goryverbinski Reviews

Extraction (II) (2013)

low budget. HIGH OCTANE!!! - EXTRACTION - the action flick with a kick.

[10/10 · 21 October 2013]

Writer/Director Tony Giglio is a heavyweight action filmmaker who is rapidly rising to the ranks of comparable greats like John Woo (FACE/OFF), John McTiernan (DIE HARD), Simon West(CON AIR), Andrew Davis (UNDER SIEGE) and many others. In 2005, He made his presence in the action genre known with an explosive little movie entitled CHAOS starring a powerhouse Jason Statham, a dynamic Ryan Phillippe, and Wesley Snipes in the return to form role of his career. If you missed this one I'm not surprised. Tragically, due to budget complications, the film failed to receive the release it deserved and was seldom seen by US audiences. Fortunately however, Tony Giglio is back and finally getting the recognition he deserves as his new film, EXTRACTION, starring Danny Glover, Sean Astin, and Vinnie Jones, just to name a few, made a groundbreaking online Premiere on CRACKLE.COM. An extremely popular film streaming website owned and operated by SONY that only recently (EXTRACTION being the first) started producing its own line of feature films and on going series(not unlike Netflix). Naturally, thanks to some halfway decent advertising this time around, the film opened with a bang, earned stellar reviews from numerous critics, and was received very well overall in the United States, and the reason for this is simple...EXTRACTION IS THE BALLS. It is macho brilliance fueled by an endless supply of testosterone coupled with bravado. It is gleefully brutal, refreshingly fun, and most importantly of all, unapologetically masculine. Good guy movies are few and far between nowadays. Speaking as a twenty-four-year-old male and a true connoisseur of half-baked, hard-boiled, ham-fisted action films from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I say with full confidence that real action movies, the kind designed for men, correction, boys, are virtually impossible to come by in this era of cinema. Until now that is. For those of you out there like me, starved for a blood-spattered, bone shattering, head-busting good time, well, to you I say, look no further. EXTRACTION is here. It has been sent from Hollywood Heaven. Delivered by the action Gods themselves to rescue us from yet another PG-13 family adventure most likely starring Will Smith, Paul Walker or possibly even...Jamie Fox!...booooooooooooooooo! So what is it exactly that makes Extraction so great? Two words. The works. The intricately choreographed fight sequences, the real stunt performances, the countless explosions, the impressively high body-count, the shootouts, the hand-to-hand stuff, and I could keep going. See, that is the best this about Extraction. It feels like a 90 minute trailer because in a trailer they always show you the best parts. The only difference is that normally the trailer makes promises that the film often fails to keep. Don't worry though, this baby delivers the goods, and I mean all of them. Plus, the cast is just too perfect for words. Vinnie Jones is so good at being bad, Sean Astin (in true Rudy fashion) might be little but still just tries so damn big its astounding, and as for Danny Glover, I mean, come on. If the man isn't officially a legend in the business at this point in his career, then who the hell is? Suffice it to say, CHAOS needs some serious attention, EXTRACTION kicks some serious ass, and TONY GIGLIO makes some serious action movies.

Warm Bodies (2013)

Undead on Arrival...that's my clever way of say it sucked.

[1/10 · 16 October 2013]

Warm Bodies is one of the worst films I have ever seen. I was praying for a zombie to jump out of the screen and eat my eyes, but that would be way too graphic for a shamefully hindering PG-13 rating. I could barely get past the opening credits before I started to wish I was dead. Ironically enough, the script was so excruciatingly awful that after my brother and I made it about 10 minutes in, it started to hurt our braaaaaaaaaaaaaains! All kidding aside, because I don't want this review to come off as cutesy and nauseatingly candy-ass as Warm Bodies itself, one has to wonder if this entire god awful production/crap-fest was completely funded in secrecy by Hot Topic in a desperate attempt to sell more hoodies. It is one thing for a movie to be stupid, but when it is pretentious to boot, I just can't stomach garbage of that magnitude and in this regard, Warm Bodies is by far the greatest offender of all. In all seriousness, the synopsis/tag-line to this film should just be "zombies are like so adorable." I mean chances are that was the pitch the director gave to the studio. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the screenplay as well. George A. Romero's poops should have more credibility in the realm of Zombie cinema than this debacle. It could have been a Disney film, but there wasn't enough blood. Never mind that it was so boring, predictable, wrote, and hackney that I was doing more moaning and groaning than the freaking zombies as I struggled to watch it. If there is one positive thing that can be said about Warm Bodies, assuming you take it out of context, I guess it would be that watching it truly is a zombifying experience.

P.S. Shame on you, John Malkovich!

Final Destination 5 (2011)

How did this one actually work?

[8/10 · 8 October 2013]

Part one was amazing. Parts two and (to a lesser extent) three were solid. Part four was God Awful on every level, and that was why when it came to part five, I admittedly went in to it with a severe bios. That being said, Final Destination 5 actually works. Granted, it was mostly just a by the numbers rehashing of everything that made the first one great, but there was also a dash of something extra. The direction, though completely mechanical, is not without joy here. The kills in this movie are staged so amusingly that I started to feel as though the film was interactive. The filmmakers just screw with you so much leading up to the demise of every character in the film. Which by the way is practically all of them. The script is so gleeful in its antagonizing approach that after a while you stop feeling annoyed and start having a blast. Also, the ending is so cheap, and yet, the greatest way to wrap up the franchise...and hopefully for good this time.

The Flock (2007)

What the Flock?

[8/10 · 30 September 2013]

The Flock was nothing too original, but a movie doesn't have to be original in order for it to be good. For its few, if any, forgivable flaws as a by-the-books detective/Seven thriller, the Flock as a whole is still a taut, brooding, gritty, intense and fun little popcorn flick. Like I said, the material isn't exactly fresh but it is still far from stale and Richard Gere, who act as though he were a man possessed, elevates the script and the film that much higher in terms of overall quality. This is not bargain basement entertainment, nor did it deserve to go straight-to-video in the US, especially given the talent involved both in front of and behind the camera. The list includes: Richard Gere (in his prime), Claire Danes, Andrew Lau (director of Infernal Affairs), and of course, the Weinstein Company (who need no introduction seeing as they are Hollywood.)Despite the lack of hype, the Flock deserves recognition for its solidity, or at least a watch. trust me, its a hell of a lot more thoughtful and entertaining than 99% of the garbage that continues to get released on a daily basis.

Ooga Booga (2013)

Ooga Boogawesome!

[8/10 · 26 September 2013]

The long awaited Ooga Booga spin-off has finally arrived, and it is pretty much everything a B film junkie could ask for. Killer cameos, a respectable body-count,and enough satirical racism to make Quentin Taratino blush. That being said, the film is obviously low-budget, so to all of you Roger Eberts out there, please, be gentle, take it for what it is, and just remember that it might be trash, but its blatant trash, and of course, all in good fun. Stacey Keach is great as the heaviest of cracker villains as he commands an army of neo-Nazis as he unknowingly faces off against a devilishly un-p.c. Tribal doll named Ooga Booga. Armed with a spear and possessed by a revenge hungry African American who was unjustly murdered in cold blood, this doll goes on safari, hunting down every last racist who had a hand in his death. Can you say camp heaven?

Saturday Morning Mystery (2012)

Scooby-poo

[1/10 · 16 September 2013]

The single greatest missed opportunity in the history of man. What should have been a groovy five star romp, turned out to be nothing more than a half-baked wannabe Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Saturday Morning Mystery is brainless, practically bloodless, and without a sense of humor...or horror for that matter. The film, if you can even call it that, is sure to disappoint every fan of every genre as it brings literally nothing to the table. Turning Scooby Doo into a horror film is the single most brilliant idea I never had. This is why I am so angry at the filmmakers responsible for this blunder, because it deserved better. I could have wiped my butt with film stock and produced a better final product than this trash.

Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)

Eye approve!

[8/10 · 11 September 2013]

Not having seen the original Killer Eye, but otherwise being well versed with most other Full Moon titles, I actually found Killer Eye 2: Halloween Haunt to be pretty freaking enjoyable. Granted, I am writing this review as an insanely immature twenty-something male cinephile, but that also makes me exactly the target audience for this kind of crap. And yes, it is crap. But it's also fun crap. And anyone who says that you can't have fun with crap has obviously never set a bag of dog poo on fire and left it on an unsuspecting neighbor's doorstep. Anyway, back to the review of the...film? I guess you could call it. Well, whatever it is, I recommend watching it with your buddies. Again, I am a male in his twenties with too much free time on his hands. That being said, this film is perfect for a night out with the guys, or night in, or whatever. It is filled with nudity, blood, dumb chicks, and of course, a killer mutant eyeball. This title is obviously not the best feature Full Moon has ever released but given the circumstances, it is far from their worst. Give it a rent, or even buy it, because this little gem is worth the watch and sure to inspire repeat viewing.

The World's End (2013)

The best movie about recreational drinking since Beerfest!

[10/10 · 11 September 2013]

The World's End is about a group of friends (Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, etc) who reunite after twenty years to embark on "The Golden Mile." An all night drinkathon where they have a pint from twelve different pubs spread out across there hometown, ultimately concluding at "The World's End" (pub #12). Simple enough, right? Oh, except for one little hitch. I forgot to mention that the town has since been taken over and overrun by killer robots. As if Edgar Wright was going to let us off that easy. Naturally chaos ensues and eventually the band of drinking chums find themselves in a struggle for survival and a literal fight to the finish. This film is bar-none, the most fun you will have at the theater all summer, if not your entire life. It is chalk full of sci-fi, comedy, horror, action, and of course, drinking. This is the third installment of the "so wrong it's Wright" trilogy and surprisingly one of the most successful. Personally, I thought it was way better than Hot Fuzz, and just as good as Shaun of the Dead. Not better. I mean, come on, how could it be? That would be like the time the Beatles said that they were bigger than Jesus.

Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Kick-Ass 2? More like Suck-Ass 1

[1/10 · 6 September 2013]

Offers nothing interesting, clever, exciting, or (sigh) funny. In fact this is probably the least funny superhero film I have seen in years, which was beyond surprising and insanely depressing. To be honest this movie doesn't just lack a sense of humor, but also a pulse. I can honestly think of nothing positive to say except for maybe that Jim Carrey had the good sense, or good fortune (take your pick) to enter late and exit early in what appears to be the most thankless role of his career. It wasn't that he didn't try, but that he was literally given nothing to work with. You can't poor your heart and sole into a one dimensional cameo role. Sorry Jim, you just can't. My advice to the sobs responsible behind this franchise is either bring back Matthew Vaughn to make a Hit Girl spin-off, or just let this one die and get on with your lives. Just chalk it up as an acceptable loss and just walk away before anymore damage can be done. After all, one black eye is still better than two.

The Creeps (1997)

THE CREEPS...a small accomplishment!

[8/10 · 6 September 2013]

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Dracula, Frankenstien, Mummy, and the Wolfman were reduced to half? That is to say, little people. Well, neither did I until I came across the Creeps online. Anyway, the answer is "not much." Seriously, nothing relevant happens in this movie. the miniature horror icons just sort of wander around for 70 minutes as the script (that was probably written on a cocktail napkin) just seems to rely on the same one note joke that is "they're small". Never the less, This movie is a riot, and while it doesn't offer much by way of gore, it is still one hell of a little (no pun intended, cough cough)B movie. The whole thing plays out like the ugly cousin to a bad seasonal, made-for-TV, Disney movie. That being said, there is some nudity, but thats about it. Also, Phil Fondacaro (Ghoulies 2, Bordello of Blood) is Excellent as Dracula. I say check it out.