kkmgirl-448-111988 Reviews

The Gilded Age (2022– )

I'm Trying...

[5/10 · 12 January 2024]

...To give this a chance. The first episode wasn't too bad, but it's getting hard to swallow after the second. As much as I ADORE period pieces, this comes across as too fake/stagey. Absolutely everything is immaculately clean, even the streets. A middle schooler could tell you how filthy the times were. Even the exterior of the "old" homes look like a Sesame Street set. It's disappointing that the main character lacks the necessary charm or believability required to carry the story (are we sure she's Meryl Streep's daughter?!) and it seems the show's intent was to deliver painfully wooden and anachronistic dialogue by all actors (good or otherwise). I'm honestly exhausted by the incessant conversations revolving around social status (and how things are changing!), the boring plot around the robber baron, and the bickering attitude from the main girl. Most characters are unlikable and their dramatic motives remain mysterious (I have to assume we'll eventually start learning why these people are hideous). It seems we are to sympathize with the greedy Russell's, which I most certainly do not. And while I normally like Carrie Coon, she's too heavy handed in this. In fact, many actors seem a bit miscast. (Can we PLEASE bring back the Downton Abbey serving staff?! This group is terrible). Thankfully, Baranski naturally steals her scenes and evokes a beloved Maggie Smith. For a satisfying period piece, watch "The Age of Innocence"... I plan to in the hopes of erasing this attempt from memory.

The White Lotus (2021–2025)

Don't Understand the Hype... until Season 2!

[7/10 · 31 December 2023]

Edit: I'm returning to edit my original review after Season 1, and I have to admit I was thoroughly impressed with the second season (a very rare feat indeed). The setting in Italy brought so much interest and life to the story- a huge character in and of itself and weaving in cultural legend/ mythology enhanced the storytelling. The characters and plots this time around were much more engaging and accessible, too. The music was edited more wisely as well, not overpowering the scene or actors. This was a solid cast and I always enjoy watching Tom Holland *chefs kiss*. While the ending was a bit depressing, I finally got my Agatha Christie fix (which just makes sense in a show like this) and felt the storytelling was much more nuanced than before, allowing the viewer to substitute their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences through these characters. I'm so glad I tried the show again and hope it continues to get better from here. If you, like me, had doubts after the first installment, I encourage you to give this one a go. (Only 7 stars because the first session was a miss).

Original review: Despite a solid cast of actors, White Lotus wilted from lack of originality or meaning. A social commentary on elitists? An unfair class system? Racism? Nothing new to see here, folks. Just a bunch of stereotypes playing within their prescribed box. With hardly any sympathetic characters, it's hard to care about anyone at any given time. An affluent bickering family with uber busy Mom, snarky and unfriendly daughter, bumbling Dad, and loser son? Check. Unhappy newlyweds, one having an existential crisis while the other is a royal D-bag? Check. Put-upon staff and island natives who suck up to said horrid guests just to make a living? Check. Again... nothing new. I thought this might play out like an Agatha Christie novel which might have earned it some points, but no- nothing mysterious happening at the Lotus. With ample time to allow character develop, it still felt rushed and prescribed, wrapping up a seemingly 30 minute TV episode over the course of 6 hours. The scenery was gorgeous, although oddly yellowed to create some drama I'm sure. And the music, while charming at first, quickly grated on my nerves; very repetitive and loud. Perhaps less chorale singing next time and more subtle instrumentals, please. I think the idea behind the movie sounded more appealing than the actual execution of it, unfortunately. And the ending didn't make a whole lot of sense (the tortured bride SUDDENLY decides to stay with the D-bag and the 16 yr old ends up running from the plane to jump in a canoe... if there's some deeper meaning to be found, I'd appreciate some insight). I think the only storyline that actually felt realistic was Coolidge's kooky character disappointing Belinda, the put-upon spa director. I can easily picture this scenario playing out and even engages social commentary in an interesting way, more so than any of the other storylines. And while the production value was impressive, it was cheapened with hairy balls, an unappealing sex scene, and a very visual and crass defecation. It just created dissonance for me as this isn't intended to be a frat house comedy, yet had quite a few moments where I felt very much in one. I truly don't understand the hype behind this as I've seen MUCH better storytelling with a lot less pomp and circumstance. And while quite underwhelmed and disappointed, I will give the second season a shot to see if there's been any improvement.

Leave the World Behind (2023)

Interesting Take on Apocalypse

[7/10 · 26 December 2023]

Even with mixed reviews I was intrigued by the premise. After 2.5 hours, I wasn't entirely disappointed. In this type of film/genre, I enjoy watching the human relationship dynamics play out and with a solid cast of actors, I was rewarded with pretty good performances (although I get easily annoyed with "the children" in these scenarios). Of course there are plot holes, suspensions of disbelief, and characters doing idiotic things. But I think the ending was fairly appropriate as social commentary- that we run from unpleasant truths to what is comfortable and makes us happy- and as an open end because as we've never been in this situation, we truly don't know 'what's next.' I'm not sure how the animals were trying to communicate with people (but nature is always cool to watch) and I guess we could say a "Friends" obsession ultimately saved some people, but I prefer to think the ending is left up to our imagination. We've seen enough apocalypse films to know it won't be pretty.

Style wise, some of the camera shots made me dizzy, but I appreciate the creativity. And the soundtrack was very mid-century noir ala Hitchcock which was an interesting choice, but I definitely noticed how both were effectively used to ratchet up the tension. Overall, I don't regret spending my time on this.

The Big Nailed It Baking Challenge (2023– )

Nailed It!

[9/10 · 8 December 2023]

This is definitely a spinoff of the original show which is totally fine by me. The contestants are likeable (which is rare... usually they can be annoying/ fame hungry) and I enjoy seeing their progress each episode. It's fun to learn from the coaches and a blast to watch the losers get a free shopping spree with the help of Wes. And as always the highlight is Nicole- how she makes me laugh! One star off because I don't get enough of the judges on this version. I don't know what masochist comes up with these cake ideas, but I'm here for it. I hope this show (any version of them) never go away!

Blown Away: Christmas (2021)

Very Cool (err... hot)

[7/10 · 2 December 2023]

First of all, I LOVE that people keep such an awesome art form alive. Mind blown. But I wish there was more focus on the artists than on the terrible chemistry exhibited by the hosts. The guy has ZERO experience and shouldn't even be a judge (let alone try to be funny), while Katherine is definitely qualified but seems uncomfortable trying to be an "entertaining host." To the reviewers who disagree with the theme, the contestants weren't complaining so why are you? They took each challenge and interpreted it relative to their experience which I think made it even more interesting. They didn't have to go on the show if they hated the holidays, so get over it. But like most, I agree that episode 1 was ridiculous in voting off Andi who made a gorgeous piece versus the guy who didn't even finish his. Pitting contestants with similar skill levels against each other is a lot more thrilling than watching questionable judging policies. I'm a nerd and would have appreciated more "learning" but I know that wasn't the purpose here. 7 stars for gorgeous set production and cinematography without too much artist commentary/interviews cutting into the real star of the show which is the blowing. There was a Food Network holiday competition a few years ago featuring a NY glass blower vs a cake maker and it was fascinating to see the technique, stress, and choreography that goes into this art form. We don't need goofy hosts- just more glass!

Squid Game: The Challenge (2023– )

Meh

[3/10 · 25 November 2023]

There's no way this can be mistaken for season 2 of Squid Game- it's very obviously a reality game show spin-off. I'm not the biggest fan of these type of shows, but I gave it a try. Unfortunately, aside from the beautiful set pieces (a la original Squid Game), there is nothing much to crow about. The show focuses on only a handful of annoying stereotypical characters with a loop of cliché "interviews" that suck up screen time, wheras the games should be the star. The manufactured drama, tears, retching sounds (ok, that guy Spencer was so ridiculous, it was hilarious), and just how hard they were trying to be serious was a big turn off. I probably won't make it through the whole thing cuz I just don't care. And I'll die happy if I never here "Let's goooooo" again in my life.

Coming from just watching "The Devils Plan" (which was almost pitch perfect), this was quite lame. Definitely watch that mindbender instead!

A Savannah Haunting (2021)

FAKE REVIEWS!!

[2/10 · 8 November 2023]

This is a hallmark "thriller" packaged as a true story, which it isn't. Capitalizing on a creepy, poorly decorated house in the South does not a horror movie make. Every trope and kitchen sink was thrown in, including a super weird teen lesbian relationship that had no bearing on the story. It just came across as a horny middle aged writer desperate for some young girl on girl porn. Major ick. The storyline was tedious, especially when characters don't behave and respond in rational ways. There's the classic medium character that keeps getting rebuffed, even though a 5 minute conversation would have cleared up everything. And don't get me started on the ending. It tried to channel Amityville but just ended up with a cheesy and incoherent mess. The bloody demon at the end with the cliché stilted walk was ridiculous, much like everything else in this movie. Not sure why a basement door was located in the boys bedroom closet, but sure why not. Funny how no one noticed it until the last 10 minutes of the movie. And we're left not knowing what happened to the family which is a total cop-out, but the mom gets to live as a catatonic humming idiot. Ugh. The 10 star reviews are obviously fake, but were more entertaining to read than this was to watch.

The Necromancer (2018)

What in the hell did I just watch?

[2/10 · 8 November 2023]

2 stars for some decent cinematography, but this was a hot mess from start to finish. I don't care how low your budget, bad wigs are a death knell. And research is free, so there's no excuse for inaccurate history. I've seen better versions done of "guilty-conscience-voices in the forest," so there was no point in making a poor imitation. These battle weary men are awfully clean and their backstories aren't terribly interesting... I couldn't even tell you any of their names. The acting might have been more noticeable if it weren't for the constant interruption from cut scenes and flashbacks, but the majority I actually paid attention to was fairly poor (especially from the women for some reason). The horror parts were ok, but the ending with the necromancer was laughable. The 10 star reviews are written by their own people which is even worse... Captain Obvious much?

The Menu (2022)

Bon Appetite

[8/10 · 5 November 2023]

I'll watch anything with Ralph Fiennes and this did not disappoint. I can see how this might not appeal to everyone's tastes (hehee), but the dark humor and satire are right up my alley. This could have easily veered off into campy or disjointed, but I think it managed it's tight lane deftly. The setting, music, lighting, acting, etc. Were spot on and shaped the film without annoying exposition "dumbing" it down. This may not be appreciated by many, but I enjoyed myself. And damn, if that cheeseburger didn't look good! I would take that over any of the other highbrow dishes any day. But they kind of ruined smores for me.

Look Away (2018)

Meh

[3/10 · 3 November 2023]

I'm a Sorvino and Isaacs fan which drew me in. Unfortunately, their talents were wasted here. The main actress was ok enough. Her giggle was super annoying. The plot quickly grew silly (a prom in a rink with the faux "Carrie" bullying scene? Lame) as we're supposed to believe this "normal," albeit quiet, girl is a target at school. Apparently the bully had the hots for her but couldn't just say that? I dunno... I guess my generation had different teenagers than these. The nudity and sex were disturbing considering this is supposed to be an underage girl- poor taste and creepy (and I'm not a prude). Plus, the self-pleasuring scene on the counter was just plain weird and awkward (she just got out of the bath! Why is she doing this on a hard, cold counter??). The ending got worse with unjustified kills. This chick chose to remain friends with the shallow blonde- no one put a gun to her head- yet the blonde gets a worse fate than the cheesy bully (we'll never know what happened to him I guess). The sex scenes with the dead friends BF were forced voyeurism and added nothing to the story except more creepiness. Then he gets nicked, too. Isaacs' villain was a bit over the top, but that's hardly egregious when compared to the rest of this tripe. Apparently there's a mysterious back story around the birth, but it never gets fleshed out. It's as though vital pieces were left on the cutting room floor, leaving us with a music video montage we have to figure out on our own. And don't you just love the cliché surgery scenes where the main lights are OFF except for one spotlight on the victim (major facepalm). It's not scary- it's just stupid. Somehow Dad throws deformed baby out in the snow to die, with several witnesses, and the mom can't open the door from the inside. He's a surgeon- he didn't have the ability to humanely euthanize his child? Or is that just how big a monster he is? And the mom just rolls with it?! The whole premise should have been better served, but instead this feels like a lazy attempt at shock to make a quick buck. The high ratings are laughable!

Sister Death (2023)

Beautiful but flawed

[6/10 · 3 November 2023]

The film is visually stunning in many scenes with a haunting soundtrack and the main actress does a great job throughout. However, the storyline is flawed and confusing and I didn't find it scary. Why did the ghost kill an innocent child? And why would it play "hangman" before killing when it could just kill at will? How does looking at the sun during an eclipse cause your eyes to bleed (or turn undereyes into a meaty pulp)? The ending just didn't make sense... a raped nun gets to keep her child at the nunnery, yet after an accident (that she can't see, yet somehow knows her child is dead and somehow has a rope and knows how to make a noose and somehow can reach higher than the chair allows to attach said noose, etc etc), decides to take revenge on her fellow nuns vs the rapist. Speaking of the accident, how is battling a feverish child in the bathtub supposed to be effective? Was it really so terrible to take her to a doctor?! How was the ghost able to kill an innocent child but needed Narcisa to "open the door" so she could kill the offending nuns? Enough questions... thankfully it was at least stylish and a harmless way to pass the night.

Night of the Hunted (2023)

Couldn't Even Finish It

[2/10 · 2 November 2023]

The premise looked promising, but it quickly went downhill once the opening credits ended. When the film starts off with a woman texting her hubby about fertility clinics while her lover jumps in the shower, I'm struggling to understand how I'm supposed to root for her (not saying protags are saints, but at least build up to her flaws instead of smacking us upside the head). And speaking of smacking us, once the crazed sniper started ranting about every trendy social issue without taking a breath, I turned it off. I like scripts that are thought provoking, witty, deep, etc. This sounded written by a 20 year old undergrad at Berkeley who probably relies on his trust fund to pay for his "film aspirations." I could see this as a 30 minute episode (which is about as far as I got), otherwise it just drags and sucks my soul dry. Not to mention the plot holes and ridiculous suspension of disbelief required. I didn't care about any of the characters and certainly was in no mood to listen to a cheesy actor tick off every hot topic via walkie talkie. This was a wasted opportunity so I chose not to waste my time. Based on the reviews, I certainly didn't miss anything.

When Evil Lurks (2023)

A Generous 7

[7/10 · 1 November 2023]

I'm not into gore at all, but reviewers calling this a "goresfest" seems a little exaggerated. The premise held promise, but it soon grew confusing how this world operated. It seems like you can become "possessed" by simply sniffing clothes or witnessing violence, yet I'm assuming the main character brothers are immune? They're certainly immune to common sense, that's for sure. Some of the most frustrating movie moments revolve around idiotic decisions, but by the end I guess that was the point... the main protagonist was not a hero in the slightest- something we're used to getting in a film. Instead, as the world devolves (think 28 Days Later), we're left without much hope for the future, especially with Dumb and Dumber at the helm. 7 stars for nice cinematography and moving outside the usual genre troupes. Fairly solid acting except for the constant horrendous screaming and lame dialogue at times. But the 7 rules were not fleshed out and could have helped guide the movie more coherently. The viewer is left trying to piece it together which is rather annoying since I'm already reading subtitles (which I greatly prefer) and learning a new world in just 90 minutes. There is definitely potential here with some tweaks and the gore was appropriate (in a boundary pushing sort of way). I'm just happy to explore some variety finally, even if it's rather depressing (or open ended as some believe).

The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)

A Halloween Diversion

[7/10 · 22 October 2023]

As a Poe fan, I was looking forward to this. Right away I knew this wasn't a true adaptation, so I just enjoyed the Poe Easter eggs throughout the story, curious to see how they would incorporate. Production value was solid and Carla G. Was fantastic. There were basically two ways to view this: taking it seriously or turning off brain cells and enjoying the ride. When viewed seriously, the score goes down. The story is a bit overdrawn and the characters play caricatures of what we imagine uber rich a-holes to behave like. I'm not sure the exact statistics, but to have over half of your 6 children be gay/ bisexual seems a stretch, so once again, the audience's attention is drawn to the absurdity of the extreme. Same goes to the gratuitous sex thrown in. Could have gotten the point across without slapping us in the face with it. Now, if just watching this as a way to kill time, the higher scores make more sense. It's easy to dislike the Ushers and cheer on their demise and their endings were... twisted. There were some good zingers throughout and I think the Flanagan ensemble is fun to watch. But did I need this to be a social commentary? Nope. I can watch the news or read nonfiction if I want that. So the pretentious ending monologue by Madeline the Monster was totally ridiculous. If your goal is to make a show that spouts your worldview, let's not shove it inside a horror series, please.

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel (2018)

The only scary thing about this was the acting

[1/10 · 11 October 2023]

Absolutely horrendous. I already struggle "believing" found footage films, but since the first Hell House was Ok, I gave this a chance. And I destroyed perfectly good brain cells for no reason. The actors were surely hired at a local mall and the script was written by 15 year old YouTubers. NOTHING about this made sense, from the ridiculous "Morning Show" segments (blech), the silly YouTube victims (let's follow a random creepy hitchhiker into the creepy basement! Great idea!), the addition of the cheesy psychic who was killed anticlimatically, the ending exposition word vomit from a wannabe Vincent Price, and the "twist" that made zero sense according to the plot reveal. This was a greedy attempt to cash in on the first movie and it's insulting. It had none of the character development or creepiness, so what was the point? Then they ruin the mysterious Monster by having him pontificate (poorly to boot) around a zombie laden table about his Grand Plan which was already fairly obvious to the semi-intelligent. And don't get me started on the camera- by the end when he's screaming to "pick up that camera" I wanted to break my TV. Wtf? So he wants to broadcast his Grand Plan for the world to know he's trying to send people to hell? Makes ToTaL sense. Then why not send zombie blondie to the police with the video? And on that point, he's forcing the main character to choose which of them gets to leave the house ("I've already made my choices... now it's your turn"... who writes this crap?), yet neither one makes it out alive. I wish it didn't piss me off how stupid it all is, but it does. It's not that hard to write something coherently. And if it is that hard, it's time to find a new job.

No One Will Save You (2023)

Divisive in a Good Way

[7/10 · 6 October 2023]

I can see why reviewers either praised or rebuked this film. It's... different. For me, it was different in a good way, but not entirely satisfying to warrant more stars. The setting is beautiful and the main actress did a phenomenal job emoting throughout a "silent" film (almost zero dialogue). I enjoyed that aspect in fact- much preferred to stupid chatter or poorly written lines. My down votes though are for unrealistic actions by the aliens. If you have Ripley in a farmhouse, why do you only send one alien at a time to get her?! And rather than just use telekinesis (which they have), they insist on hand to hand combat. Hard to get past that misstep. And I'm not sure how I feel about the ending yet. My intuition was that she murdered her friend and the aliens admired her bloodthirst. Not quite. She accidently murdered her friend (flashbacks shoved in at the end) and the aliens... felt sorry for her I guess? I can see the bigger theme of forgiveness (for self and others) being played out, I'm just not clear if the aliens are REALLY a part of that or if this is actually some psychosis manifesting. I liked the quirky feel to the end (very Twilight Zone) but I admit I'm still scratching my head. The CGI was well done, but it was a tad dark to truly appreciate. Overall, I'm glad I took a chance on it even if I'm boggled a bit.

Bird Box: Barcelona (2023)

Disappointing

[2/10 · 21 August 2023]

1. Main character is a crap human being. No one to root for.

2. People doing stupid things (running into the street thinking you won't get hit or standing there watching levitating leaves- the creatures calling card- instead of closing your effing eyes).

3. Super annoying ghost child and Hallmark family backstory.

4. Dogs who somehow don't wake up when a stranger is sabatoging their attached leash.

5. The whole bus scene. Smh.

6. The ending. What a load of shite. The trauma theory somehow supposes that the grief-stricken Dad/MC's DNA altered in mere seconds, allowing him to become a "seer." By that token, wouldn't most of the survivors, having witnessed the world collapsing, also have "special trauma DNA"?

7. Soooo... the military (of course) somehow CAPTURED one of these creatures in a... wait for it... box. I wish I was kidding, but this is how I was rewarded for my 2 hours that I'll never get back.

Like most movies, they should have left well enough alone with one Bird Box. This one was two too many.

Upside- decent acting and great scenery.

The Crowded Room (2023)

Letdown

[5/10 · 26 July 2023]

The premise looked interesting... unfortunately, the opening credits give the entire storyline away (based on Billy Milligan). As such, I'm only 4 episodes in and sooo bored. The incredibly long episodes serve to create Danny's world, but since I already know it's all fake, I don't really care. Seyfried gets to poke holes in his story as we go, so I'm not understanding why the long drawn out storyline. I'm also struggling to understand how Danny is able to interact with his personalities- that is not how DID supposedly works. I do enjoy the acting for the most part, but it's hard to stay engaged. I'm anxious to fast forward through the dramatic personality renderings and get to the "answers"... but based on reviews, I might need to wait until the last few episodes. I honestly don't know if I can hang on that long. If I do and the series improves, I'll edit my rating. But should I really have to wade through 6-7 episodes to feel better about this? I wish this had been edited by half and *not* attributed to the case, at least leaving me the element of surprise.

Vengeance (II) (2022)

Faith Restored

[9/10 · 6 July 2023]

I enjoyed Novak in "The Office," so thought this might be worthwhile. And I was rewarded mightily. After watching mediocre TV today, I was searching for something really GOOD and luckily stumbled upon this, now a new favorite. My dad was from East Texas and my Mom a tiny 'town' in Nebraska, so I immediately warmed to the characters and setting. Growing up in Southern California, I completely related to Ben's character as a fish out of water, but who was eventually able to appreciate the beauty and quirks inherent in a different kind of place. The plethora of great actors and honest, thought provoking writing won my heart, which was insightful and intelligent without being pretentious. And funny! I literally laughed out loud and got a kick out of references that an older or younger generation might miss. I enjoyed seeing Ashton Kutcher take on a serious role... I could have listened to him ramble on about life for more screen time than he was given. While the ending was interesting, I don't know yet how I feel about it. I'm still digesting the whole experience. But that's when I know I've watched a great movie- I want to play it over again in my mind, chew on it, tell others to watch it. I would also love to just live in this world a little longer- hang out with Granny and the Fam at Whataburger. It felt reminiscent of my own family that's passed on. The older generation of Depression survivors with their stories are dying out, with my cousins and me so far removed from it and falling victim to the very topics covered so poignantly in this. I really hope to see more from BJ... kudos on an impressive debut! It may be hard to live up to this gem. This has definitely restored my faith that quality entertainment still exists.

M3GAN (2022)

M3gan, Power Down.

[5/10 · 6 July 2023]

Having nothing better to do on a hot day, this movie passed the time. Like reviewers pointed out before me, there's nothing new here to see. If anything, I kept getting caught up in the plot holes which ruined any kind of campy fun this could have offered. The tone was uneven, with a traumatized 9 year old with severe anger issues and an emotionally distant aunt vs the ridiculous Boss/CEO caricature and sometimes "comedic" doll moments which made for confused watching. The doll part was fairly well done, but that's about the strongest credit I can give. Dumb questions like "why didn't Gemma just fix the stupid fence?" or "how did only 3 people funnel enough money, time, resources, and knowledge to secretly build the world's most advanced AI robot" kept permeating my experience. Who doesn't test the only beta product you have before launching it to the world? Oh wait, I guess the grieving 9 year old was the test platform. Looking back, they should have maintained one tone, one viewpoint (ala Chucky). When the doll was asked why she killed, there was a hugely missed opportunity to say something witty or irreverent or off the wall. Instead, there's no real explanation for anything and yet by the end, we're expected to believe the 9 year old knew how to expertly control a ginormous robot after seeing her aunt put on a 1 minute demonstration. I don't like being treated as a fool just to wrangle a few bucks out of my pocket (I didn't pay, but many people did). I guess there's a sequel coming out- hopefully they considered what reviewers had to say and improve M3gan 2.0.

Silent Hours (2017– )

Almost Funny

[2/10 · 30 April 2023]

Sometimes I enjoy a movie so bad it's entertaining... this didn't quite get there but it tried hard. The main character is somehow every woman's fantasy- after one conversation, they literally beg him to do the nasty. AND, these women all like it really rough- just his type. What a lucky guy! I wish I could wrap my head around the appeal, but this is no James Bond. He's not clever, funny, charming, or terribly attractive. So each unimaginative sex scene is funnier than the last. The acting isn't the worst I've seen, but it's such a ridiculous story it doesn't matter. I lost track of characters because I didn't care and certain plot points got muddled. The ending was awful, with a most unbelievable red herring (bad acting didn't help) and there's not much of an explanation behind the killer's motive. At least I guessed right early on who it was... kind of hard not to notice the guy is basically a sociopath who can't emotionally connect to anyone. Somehow a trained therapist was blinded by lust (again, why?) and didn't notice in time. It made for a good background movie because it doesn't require brain cells to follow along... just don't expect to be rewarded for your time.

The Diplomat (II) (2023– )

Excellent

[9/10 · 27 April 2023]

I'm not particularity drawn to political thrillers, but for some reason tried The Diplomat, and holy cow am I glad! Binged in 2 days and excited for season 2, this was an enjoyable ride start to finish. I honestly had to rewind and listen carefully multiple times due to the rapid fire dialogue and to keep up with the fast paced plot. Because everything was so spot on, it's easier to just point out the few things that took off a star for me. First, a bit too much cursing- a little goes a long way and in contrast to the cultured, silky voice of Dennison, the f-bombs and JFC's sounded even harsher and more off-putting. Secondly, I'm not a very fussy female but Keri Russell's hair was begging for help and drove me to distraction. It definitely fit her character perfectly, but it was frustrating to watch at times. So in a way, it was quite successful. Third, there's a lot of talk about pee and peeing. With such an amazing script and material, not sure why this popped up so often but it grosses me out. As these are my only negatives, it's clear to see the positives far outweigh. Such an amazing cast (Rufus Sewell and David Gyasi deserve specific mention) and Keri's performance ramped up my anxiety in synch with hers (a lot of fast walking!). I appreciate a political show that can balance the views a bit more evenly so I don't feel beat over the head with an agenda- it let's the viewers think for themselves. And the twisty turns kept me glued to the screen. I feel invested in most of the characters and while there is a ton of story that revolves around the marriage of Kate and Hal (maybe a pinch too much?) it serves a purpose yet to be seen in hopefully a second season. Hands down, a surprise hit from Netflix (so please don't cancel!!!). Oh, and more Celia Imrie!

Malevolent (III) (2018)

Not Malevolent Enough

[4/10 · 25 April 2023]

I don't care what genre a movie is, I want it to have some semblance of sense. The beginning started off promising, but went downhill till the egregious end. I would have enjoyed a more vintage 80s feel, but that's the least of this film's problems. Florence did a great job with the task at hand but her brother was insufferable. I couldn't care less what happened to him. The plot itself meandered around some dead end storylines, only to smush the action and climax into the last 15 minutes or so. That's fine I guess, except the audience was not rewarded for their patience. I already thought it odd that a psycho killer would purposely invite people into her house of hell where secrets would be unveiled. Maybe she intended to kill them anyways? That's unclear. Secondly, why the hell do you go to the trouble of sewing people's mouths shut, just to kill them immediately after?? For those getting stitched, they remained oddly quiet and calm, so this "torture scene" did not illicit horror for me at all. Rather, it just seemed thrown in there for extra bonus points. Womp womp. And as others have mentioned, watching people not escape when they could have or acting stupidly just frustrates me and ruins the experience. I would have been better off not even watching the last bit since it was so poorly thought out and executed. Great premise, poor delivery. Pass for me.

Last Tango in Paris (1972)

Don't Understand the Hype

[2/10 · 16 April 2023]

Finally decided to watch one of the most "controversial movies of all time" and nearly fell asleep halfway through. Granted, in 1972 this would make headlines, but you can find this fare on your local stations nowadays. Maybe it's me- I'm not fascinated with Brando. He was an actor. He made some movies and he was kinda weird. Art-house... again, I'm not drawn to meandering plot lines and bizarre camera angles. I like a movie to tell me a story that I can make sense of. I think Paris is stunning but it's completely missing from view. I don't understand the character's motives, so I can't relate or feel empathetic. I'm supposed to believe this buffoon is internally dying from grief, yet gives no cause as to WHY he's so stricken. The closest we get is him verbally abusing his dead wife's corpse. No one on the planet knows why she killed herself and the weird "crime scene" had enough blood to fill a Saw movie. The sex was just awkward and decidedly unsexy. Brando was not a bad looking guy, but his "pillow talk" was completely absurd and off-putting (he clearly had a fetish for pigs, farts, and especially pig farts). Ew. While getting pleasured(?) from behind, he graphically shares what he'd like done with a pig and it literally made me ill. But hey- it's ART! The highlight for me was Maria. Her youthful naivety was refreshing against Brando's signature "try-hard" method acting (and learning more about the infamous "butter" scene didn't help my opinion either). It's not difficult for me to imagine a beautiful young woman infatuated with a tortured older man (been there myself), but this movie failed to capture it realistically for me. A sloppy man with a 12 year olds mouth who gets off abusing people around him does not appeal to me. I crossed this one off the list but it was definitely my last tango.

There's Something Wrong with the Children (2023)

Nice scenery at least

[4/10 · 2 April 2023]

I was duped by a cabin-in-the-woods premise only to be given a half-hearted attempt at "horror." The adults were okay (Zach Gilford not at his best unfortunately), but the kids... ughhhh the kids! I should stop watching movies with kids- they almost always end up annoying the crap out of me. These two tried, but I don't want try-hards- I want actual talented children to be hired so that I can be genuinely scared. It's not entirely their fault though- the script was lame and wasted a lot of opportunities to make this film more interesting. The first half promised more than it delivered, with the second half devolving to the usual tropes that also annoy the crap out of me (protagonist could have escaped many times but didn't, police were called out for dead child but didn't arrive for what seemed like several hours, ZERO explanation behind the mysterious pit and creatures that it expels, etc). The music reminded me of Stranger Things... I guess in an attempt to copy the moody synth music that feels from another era? It was fine, except for the times it would crescendo at a scene where literally nothing would happen. This ultimately felt like some post-grad film students got high one night and thought it would be brilliant to make a horror movie in the woods that copied previous horror movies NOT set in the woods (Children of the Corn, Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, etc), but be super mysterious by not clueing the viewers in on any of the Why, What, Who, or How. The only thing they got right was the lovely setting.