While one doesn't exactly approach a movie about a legion of post apocalyptic vampire hunting catholic priest warriors expecting a camp masterpiece- who am I kidding of course one does. imagine my shock-no my horror when the actors start talking, and oh what comes out of their mouths, pity them they know not what they say because if they did they would burst out laughing or better yet quit the movie. The film literally has a stick up it's anus, if it maybe had slowed down and reflected on the sheer absurdity of the story maybe it might have decided deal with it in a amusing self aware kind of way but no what we get is sheer unrelenting dullness. As it is the direction is over bearing and lingers on each location for maybe 30 seconds at most so whenever the story jumps it's like somebody is turning the pages of comic book for you and always does so right before your done reading the page. Again maybe if the movie had some tongue in it's cheek this would be less annoying and simply just eye rolling glee. Now let's get to the acting. Listen to this cast: Paul Bettany, Christopher Plummer, Karl Urban, Lily Collins and not an ounce of charisma or interest though that is far more the scripts fault then theirs, though you have to wonder what they were thinking as they read it, especially Plummer who has one of the most thankless parts I have ever scene assigned to such a thespian. The closest thing this movie has to humor or self awareness is an electronic confession box, and even that is dealt with a straight face. There is one thing that truly boggles my mind on the "what were they thinking scale" it's Cam Gigandet playing perhaps the worst sidekick I have ever seen in anything ever. He's not an annoying sidekick, he's hardly even a sidekick ( look at what this movie has done to my critical finesse, it has forced me to rate sidekicks) he's just kind of there and it's really impossible to describe his acting ineptitude to someone who hasn't seen it which I recommend you don't do so I'll just leave it at that. Another thing, this film has one of the most bizarre and pathetic musical scores I have ever heard. Let me re-phrase my self, it's not the score itself that is bizarre and pathetic ( it's kind of just standard action movie orchestral stiff) It's the films frightening overuse of it, there Is not a moment in the movie I think that is not one way or another set to music ( other then perhaps the aforementioned confession moment). Imagine epic music playing to hallway walking, imagine sappy music blaring over horrible dialog, imagine about 7 of each of those scenes and that's Priest. It's a bad sign when a director decides that every moment in the film deserves musical underlining to prevent his imagined audience from getting lost in the obvious complex emotional ramifications of a movie with motorcycle driving vampire eliminating catholic priests. He need not have worried, the audience was always going to be lost anyway.
Reviews
4 Reviews
Big Fish
(2003)
beautiful looking film fails to move
30 January 2013
Tim Burton's "Big Fish", like it's main character is extravagant, earnest, and likable. Unfortunately also like it's main character it is distant, narcissistic, and delusional. Big Fish has the wrong main character. The one emotionally resonant part of the film is unfortunately sidelined by acres of entertaining glitz. The story concerns the son of the main character {Edward Bloom, played by Albert Finny and Ewan Mcgregor} realizing how little he knows about his father who is slowly dying. That would be the emotionally resonant part of the movie. Unfortunately that is reduced to about 10% of the movies running time, the other 90% concerns the life of Edward which (like the movie) is pretty much 90% made up, hence the frustration of his son. Ideal there would have been a 50-50 balance between the real and the very unreal, though since that is not so it is often jarring when the story briefly switches gears to catch up with real life only to shift right back again. It's frustrating and unsatisfying. My thought is that Burton sees himself as Bloom, who refuses to conform to reality, in a sort of response to critics who have said that his films feel fake. I have always disagreed ( Edward Scisorhands and Sweeny Todd are masterpieces of time and place, anything but fake) though ironically this film feels at times kind of artificial. Not always though, and for the most part it's entertaining and thoughtful. With fine performances by everyone, all though Finny is sometimes garble voiced, and Marion Cotillard and Jessica Lange's characters are underwritten they do their best. Of course the film has a normally gorgeous Burton look to it, and he does a fine job of at least visually underlining the difference in feeling of reality and fantasy. Though by the time it's over your brain might be whizzing your heart will likely remain curiously untouched. At least I thought so. The ending however is pretty fantastic and would probably have had a profound emotional impact if Burton had decided to forgo some of the admittedly trite fantasy in favor of a a more full portrait of the relationship between the father and his sons. There is a heartrendingly real story in lurking Big Fish so it's a shame that Burton ditches it (until the end) for an amusingly fake one.
The Outsiders
(1983)
Uneven
30 January 2013
Infamous not only for the stunning amount of future (then unknown) movie stars as for it's uneven direction, "The Outsiders", by no means a poor movie, starts fantastically and a third of the way through descends into a mire of corniness and choppy staging from which it is never really able to recover from. It leaves such a bitter taste ( especially for fans of the acclaimed YA novel) I believe because it starts so well, with Francis Ford Coppola's masterful staging of ensemble scenes and a seemingly unstoppable fast pace. It's unfortunately fitting that the film starts with bouncy rock and roll ( with the song "Gloria" used to fantastic effect) and then once the plot takes a turn for the dark it seems like Coppola has entrusted his direction with Carmine Coppola's unwieldy and manipulative music score. It's not all bad once you reach the third way point, the scenes with the boys just talking in Ponyboys house really flow, but Coppola rely's a lot on uncharacteristic framing devices like poorly placed jump cuts, shifting aspect ratios, fade ins, and a whole lot of corn. While the dialog is corny during the whole movie it sticks out like a sore thumb for most of the movie while in the opening it kind of fades away with Coppola's playful direction. As far as the acting goes curiosity value makes some of it more bearable then it must have been when the movie was originally released. I shall go one by one.
C.Thomas Howell- Ponyboy Curtis- Has a very limited range of expressions and actions, though he was hot stuff for a maybe 3 more years, suffice to say, he is no longer hot stuff. Though he never really has to carry the film except during the sequences at the church where the movie falls apart.
Matt Dillon- Dallas- While he is occasionally over the top he is an extremely commanding screen presence and the best actor in the film by far.
Ralph Macchio- Johnny- Simply annoying, he manages to make most of his dialog irritating.
Patrick Swayze- Darry- Look tough, take off shirt, Say three word line, repeat. His character is way cut down from the book and never manages to seem intimidating.
Rob Lowe- Sodapop- Look cute, take off shirt, say one word line, repeat. Unfourtunely Lowe, who tries his best, has about 30 seconds of screen time. His part is extremely cut down from the book.
Tom Cruise- Steve- Simply insane. Though Coppola's camera does it's best to ignore him. He isn't really a character as much as a unintentionally amusing ball of energy.
C.Thomas Howell- Ponyboy Curtis- Has a very limited range of expressions and actions, though he was hot stuff for a maybe 3 more years, suffice to say, he is no longer hot stuff. Though he never really has to carry the film except during the sequences at the church where the movie falls apart.
Matt Dillon- Dallas- While he is occasionally over the top he is an extremely commanding screen presence and the best actor in the film by far.
Ralph Macchio- Johnny- Simply annoying, he manages to make most of his dialog irritating.
Patrick Swayze- Darry- Look tough, take off shirt, Say three word line, repeat. His character is way cut down from the book and never manages to seem intimidating.
Rob Lowe- Sodapop- Look cute, take off shirt, say one word line, repeat. Unfourtunely Lowe, who tries his best, has about 30 seconds of screen time. His part is extremely cut down from the book.
Tom Cruise- Steve- Simply insane. Though Coppola's camera does it's best to ignore him. He isn't really a character as much as a unintentionally amusing ball of energy.
Mama
(I) (2013)
A ghost is an emotion bent out of shape by time
22 January 2013
3 out of 4 B+
Mama continues the happy trend of Horror masters mentoring little monster directors so as to let loose their cinematic spawn upon the world. It's a pretty good system ( it gave us last years underrated Sam Rami backed "The Possession) and it allows us to get another Guillermo Del Toro project as the wait for Pacific Rim becomes increasingly unbearable. Though this one, unlike the underwhelming "Don't be Afraid of the Dark" has flashes of auterism. Andy Musichietti expanding his original 2 and a half minute Spanish language short has crafted a truly gorgeous looking movie that headily juxtaposes cool florescent interiors and trim sharp stylized wood exteriors. I'd say that this modest little film rivals Skyfall, Life of Pi, and Beasts of the Southern Wild as the best looking film of the last 12 months. He builds some excellent scenes (though toward the end it start bordering on self parody with it's large quantity of silly jump scares) and there are two ones that remind me of John Landis ( A chilling dream sequence) and vintage Steven Spielberg ( An quietly frightening sequence involving a blanket). He get's fine performances out of the two cute young girls and brings out a fun performance from Jessica Chastain. He could have used help on the script (which he wrote with his sister and another collaborator) that relies on a bunch of clichéd dialogue and rushed concepts ( the girls transition back to normledom, while well directed, feels really skimped over). But I believe that Musichietti, whom I'd like to see move on from silly horror movies to serious fare, has the chops and distinct and separate style to hit it big. I'll be watching him in the years to come. And overall it's a pretty creepy movie but the very loud teenage girl audience I saw it with seemed terrified so maybe you will be to.
Mama continues the happy trend of Horror masters mentoring little monster directors so as to let loose their cinematic spawn upon the world. It's a pretty good system ( it gave us last years underrated Sam Rami backed "The Possession) and it allows us to get another Guillermo Del Toro project as the wait for Pacific Rim becomes increasingly unbearable. Though this one, unlike the underwhelming "Don't be Afraid of the Dark" has flashes of auterism. Andy Musichietti expanding his original 2 and a half minute Spanish language short has crafted a truly gorgeous looking movie that headily juxtaposes cool florescent interiors and trim sharp stylized wood exteriors. I'd say that this modest little film rivals Skyfall, Life of Pi, and Beasts of the Southern Wild as the best looking film of the last 12 months. He builds some excellent scenes (though toward the end it start bordering on self parody with it's large quantity of silly jump scares) and there are two ones that remind me of John Landis ( A chilling dream sequence) and vintage Steven Spielberg ( An quietly frightening sequence involving a blanket). He get's fine performances out of the two cute young girls and brings out a fun performance from Jessica Chastain. He could have used help on the script (which he wrote with his sister and another collaborator) that relies on a bunch of clichéd dialogue and rushed concepts ( the girls transition back to normledom, while well directed, feels really skimped over). But I believe that Musichietti, whom I'd like to see move on from silly horror movies to serious fare, has the chops and distinct and separate style to hit it big. I'll be watching him in the years to come. And overall it's a pretty creepy movie but the very loud teenage girl audience I saw it with seemed terrified so maybe you will be to.
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