e_s_reyne Reviews

IF (I) (2024)

Ended Different From What I Expected.

[10/10 · 26 May 2024]

The gist is that it's a feel good film and it's worth the watch. The longer explanation, is that as the film approached its mid point I was feeling a little let down. Some things didn't make sense, or at least didn't pass the sniff test. I had an idea in my mind of how the film would continue to develop or how characters would behave given certain circumstances. I felt like we needed more back story to the main character, the IFs, and their own kids' backstories. By the end though, my own interpretation, right or wrong, is that the film was less about telling someone else's story for us to experience, and more about reflecting within, tapping into our own backstory to connect with or tell our own stories. Definitely a tear jerker though, and found myself, my spouse, and our four kids ranging in ages from 11-4 moved by it. I do recommend it.

Madame Web (2024)

Feminists are Angry About the Score

[4/10 · 18 February 2024]

Feminists are angry about the criticism of this film. The problem is not due to having four leading women. The problem is that the film just isn't good. How dense can you be anyway? Madam Web existed far before 2024 and nobody had a problem with the leading female character. So why are you so fragile that you think that's what is upsetting people here? In fact I'm upgrading the score to 4 stars, one for each leading woman, for a film that should be rated 1. The casting was fine, and the way they shot the clairvoyant sequences was really really cool. Seemed very well thought out and for most of them you'd have no idea she was actually seeing ahead and all the sudden she's back at the start without cheap cuts/jumps. I think it would have made a far better movie as a non-marvel movie, and would have preferred it as an action flick not having Spider(man/woman) ties holding it back.

Wonka (2023)

Just fantastic

[10/10 · 3 January 2024]

I thought the film was beautiful. It's full of great music, has a great cast, and is a lot of fun. And thought Timothee Chalamet was spectacular. Only thing I can remember seeing him before was Dune and wasn't a big fan, but he won me over here.

I went into this having seen not a single preview/trailer, so I fully expected this to be the same familiar story, retold. It was not, and I was pleasantly surprised. Loved that by itself, but I also really enjoyed the story they gave us. Character development is essential and many artists/creators lately forget about that. So this was a nice change of pace.

The Open House (2018)

Had to have been written by AI

[1/10 · 23 October 2023]

The only explanation I have is that someone threw a couple horror/suspense cliches into the first iteration of an AI bot and said "write me a film that can I can make with a low budget." Instead of refining the story though, they simply took the first script and started filming. Character introduction was bad. Protagonist could run a pretty fast mile and apparently was assured the Olympics, though no validation was provided neither any history or justification for why that was his goal. Didn't even play a part in his ability to escape from the antagonist in the end. Terrible terrible terrible film.

The Crowded Room (2023)

Incredible Show

[10/10 · 13 August 2023]

Thought the show was just fantastic. All the cliches of good writing. Great acting. Etc etc., but really though. Was interested by episode 2, and absolutely hooked by episode 4. Loved Tom Holland. And really LOVED Amanda Seyfried. Trying not to get into specifics as my reviews here isn't necessarily meant to dive into it. You kind of just have to watch it, and I highly recommend that you do. Thought the show was just fantastic. All the cliches of good writing. Great acting. Etc etc., but really though. Was interested by episode 2, and absolutely hooked by episode 4. Loved Tom Holland. And really LOVED Amanda Seyfried. Trying not to get into specifics as my reviews here isn't necessarily meant to dive into it. You kind of just have to watch it, and I highly recommend that you do.

Betrayal: The Perfect Husband (2023)

Gotta agree with the bad review on this one

[1/10 · 2 August 2023]

The trailers for this show made it look incredible. Not feeling the same way after having seen the whole thing. If anything I was equally as upset that I watched it, as I was about what happened the teenage victim. Coach Herron is a predator, a sex addict, and a lot of the bad things they say he is. By comparison Jen is a fame chaser, a drama addict, and out to get paid by any means necessary. Let's be honest, her husband is a terrible person, had issues and cheated on her. He also groomed and abused a child. Jen though is not a "survivor." She seems to have given herself the mission of "speaking out about things that are hard to talk about," but again, let's be honest, she was not abused physically or sexually. She wasn't made to do anything she didn't want to do. Nothing. She was simply in a marriage with an unfaithful spouse. That is where her story starts and ends, but she has milked the drama to pad her own pockets. 1/10 cause coach is awful. 1/10 cause Jen is awful.

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

What movie are you all watching!?!?

[1/10 · 21 July 2023]

The film was absolute garbage. Suuuper long camera-zoomed-in-face dialogues over explaining stupid phrases that nobody cared about. Also seemed done in a way that told me for most of the filming process, most actors weren't even in the same room, but were added together in post. Had the worst new characters in the series to date. It was 2.5 hrs of people shouting "where is the key?" And "(enter pronoun) has the key!" with some cheap pickpocketing over and over again. Lacked everything magical and technologically fantastical about the last 6 films. Producers had to have gone with about 75% of budget on CGI, 15% on actor comp, and 5% on writing. If you noticed those percentages didn't add up to one hundred, then you'll have also noticed that the film was also cut short of being a good film. So needless to say, the writing was poopy, absent, or uninteresting.

The Handmaid's Tale (2017–2025)

Was good once, but not any more

[2/10 · 6 May 2023]

The show used to be good. It was interesting, shocking, and upsetting for all the right reasons. The characters mattered and the decisions they made mattered. Along the way, the show became unwatchable and I wasn't able to continue. Now things are dull, repetitive, and just dumb. Everyone has said enough about the super-zoom shots of June's angry face, so I don't need to go there, but it's aweful. 39/43 mins are this face we're talking about.

I would watch until the point where there is an airplane that leaves Gillead for Canada. Nothing after that point is worth the watch and you'll still feel good about the show.

Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)

Did they forget they already made the movie?

[1/10 · 11 March 2023]

If you weren't rolling your eyes every other line, then you weren't watching the movie... because we've already seen it. The sequel takes the first movie, moves it to a new setting, and refilms the entire thing, dialogue and all. Quotes like "this Little Rock is what funds the entire party, even your little science projects, doc" from the first film, becomes "this Little Vial of whale brain is what fund the entire party, even your little science projects, doc."

Bad guy destroys something. Female Avatar screams. Make Avatar acts brave. Bad guy has opportunity to end Good guy. Doesn't. Let's him just walk away. Now that I've hit the character limit, I'll end it with: this wasn't a sequel. It was a remake. It was no better or worse than the original, but know what this is when you watch it.

The Good Nurse (2022)

Bring it down a notch

[1/10 · 12 November 2022]

This review has nothing to do with the actors and their performances. I actually thought Jessica Chastain, the Fantastic Beasts kid, and the rest of the ensemble did a fantastic job. They were believable, interesting, thought provoking, moving, and well played all around. This film lives and dies (no pun intended) by the medium in which it was presented to us viewers.

The entire movie could have been boiled down into a 300-400 blog, or even a winded social media post. There was no reason this film needed to be made and no reason we needed to watch it, so my rating is to try and bring its inflated ego back to reality. The film was not a mystery. It was not a thriller. It was not a drama. You know everything you need to know within the first 3 minutes, and then just watch it happen anyway. It was just a stretched out story of a nurse who dosed his patients with insulin, killing them, but didn't know why, or at least never revealed why.

Imagine a 98 minute film of a suburban dad sitting on the porch with a cup of tea, looking at his overgrown lawn, knowing he needs to mow it, but instead does nothing, and just watches it grow even longer until the blades of grass grow too long and heavy, curling over and eventually dying. You'd have gotten the same rush, amount of information, and entertainment out of that full.

Moonfall (2022)

Didn't want the bad ratings to be true.

[1/10 · 17 July 2022]

But they are. The film does nothing to set any foundation or real back story. It introduces characters it doesn't develop, then does stuff like, "here take this gun to protect yourself." Like, ummm ok, guess this kid we've known for 13 seconds and don't care about is going to need a gun to shoot moon rocks and the raging ocean waves!? Please. Film is a total joke and it's only positive quality is the spectacle of Earths destruction and water floating upward.

Better Call Saul: Rock and Hard Place (2022) Season 6, Episode 3

So damn good

[10/10 · 28 April 2022]

No need to make comparisons to other shows, even the "sequel" to this one. Figured something of its type was about to happen, though wish I didn't have to happen. Just Such a great show. And Such a great episode.

Awake (III) (2021)

Complete Pile of Garbage

[1/10 · 3 April 2022]

This film is not worth the breath or time it would take to write about it. It does however deserve to be the lowest rated show/film of all-star. That is the only reason I'm here. Hope I meet the minimum character limit.

Marry Me (2022)

Really wanted it to be good.

[2/10 · 15 February 2022]

But unfortunately it was not. Rom coms work when the characters are likeable or at least relatable. This take was so far gone telling a story we've all seen, but in a perspective (celebrity to a basic Joe) that we frankly don't care about. The music in this was unfortunately bad. The characters were unlikable and didn't "click." The premise was entirely not believable, so much so that it wasn't interesting to watch. Had a couple feel-good moments, but was overall a total flop.

Maid (2021)

Just Fantastic

[10/10 · 14 January 2022]

Don't know where people are getting "masterpiece" out of every show that's just semi-decent these days, but this one is really really good. I thought the lead, Alex's mom, and daughter we absolutely fantastic - for real though, that child as an actor/real human seemed like such a well behaved kid, always smiling and had to pretend to be sleeping A LOT during the series. None of my four kids would've made it for 30 mins of filming.

The decisions made by Alex, and lack of regard for others, failing to keep time, botching what seemed to be like a fix-all relationship (Nate) from an audience perspective, and inability to follow through with verbal commitments ("I'll be back in 4 hrs." Isn't back in 4 hrs) felt real for someone experiencing trauma and coping with the severe struggles presented them. I was hooked very early and couldn't stop watching. Loved it.

Palm Springs (2020)

Loved this movie

[10/10 · 24 November 2021]

Thought it was just fantastic. Funny, touching, interesting, and endearing, with some mystery. Could have been 15-20 mins longer. I really liked how they continued to unravel new pieces of the story, unpacking characters even further throughout the film to keep you on your toes.

Red Notice (2021)

Thought it was great

[10/10 · 13 November 2021]

The movie was entertaining. It didn't take itself too seriously. Had a solid cast. And it was lots of fun. Had some cheesy and some predictable moments for sure, but overall an above average film. It's worth the watch for sure.

You: Missing White Woman Syndrome (2021) Season 3, Episode 3

Lotta Nerve

[1/10 · 17 October 2021]

For a show written and directed by a group of people fantasizing about murdering people, manipulating bystanders, and otherwise being bad people, they got a lot of nerve to try and shamelessly plug a political movement and act as if they're the good guys lol. Real bad.

The Guilty (2021)

Solid. Not spectacular

[8/10 · 13 October 2021]

Thought it was a good flic overall. Would have loved to see more of the story as it unfolded rather than watch it only through the eyes/ears of Joe, but the suspense was definitely present. Never saw the original, so this was a new story to me and the twists were certainly interesting. It's short enough that it's worth watching and at least has some purpose/resolution unlike many other films these days.

The Handmaid's Tale: Vows (2021) Season 4, Episode 6

Not a great episode unfortunately.

[4/10 · 20 May 2021]

The only thing that mattered in this episode was seeing June and Luke reconnect and it was the most underwhelming and insignificant reunion I've ever seen. How many years have they been apart? How long have they survived their horrors only holding onto the hope of being reunited?

The flashbacks in the episode took away from it even more because we haven't seen them together in so long that we were dying for the reunion to be sweet, even conflicted (cause of Nick). However, because we got to see them together in the pre-gilead flashbacks leading up to their reunion, it just wasn't good and seeing them together again wasn't special.

We Can Be Heroes (II) (2020)

Knows what it is

[10/10 · 1 January 2021]

Buncha pretentious "intellectuals" trying to write reviews in here. This movie knows exactly what it is and is a perfectly fine flic for the children. It's better than Spy Kids of our day, and is better written than past fan favorites like Zenon or Shark Boy and Lavagirl. If you're looking for a good film to watch while you eat sushi and your kids are asleep, this isn't it. If you're looking to lay down on the couch with a blanket on Saturday morning after your kids woke you up too early - this is it. My only criticism is that there are way too many characters, but it is good.

Mulan (2020)

Dishonor to Mulan's Memory

[2/10 · 28 December 2020]

Dialogue was awful. Story didn't progress in an interesting or coherent way. The big moments weren't meaningful or significant. And there was little-to-no emotion or buildup of suspense for those moments. The liberties taken by the writers to differentiate from the animated counterpart of the past were too far different to satisfy the nostalgia, and if they're woke about Chinese history and culture, well removing mushu and the music did not get them any closer to an authentic Chinese experience. Finally the antagonist witch converted all too easy because she shared the same gender as mulan. This movie exists simply so Disney can check a box on their excel spreadsheet listing which movies they need to remake at current. Pass.

Alien Worlds (2020)

Utterly Ridiculous

[1/10 · 13 December 2020]

My title says it all, but here's a little more context. The show should be called "Sleeping Minds" on account of there being very little-to-no facts surrounding this alien life, and being a story conjured up based on a daydreamer's fantasy of what alien life should/could be like - mixed with assumptions based on comparisons to animals on our own planet. Basically, some scientists found proof of the existence of exoplanets, then a fantasy writer came in to write a sci-fi film, but packaged it as a documentary. There are already significant other documentaries documenting the behavior of animals on our planet, so this one is not worth the watch.

Slasher (2016–2023)

This is for Season 1

[1/10 · 8 November 2020]

Just to reconfirm here... I haven't seen any of the other seasons yet, so this review is only based on season 1.... and it. Was. TERRIBLE. Writing was awful, and the acting was even worse. Unwatchable. In fact, I really only watched episode 1 in its entirety, then resorted to reading the synopsis of the rest of the season, and watched episode 8 in the thumbnails while fast forwarding through it. I said it once, but I'm saying it again. The acting was really bad and not watchable. SPOILERS- I knew Cam was the killer from the very first second I saw him in episode 1, which lead to an underwhelming finish and total predictability. Hard pass.

Tenet (2020)

People are calling this a masterpiece!?

[2/10 · 4 October 2020]

Two stars because it was at least entertaining. A "masterpiece" though? How pretentious can you get? This is no masterpiece. The problem I had with it, was they had this really cool idea about time, and how people can move forward or backward through it for some nefarious purpose, then they muddied it up with a story they never explained, and kept going without ever connecting the dots. The grand moral at the end was "a mother's love is stronger than anything, and she'll do whatever she has to to be with her son." Like was that why this movie exists?!?!? This is a masterpiece?!? Grow up.

I started getting pissed when the characters had to construct this elaborate plan to break into that high-security vault to steal the drawing. The heist was actually interesting and there was action present. Afterall that drawing (for no legitimate or logical reason) was forcing the girl to be a slave to her abusive husband. So protagonist and Neil construct this plan and go into the vault, dodging the suffocation gas that puts out fires, ultimately finding future protagonist and scuffle. And that's it.

However long later, girl is on cloud nine cause protagonist stole the drawing. But he didn't really; he lied, for some reason?!? Girl finds out that he lied because abusive husband serves her the drawing on a silver breakfast platter. So here we are, an elaborate heist, a failed mission, a lie saying they succeeded, but no clear reason as to why any of that mattered or why protagonist would lie to her. And back to the drawing... how can a shiiiitteee piece of paper of two people hugging (or something) force girl to be a slave?!!!!?

Again. This is no masterpiece. You're not interesting, enlightened, or an intellectual for using that word. You appear the opposite because "having to use my brain" does not make it a good movie. If anything, your brain swindled you by creating a fantasy or an explanation of this film that is incorrect. It was entirely incoherent, and while it had a cool premise, it failed completely. I might watch it again so I can at least remember character names when I go to talk badly about it. After 2.5 hours of watching four characters spin in circles around each other, the only memorable name was Neil. Goes to show how poorly these characters were written and developed. Totally unmemorable. Pass.