LeaBlacks_Balls Reviews

Tobacco Road (1941)

A Dated Dud

[4/10 · 7 March 2010]

A family of backwood idiots in South Carolina are evicted from their property by the bank, and do very little to help themselves. Soon the moronic son is married to the local religious zealot and they buy a car and drive around reeking havoc, crashing into almost everything and abusing the car like it's a toy. The patriarch of the family wants to get a loan from the bank so he can plant some crops again, but he's too lazy and shiftless to actually do anything. There's a bunch of weird slapstick and overacting that could put post-Scarface Pacino to shame, mixed with awful maudlin scenes of desperation.

This kind of film is typical of that era in American history, where rich, 'enlightened' people gathered to laugh at those less fortunate, be it blacks, Latinos or hicks, in movies filled with stereotypes and cruelty. It's a dated dud that is better off forgotten.

Rolling Thunder (1977)

great performances

[6/10 · 21 February 2010]

The vigilante revenge genre is one of my favorites. There's 'Straw Dogs,' 'Thriller: A Cruel Picture,' 'Ms. 45,' 'Foxy Brown,' 'Coffy,' and 'Death Wish,' just to name a few. 'Rolling Thunder' is somewhat different than those. Instead of balls to the wall action and formulaic dialogue, we get a very introspective film spotted with sequences of intense 70's exploitation violence.

The film stars William Devane as Major Charles Raine, a troubled Vietnam veteran returning home from the war. During a local heroes welcome home ceremony, he is awarded a large sum of money from the town for his bravery. Before he can even settle back down into a peaceful existence with his wife and son, some local thugs attack, looking for the money. During the struggle his wife and son are murdered, and his hand is cut off.

After he gets out of the hospital, (where they replaced his hand with a hook) he vows to get revenge. He befriends a local waitress (played wonderfully by Linda Haynes) and soon they are off to Mexico to track down the killers. It is during this portion of the film where we get some great glimpses into these two tragic characters heads. This part of the film is so good, that the revenge sequences towards the end seem extraneous and dull, despite their gore.

All in all it's not a bad film at all. It just seems to lose steam towards the end. It's certainly worth checking out if you're a fan of 70's revenge films and/or Vietnam movies.

Escape to Athena (1979)

Wait. WWII ended in the 70's?

[2/10 · 21 February 2010]

It's always weird for me to see an actor who played James Bond in another movie from that period of their 007 career. This would have to be the weirdest so far.

Roger Moore plays an antique collecting SS Officer stationed in Greece during WWII who runs a prison camp. In this camp, which more or less resembles a resort, are David Niven (also a former James Bond,) Richard Roundtree (Shaft!,) and Sonny Bono (the ex-Mr. Cher.) In a 'Hogan's Heroes' type set-up they annoy Roger Moore and his evil SS colleague (played by Anthony Valentine) by always trying to escape. When they are caught, instead of being put to death they are given a slap on the wrist. You see, it turns out that Roger Moore isn't a bad Nazi, he's just an opportunist, which we learn when two American art dealers, played by Elliot Gould and Stefanie Powers, arrive. He and the three prisoners and these two Americans plan on stealing some treasure hidden in a local monastery. When the Germans lose the war, they'll make millions.

Meanwhile, Telly Savalas (a former Bond villain) plays a Greek resistance fighter who is holed up in a local brothel run by the vampy Claudia Cardinale. He plans on liberating the Nazi prison camp and destroying a German submarine.

After an overlong and dull second act, it turns out that the Nazi's have turned the local monastery into a secret launch pad for a deadly nuclear bomb. Telly leads Mr. Cher, Shaft, and Elliot Gould up the cliffs to the monastery while Moore, Niven and Stefanie Powers get to work on destroying the German submarine.

If only any of it were exciting. This movie is only good for seeing such a big, interesting cast in such a big disaster of a WWII adventure. The most egregious offender is Elliot Gould, whose character seems like he's right out of the 70's, not the 40's. In fact, this whole film seems to take place in some alternate reality where WWII continued on into the late 1970's.

Ladies in Retirement (1941)

fog shrouded suspense

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

This fog-shrouded Victorian era film stars Ida Lupino as Ellen Creed, the housekeeper to Leonora Fiske, a retired actress in a remote country house. One day she receives a distressing letter from London. Her two eccentric step-sisters, Emily (Lanchester) and Louisa (Barrett) are about to be evicted from their lodgings. Ellen convinces Leonora to let her step sisters stay with her. She agrees, but only for a short time.

When the dark, serious Emily and the flighty, nervous Louisa arrive they do nothing but unnerve Leonora. They're not only eccentric, they're absolutely certifiable. Ellen keeps the fact that the sisters will be committed to an insane asylum if they do not remain under Ellen's care a secret. When Leonora demands that the sisters leave the house, along with Ellen, Ellen must resort to desperate measures to assure that her family stick together. And the desperate measure? Murder.

Throw in Louis Hayward as Albert, a handsome, untrustworthy vagabond, Evelyn Keyes as Leonora's suspicious maid, and two intrusive nuns, and Ellen's problems have only just begun.

This film was clearly adapted from a play. It all takes place in and around Leonora's country house. But the staginess never gets in the way of the witty script and the great performances from Lupino and Hayward. But it's the always wonderful Elsa Lanchester who steals the show.

So if you're in the mood for fun fog shrouded suspense, watch 'Ladies In Retirement.'

Mr. Billion (1977)

A Messy Adventure

[2/10 · 21 February 2010]

In this awful late 70's cross country adventure film, Italian actor Terence Hill plays Guido Falcone, the recipient of his recently deceased uncles estate. Guido lives in a small village in Italy where he fixes cars for a living. He is visited by John Cutler, his uncles former right-hand man at the Falcon Bank in San Francisco. He informs Guido that he has 20 days to make it to San Francisco, or the inheritance will be null and void. Soon Guido is in New York and Cutler is back in San Francisco. Cutler has his greedy eyes on Guido's money and new found power at the bank. So he hires the sexy Rosie Jones to seduce Guido on his was to California, and trick him into signing over power of attorney to Cutler. What follows is an episodic cross country lark involving kidnappings, cowboys, explosions, bar fights, car chases, gunfights and other misadventures.

This movie might have been tolerable if the leads could actually act. Terence Hill and Valerie Perrine are embarrassingly bad. Watching Terence Hill in this made me wonder if the directors just grabbed the first decent looking Italian guy they could find, rolled camera, and told him to read the cue cards.

Valerie Perrine, most well known (and funny) as Lex Luthor's main squeeze in the first two 'Superman' films, borders on bad camp in this. I must say her scenes were funny but not for the reasons intended. Her introduction scene is notably guffaw worthy.

But sadly, this isn't a good movie to watch to laugh at. Although there are a few unintentional howlers here and there, most of the movie is just plain boring.

There are some good aerial shots along the way, and Slim Pickens makes things a little more fun when he's on screen, but all in all this is a true dud.

Wildcats (1986)

Another Funny Goldie Hawn Movie

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

In the 1980's there wasn't a bigger female comedy star than Goldie Hawn. She excelled at playing the 'fish out of water' character in films like 'Private Benjamin,' 'Protocol,' and 'Overboard.' 'Wildcats' has the same formula those films had, only instead of the Army, Washington DC, or abject poverty, Goldie finds herself coaching football.

Here Goldie plays Molly, a divorced mother of two who has always dreamed of coaching a football team. But throughout her coaching career all she's been allowed to do was coach female track and field. When Molly gets the opportunity to take a head coaching job in an inner city school, she jumps at the chance. When she arrives at the school she is faced by a disorganized and disrespectful team of players. They don't want her as their coach, but she sticks to her guns, and she fights to gain their respect and obedience.

Of all the comedies that Goldie has starred in, this isn't one of her best. She's still great in this, but the film is overlong, bogged down by a buzz killing custody storyline with her schmuck ex-husband (Keach) and her two kids. There's also a lot of unfunny 'fart humor' on display, but thankfully not from Goldie's character.

But when the film is good, it's good. Besides the custody storyline, things move at a brisk, fun pace. It's fun to watch Goldie work to get the team to see eye to eye with her, or hunt down the truant quarterback in the ghetto and almost get herself caught up in a robbery, or hide a rival teams goat mascot in the locker room.

This isn't really heavy stuff here, but it is a fun 80's comedy with a great star doing what she does best. So if you're a fan of Goldie Hawn and 80's comedies, check this out.

The Dark Half (1993)

A Lesser King Adaptation

[3/10 · 21 February 2010]

There are only a small handful of films based on works by Stephen King that can without a doubt be classified as 'great movies.' They are 'Carrie,' 'The Shining,' 'Misery,' 'Dolores Claiborne,' 'The Dead Zone,' 'Stand By Me' and 'Cujo.' All the others range from 'flawed' to 'awful.' Despite it's decent cast, and respected horror director Romero at the helm, 'The Dark Half' lies more towards the awful end of the spectrum. The filmmakers gave it their best shot but things just didn't work out. It fails as a horror film in terms of suspense, plausibility, and narrative.

When Thad Beaumont (Hutton) was a child, he had an operation to remove a tumor from his brain. During the operation, it was discovered that far from being a tumor, the growth was a twin brother of Thad's that never developed. Years later, Thad is a successful author, writing his serious books under his own name, and his trashy money-makers under the pseudonym 'George Stark.' When blackmailed by someone who has discovered his secret, Thad publicly 'buries' George Stark. From that point on, Thad increasingly becomes the prime suspect in a series of gruesome murders.

Of all the King adaptations I've seen, this is one of the dullest. The main character is unsympathetic, his alter ego is two dimensional and totally hammy, you don't care about any of the victims (much less even know who they are at some points,) and there is hardly any horror and next to no tension.

However, there is some good production design and cinematography on display here, as well as some striking images. Huge flocks of sparrows gathering as an omen of doom is a haunting sight. But that alone can't save this film, which is just another King adaptation from a period where almost everything he'd write would end up being made into a movie.

A Small Circle of Friends (1980)

Check It Out

[6/10 · 21 February 2010]

This film follows the lives of three friends (Davis, Allen, and Parker) as they attend Harvard in the 1960's. They meet, bond, fall in and out of love, and challenge the system during the time of social upheaval and student unrest. Their friendship is complicated when a love triangle develops, and it takes a senseless tragedy to bring them crashing back down to earth.

Like many films set in this era, most key events, from LBJ refusing to seek a second term to the rise of the far left terrorist groups, are seen through the eyes of the main characters. But unlike films like 'Forrest Gump,' the historical references feel more organic to the film, and not just points on a timeline.

The three leads are very good as well. Through the various ups and downs in their friendships and the world around them, Brad Davis, Karen Allen and Jameson Parker manage to communicate the changes their characters go through over the two decades this film spans. Even though some of the film borders on melodrama, there are enough interesting sections of the film that keep it from becoming trite.

But what I liked most about this film was that it doesn't romanticize the counter-culture. It shows the flaws in the idealism and that not everyone who was against the war was an enlightened peace loving flower child. But it also shows the good things. Like the sense of community, protest through art, and an embracing of love over violence. 'A Small Circle of Friends' manages to show that the hippies were individuals making their own choices and dealing with the consequences, and not some giant smelly organism that shared a collective consciousness.

Exposed (1983)

Pointless Junk

[1/10 · 21 February 2010]

Every once in a while, you see a movie so dull and so stupid, you have to wonder if drugs were somehow involved in making the film. 'Exposed' is one of those films.

The plot of this film doesn't unravel, it oozes like molasses in January. Nastassja Kinski plays a Wisconsin farm girl named Elizabeth who leaves home and runs away to New York. After being discovered by a fashion photographer (McShane) she is whisked away into the glamorous world of fashion. Soon she's in Europe, and is recruited by a mysterious violin player (the awful corpse-like Rudolf Nureyev) to infiltrate a terrorist organization and kill it's leader. The leader is played by Harvey Keitel, who is given next to nothing to do.

The only good scene is at the very beginning when two terrorist babes blow up a Parisian restaurant. But it all goes downhill from there. In more capable hands and with a better cast, this film could have been good. But everything is a mess. The script is convoluted and boring, the acting is atrocious, the direction is flat, there is no suspense, and no characters that seem even human.

Oddly, so many people seem to praise Nastassja Kinski as a great actress. I've just never seen it. In every film I've seen her in she just seems vacant and bored, but this is Kinski at her worst, no doubt.

A Night to Remember (1942)

'The Thin Man' it ain't

[5/10 · 21 February 2010]

In this quaint, serviceable comedy, a mystery writer and his wife move into a basement apartment at 13 Gay Street in Greenwich Village. The whole house has a sinister air and the other tenants seem hostile and frightened. The discovery of a murdered body outside the couple's back door doesn't help the atmosphere.

What this film really is is a knock-off of the popular 'Thin Man' series starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. 'A Night to Remember' tries to reproduce the witty banter and screwball crime solving done so wonderfully in those films, and it is only somewhat successful.

Young and Aherne have good chemistry, and the supporting actors are all game, but most of the humor is forced, and the mystery, taking a backseat to the comic antics, is only somewhat intriguing and borders on implausible. The cinematography is pretty good, making the dark shadows of the apartment sinister, but the entire production reeks from budget constraints and looks cheap.

If you've seen the brilliant first three 'Thin Man' films, don't bother with this one. You've already seen the best and you'll be disappointed here. However, if you haven't seen them yet, check this out, and then rent 'The Thin Man' movies and you'll appreciate them so much more.

Roseland (1977)

Low Key

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

'Roseland' is a film made up of three separate stories set in the legendary Roseland Ballroom in Manhattan. The first, entitled 'The Waltz' features the wonderful Teresa Wright as a widow who comes to Roseland in order to sustain the memory of her late husband. She meets Stan (Lou Jacobi), who offers her an opportunity for happiness in the present. 'The Hustle' concerns Christopher Walken as a gigolo with three women in his life, all of whom depend on him for different degrees of romance and companionship. In the final story, 'The Peabody,' an older woman (Lilia Skala) sets out to win a dance competition despite warnings that it could endanger her health.

All three segments are sensitive portrayals of different kinds of lonely people seeking some sort companionship and/or fulfillment. Out of the three, only 'The Waltz' is truly memorable, thanks to the great performances from Wright and Jacobi. The performances in the other two are good, but don't top those in the first.

The cinematography captures the dance floor activities wonderfully, and the entire film has an eerie, otherworldly quality to it. It's as if when these people step off the cruel New York streets, they are transported into another world. A world that is full of music, romance, and possibilities.

The Window (1949)

Now here is a great little film!

[9/10 · 21 February 2010]

I've been wanting to watch this for a couple years now, but since it is unavailable on DVD or VHS, it was impossible. Thank goodness for Turner Class Movies! The story is simple. A little boy has a bad habit of making up wild stories to impress his friends and family. When he's sleeping out on his fire escape one sweltering summer night, he witnesses his upstairs neighbors murder a man. When he tells his mother and father, not surprisingly, they think he's making it all up or that he's had a bad dream. When the killers upstairs get wind that the little boy knows about their crime, the decide to kill him. So it's up to the boy to prove he's not lying and evade the killers.

'The Window' has many things in common with the much better known 'Rear Window.' For one thing, they're both based off of short stories written by Cornell Woolrich. Themes of voyeurism, murder, urban paranoia, and being trapped and defenseless dominate both films. 'Rear Window' is clearly the better film all around, but 'The Window' deserves to be released on DVD so it can be rediscovered and celebrated for the tight, compelling, suspenseful noir classic that it is.

Your Past Is Showing (1957)

Very Funny

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

Released in America as 'Your Past Is Showing,' this amusing black comedy concerns a group of English celebrities and nobility who are being blackmailed by Nigel Dennis, an unscrupulous tabloid reporter. Four of these people, a Lord (Terry-Thomas,) a television host (Sellers,) an author (Mount,) and a model (Eaton) decide to fight back and kill their blackmailer. The catch is, none of them are aware anyone else is targeting Dennis. What follows is a series of humorous attempts to off Nigel Dennis.

Peter Sellers gets to dress up in various disguises and do impressions. Watching him is watching a true genius at work. But the movie is stolen by Peggy Mount, who plays the daffy author. She and her hilariously skittish daughter, played by Joan Sims, concoct a plan to poison Dennis, lock him in a trunk and dump him in the river. But things go wrong on several levels, and the way these two cope is hilarious.

As all the characters come together for the final act, things escalate and become even funnier. So if you enjoy British comedy, a fan of Peter Sellers, or just in the mood for a laugh, then don't hesitate to watch this film.

Blue Steel (1990)

Mediocre

[4/10 · 21 February 2010]

There have always been so few female directors working in mainstream cinema, I always try to see as many of their films as I can. In this case it was a film by Kathryn Bigelow, 1989's cop thriller 'Blue Steel.'

Jamie Lee Curtis plays a rookie cop who guns down a robber in a grocery store hold-up. Unbeknownst to her, a stockbroker, played by Ron Silver, picks up the crooks gun. Soon he's obsessed with Curtis and out in the streets at night murdering random people. He tracks her down, stalks her, even takes her to dinner. When Curtis finds out that he's the madman responsible for the murders plaguing the city, they both enter into a deadly game of cat and mouse.

I've always found Kathryn Bigelow interesting. Unlike acclaimed female directors like Jane Campion and Mira Nair, Bigelow's films are aggressive, even masculine. Some of her credits include 'Near Dark,' 'Point Break,' 'Strange Days,' and this years critical hit 'The Hurt Locker.' Watching any of these films you'd have no idea they had a female behind the camera. And that's why I like her so much. She breaks the mold of what kind of pictures female directors 'should' make.

So I was looking forward to sitting down and enjoying 'Blue Steel.' Sadly, I really didn't. The problem isn't the acting or directing, it's the script. The first half of the film is tight and suspenseful, but the second half is full of clichés and plot holes. The cinematography however, is pretty good, and sort of distracts you from the dull proceedings. It's reminiscent of a Ridley Scott film from the 80's.

All in all, 'Blue Steel' isn't terrible, it's just not very believable or exciting. There was a great movie that could have been made here, but because of the lousy script, we got a mediocre one.

Hester Street (1975)

See It For Carol Kane

[6/10 · 21 February 2010]

I didn't expect this film to be very exciting, and it wasn't. But it was however a thoughtful, low-key story of a husband and wife dealing with their differences in regards to century old traditions.

Carol Kane plays Gitl, a turn-of-the-century Jewish immigrant arriving from Eastern Europe to live with her husband in America. When she arrives in New York City she is surprised at how traditions held dear back home are thought of as 'uncivilized' here.

For example: Her husband has shaved his beard, and the women no longer wear kerchiefs or wigs to cover their natural hair. This unnerves her and as the film progresses Gitl and her husband grow apart. Even after Gitl is given a 'makeover' by Mrs. Kavarsky (the great Doris Roberts) she knows that it's too late. Her husband is in love with another woman and wants a divorce.

The pace in this movie is very slow, and the black and white cinematography is all but stagnant. But any other artistic approach to this story wouldn't ring true. The world back then for a Jewish immigrant was very slow paced. There wasn't a lot of color in their lives. And for women, sitting around their tiny apartments was all most would do.

Carol Kane was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in this, but lost (deservedly) to Louise Fletcher for 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.' Kane would go on to star in the 1979 cult horror film 'When A Stranger Calls' and then transition into comedy roles that relied on her infectious goofiness. It was really interesting to see Kane play such a low-key, subdued character here, so different from the roles she's more famous for in shows like 'Taxi' or films like 'The Princess Bride' and 'Scrooged.'

Choose Me (1984)

ridiculous coincidences

[3/10 · 21 February 2010]

'Choose Me' concerns the interconnected love lives of several attractive people living in Los Angeles. They include a radio host (Bujold,) an escaped mental patient (Carradine,) an owner of a nightclub (Warren,) her married lover (Patrick Bauchau,) and his bored wife (Chong.) All these characters cross paths constantly. The nightclub owner calls the radio show for love advice, the radio host moves in with the nightclub owner, the mental patient sleeps with both of them, separately. Also getting involved are the married man, who plays poker with and fights the mental patient, who then sleeps with his wife, who hangs out at the nightclub.

It's all very convoluted and unbelievable. The ridiculous coincidences in this movie make the forced connections in 'Crash' seem absolutely brilliant. And none of it is ever very interesting. This was supposed to be a 'serious comedy' but all it turned out to be was a boring cheese-fest.

No one comes out of this unscathed. Everyone gives terrible performances, especially Rae Dawn Chong. The scene where her husband finds her in bed with the mental patient is hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

'Choose Me' also has a horrible soundtrack. Over all the scenes that should be romantic or dramatic, R&B songs by Teddy Pendergrass are played. It makes this already boring movie even harder to watch. On their own the songs aren't bad, but they just seem so out of place in this film.

The Honeymoon Killers (1970)

Disturbing

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

Based on the true story of Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck, who met through a lonely-hearts correspondence club, Ray (Tony Lo Bianco) is sleazy and untrustworthy; Martha (Shirley Stoler) is obese, compulsive, and needy. Together, they play out a horrifying scheme in which he lures lonely women out on dates and proposes marriage to them, while she pretends to be his sister. After the marriage ceremonies, they take the womens savings and then murder them in cold blood.

The way this film is shot, with its grainy black and white footage, murky sound, bright whites and dark shadows, only adds to its incredibly unsettling nature. Watching this is almost like watching a documentary, and occasionally, a snuff film.

Though the acting from the supporting cast is a bit iffy at times, the two leads are excellent. Particularly Shirley Stoller. While Lo Bianco creates one of the most hateful slime-balls I've ever seen, Stoller dominates this film. Her Martha is a frightening, unpleasant, disgusting woman, who is as ugly on the inside as she is on the outside. Her evil nature fills the frame whenever she is on screen.

If you're looking for a fast paced thriller, look elsewhere. The pacing in this movie is slow, which only adds to the disturbing documentary feel. But if you want to see a movie where character comes first, and action second, seek this classic out.

Full Moon High (1981)

Anything Goes

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

In this send-up of horror films, 50's cold war paranoia, Reagan-era America, and high school films, Adam Arkin plays Tony, the star quarterback of Full Moon High in the 1950's. He and his father (Ed McMahon) travel to communist Romania and while he's lost in the streets one night, he is bitten by a werewolf. When he returns stateside, he cannot control his animalistic urges and goes on a killing spree. Frustrated, he flees town. Decades later, the immortal Tony returns to town and re-enrolls in highschool. He still can't control his transformations, and the townspeople, and his friends, realize he's not quite human. It all culminates during the schools big football game.

I expected this to be one of those 'so bad it's good' films from the early 80's. But I was surprised that the film was actually, legitimately funny. The cast, including Kenneth Mars as a pervy coach, Roz Kelly as Tony's lusty former flame, Demond Wilson as a bus driver, and Alan Arkin as a oddball doctor, go all out, with hilarious results.

While watching this film I was struck by how similar the writing and humor were to 'Family Guy.' 'Full Moon High' has that same anything goes attitude and never takes itself seriously.

Dante's Inferno (1935)

Excellent Set-Pieces

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

Spencer Tracy plays a man who lucks into carnival barking as a result of meeting a man, played by Henry B. Walthall, who runs a concession known as 'Dante's Inferno.' Walthall soon becomes Tracy's father-in-law, and Tracy becomes a successful businessman. He launches a huge, gaudy Inferno employing ruthless means to get the property. Though a wonderful husband and father, in his corporate world, he stops at nothing to get what he wants, including cheating, bribery, and ignoring possible dangers. The consequences are disastrous.

This film features three giant set pieces that must have thrilled audiences in 1935. Two of them are large scale disasters, the first on the boardwalk pier and the second aboard a luxury liner. But the most memorable and eye popping of these set pieces is a lengthy dream sequence where Tracy descends into hell. We see mountains of tortured souls writhing naked in lava, masses of hooded demons marching into oblivion, the damned, suffering, screaming as they are tortured for all eternity. Even if you don't believe a hell exists, this is some visually powerful stuff.

Unfortunately, besides these memorable sequences the story is pretty routine. Poor man makes it big, destroys his soul in the process, and in the end repents to his loving wife (only after countless people are killed by his greed and carelessness. Twice.) At times it seems that the rest of the film was written around the amazing dream sequence. They needed a story to lead into that trip through the underworld, and what they came up with was pretty routine. But no matter, for the film features some amazing special effects for that era, some that could still impress today.

Terror at London Bridge (1985 TV Movie)

Awful Made For TV Chiller

[1/10 · 21 February 2010]

In 1888 Jack the Ripper is shot by police and dies in the Thames river. In 1985 the last original stone used to rebuild the London Bridge in Lake Havasu, Arizona is laid, and all the city is happy. But since that moment some strange murders occur in the quiet tourist destination. The policeman Don Gregory (Hasselhoff) has some suspects, but his ideas are quite strange. He thinks that Jack the Ripper has somehow been revived. Nobody believes him, even though he is, in fact, correct.

When I sat down to watch this, I didn't expect a masterpiece. I just expected it to be a bad 80's horror movie that would be good for some laughs and some gore. But this is a made-for-television horror film that should never have been made. The premise is ridiculous, the film is scare free, and the acting is atrocious. And since it was made for TV, there is no gore, just women screaming as Jack raises a blade as we fade to commercial.

This film isn't even good for some laughs. Despite the presence of the always terrible Hasselhoff and cult icon Adrienne Barbeau (who is given nothing interesting to do,) the movie is boring, plodding along until it's predictable conclusion.

Cooley High (1975)

Great Coming Of Age Film

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

This this coming of age dramedy set in Chicago in the early 60's, we follow a group of highschool friends as they navigate through the ups and downs of their lives. The two central characters are Leroy "Preach" Jackson (Turman) and his best friend Richard "Cochise" Morris (Hilton-Jacobs.) Both of these boys have promising futures. Preach is a great writer but a lazy student, and Cochise has just received a college scholarship for basketball. When they're not hanging out at the local diner shooting craps with their friends, or hanging out at a friends house or chasing girls, they're skipping school, riding the trains through Chicago or going to quarter parties on the weekends.

Things go wrong when Preach and Cochise make the mistake of getting involved with two hoods and go joyriding in a stolen car. The police pursue them and they are arrested. But thanks to the efforts of a concerned teacher (SNL's Garrett Morris) they are released. But the two hoods are not, and vow to get revenge on Preach and Cochise, thinking they blamed the whole thing on them.

This movie is very episodic, but it still works because thats what life is, a series of episodes. Some funny, some sad, some romantic, some bizarre. The film never gets boring because all the characters are so well played and realistic, and the situations are all believable and relatable. Like Preach romantically pursuing a beautiful girl, or a party turning violent when some asshole decides to start a fight, or dealing with a bratty younger sibling. But even when a situation isn't personally relatable, like the guys pretending to be undercover cops to con a hooker out of some money so they could get all their friends into a movie, the sequence is still hilarious.

'Cooley High' was the basis for the classic 70's sitcom 'What's Happenin!' which aired on ABC from 1976-1979. Even though the show is most famous for the character Rerun, he is not in this film, nor is there any character remotely like him. The humor of that show was very broad, but still funny. The humor of 'Cooley High' is truer to life, and thus more entertaining.

Additionally, the soundtrack is wonderful. Classic songs from that period by Diana Ross & The Supremes, The Temptations, Martha & the Vandellas, and Smokey Robinson play throughout the film, adding to the fun, youthful, exuberant tone of the film.

Nickelodeon (1976)

A Plodding Slap-Stick Epic

[4/10 · 21 February 2010]

This homage to the childhood days of the motion pictures starts in 1910, when the young attorney Leo Harrigan (Ryan O'Neal) by chance meets a motion picture producer. Immediately he's invited to become a writer for him - the start of a sensational career. Soon he's promoted to a director and shoots one silent movie after the other in the tiny desert village of Cacamonga with a small crew of actors. But the competition is hard: the patent agency sends out Buck Greenway (Burt Reynolds) to sabotage them. When they visit L.A., his crew is surprised by a new species: fans! This movie has many problems. The biggest one being it's running time. At over two hours, it's just way too long for a comedy, especially one that aspires to recreate the screwball humor of the olden days. The second problem is the confusing tone. One moment it's a love story, the next it's a slapstick comedy, then it's a history of early film-making, then it's a melodrama, then back to comedy. Repeat that for over two hours and things get pretty tiresome. Because of the constant jerking of the tone, none of the leads make much of an impression with their characters.

The slapstick comedy that worked so well in director Bogdanovich's hilarious 'What's Up Doc?' falls flat on it's face here. If Bogdanovich hadn't used such a heavy-handed slapstick, there might have emerged a fond tribute to the pioneering days of silent films in the early part of the 20th Century. But instead, he has filled the movie with a whole series of non-stop sight gags that become tiresome and repetitious, even more so because none of the characters involved really come to life. As the pretty heroine of the piece, Jane Hitchcock has very limited abilities beyond staring wide-eyed into the camera lens. Burt Reynolds at least does derive several good chuckles from his comedy efforts as a reluctant participant in the troupe of silent film actors. Younger and elder O'Neal are not too bad, but Ryan is never as funny as he was in 'What's Up Doc?' and Tatum, whose performance in 'Paper Moon' is still the best child performance ever on film, isn't very memorable here.

Technically, the film is handsomely produced and pleasing to look at in color, but it plods along without the benefit of a tight script or a really compelling story and suffers, mainly, from the heavy-handed approach to comedy.

Mister Frost (1990)

What A Load

[2/10 · 21 February 2010]

When an insane mass murderer Mr. Frost (Jeff Goldblum) arrives at a secluded European psychiatric hospital, the only female doctor on the staff (Kathy Baker) finds herself strangely fascinated by him. He only speaks when she is around, and she is slowly seduced by his odd charms and mystique, despite his bloody past. Soon odd, frightening and deadly things begin to occur inside and outside of the clinic, and Mr. Frost reveals that he is more than just a mad serial killer, he claims he is Satan himself, and it is up to the doctor and a policeman (Alan Bates) to stop him.

For a so called horror film, nothing even remotely scary happens. Sure a few people are murdered and some 'scary' visions are seen, but even when these things happen, the filmmakers manage to make it boring, from beginning to end.

All the actors are terrible, especially Goldblum, who basically plays the same character he always plays but with long hair and a bad mood. The usually adept Kathy Baker seems bored whenever she isn't in some sort of trance or in Frost's thrall.

This movie has an interesting premise, but the script is pretty stupid, and the execution is even worse. Whether it was from budget constraints, a bad director, a satanic curse, or a mixture of all these things, the film is just awful. A better director could have taken the crappy script, improved on it's interesting conceits, and made a somewhat entertaining supernatural thriller. But there's no such luck here. What we get is a dull, wannabe intelligent horror film. It shoots to be in league with 'The Exorcist' but ends up in the toilet with 'Bless the Child.'

The Rain People (1969)

Shirley Knight is Wonderful

[7/10 · 21 February 2010]

Shirley Knight plays Sara Ravenna, a Long Island housewife who runs away from her marriage when she discovers she is pregnant. She plans to drive into America's heartland and start anew. Along the way she picks up a friendly hitchhiker (James Caan) who calls himself 'Killer.' Soon she discovers that the good natured 'Killer' is actually brain damaged, and by picking him up she has unknowingly taken on a huge responsibility. The two of them drive all the way to Nebraska, where Sara gets Killer a job helping out at a roadside reptile farm. It is here that Sara meets Gordon, a local cop, and soon things go horribly wrong for everyone.

This is a powerful drama about people disconnected from society, alienated by the choices they make or by the limits imposed on them by others. Even with such a low budget and a very freewheeling attitude, the film is able to capture everything that needs to be said through these clearly defined characters. Shirley Knight has a complex, diverging role and there are moments of some awe-inspiring acting by her. One of my favorites is when she is on the telephone calling her home to her worried husband the first time. It is such a tense scene on both ends, and in every small gesture and inflection of a word, so much about her is spoken with so little. Then comes in the character of 'Killer' played by James Caan. This character is unlike any I've ever seen him play, and he performs wonderfully. It's one of his best performances as he is very restrained and moving.

The way Coppola develops the characters by using short, dream-like flashbacks is very clever, adding a fragmented kind of view onto it all. The quick flashbacks that are graphic and self-contained contrast well with the longer shots in some crucial scenes. Also, because this film was shot on location all over the Eastern U.S., it offers an interesting, authentic look at America in the late 1960's.

I haven't seen many other films starring Ms. Knight, I'm only familiar with her more recent work on television, usually playing a nagging mother in law or a dotty old woman. It was great seeing her so young, beautiful, and so wonderfully subtle in this movie. It's also kind of a shame that James Caan went on to be typecast as the 'tough guy' for the rest of his career, because this film evidenced that he is capable of so much more than that.

Dead of Winter (1987)

Run of the Mill Thriller

[5/10 · 21 February 2010]

Mary Steenburgen plays Katie, a down on her luck actress who is told that she is being considered to take over a film role that was being played by someone else who greatly resembles her. The casting director (Roddy McDowell) tells her that the first actress had a breakdown and ran away from the set. She is taken to a snowbound country house in remote upstate New York to film an audition tape for the elderly, wheelchair bound producer (Jan Rubes.) After she arrives, things begin to look as if they are not what they seem. Katie soon realizes she is in incredible danger and attempts escape.

With a premise straight out of a 40's suspense melodrama, I didn't expect much from this film. Like most bad thrillers, the most entertaining portions of the film occur in the last twenty minutes, after the damsel in distress finally pieces things together and has to fight for her life. But the majority of the movie is just tedious set-up and scenes of Katie acting like an idiot as she uncovers what her hosts are really up to.

Is she so desperate for a job that she'd go to a remote house out in the country with a complete stranger, just to shoot an audition tape? If you see your drivers license burning in a fireplace, would you not automatically question your hosts? The movie is filled with situations where Katie is forced to do something stupid in order to move the story along. I've seen this so many times in so many of these kinds of movies, but at least sometimes it's exciting. Not here.

Like I said, things pick up in the last act. When Katie's evil Doppelgänger shows up, things get interesting, mainly because we get to see Steenburgen play two different roles, one timid and afraid, the other heartless and evil. Unfortunately for the film, but not for me, their final confrontation is so absurdly shot and choreographed, the scene intended to be tense turns out to be hilarious camp straight out of a Joan Crawford or Bette Davis thriller from the twilight of their careers.

To sum things up the movie isn't a complete disaster, it's just too derivative of films of the past, and doesn't add anything new to the 'woman in distress' thriller sub-genre. Steenburgen is pretty good, even if her character can be a complete idiot at times, and Roddy McDowell has some demented fun when the poop finally hits the fan during the climax.