna only really appeal to those who have been dying to know what they've been up to in the passed six years. The rest of us just don't know enough to care.

I've sounded pretty negative so far so I'll close by saying that this is not actually a bad movie at all, maybe it just wasn't what I was expecting. I went in looking for an edge of your seat paranormal thriller, likened to the early monster of the week episodes of the series. Instead I got a movie that's interested in moral issues as much as thrills. I did however find myself genuinely interested in what was gonna happen next. I wanted to know why these women were abducted and I wanted to see if Scully saved the day at the hospital...I just thought my heart would race a little faster during it. Fans will surely love it and non-fans will surely enjoy it enough, but I don't think it necessarily lived up to its potential.

Batman: Gotham Knight (2008 Video)

Not bad but...

[6/10 · 19 July 2008]

I've never been a fan of anime, and this film didn't really do anything to change my mind. This is a collection of short stories much in the same vein as the Animatrix meant to somewhat bridge the gap between Batman Begins and the Dark Knight.

Each story focuses on one particular aspect of Batman and his mythos. Through the eyes of some kids we so how his presence in Gotham is to many an urban legend. We also see how he learned to deal with pain, we see a sample of the development that goes behind some of his toys, we see the police's attitude towards him and of course we get to see some good old fashion Batman ass kickery. Collectively all these stories are pretty well written and I liked how they managed with the use of subtle details and references to link one story from the next to help bring it a little higher than your typical anthology.

But as I've said I'm not a fan of anime. I find anime directors to be exceptional at conveying mood and atmosphere through the use of brilliant backgrounds and well plotted storyboards, but outside of the science fiction realm of the Batsuit and the monsters I find there character designs lacking in originality. When Batman takes off his mask Bruce Wayne has a remarkable resemblance to almost every other anime character we've ever seen. This can't be said for all anime artists, we do get some variety here and regardless of the style it's always interesting to see different artists' takes on the same character. Another issue I found across the board which I think more than anything detracted from my enjoyment of this and most others of the style is the lack of emotion that goes into the character acting. We're treated to good voice actors here, specifically the return of Kevin Conroy as Batman but the solid performances of the voices are lost behind faces completely devoid of emotion. The heads remains dead during the lion's share of all dialog while the mouth moves up and down (sometimes not even that)until the voice is done delivering the lines. This is no exaggeration either, there is no movement of the eyes or brows or even enough variation on mouth shapes to imply any emotion at all, if they're not throwing a punch the characters are relentlessly static. As an animator myself I may be more critical to such things and I'm not trying to tell of anime creators, I know it has legions of fans, but I won't be joining the ranks personally until they evolve beyond some of these problems.

In the end this is still worth seeing if you're a Batman fan, and despite my ranting against the anime style I did really enjoy seeing the different interpretations of the Batsuit and batmobile along with a couple other elements that carried across the stories.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Wicked

[10/10 · 19 July 2008]

Christopher Nolan and his team have really done something spectacular with The Dark Knight. They've taken a character that everybody in the world knows in a genre that is getting more exposure now than anything else and elevated it to something different...this is not just a superhero movie, this is a crime thriller and damn good one.

In the comics and great animated series of the 1990's Batman is the world's greatest detective. In most screen incarnations however he's been portrayed as just a high flying superhero with an arsenal of James Bondesque gadgetry. This isn't always a bad thing, don't get me wrong, I'm still a huge fan of Tim Burton's original two Batfilms. But The Dark Knight carries on from Batman Begins, portraying our hero as a brooding tortured force who collects evidence and thinks out missions and defenses. He's not an entirely one man show either, he talks with cop buddy Jim Gordon, enlists help from his only two confidants (butler, Alfred and CEO Lucius), and gets involved, albeit from the shadows, in city politics, trying to get close enough to the new DA to determine if he's worthy of entering the Batfold, and something entirely new and unexpected, Batman holds out hope of bestowing enough peace on the city that he can hang up his cape and cowl.

All this gets threatened of course by the new kid on the block. The sadistic and psychotic Joker ingeniously played by the remarkably well cast Heath Ledger (he manages to be hilarious without the use of one liners and sight gags). The Joker sets up and pulls strings all over Gotham city making life a living hell for everybody and he does it with such glee you'd be cheering him on if you weren't scared of him at the same time. It's also because of his presence that you can never even guess where the movie will take you next. He's so manipulative and conniving in his criminal plot and insanity that almost everything you are led to believe will happen doesn't. There is one twist after another between fights, chases, murder investigations and bent tension.

The only issue I can really take with the film is Maggie Gyllenhal's replacement of Katie Holmes. My gripe isn't with Maggie personally, just with the unfortunate affect I think it had on a key plot point of the film. I've never liked it when characters are recast in sequels anyway but the role of her character Rachel Dawes though maybe smaller in terms of screen time from the first one plays a very significant role in the plot and her actions in it would undoubtedly carry more weight if we could see her as the same character we met previously and not be forced to accept a new face as Bruce Wayne's childhood friend. In an otherwise excellent film though, this is a small complaint.

The Dark Knight does not disappoint. I can't wait to see the next one.