Aquarient Reviews

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Ultimately a worthwhile entry in the Star Wars saga

[8/10 · 24 September 2018]

Considering the troubled history of this production and what Ron Howard had to work with, Solo: A Star Wars Story is worth your time if you are a fan of the SW franchise (I certainly am).

There are some white-knuckle action sequences, some unexpectedly emotional scenes, some twists and even a surprise guest that hints at much greater events occurring just beyond the onscreen story, a lot of which concerns the budding companionship between Han and Chewie- which is handled with nice subtlety and humor.

Solo: A Star Wars Story fleshes out what was always a weakly-drawn character with a nice backstory and a set of awakening allegiances that result in a more compelling picture of Han Solo himself. Nicely fills in this little segment of the saga.

Recommended for all fans of Star Wars.

Wanderlust (2012)

unfunny, sexist, direct-to-streaming tripe

[1/10 · 25 July 2016]

I usually don't bother to warn others against truly bad pieces of Hollywood sharp practice like "Wanderlust", but this time I'll make an exception.

Essentially, this is what it all boils down to:

* Women don't want to work, but want to be "provided for" by men (whose job, according to Apatow and Co., is to support these fickle, ungrateful women).

* Hippies are old, stupid and ugly, and vegetarians secretly crave animal flesh.

* Don't ever stray too far from Breederville, you'll only find *icky, weird, liberal people out there!*

I should have known better than to waste my time on this, but I like most of the cast (in other things).

PSA to film lovers: Avoid At All Costs

August Underground's Mordum (2003 Video)

Artless & Depraved Waste of Time

[13 June 2014]

Sickly-looking Goth Whites display their taste for acting out on camera in all manner of Shocking Ways (tm). From "August Underground" to "Sandman", too bad this and other examples of this 'sub-genre' are not legitimate filmmaking but rather the inevitable result of those with borderline personalities having access to video equipment. Needless to say, (or maybe not) *actual* human or animal suffering or death are never acceptable in *any* so-called film. As well, decontextualized acts of violence and silly-looking gore effects do not constitute a worthwhile experience for the end viewer. For those so inclined, watch a *real* genre film instead and learn to appreciate cinema- instead of just fake vomit and vicarious brutality.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

The Dream Becomes The Nightmare

[9/10 · 23 April 2013]

*No Spoilers*

I take it all back- David Lynch is a Trump Fool whose muddled thinking calls into question the sentience and viability of his entire body of work.

I'm changing this review and greatly lowering my regard for D Lynch but keeping the original title.

Mr. Lynch: these fires, once started, are hard to contain.

S&man (2006)

Misogynistic Neo-Snuff

[2/10 · 5 December 2012]

When the narrator/director of the film begins with praising a neighborhood peeping tom for "getting away with it" you can pretty much guess what this is all about. Ostensibly an attempt to uncover the world of proto-snuff and other depraved 'underground film making', it becomes a numbing vehicle for it- tarting itself up with intellectual deconstructions and interviews with the participants of these movies and and ultimately revealing itself as another sad exercise of the... form.

Bitter, sociopathic white males acting out their inner rage by staging graphically detailed depictions of the murder of one woman after another may be a lot of things, but one thing it will never be is *art*. Gaspar Noe's movies are better-produced versions of the same thing, and just as unworthy of your time. Proceed accordingly.

2 Stars for genre fans' ability to harvest anecdotes/background information on these movies and that's about it.