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paul_pooty
Reviews
United 93 (2006)
Not a moveon.org conspiracy theory nor GOP propaganda. But why see it?
Flight 93 wasn't shot down. It took off too late, allowing passengers time to learn that unlike past hijackings, this one involved no plans to land and demand money or the release of imprisoned comrades. So more of them were inclined to fight back. People on the first flights to be commandeered had no such warning; because of a pattern established over decades, they believed that submission was the only way to survive. The few who tried to resist were either stabbed or hindered by chemical sprays. I'd say those on United 93 were heroes, so what if self interest was among their motives? Nevertheless, it doesn't warrant an America's Most Wanted-style reenactment that probably resembled the actual hijacking about as much as an episode of The View. Just as news footage from the Battle of Mogadishu reveals that Black Hawk Down was just a poorly imitating high school play, or a Discovery Channel special on naval aviation gives us the real thing in comparison to the glaringly inaccurate Top Gun. Many people, however, don't see movies for information or even entertainment. To them film is an accompaniment to a night out with friends and a conversation piece afterward at the ice cream parlor or coffee shop. Anyone who places themselves in this category has a reason to see United 93. All others, save yourselves the ten bucks and watch the network or cable news version.
Old School (2003)
Much better than the other teen movies of its era
(This comment is dedicated to Patrick "Blue" Cranshaw, 6/17/19-12/28/2005) American Pie was too toilet oriented and Van Wilder was simply disgusting. But aside from showing parts of Will Ferrell that the world really could do without, Old School hit the mark. Funny jokes, 80s parody, hot girls like Elisha Cuthbert (and Ellen Pompeo, before she totally ruined her sexy image with Pink's Gynecology or whatever prime-time wannabee intellectual soap she felt was necessary to rescue her "bimbo" image. Courtney Thorne-Smith and Daphne Zuniga suffered a similar self-imposed metamorphosis with Melrose Place). I would've preferred more female nudity, but the initiation rites, keg parties, and cameo appearance by Sara Tanaka (of Rushmore fame) was ample compensation. Maybe the special effects for Weensie's vaulting scene could've been better too, but hey, who's being picky.
"We're going streaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The Delta Force (1986)
Breaks too many Hollywood rules to have a chance with most critics
Many here have called the Delta Force silly jingoistic propaganda, naive, mindless, one-sided, etc. Showing American soldiers beating the bad guys and freeing the oppressed is frowned upon in artsy filmloving circles, and I can appreciate that point of view. So why do the same people who call the Delta Force stupid garbage jump for joy at Tom Hanks or Dustin Hoffman drooling and babbling in Forrest Gump/Rain Man (which prefers insulting the mentally handicapped rather than illuminating their plight)? Or cheer endlessly at Hilary Swank dully portraying tomboys? Clint Eastwood was sneered at by the AMPAS and Hollywood Left for his adventurous westerns until he gradually weaned himself towards antiwar themes and finally, feminist euthanasia (???!!!) Some surprise that Chuck Norris karateying PLO hijackers with the help of Israeli commandos and Lee Marvin wasn't warmly received by the media and academia. To sum up, the key rules of the Limousine Liberals that the Delta Force violates is:
1. Movies about terrorists are perfectly acceptable as long as they're not from the Middle East. So that leaves the no less evil but somewhat rarer Tim McVeigh and Neo Nazi Skinheads breed.
2. If rule #1 is for any reason violated, at least communicate to viewers the legitimate grievances of the insurgents, rebels, guerillas, freedom fighters (never "terrorists"). See the episode of the West Wing immediately following 9/11--in which schoolchildren are told that the Arab street is basically a counterpart to American inner-city ghettos where teens are drawn to gangs because of the sense of pride and inclusion they provide amidst a place of poverty and racial injustice--for reference.
3. It will be a wonderful day when schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold a bake sale to buy motorcycles with hellfire missiles and rearward-firing mortars.
4. For every 2 minutes of martial arts action, at least 1/2 hour must be devoted to preaching nonviolence and respect for law and order. Or only 15 minutes if in the form of a Miyagi-style oriental wisdom scene. Norris finally got the message by Walker, Texas Ranger.
Not that this film is totally without appealing elements to those who didn't vote for Bush/Cheney or Ariel Sharon. An especially blue-state friendly cast was prominent in several of the passenger sequences, which one IMDb reviewer amusingly described as an episode of the Love Boat gone terribly wrong. I myself was waiting for Gopher to pop out at any moment! My girlfriend and I have a deal where for every 80s macho movie she sits through, I have to watch 1 hour of Lifetime, 1 episode of Gilmore Girls, and her Friday night movie pick, usually something with Meryl Streep or Sally Field. I'm still deciding which is worse, that or being hijacked by Abdul and Mustafa!
Red Dawn (1984)
What Red Dawn isn't
Red Dawn is not America suddenly invaded without warning and only a group of 80s bratpackers being able to fight off the commies with such disregard for realism that Die Hard looks technically well directed in comparison. It is not the mighty American military stuck in the mud while Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey use their Dirty Dancing magic to save us all. The Cubans and Nicaraguans have developed the manpower to penetrate our borders following Soviet nuclear strikes on America's own warhead silos. Every resource of the US military is engaged in a fierce struggle with hundreds of enemy divisions. Coastal metro areas (The "blue" states for those who must think of this in political terms) are adequately defended, but the vast heartland has become a living hell under Soviet control: the aforementioned nuclear destruction of our own MAD defense apparatus has killed millions, with Stalinist/Maoist style slaughter of civilians as well as famine increasing the death toll even further. Our European "allies," meanwhile, haven't lifted a finger. And they say this movie is fiction!
People ill informed enough to compare the Wolverines to Viet Cong or Ansar al Islam in Iraq probably failed to notice that the Wolverines had lived under a free democratic government before being taken over by communists whose disregard for human life has become little more than a cliché in the minds of many. Nor did the Wolverines use violent conscription and taxation methods to further their cause. No toddler's arm was chopped off, no village leader was mutilated for all to see. No one was blown up for being a collaborator, in any context.
All through the film, we do see American helicopters, tanks, and planes striking against the Cuban army. But they are spread too thinly to successfully cover all of what has become enemy territory. The Wolverines are but one lone band who have limited abilities and limited goals. They fight for their town, their own piece of ground in the Western plains. Other similar groups exist across the region. Nor is it a leap of the imagination to suggest that football players versed in teamwork, communication, and strategic thought could apply their skills on a battlefield. Teenage boys raised in a rugged forest, taught to hunt, fish, and tolerate the elements might well adapt to guerilla warfare, even with minimal combat instruction. Still, the convenient appearance from nowhere of Powers Boothe to tell them what the hell is going on and convey the 5 minute green beret course adds legitimacy to the view that Red Dawn is as silly as V or any other martians attack flick with commies substituted for space blobs.
Red Dawn is worth watching in my view. But it's not for everyone. The latte drinkers, Will and Grace fans, Volvo drivers, Peace Corps volunteers, and New York Times crowd don't seem to care much for this film, and that's their privilege.
A Few Good Men (1992)
Did John Wayne ever produce counterculture, druggie, and socialist flicks?????
Then Meathead and ole LSD Sorkin should not meddle in affairs of which they have no clue? After all, who does A Few Good Men describe as the real heroes in the military? Not the soldiers, they're just manipulated pawns or bloodthirsty nuts, take your pick. The real brave and faithful are...........The Lawyers!!!! All in the Family (the left's perspective of the ideal household) or The West Wing (the left's perspective of the ideal executive branch)espouse ideas that I happen to disagree with, but they are alternative ways that might be fitting for many Americans, who knows. On the other hand, if Reiner and Sorkins vision of how the Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines/Coast Guard should operate was put into practice, this country would be overrun faster than most of Europe was during the days of Attila. The US base on Guantanamo has been one of many crazy historical paradoxes, but with the collapse of the iron curtain only several years before the film's release, I guess a communist country to serve as the film's token victim was difficult to find. How amusingly ironic that the same location would serve as a detention spot for the most radical enemies of the U.S. a decade later (and a rallying point for the equally radical opposition to sensible national security policies). There is style in A Few Good Men: The rifle drills at Quantico, perfectly tailored uniforms (though unrealistically brand new, as Hollywood tends to feature clothing and hardware when depicting the armed forces), Demi Moore (she's got the look and brains, just crappy taste in scripts), and Jack Nicholson, whose tremendous acting ability, though almost entirely wasted here, is worth watching.
It is not an exagerration to say that Tom Cruise's whiny substitute for acting pretty much makes A Few Good Men look like Top Gun without the airplanes. "You can't handle the truth" ranks up there with "What we've got here is failure to communicate" and "Get busy living or get busy dying" as the most inane yet mystically praised movie quote. Some of the reviewers here agree with me, but others are absolutely smitten by this movie. Oh well, it could've been worse, as the spun-off TV series JAG illustrated a few years later.
Everwood (2002)
The Everwood Drinking Game
Take 1 sip every time:
1. Treat Williams says "I think we need to talk about this." 2. Ephram sulks or whines. 3. Delia says something that is supposed to present her as "wise beyond her years" but stumbles over her lines. 4. Social issues such as teen sex, abortion, drugs, AIDS, medical marijuana, and euthanasia are lumped in to one inconsistent hodgepodge. 5. Amy looks sexy but irritated. 6. Dr. Abbott preaches conservative family values then ends up doing stuff that we would expect the liberal Andy Brown to (terminate a pregnancy, give joints to an infirmed older man). 7. Bright alternates between complete idiocy and near brilliance. 8. A long-term guest star (such as Madison or Marcia Cross) has to leave the show because of derisive fan mail. Take 2 sips whenever: 1. Sue Ellen Mishky appears in a flashback 2. Amy's virginity is openly discussed.
Don't mean to sound negative, just had to balance out the glowing reviews here. Everwood conforms to the standard cookie cutter of WB network hour long shows: feature a cheesy fictitious location as the title (Dawson's Creek, One Tree Hill, Summerland), have plenty of teens spouting paragraphs of obscure dialogue in one breath, insert sexual and substance abuse references whenever possible, and throw about the occasional serious tragedy or death episode, counterbalanced by syrupy joyous moments.
I preferred it when Treat was dancing on tables in Hair.
Mystic River (2003)
The Oscars become less about aesthetics and more about politics every year
Yet another episode of Law & Order/NYPD Blue/Homicide released in theaters. Coincidentally not long after Sean Penn travels to Iraq to defend Saddam Hussein and Tim Robbins complains to the news media that his opposition to the Bush administration has turned him into a victim of its fascist censorship. So to prove Tim wrong and give Sean a message of congratulations, this strange film is showered with nominations from the Academy and its stars are summarily given Oscars. My question is, why? The film is technically inferior, its story grossly implausible, and the acting marginal at best. With the exception of Laurence Fishburne, who knows his craft (though it doesn't completely show here), all cast members should be recycled through acting school. Tim Robbins was great in Fraternity Vacation (1985) and Sean Penn was at his best as Fast Times at Ridgemont High's Spiccoli, but neither are Laurence Olivier or Charleton Heston reborn. It amazes me that the citizens of Boston didn't have another tea party with the film reels upon seeing it in theaters. If my city were depicted with such disregard for its style of speaking and neighborhood culture, you could certainly count on a more aggressive response. "I don kwest-shun yer vows" and "We berry R sins he, Dave" may appear to be reflective of Eastern Massachusetts vernacular in the minds of Mystic River's condescending screenwriters, but is laughable to anyone who has spent at least a day in Samuel Adams' hometown. Clint Eastwood seems to be atoning for his years of Spaghetti Westerns with such cheeseballs as Bridges of Madison County and A Perfect World and now this. Who could blame him? How else will a conservative Republican be granted respect by the AMPAS?
Goodfellas (1990)
For those who thought the Godfather was too intellectually complex
Puzo's tale described the brilliant Sicilians of early 20th century America who were compelled to form organized crime syndicates because legitimate society would not accept them into its upper echelons. Goodfellas chronicles the underlings who were left over when the Dartmouth educated Michael Corleones of the mafia were gradually accepted into mainstream society--i.e. politics, business, law, science, and art. So it is no surprise that Goodfellas appears aimed primarily at the Daily News reading overweight highschool dropout male 18-47 demographic who listen to Howard Stern in the morning, blow half their weekly paycheck on strip clubs and sports betting, and vacation in Vegas. Some of the IMDb's brightest film commentators love this movie, which is a mystery to me. All I got out of it were some OK recipes. Paul's Points: 4.7---Movies it copied: Godfather, Mean Streets, Raging Bull