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douglasjeffreys
Reviews
Zombie Wars (2007)
Don't waste your time
Blue Martian is obviously easy to please. This movie is definitely one of the worst movies ever! Zombie or otherwise.
Just how exactly do you let something as slow as a zombie get the jump on you in broad daylight?
In this movie it happens time and again to men who are supposedly veterans of an on going zombie war.
Also their camp is not in any way fortified. You'd think they would at least set up a semi-sturdy wooden fence.
The zombie camp was more intelligently laid out. Keep in mind this war has been raging for 50 years! The humans still have plenty of guns and ammo. That means they had plenty at the beginning of the war.
Why the hell couldn't they finish the job in the first six months? This movie relies solely on the "Rule of Idiots" (without the idiots you wouldn't have a movie). Clearly without the idiots this movie wouldn't get through the opening credits.
Shuttle (2008)
save your money and your time
In order for a thriller to elicit fear, suspense or any emotion the story must be believable. There is nothing believable or realistic about this film. The protagonists have several opportunities to escape or turn the tables but manage to screw it up every time. The antagonists who supposedly plan this out and customized their shuttle specifically to trap people sure left a lot of improvisational weapons laying around. There is actually one scene where the "smart" girl has a gun to the head of the main bad guy and decides to scold him instead of pull the trigger. This was a thoroughly predictably, brainless "thriller". Every character was one dimensional. The "victims" were the usual gutless, brainless sheep that deserved to be slaughtered. Is there anyone on this planet capable of writing an intelligent thriller?
Farce of the Penguins (2006)
a Good Parody
I thought this was pretty well done considering there was no filming done, they used all stock footage. Those comments that criticize the quality of the humor have no idea how difficult it is to write an original screen play around existing footage shot at different times and from various film makers. Bob Saget did a very good job of lampooning those "warm and fuzzy" nature films. Don't be put off when you see Bob Saget is the Writer/Director. Bobs' Comedy is far different and very mature compared with his roles on "America's Funniest Home Videos" and "Full House". If you're some bleeding heart liberal tree hugger or just a wimp this movie will be far too offensive for you. Otherwise, watch and enjoy.
Creep (2004)
just another slasher
I keep hoping for intelligent characters in these movies and after watching "Creep" I'm still waiting. When I first read the blurb on the back of the DVD box I was encouraged to see Franka Potente playing the lead. Surely here would be a strong, intelligent protagonist. A half hour into the film I knew I was sadly mistaken. She turns out to be the usual screaming, helpless, unthinking victim. the only likable character is the dog. this whole movie is standard boiler plate. a near unstoppable monster, gutless, inept victims and situations that are only dangerous due to the incredible stupidity of the characters. save your money and your time.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Hugely disappointing
I finally worked myself up to rent the DVD Hitch hikers guide and was just as disappointed as I thought I'd be. The people who made this tripe where counting on the fact that there are many fans of the book who would want to see it made into a big budget movie. The BBC production although done on a BBC budget is head and shoulders above the movie. If you haven't read the book you can't make any sense out of the film. The original silliness and dark humor that wound it's way through all the books is just so much better than the smarmy movie and sappy love story sub-plot. save yourself a few bucks and your precious time and stick to the books or try to find a copy of the BBC production. The producers of this movie should be ashamed of themselves. I guess I should have known something was wrong when they waited till Douglas Adams was dead before finishing the film.
Open Water (2003)
spoilers
I don't know what all the hype is about. Not only wasn't this movie thrilling, it was boring. After listening to these two whine and bitch at each other I was hoping the sharks would eat them...quickly! It claims to have been based on a true story, but, if both the people involved were never found how do they know if they were eaten by sharks let alone what they talked about. This movie was a work of fiction. and bad fiction at that. There were no likable characters therefore it was impossible to feel any connection with them let alone feel sympathy for them. As neither one survived to tell the tale this entire film was pure speculation. It was a waste of money and worse a waste of my time.