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Reviews
Conan the Barbarian (2011)
Bloody.....awful !!!
I knew i wasn't going to like this when i was confronted with one of the most ill conceived scenes i've ever seen, it was the shot of Conan in his mothers womb as she is stabbed with a sword, the shot shows the sword just miss the unborn child, what a horrendous conception, it speaks volumes about the mentality of the director, it does nothing to enhance the story, it's there purely because the director thought it was cool, when in fact it was just gross, after that the film was just one scene of violence tacked to another with the minimal amount of dialogue, a truly bad film.
I want to give this film a zero rating but i cannot so i begrudgingly give it 1 out of 10.
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Awesome film but the premise is flawed.
I really enjoyed this film, the sets, the acting, the lighting, the surrealism of some of the scenes and some shocking violence to boot, the only problem i had with this film is the central premise, if the whole point of the plot is to kill the Republican party nominee thus allowing the vice presidential nominee to become the President allowing the Communists to have a puppet in the Whitehouse why did they go to the trouble of brainwashing the son of one of their US agents.
This plot device would of made sense if the brainwashed soldier was chosen because of his mothers status in the Republican Party, thus allowing him unfettered access to the two potential high profile targets, however when he did turn up to the Republican Party conference to carry out the killing he was dressed as a Priest !?!?!?!? which would surely have attracted the attention of the security services, especially as he was carrying a large box, remember we are in the era of Cold War paranoia so i imagine security would be ultra tight for these people and these events but given the seeming lack of security i cannot see why the Soviets could not of used one of their own agents to do the shootings of both the Senator and the Presidential nominee, which was all that was needed for the Communist plot to take shape, if this inconsistency had been fixed by stressing the wall of security that "should" of surrounded the intended victims and the assassin was not dressed as a Priest the film would have been a masterpiece, however it will remain forever flawed in my opinion.
From Russia with Love (1963)
Two unbelievable scenes from the most believable Bond film.
Out of all the Bond films FRWL has the most credible premise, to steal a code making machine and return it to British Intelligence, no lasers, no spaceships, just a typewriter that every spy wants, however at the start we see Bond being stalked around a garden at night by Robert Shaw as a Spectre assassin, Bond is killed and the scene is then lit up by floodlights revealing a group of people who had been observing this hunt, we then see Bond's face seemingly being ripped off to reveal the face of a stranger, it wasn't Bond after all, it was a man with a mask on that made him look identical to Bond.
Now forgive me if i'm wrong but the quality of the mask was perfect to the point where we, the audience, were convinced it was Bond that was being hunted (which isn't surprising because it was Connery playing the part), which means that Spectre have in their possession a genius mask maker, who could theoretically make a mask of anyone's face thus making them identical to the masks subject, so it's hard to imagine that Spectre would be bothered about retrieving a code machine when they could impersonate anyone they wished, the mask maker is the the espionage equivalent of the Golden Goose.
We are also shown Bond being taken on a trip through the sewers by a Turkish agent who wants to show him a device that his men had installed in the Russian Embassy under the pretence of maintenance work, the device is a huge brass periscope taken from a submarine which allows the user to observe who is attending meetings at the Embassy, we even get to see what they can see, however we do not get to hear what is being discussed at the meeting because for some reason the Turkish secret service forgot to bug the room with a listening device which would of made the periscope redundant.....d'oh !!! These are probably two of the best examples of a director asking the audience to suspend their disbelief for the sake of a dramatic touch i've ever seen in film making and the irony is they are embedded in the most believable of the Bond films ever made.
Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30 (2005)
The emperors new clothes
"You really get to know a man if you get to watch him die, that moment right before he realizes its over, that moment his face reflects every decision he's ever made, what kind of life he led... and if he regrets it."
Am i the only one that thinks this quote is really absurd, how can ones dying face reflect so much information, i mean unless you actually say something about your life how the hell is anyone going to know what life you had, if the pain before death is terrible your face will be so contorted as to be impossible to read accurately if that at all was possible, this is just one of those quotes that sounds good initially but falls apart after a brief analysis.
Doctor Who: Scream of the Shalka (2003)
Dr Why ?
A dictionary definition of the word "Animation" reads as follows....."The act, process, or result of imparting life, interest, spirit, motion, or activity".
After watching the online Dr Who i was unable to identify any of the above qualities in the programme, if any body can there are places you can receive proper medical attention.
Richard E Grant is as "wooden" and one dimensional in this as he is in all his outings. The rest of the cast obviously have debt collectors after them or they surely would have avoided such a cheap and amateurish project.
I was urging the Shalka to speed up their plan of world domination to end the agony of the hysterical laughter i was reduced to whilst watching this tripe.