myrothe Reviews

Cupid (2020)

Lord...why?

[1/10 · 12 February 2020]

Save yourself the time and misery. Just rub dirt directly in your eyes. Ittl be far less painful.

Then? Go outside, get some sun, and try to be a better person

American Nightmares (2018)

Beware, this is hot garbage

[1/10 · 10 February 2020]

Full disclosure, I only made it about 10 minutes in. That's all my brain could take. I could feel it slipping away. I'm pretty sure the synapses were organizing a revolt

This thing is roooooooough. It made me feel a profound sadness that actors like Trejo and Nichols have to stoop to this to get paid. That's sad and unfortunate. I honestly don't even know where to start. Amateur, poorly shot, cheap, stupid, embarrassing... I dunno man. My words can't do it justice. See it yourself and see how long you can make it

Halloween at Aunt Ethel's (2019)

Terrible, just embarrassing. Cast is inflating the rating

[1/10 · 23 January 2020]

I don't even really have words for this movie. I'm pretty sure that's because my brain cells just suffered serious burnout from slogging through this. I mean I could go into the amateur acting, juvenile writing, or clumsy directing but honestly, this doesn't even feel worth it. I'm too indifferent by this weak effort to work up enough enthusiasm to dig into it

Just know it's real bad, real dumb, and it's still only averaging around a 5, despite massive review padding by the actors and crew. Don't waste your time with this unless you are mediocrity

Real Cases of Shadow People: The Sarah McCormick Story (2019)

A movie about nothing

[1/10 · 23 January 2020]

Seriously. This is 90% roadtrip and grating dudebro "humor". I don't even really understand why this was released. Did they film the whole thing as they went, without writing a script, or any sense of purpose, and only realize it once they were finished?

This thing is aimless, amateur, and mostly pointless. Watch the last 5-10 minutes and you will miss nothing

Trick 'r Treat (2007)

Surprisingly Excellent

[10/10 · 3 October 2009]

I went into this not knowing what to expect. I must admit I liked the concept as well as the subject itself (I am a huge fan of Halloween. I was born October 13th and have always LOVED the holiday for some reason. Ever since I was a child. More than Christmas by far.)

I liked the anthology style, and i also loved the Pulp Fictionesque flash backs and forewords, and the interconnectedness of the stories. Honestly I liked all of the stories equally save for the first one, and that was only because of the short length. it almost reminded me of something like Simpsons Treehouse of Horror for adults, with a dash of The Goonies sprinkled with a liberal dose of gore.

Which brings me to what I really liked the best about this movie, it was fun.

What I mean by that is it seemed to hearken back to the fun 80's horror flicks (like Evil Dead, the Return of The Living Dead series, House 2, Dead Alive, etc...) where they would mix in humor, frights, and gore all in equal liberal doses. I really get into that type of horror. Shaun of The Dead is a prime example, a brilliant movie in my opinion. as well as Slither. Even feast was fun (albeit stupid)

It seems like lately there has been a glut of me-too, Saw wannabe, grimy, gritty, Se7en-esque torture films, and similarly creepy, atmospheric Ring wannabes. Basiclly anything that currently is selling well, is suddenly duplicated ad nauseum. Those indeed have their place, but enough is enough.

Variety is the spice of life and I was really happy to find this little gem. Already ordered both the Blu-ray version and DVD.

Not sure what all of the haters on here were expecting when they watched this movie, but I think some horror fans have gotten a bit jaded.

Not everything needs to be compared to Halloween. Sometimes its nice to just kick back, with a lack of airs, and enjoy it for the bloody good movie it is, and not expect every movie to reinvent the wheel.

Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)

Awful, absolutely dismal.

[1/10 · 16 September 2009]

This movie was absolutely terrible. Bad acting, bad special effects, ridiculous uninspired writing, truly an insult to legacy of Romero in every way.

Not much more to be said, an embarrassing effort not even worthy of scifi channel status.

Do yourself a favor and pass this weak effort by. I diddn't even want to finish it, but I did and I can honestly say it never gets any better.

The only way to make this enjoyable would be to give it the Mystery Science Theater treatment, then it would be tolerable. No one in this movie was even slightly believable and had the combined acting depth of a puddle, INCLUDING their poster boy.

Tin Man (2007)

Fecualnce at its most feculant...feculessence :)

[1/10 · 3 December 2007]

I tried to go into this with an open mind, but only a few moments in I already had a sort of black pit of bile brewing in my stomach.

There are so many reasons I absolutely hated it. The acting was Terrible, especially Zooey Deschanel. I mean she truly is a terrible non-actress, i didn't care about her character at all, She almost seemed stoned with every line, "like hey guys, come on, I am a like victim of a catastrophe...like...I am looking for my parents and junk" She basically plays herself in every role, and as long as it calls for a mildly bored and slightly confused stoner then you are gold.

The writing was very hackey, and the whole overly dramatic "I am going to avenge my family" slant with the "intense" tin man was ridiculous and derivative.

Actually I knew that I was in for something truly awful when it first started and a bunch of black leather clad Stone cold Steve Austin lookalikes and eurotrash stormtroopers burst into Dorothys (oh sorry...D.G. "sigh") house with guns.

Or the half naked munchkins with spears, or the idiotic scare crow with a "glitch" that delivered hackneyed "comedic" lines that you could see coming a mile away. I guess I have to cut him some slack seeing as how he had half a brain, in fact I am guessing that still makes him overqualified to enjoy this drivel.

And then we get to see more of the leather clad brute squad beating and torturing the "tin man"s family, VERY true to the spirit of L. Frank Baum.

And the tin man himself? He is like a cheesy David Carruso knock off "Intense sheriff" type out for "revenge".

And that my friends, was all that I can comment on because THAT was the breaking point for me. I had had enough at that point and changed the channel. Now some may say it isn't fair to critique it based only on the first 15 mins, but truly think, if that is ALL I could handle then that should be very telling.

I sat through Wild Wild west. I suffered through Fantastic 4 (which while I thought it was absolutely terrible, and had atrocious writing, I would GLADLY watch the entire movie over 15 mins of this), I saw Freddy got Fingered, Battlefield Earth, Cool as Ice, Batman and Robin, Leonard part 6 and even Howard the Duck. Sat through them all.

The only other movie I started watching and then turned off (But at least I made it about about 30 mins into it) was Blues Brothers 2000. So yeah, this miniseries in my opinion is about 15 mins worse than Blues Brothers 2000.

There is not enough farmland in the Midwest to grow enough weed to make this watchable. So there you go....besides that it wasn't half bad.

Fear of the Dark (2003)

Boring. Should have been rated G

[1/10 · 14 June 2007]

This movie was a snore. I mean absolutely NOTHING happens for 90 percent of the movie. Then when something does its a letdown. The "monsters" looked like a bad halloween mask and the most violent act was when one of the monster held the kid briefly by the throat. Thats IT!

The actors weren't terrible given the horrible writing, but they were wasting their talents on this bore.

The whole movie is one long buildup with ZERO payoff.

Seriously, why Isn't this rated G??? This was NOT a horror movie. This could have been shown on Nickeloeon.

Quest for the Egg Salad (2002 Video)

Enbarrassingly bad.

[1/10 · 8 May 2007]

This was the worst movie I've ever seen. The beginning was childish (and gross) and was totally unrelated to the film. The budget is beyond low. A guy in a 25 cent rubber monkey mask?, scenes shot in someones basement?

I thought it might be good as a parody, but its not even smart enough to be that. Basiclly its a bunch of people (whos maturity stopped around age 12) trying to throw as many dick jokes as they can into a non existent plot.

I mean this looks like a video a bunch of drunk teens made on a Friday night. I cant see enjoying a second of this unless you are seriously immature, and drunk. This is like a 3rd grade fart joke told over and over.

Not even good enough to be enjoyed as a bad movie. Pathetic and shameful.

Ghost Rider (2007)

Worse than I had even imagined.

[1/10 · 1 March 2007]

Wow. I expected bad things from this movie, I really did. I thought I was prepared, I was also very wrong.

This movie was wildly bad. This movie would earn a razzie from Uwe Boll.

Where to start?

God the writing, so awful. I mean Saturday morning cartoons, in the eighties, starring Mr T, a gymnastics team that fights crime, or a Teenager that turns into a Camaro would still reject this script.

There were so many hilariously awful lines. "I will take this power and control it, and every time innocent blood is spilled I will be there. I will use it to destroy you" or "You sold your soul for the right reason Jhonny. You sold it for love. And that makes you powerful." or my favorite "Lady, before you came along we were ridin' the gravy train with biscuits for wheels."

Uggggh. And that brings the second problem. These lines are delivered by Nic Cage straight faced as if hes reading them from a cue card, or possibly reading some sort of hooked on phonics lesson. He has always been wooden, but this is petrification.

Also, we get it, you love Elvis. However that being said squinting like you've been hungover for days and are looking directly into halogen lights and talking like him as you spew out lines is not something to base a career on. Its not even a good Elvis impersonation. Its more like your drunk uncle, doing a very awkward one for the very first time.

I could go on for awhile but I honestly think everyone should watch it and experience it for themselves.

Hyperdrive (2006–2007)

Disappointingly awkward and forgettable.

[3/10 · 12 February 2007]

Look, I have now seen ALL 6 episodes, it has not gotten 1 iota funnier. Its awkward and poorly written. I had high hopes for this show. I love Douglas Adams. I love Red Dwarf. I loved Nick Frost in Spaced and Shaun Of The Dead. I love Sci-Fi, I REALLY love Sci-Fi comedy. I hated this show.

Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to like it, but its just done so badly. I was even in a sort of denial for a few episodes, but the truth is its boring. I don't care about any of the characters, the jokes were very dull, and the whole thing just fell under the category of "Great idea done badly".

I think this is less like Red Dwarf and more like The Office....in space! Not that thats a bad thing, if done well. It isn't. I mean I would much rather see David Brent helming a starship, with Garreth as a second in command with delusions of grandeur (as weird as that concept may be) than watch this show stumble through each episode.

Disappointingly forgettable.

Star Trek: Enterprise (2001–2005)

Heres a strong theory on where it all went wrong :)

[7/10 · 7 February 2007]

I had never watched an episode of Enterprise until last week. My roommate got me to watch a few episodes of her box set and I was actually pleasantly surprised. I mean some of the writing is incredibly weak (episode 9 Civilization in my opinion could have been written by a 12 year old) but overall I gotta admit I'm addicted. However I think I may have pinpointed why it fell.

Heres why.......

It has got to have the LAMEST opening theme music I have ever heard. Seriously! I mean were talking overly emotive, generic,easy listening cheese cranked to 11. WTF? What happened to the John Williams-esquire grand opening theme songs? Even something generic and spacey would have worked but my god. It almost sounds like a bad Soth Park parody of a bad Lee Greenwood song.

Just A possibility :)

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Excellent, with a slight disappointment.

[8/10 · 31 January 2007]

First off I have to say it was an excellent movie. It was not at all what I expected however, and I was a LITTLE disappointed, but not enough to disappoint.

Pans Labyrinth is a very dark movie. More to the point I found it depressing, which I think was the point. Ophelias (the little girl) world was a very dark, hopeless place. Which at first kind of contrasts the fantasy world she encounters. However that proves to be just as dark in a different way.

It is also a very violent movie. This didn't turn me off, in fact one scene left me "smiling from ear to ear" (people who saw it know what i mean :) ) But for a fantasy movie it is most certainly NOT for kids. Torture and murder are just sort of par for the course.

The reason i found it a little disappointing is that from the trailers I had imagined far more of the movie would take place in the fantasy world. In reality it is a fairly small percentage. The parts there are are fantastic. I just wish we could have explored the creative fantasy realm a lot deeper, and dwelled in the violent depressing world far less.

Overall though WELL worth seeing.

The Dresden Files (2007–2008)

WOW! Surprisingly unimpressive!

[2/10 · 30 January 2007]

-Contains minor spoilers_ Well I was mildly excited about this show. I have read part of the first book, and thought this would probably make an excellent, or at least entertaining show.

However I was frankly fairly bored through the whole first episode. I mean first off I heard that there was supposed to be a bit of humor injected, but unless you mean the tire lock I really didn't see it. Secondly I certainly hope every single episode isn't peppered by flashbacks of Harry as a kid. Very boring. I also thought the acting/writing was a bit sub par. I mean ...SPOILER... Why did no one even seem remotely upset about finding a skinned woman? Everyone was just kind of like "Meh...oh well, call harry".

Third, and the biggest offender to me was the special effects, or lack thereof. I mean this is a show about a WIZARD for hire. So don't you think he should at some point USE magic? I mean I was looking foreword to seeing SOMETHING. When the skinwalker walks in for instance what happens? Nothing. Cut to commercial, next scene hes strung up and being beaten. Wow, way to fight her Harry. And what about the Skinwalker? Anyone wanting to see what the horrible creature beneath the skin looks like? Nope don't get to, she just looks like a lady. Way to save on that budget...scarrrrry.

And the Raven-men? Looked EXTREMELY low budget. Hmmm, lets have em wear black, have badly done white face paint, and make their voices sound like you used the ten dollar "Darth Vader voice changer".

We don't even get to see Harry make the "doom box", he just mentions it, then has it in his hand the next scene.

Overall I thought the first episode was very weak. It reminded me of a very low budget episode of charmed. I will watch a few more but at this point my hopes are LOW.

-UPDATE-

Saw episode two, it was horrible as well :(

Eragon (2006)

Worse writing than High School Poetry class.

[1/10 · 16 December 2006]

I just finished taking my daughter to see Eragon and I gotta say, written by a 12 year old? I can definitely tell. Not bad for a kid I suppose but come on, realistically I have rarely seen such cliché ridden, shallow, high school poetry-esquire writing.

Its funny because I had a group of giggling, talking late middle school/early high school girls sitting next to me. They constantly laughed at the corny lines, and talked (whispering, but still audible) constantly about how bad this movie was. Normally this type of thing would irritate me to no end. However I actually didn't mind in the least. I had exactly ZERO emotional investment in either the characters nor the story and gradually found myself actually joining in.

It wasn't just them either (they were just doing it constantly) I mean its a troubling sign for a movie when a character is supposedly delivering a heartfelt emotional line, rather than silence half of the audience is laughing. God there was cheezy dialouge.

There were a few mildly cool cgi effects (nothing that any movie couldn't have with a decent budget), but nothing to make me want to ever watch it again.

HOWEVER, despite the fact that this movie sucked rotten eggs,and actually made me feel oddly embarrassed for being seen there, it in fact did NOT star a single dancing penguin anywhere. Therefore, considering that as a curve I give it an A-.

Boo (2005)

Made me want to kill myself in the face.

[1/10 · 24 October 2006]

Well, Sci Fi channel was "treating" viewers to an all day long horror fest. BOO was the only one I diddnt recognize so I decided to give it a shot. Man was that a mistake.

This movie was so amateur on so many levels where do I start?

First off this movie was not even remotely frightening. You would actually be amazed at exactly how many times this movie manages to not scare you. The special effects are third rate. Which actually brings me to another point, in a HORROR movie exactly how do you manage to get the color of blood wrong? I mean isn't that the very FIRST thing you get right? Give me a bottle of corn syrup and red food coloring and I promise I could make more realistic blood in 10 seconds.

There are exactly 2 kinds of blood in this film. Jello like (yes jello like, chunky, shiny, and see through), and syrupy and off color, almost orange...like buffalo wing sauce. Frightening indeed!

Next is the acting, or an odd lack thereof. I mean seriously this was cue card reading caliber. No chemistry, no delivery. There have been infomercials and video game voice recording with more authenticity. Not to mention how miscast some of the parts were (like the long haired meterosexual wimpy pretty boy cop? HUH???).

Finally the special effects. Lemme break em down. The most impressive was possibly the skinless dog. Mildly cool (yet done with mediocre puppetteering. I mean I believe its head was the only thing that moved.) Ghosts which were merely actors with 5 dollar white face paint (seriously), and finally the weak exploding corpses. You see when any baddie is shot, even with a small 22 handgun they merely explode in a very low budget 70's movie way (to apparently save some cash with their 100 dollar special effects budget. I mean even the girl who gets shot in the heads head wound is apparently just a red painted on dot. My god, I could buy a gunshot wound makeup pack for like 3 dollars.

Anyway nothing in this movie is compelling or even mildly frightening. I must admit I had to leave with 7 mins. left in the movie so maybe something spectacular and deeply frightening happened at that point but I doubt it. Terrible, and frankly boring movie. Use only for MST3K treatment.

Slither (2006)

Excellent B movie vibe. Slither haters have no soul

[9/10 · 17 October 2006]

Really, for what this movie is meant to be it does an excellent job. This is a tip of the hat to gory b movies of yore. The script isn't meant to be Shakespeare. its perfect for this movie. Its funny, its a little over the top and it works.

As far as the gore, it was over the top as well and I loved it. Exploding heads, "invasive" tentacles, mutations, burrowing worms, and lets not forget the bloated tick woman.

I really don't understand people who hate this movie because it cheezy. Its MEANT to be! Thats like saying Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra sucks because the special effects are bad. You are totally missing the point.

I loved it and highly recommend it to anyone who loves movies like Evil Dead 2 or Dead Alive.

Silent Hill (2006)

VERY pleasantly surprised. An Excellent movie that stands on its own

[8/10 · 27 April 2006]

I just finished watching Silent Hill and was VERY impressed. I cant see how anyone would think it "sucked". They captured the dark essence of the games perfectly. What I was most impressed by was the fact that they didn't take the sellout route that pretty much every video game movie does. They didn't simply sell out and make a shallow loosely tied game with cheap scares. In fact there were several moments where I was sure they were going to do the cheap "monster jumping out of the darkness" or "body suddenly leaping up" (like when she was digging in the corpses mouth) scare but they didn't.

This movie actually had some essence and a gripping plot. Insane visuals, believable acting, intriguing plot, appropriate gore (rather than just for random shock value). I think it was very well done. this isn't simply the best "video game movie" I've seen, this is an excellent horror movie in its own right and stands on its own with or without the Silent Hill name. I was NOT disappointed in any way. I had low expectations and was very pleasantly surprised. It stays very close to the source material as well.

Frankly I don't see how any fans of the series are disappointed. Maybe they got something different from the games. I myself was more drawn to the story (I actually enjoyed the cut-scenes far more than the game-play) and for me this totally captured what I loved about the games.No offense to some of the others "reviewers" but I hope this review was a little more informative than "it uh, like kinda sucked but was like, kinda cool too" Reviews like that (pro or con) just kind of make my skin crawl.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

A True Classic. Excellent even if shallow. One of my FAVS!

[10/10 · 4 July 2005]

There are very few movies that I can watch over and over again and never lose interest. This is indeed one of them. Its hard to describe exactly what is so addictive about Big Trouble In Little China. Its cheezy, its over the top, and quite ridiculous at times. However its all put together so well. Its just one hell of a fun ride, from the opening credits to the end. There is high flying (even wire fighting) kung fu. There are likable characters (Kurt Russells JACK BURTON is like an over the top John Wayne with an Adonis complex). There is loads of humor, Chinese sorcery, Demons, swordplay, gun play, and an infinite amount of great, quotable lines ("Its all in the reflexes"). The soundtrack is top notch as well. Kind of a mix of Chinese electronic mixed with that John Carpenter action flick flare. It is also one of those rare 80's movies where the villains are fairly cool (rather than bumbling boobs). Just check out the three storms :) Anyway this isn't exactly a "deep" movie, but its well worth a watch or twenty. In fact this probably ranks as one of my top 3 favs of all time.

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

What a letdown. An insult to the first (amazing) movie.

[3/10 · 4 July 2005]

-SPOILERS BELOW- God what a letdown. First I gotta say i LOVED Conan the Barbarian, probably my 2nd favorite movie of all time. It was well written and well directed. The characters were convincing. They were dirty and unkempt. They looked fearsome...and best of all, THEY COULD ACT! Sadly this on has none of these elements. Its pure eighties cheese. They traded the realistic, dirty, dark look for oiled muscles, clean looking b movie outfits, and feathered hair. The acting is the essence of wooden. While the thief in the first movie was somewhat fearsome, his counterpart in this is a ridiculous coward that does not fit at all (and whats with the New Yawkish accent?). The first was set in a believably asianesque/mongolian setting. This is apparently set in some sort of fantasy kingdom (where are the elves??). And I got to say (SPOILER) the Ice castle was ridiculous, and the wizard Conan battles in the hall of mirrors looks like he bought his mask at the mall during discount days. Throwing Grace Jones at this movie doesn't make it any better, and Wilt Chamberlin as a character makes about as much sense as casting Shaq in Lord Of The Rings. The God/Beast battle at the end is mildly cool, but far too little too late. This movie just feels thoroughly watered down, hollywoodized, and neutered. Fans of the original, or anyone for that matter, avoid this rubbish unless you are having your own do it yourself Mystery Science Theater episode at home. It really is that bad :(

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

One of the BEST! An epic classic.

[10/10 · 4 July 2005]

I gotta say as I write this I am a little biased, this is probably my favorite movie of all time (although I have a few of those :) ). There is just so much to love about this movie. The writing is great, it is truly an epic story. Conan is a thief, a warrior, a gladiator, a lover, and an instrument of revenge. Arnold plays the character perfectly. He is never too over the top (unlike the horrible sequel) and although a brutal warrior you also find yourself identifying with him in some aspects. The plot is decent and reaches beyond the standard cheesy 80's fare. The supporting cast is also great. The thief is fearsome, the wizard is hilarious, the woman warrior is well played, and James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom is an excellent piece of casting. What I also really like is the setting and costumes. Basiclly the "feel". Everything looks very primitive and dirty. Its convincing. The setting is sort of an Asian/Mongolian dark ages type area. Very fitting. Everything looks very dirty, tattered and period correct rather than looking clean and Hollywood fantasy-like. The combat is quick, brutal and bloody. Another shinning light of this movie is the soundtrack. Basil Poledouris has crafted one of the most powerful and epic scores I've ever heard. The whole thing is very fitting and thrilling. It goes from brutally pounding to melodic and adds infinitely to the experience. From the brutal opening scenes to the thrilling conclusion this is an excellent piece of cinema and is definitely worth watching.