maggeboiii Reviews

The Starving Games (2013)

A Travesty Beyond Belief

[1/10 · 19 November 2013]

Okey, I have to admit that I knew this movie would be horrible. Just by seeing Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in the directing and writing- credits made me cringe, why on Earth are those criminals still making movies? Or a more specified question; Why on Earth are people still paying money to see these poor excuses of entertainment?! Anyways, let's talk about the movie.

By now, you have probably understood that 'The Starving Games' is a parody of 'The Hunger Games'. We follow the female protagonist Kantmiss Evershot (f*cking genius) from the poor district 12 in a dystopian future where the evil president Snowballs reigns from the wealthy Capitol. From the beginning we're introduced to her attractive friend Dale (whose performance definitely deserves an academy award), as he pops up unexpectedly in front of Kantmiss aiming at a bird made in paint with her crossbow, making her blind fire her arrow out in the wild and hitting the wizard of Oz in a balloon. The element of comedy is ingenious.

Well, I can't really explain every bad joke in this movie, that would basically make me re-create the entire script. I didn't laugh one single time. Is seriously toilet-humor still fun? Probably for Friedberg and Seltzer's brilliantly intelligent minds. There are some absurd scenes where Gandalf the Grey and Gimli pops up from nowhere attempting to molest Kantmiss and Peter Malarkey (Gay version of Peeta actually). Towards the long-awaited end Nick Fury and the Avengers steps on some land mines, blowing up, made me cheer as I knew those horrendous parodies were over.

If you thought Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans and Scary Movie were beyond hilarious, you'll probably die laughing at this horrendous excuse for a film.

Can't wait for their "Superfast"-movie, where Friedberg and Seltzer spoof Fast and the Furious, will probably be a runner up for the academy awards in 2015.

The Colony (I) (2013)

Painfully disappointing

[2/10 · 24 July 2013]

By the looks of the trailers, I actually had a slight hope for this flick. I'm a sucker for survival-movies and it starred Fishbourne and Paxton, cool right? No! This movie had everything going for it, but they managed to ruin it.

First of all, how did Fishbourne and Paxton do? They did alright, it's just that their characters are horrible clichés. Fishbourne is obviously the wise, great leader everybody loves and Paxton is his counter-part. A trigger-happy redneck who wants to have a tighter regime among the survivors, this character could be exciting, but with no development nor a lot of screen-time, he becomes too boring..

Speaking of survivors, I forgot to mention the 'Day after tomorrow'-plot here. We get to know that it just started snowing, that's why the entire globe has entered a new ice age, well okay, now I feel wiser. The plot is also told though the narration of the protagonist Sam, who looks a lot like Emile Hirsch, just more wooden. After receiving a distress call from another group of survivors, Fishbourne, Sam and some random dead- beat who brings pornography on expeditions (Fishbourne even asks if he wants to be alone when he pulls the magazine out, I'm not kidding)goes to investigate. After they find a skinnier version of Sharlto Copley, we meet the bad guys, who are basically a bunch of exaggerated orcs. The movie also tries to create some minor sub-plots, but fails. The tedious nightmare with flashbacks from Sam's childhood doesn't add anything to the story, and is explained by Fishbourne after 30 minutes, there goes the potential mystery.

I must admit this film is on the verge of becoming a B-movie. The effects are horrendous, the camera gets a seizure during the fight- scenes and the ending was predicted during the first five minutes. It's sad to see such great actors get involved in garbage such as this now a days.

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)

2013's greatest surprise, stellar film

[9/10 · 7 July 2013]

Cianfrance made a name for himself as an original filmmaker after 2010's "Blue Valentine". Now he's back with "The Place Beyond The Pines" with Gosling returning as the protagonist, with the addition of big names such as Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes and Ray Liotta.

The story is split into three segments, all intervening in some way and are consequences of the first and second parts. In the first part, we meet Gosling as an inked up, stunt-motorcyclist doing shows with a touring circus. After a spectacular show, he meets an old flame, which is the bearer of bad news. I don't wanna spoil anything at all, but Gosling makes some bad choices which ends up in a calamity with Bradley Cooper, which is a rookie cop and the main man in the second segment. Himself makes some bad choices which all comes back to him in the end. It's a thrilling and interesting exploration of blood- bonds and consequences.

Gosling puts on a performance which reminds me much of "driver" from "Drive". A quiet type which is an expert on vehicles, but his character here is much more personal and shows more emotion, great play indeed. Cooper puts on one of his greatest performances to date. The rest of the supporting cast also does an amazing job, especially the younger cast.

The filming is unique. The opening shot is masterful, which tells a lot about Gosling's character without him saying a single line or showing his face, that's really interesting. Some shots are just beautiful, if there's one in particular, it's when Gosling drives his motorcycle down a road through the forest, wonderful. The score is also unique, never thought a few taps on a piano could stir up so many emotions, because this film really makes you feel something.

Cianfrance has probably made the greatest film of 2013 so far. The story, cast, filming and score is amazing. Unfortunately it loses some steam by the end. Nevertheless, this film is great, go see it!

-MB

There Will Be Blood (2007)

Without doubt the greatest film of the mid-2000's

[10/10 · 6 July 2013]

After amazing films such as "Boogie Nights", "Magnolia" and "The Master", PT Anderson is probably the greatest living director today, this masterpiece of a movie justifies that title.

The story revolves around a prospector, named Daniel Plainview (Day- Lewis) which is looking to make a fortune out of oil in the early twentieth century. No spoilers, he finds an oil-ore and becomes a very wealthy man. The only obstacle to ensure an even bigger paycheck is a small Californian town which welcomes him with open arms when he promises daily bread on their tables, new roads and a school. In order for Daniel to fulfill their needs, he wants unlimited access to their undiscovered petroleum-resources. Very early on we get to see Daniel's greed, deceit and lies slowly distorting the man's moral compass, which also affects his adopted son H.W during the story.

This is undoubtedly the greatest acting ever on screen, it's surreal to see Day-Lewis being Plainview. The last 45 minutes is pure acting-gold. I was shocked and scared during the "I drink your milkshake"-scene at the end, such a sinister performance. Paul Dano does also a remarkable and underrated performance as the overly religious twins Paul, and Daniel's nemesis Eli Sunday. The church-scenes are mesmerizing and full of energy, great actor! Honorable mention is Dylan Frasier as H.W, a talented young actor I'm certain we'll see more of in the future.

Robert Elswit won a very well-deserved Oscar for his cinematography. It's stunningly beautiful, which is quite ironic for a movie which is so evil and sinister. This combined with Anderson's amazing direction and subliminal messages just hits home-run.

"There Will Be Blood" is an unique film. It shows how greed can affect a person and the people closest to them. Anderson knows his craft, and clearly shows it. Day-Lewis is a monster of an actor and offers his best role to date, no, I'll go as far as saying this is the best acting displayed in any movie to date next to Heath Ledger's Joker. See this film, it's a must-see for people who loves the art of cinema. Hurry up with "Inherent Vice", Anderson..

-MB

Mystic River (2003)

One of the best films of the last decade

[10/10 · 6 July 2013]

When you mix powerhouse performers like Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Kevin Bacon under the direction of the legendary Eastwood together, you'll get a cocktail that will surprise, shock and thrill you during its two hours runtime before the day after kicks in with full force.

The narrative evolves around three childhood friends that were torn apart due to a tragedy, and are getting reunited after 30+ years when one of them finds his daughter murdered and mutilated. One of them (Kevin Bacon) has become a cop, one (Sean Penn) has become a notorious criminal and the last one (Tim Robbins) is still recovering from the horrific tragedy years earlier. We can already see that their different roles are in conflict, and the tension escalates dramatically when one of them is connected to the murder somehow. During the main plot, captivating smaller stories are being dug up during Bacon's police investigation, all of the them connects somehow towards the breathtaking end of the flick. It's well-made drama at its very core, masterful.

Eastwood directs the movie gently and well. The camera is steady and shows some amazing landscape-shots of Boston, its quite beautiful.

What is there to say about the performances except "wow"? Penn and Robbins' Oscars were very well deserved. Penn manages to catch the fragile balance between a tough mobster and a grieving father, one scene in particular on a porch shows why he's one of the greatest living actors today. Robbins manages to catch the emotionally conflicted character so well that your heart goes out to him. Honorable mentions goes to the amazing supporting cast, especially Harden and Linney's portrayals as grieving and confused wives.

If you haven't seen this movie, do so. Eastwood catches man's raw, brutal nature and leaves with a conclusion so satisfying and shocking that makes "Mystic River" a movie you'll never forget.

-MB

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

I felt my brain melting and eyes aching

[1/10 · 5 July 2013]

When a movie starts with music that grinds your ears, standard movie- maker font, 10 minutes of random shots from the valleys of Hollywood and an unknown B-movie director that claims he's the "master of romantic thrillers", you know you're in for one hell of a ride.

I don't really know if this movie is a joke or not, if they actually went in full force with the intention of actually making a great film with their 10.000 dollar budget, clearly they did not. When the actual film starts, the camera is so horrid I thought the cameraman was drunk, or if I was unwillingly intoxicated. Anyways, I had to check my earphones after a couple of minutes, because the sound suddenly stopped and popped up at random, looks like the sound-mixer of this movie probably is deaf or some sort of modern day Hellen Keller.

Let's say something about the acting.. if there is any. I felt my heart wrenching when the protagonist started reading his lines, his act is already so wooden after two minutes of screen-time he'd fit right in the Ents from the "Lord of the Rings"-trilogy. When an actor can't even walk straight without showing signs of having something rectangular shoved up his rectum, there's something wrong.

After about 45 minutes of clapping (yes, see it for yourself), a love story that makes the Twilight-saga seem like "The Notebook" and "Titanic" combined, dialouges that are from another planet and all-in- all all I'm thinking: Is this movie the "Shock and Terror" the sub-title proclamates? 'Cause I haven't seen a f*cking bird yet!!

When the birds arrive.. No, I don't even care to write about it.. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel like laying down in the shower with my clothes on and cry while the cold water is running on full.

This movie basically makes Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" seem like the new "Schindler's List". Enough said.