seanhmoss6 Reviews

The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made (2004 Video)

MST3K seems to have provided most of the research here.

[2/10 · 27 May 2024]

I thought it only fitting that a list of the 50 worst movies of all time be given a 2 out of 10. When you consider the production value married with the obvious raiding of the MST3K, RIFFTRAX, and Film Crew library, this was cheating at its best to create a video and maybe make a little money. Granted there was a little bit of research done but this effort could easily be achieved on a TikTok budget and schedule.

I did enjoy realizing that I had watched about 80% of these movies and realizing that there are some horrible movies I still want to watch.

Despite my low rating, I do recommend that all cinemaphiles (That's not even a word) watch this. For one cannot truly know what is the best until they have sampled the worst.

The Beekeeper (2024)

DON'T!! JUST DON'T!

[1/10 · 26 May 2024]

You get lured in by Jason Statham. He's a good actor and top shelf action star. When he gets busy all is right with the world. Even when there is a bad script or bad story or bad director, Stath delivers. Charm and fighting always saves a bad movie. Not today.

Word on the street is that even Robot Chicken has passed on a parody skit because it cannot top the laughs of anything in the movie.

The supporting actors and dialogue, the indifference to the mission of the story are so bad. Why is this a focal character? Why are they recreating straight to VHS (Yeah, I said it) movies starring Cynthia Rothrock?

RIFFTRAX makes fun of better movies than this. I dumped this movie 20 minutes in. That was after discovering Jeremy Irons was a potential villain. He's bloody awesome... maybe in the movie. Couldn't be bothered to find out. Why?

BECAUSE THE MOVIE IS AWFUL!!

Dead in a Week Or Your Money Back (2018)

Possibly the first movie I watched and thought it was shot with no revisions to the first draft of the script.

[3/10 · 12 May 2024]

I chose this movie because of Tom Wilkinson. That's all there was. As brilliant an actor as he is, he, nor any other actor, can elevate a sketch of a screenplay based on a neat idea where the other actors are unengaging, uninspiring or three dimensional when the director thinks they can fast food the charm and intrigue of Lock Stock or Four Weddings. The "romance" between the "protagonist" and the love interest conjures images of people crushing into an elevator so as not to have to wait for the next. There is NO chemistry. The so-called lead doesn't really matter. There is no reason to care about this character. Just on paper... he's a yawn. Within the construction of the story, you kind of hope he would get his wish so you could sneak into another theater and be satisfied by another worthy picture even though you missed the first 15 minutes. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! Even if you love Tom Wilkinson.

Shōgun (2024–2026)

Hiroyuki Sanada and a fellow movie buff's recommendation are why I watched this. Sadly, only one delivered.

[3/10 · 29 April 2024]

I am only one and a half episodes in and quite frankly, I've seen enough. I did not read the novel. I did watch some of the version with Richard Chamberlain. It made no impression on me.

What did make an impression on me was the made for TV script and direction. What I assume was an effort to create misdirection about the plot only leads to indifference.

Naturally, due to being a fan of Sanada, that was my side. The guy who plays the Brit, can't remember the actor's name, his performance seems like a mix of a Gerard Butler wannabe channeling a Tom Hardy who is not an actor. Or vice versa.

The constant changing of loyalties without establishing the characters of each and every faction is annoying. Characters have to be established. Otherwise you have no idea how you feel about them. Now you have no idea, however it may be overturned as the plot unfolds, who you are rooting for and against.

Also, the ceremonial reverence and respect for the tradition of this culture is lost as both actors and extras just stumble about clumsily in ham-handed mimicry.

This production is distracting and constantly fights against the story it claims to be telling.

My Favorite Year (1982)

Peter O'Toole, a beginner, Lainie Kazan, a promising story and meh.

[5/10 · 10 January 2024]

This film started out reminding me of a Woody Allen, Neil Simon type picture. 5 minutes later it felt like a Woody Allen after he discovered underage adopted women and if Neil Simon was illiterate type picture. Save for Peter O'Toole.

Peter O'Toole was Peter O'Toole. Excellence. Mark Linn Baker was new. With the script and direction from Richard Benjamin, whom I surmise never watched a single take or one frame of dailies and possessed pictures that would make the Epstein Island list cringe with horror in order to get any job in spite of his lack of talent in front of or behind the camera, did him no favors.

Lainie Kazan is always pure charm. I don't know that she acts. She just is.

This film fails on almost every comedic level. Most of it is spent watching Joseph Bologna behave as though he believes he is funny, Mark Linn Baker struggle to keep up with O'Toole and waiting ad nauseum for the poignant moments to connect.

I have yet to see a Peter O'Toole movie I will not recommend. This one was close.

The Flash (I) (2023)

5*s for Michael Keaton and the Batman tribute... I'm deducting 6*s for the rest of the garbage.

[5/10 · 1 January 2024]

The 75 star deduction is for seeing Aflac as the first iteration of Batman. The other 20 star deduction is for the casting of Ezra Miller who played the role like a lifeless, robotic, annoying lovechild of Leonard from the Big Bang Theory and Justin Long. Here's a tip...don't do that. Then there's a 15 star deduction for hiring the CGI team from Lawnmower Man who cannot defend this farce from the grave. Another 7 star deduction for the ripoff artist who stole parts of the scores from A Beautiful Mind and Gladiator. Oh, and the script writers...you little scamps...I deduct 17 stars. I know the storyline takes the audience back in time. Did you have to steal all of the gags from Revenge of the Nerds outtakes?

This is nothing more than a pandering infomercial for the "reset" of the DC cinematic universe. I apologize if this review insults the people who wrote the definition of STUPID. You had no way of knowing. Unless you were visited by the Flash from the future. In which case, A POX ON ALL OF YOUR HOUSES! For the sake of the future, or the past.... DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!

I also credit 1 star for bringing back George Clooney. He's an excellent actor and maker of film. Batman and Robin was NOT his fault!

Yes, I know the stars don't add up to 10...but seeing Michael Keaton as Batman, and hearing those immortal words was only worth 138 out of 10 stars. Blame the film...film flam makers for the 5 out of 10.

Ozark (2017–2022)

I wanna be Vince Gilligan and Bryan Cranston and Martin Scorsese when I grow up.

[5/10 · 26 August 2023]

Ozark is very, very good. It is binge material. I have turned away from long established watchlist entries to go back and watch another episode. The cast is flush with accomplished, top of their game actors. However, it's been done before. Unlike Family Guy ripping off The Simpsons yet establishing its own identity and surpassing as a result, Ozark repeatedly mines from Breaking Bad and Scorsese with the subtlety of a chainsaw popping a pimple.

"Can't you hear me knocking?" once is a nod, a tribute, an Easter egg. Four times in four episodes is a cry for help.

The violence wants to be shocking as it was in Breaking Bad. It has less impact than a Warner Bros cartoon. There is no investment established. I don't know or care enough about the perpetrator the victim. Who cares if they catch an ACME anvil to the dome? Reload... push-pull, click-clock.

The slight slide from drug manufacturer/kingpin to money launderer was intriguing initially. The constant parallels, not just to the characters, but the storyline, plot and even shots feels far too often like watching a direct to video ripoff.

Ozark is not fresh. It is not inspiring to the viewer. It is off my watchlist...after 4 and a half episodes.

Last Exit to Brooklyn (1989)

Could have been a good little film... instead it's a dirty after school special.

[2/10 · 25 August 2023]

Uli Edel picked a fine story and a promising cast. And then he directed a disappointing script with disappointing direction.

I loved his work on Tyson with Michael Jai White and Ving Rhames, who won a Golden Globe. I enjoyed Rasputin with Alan Rickman. However, most of his body of work is dodgy at best. Last Exit to Brooklyn is an example of most of his work.

An intriguing premise successfully pushed boundaries for the time. Unfortunately, the boundaries not only were pushed back as silly cliches were deployed to tell the story.

ANY director that cannot elicit a better performance from Jennifer Jason Leigh at this point in her career has clearly lost the plot.

Far too much was expected of the script, ham-handed bigotry and b-movie violence. The intended story was never told in much the same fashion that a tube radio broadcast with poor reception becomes annoying and ignored because one cannot ignore the irritating distraction of a fragmented story.

If you are a fan of Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jerry Orbach, Steven Lang, Burt Young, the actress who loses the dryer to Rachel on Friends, Stephen Baldwin, a largely unused Sam Rockwell, or the notion of self discovery with regards to being gay, or even people in Brooklyn sounding like they're Brooklyn... DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE.

Burnt (I) (2015)

BURNT...to a crisp. Formulaic, stale, uninspiring, uneven, cliche and continuity problems.

[3/10 · 17 July 2023]

I need three sticks. The old saying about more things "than you can shake a stick at". I hope three might be sufficient. Kind of like so many producers thought this established combination of proven talent would yield a fine film. I think we both were wrong.

Where to start? I never believed that Bradley Cooper thought he was a chef. I never believed that Bradley Cooper thought he was the best at anything. I never believed Bradley Cooper was driven as his character.

And when did Steven Knight start writing paint by the numbers screenplays? Perhaps the actors only played to par because they found themselves on a miniature golf course instead of St. Andrew's with regards to the script. It's as of a made for TV movie was written to account for commercial breaks with a mash up of Anthony Bourdain, Gordon Ramsay and Marco Pierre White all appearing out of sequence.

Director John Wells may be mostly well known as a TV director. I'm pretty sure anyone that saw this, knows that now. And it's not good TV. When you have an opportunity to work with Cooper, Daniel Bruhl and Emma Thompson, you don't leave meat on the bone. A veritable entire herd was left on the side of the road to waste whilst Wells was crafting 3 minute scenes with 1 minute of dialogue. The scene where Cooper runs everyone out of the kitchen was an example of awful delivery by the actor, the director and the editor. Textbook failure.

Finally, thank God there is a finality to this, Bradley Cooper has a beard, then he doesn't, then he has a beard, then he kinda does, then he definitely does. All in a matter of days.

AND...AND, what chef who has as their specific and clearly stated goal of 3 Michelin Stars allows a dish to leave their kitchen without tasting when they think it is being served to Michelin inspectors??!!

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

Indescribable. There may be words. I don't know what they are.

[3/10 · 5 July 2023]

I blame myself mostly. I blame people that present nominations and awards a bit. I definitely blame and even shame the writer and director. But I blame myself ultimately.

I was lured by a second pairing of Brendan Gleeson and Colin Fer... not sure how to spell his last name and after suffering for the last hour and 30 minutes of a 2 hour movie... don't care.

The honey trap got me. I keep reading about a dark comedy. This was a dark coma.

WHY? Why would anyone make this movie and think that anyone outside of a first year film student would...I just ran out of words again.

Uninteresting maudlin is a description that only elevates what this movie offers while misleading potential viewers as to an intriguing or interesting experience. DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE.

Kesari (2019)

Man! That's a movie!! WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!

[8/10 · 30 May 2023]

Everything you want in a film! It's all here. Drama, romance, action, comedy, inspiration, faith, history, CGI, stunts, cinematography, direction, script, story, theme, fun, regret, shame, redemption and some other things I've left out.

Akshay Kumar is INCREDIBLE! With a script that is so diverse regarding expectations of the actor, they kept setting him up...he just kept nailing it. I have no problem comparing his performance to Tom Hanks' Forrest Gump as well as Mel Gibson's Braveheart. There is that much range and that much delivery.

Director-writer Anurag Singh, along with co-writer Girish Kohli crafted a story that needs to be seen again and again.

Alice (2022)

Great performances tripped up by clunky script and pace.

[4/10 · 22 April 2023]

This movie initially made my watchlist because I am a HUGE Jonny Lee Miller fan. That was it. I read the synopsis and watched the trailer. Now I am really intrigued. I was all in from the first act into the second act. I discovered Keke Palmer, Alice. I believe I had heard the name, but had no memory of having seen her. Then it happened.

I saw a performance so raw and moving that it felt like watching a play. The energy and allure of great acting was palpable. Keke was both in and of the moment. Spectacular! And then the reality of the performance was hamstrung by the script and the direction.

An exciting jazz quartet began to sink because the drummer inexplicably forgot how to keep time. The deft brush stroke of the first act chose a new, clumsy tempo forcing the step of the audience to leave the dance floor.

This, the audience was tickled with promise and then bludgeoned with an offbeat message.

The message is important. But I stopped wanting to hear it because of the way it was delivered. The message tore its self away from a meaningful telling.

I admire the ambition of the jump from The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman to Coffy. But the transition made me stop watching with 30 minutes to go.

Kaleidoscope (2023)

A clunky Oceans 11 ripoff

[3/10 · 5 February 2023]

Juxtaposed timeline storytelling is a neat format for a heist. When executed properly, the audience has blast running through the maze, hitting a wall and then realizing they were deftly had.

However, the identity of the characters must be firmly and carefully established in order for the misdirection and reveal to be effective. The ebb and flow of the script and story has to be intricate while appearing seamless and effortless. No one winds up caring what happens if a supposedly intelligent, crafty character is trumped by a clumsy, obvious countermove. The end result isn't, "Oh man! I didn't see that coming!" to "How did THEY not see that coming??!" The resulting disappointment in the character and the story causes the interest of the audience to erode. They no longer trust and no longer care. This is the end result when a less than steady hand is on the wheel of exposition.

The performances of a gifted, accomplished cast seem like a first table read. Everything about this production is flat. Where the producers succeeded, the directors failed. I didn't and won't be watching the last few episodes because at this point, success or failure, triumph or tragedy is meaningless because I do not care about these characters or this story.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Rocky V, Beverly Hills Cop III, Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skulls, Jaws 2,3D, and the Revenge, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, etc.

[3/10 · 29 January 2023]

Top Gun. The original. Came out in '86. HUGE. Didn't see it till a few years later. Great movie. For me to this day, not a remote drop. But it is iconic. Great scenes, good actors, good story, quotable lines. 35 years later, Maverick.

It starts with a tad of intrigue and nostalgia. I'm on board. That's when engine 1 flames out. The Lazy Susan spinning of nostalgia, establishing character and story, poor casting, poor script, shallow story, anchoring through nostalgia with near and HUGE misses delivers a huge budget box office bonanza straight to DVD smoldering, festering STAR WARS prequel disappointment.

Tom Cruise knows how to make a good movie. Tom Cruise knows how to make a great movie. Tom Cruise knows how to act. Tom Cruise didn't know how to make this. The final product is an insult to the term slap-dash. Each side story amounts to nothing more than a Dear Diary entry based on over hearing 5% of a conversation.

Miles Teller and Jennifer Connelly, who the hell is Penny?, are wasted. The connection between the first movie and this are wasted. Low hanging fruit is not harvested but wasted in the interest of watching Tom Cruise actually do his own death defying stunts. Incredible to watch. He is a marvel doing that. However it plays more like a YouTube video than an actual, well, you know, movie.

The Parallax View (1974)

Robert L. Lippert would be envious of the padding in this film.

[2/10 · 3 January 2023]

There is a story-ish. I mean it has a beginning and ending, but no 2nd act. There is merely a rumor of a script. Exposition that reveals nothing of value married with cliches may technically constitute a script, but I wouldn't brag about it, much less produce it.

This film attempts to exploit the still warm conspiracy theories about the JFK assassination. However due to the clumsy, plodding and severely padded execution of the story, more people probably believed in the Warren Commission Report after watching this turd than did before. There is more real time footage in this movie than actual real time footage video.

A 30 second PSA would have sufficed, been every bit as "thrilling" and only eliminated the padding. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!

Bosch (2014–2021)

The inconsistency is distracting.

[5/10 · 4 December 2022]

Bosch is supposedly a hard boiled detective. He has been hardened by his life experience. The only rules he follows are his own. He's laser focused, until he isn't? The portrayal of this character is flawed to the point that he is a non sequitur.

I understand the direction of revealing flaws and layers of a character builds drama. The less than subtle shifts between Dirty Harry and Inspector Clouseau strains even the most dedicated suspension of disbelief. Bosch has an established reputation for bucking the system from the jump. Yet somehow he bends to its and every day life's simple and most basic questions like a failure. He is BORING. Bosch is that annoying guy on the next barstool that talks everything is already experienced and figured out and the strides proudly out of the men's room not only with his fly down but his roscoe hanging out.

Even in his self success, he's a failure.

Who wants to watch that for eight seasons much less the five episodes I wasted watching.

Allied (2016)

Sat on my watchlist for a long while. Two hours wasted.

[4/10 · 28 November 2022]

All of the headliners are heavy hitters. Knight, Zemeckis, Cottiliard, Pitt. Can't miss, right? This movie just stayed in the on deck circle. It never even stepped into the batter's box.

Chemistry, no. Perhaps that was intended in the portrayal of two spies. However, if you want the full effect of the spectrum of the story, eventually the writer, the director or the leads have to commit. The zag is meaningless if there is no zig. Cardboard performances by the leads and misdirection no less obvious than playing hide and seek with my niece while she hides behind a curtain, as I watch, and she asks out loud if I can see her.

For all of the subterfuge that could have taken place; all of the twists that could have been employed, Allied turned out to be just a boring 2 hour trailer for a movie that was never made.

Don't watch this movie.

The Age of Innocence (1993)

Film school SUPER SECRET DOUBLE PROBATION ADVANCED

[4/10 · 30 October 2022]

I did not enjoy it. I won't argue that it was a great cinematic achievement. I like to think those achievements enlight a peasant like myself. I was not enlightened.

Overall, I was bored. I believe a case can be made for the actors. On multiple occasions I was distracted by actors swaying in and out of character with their dialects. I distinctly heard a bit of Irish accent from Daniel Day Lewis in one scene.

I understand the theme but some of the cinematography and editing again was distracting.

This film was a bit bumpy. I never grew an affinity or an indifference for any of the characters.

In a story that may have mattered at sometime, this interpretation doesn't to me.

Homeland (2011–2020)

Two plus episodes was enough...HORRIBLE.

[2/10 · 28 October 2022]

A completely unlikeable and implausible main character. Ham-handed attempts at misdirection. Revelations that are apparent miles before the actual reveal. Wasted, in front of the camera talent.

Instead of a show that ran successfully for 9 seasons, this plays more like a 70's mid season replacement copycat drama that filmed 13 episodes and was cancelled after 3 episodes aired.

In some fashion, I can believe that someone as inept as Claire Danes' character could achieve her position. The mere fact that her mentor and her superiors would blindly just kind of shrug their shoulders as the counterbalance to fumbling and bumbling that even Clouseau would find embarrassing is just not intriguing or drama.

Ultimately, I don't care enough to find out if Claire is right or wrong. There is nothing to inspire the viewer to root for her vindication. Failing that fails the series, the plot and the viewer.

Prometheus (I) (2012)

Ridley Scott makes Alien... again?

[5/10 · 1 October 2022]

I've already seen this movie...back in 1979. Then, I saw most of it again in 1986. Granted, this time around the visuals are superior to the first two times, but the story is the same. There are a couple of minor changes that are so predictable and uninspired that you hardly even notice. At one point half way through, I actually felt like I was the bored director because I already knew what was going to happen next. So much so that I didn't ask for or choose different takes to prevent cardboard performances from a talented cast to make the final cut of the film.

I suppose I hoped that because the movie was shot in 3D, no one would notice I just put a shiny coat of paint on a 1979 Cadillac.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Thor movies are 1-3. Amended.

[4/10 · 10 September 2022]

AMENDMENT: Out of sheer boredom and curiosity, I finally finished watching this. The last 20 minutes or so resonated with what made, again I say MADE, Marvel movies special. However, Marvel is dead. Make no mistake. I still stand by my initial review.

INITIAL REVIEW: I'm not sure where to begin. I know where I'll end. Here. For Thor and Marvel Phase Clueless. Perhaps there is some master plan to make a...much like this movie, I cannot finish this sentence.

Let's begin again. Taika got drunk on the success of Ragnarok and as happens forgot the moment of the... If this review seems slapdash and incoherent, unenjoyable, you've already watched this movie.

The chemistry between Hemsworth and Portman is non existent. Two boring movies should have proven that. To make matters worse, the script and story are rushed and muddled by the thought of horrible flashbacks that are not flashbacks and gratuitous mugging trying to convince the audience that the first two Thor movies resonated. They didn't. And the forced "humor" is like listening to a great joke that the teller cannot tell.

Marvel, Waititi, Feigie...Stop before someone really gets hurt.

It really was Ragnarok. You've destroyed Asgard.

The Passenger (1975)

Family vacation slides are methamphetamines compared to this

[1/10 · 5 September 2022]

Buddhist monks who have sat in a room staring at a wall for six months would break their vow of silence after watching this movie saying, "I just wasted two hours of my life that I could have spent staring at a wall. The wall at least had the hope of being more interesting than that!!" There is NOTHING. A page and a half of story sketches written by someone still drunk waking up from a fever dream provides more promise of an actual lucid thought than the uncut version of this schlock. If you have ever considered suicide as an alternative to boredom, you have already seen this movie. DON'T. JUST DON'T.

Red (2008)

Ambivalent, confused, plodding...a very lazy and unsatisfying Walking Tall.

[3/10 · 29 August 2022]

Brian Cox is Brian Cox. Golden. I watched this only because he was in it. But the script and the director kept getting in the way. The cinematography made me think this movie was an after school special or a Lifetime movie until the first F bomb. This movie was an insult to the F bomb. At no moment did I feel there was enough anger or rage to motivate someone using it. Sarah McLachlan and entitled kids everywhere would be climbing the walls at the level of acceptance by parties on both sides by the lack of emotional expression. Tom Sizemore, like Brian Cox, was completely wasted in this endeavor.

Prizefighter: The Life of Jem Belcher (2022)

Hookings and Graham rip-off Rocky movies and it still sucks

[3/10 · 22 August 2022]

Awe-inspiring? Incredible? If that's the case regarding the story of Jem Belcher, it still hasn't been told.

There is no character or relationship development. There doesn't have to be when you are so lazy as to just steal from the Rocky movies. Hookings and Graham even steal from Rocky V!! And the, "Cut me Mick.", rip is an insult.

Hookings should be banned from using any instruments such as pencils, paper, computers, etc. For a period indeterminate and haunted by Jem Belcher's ghost in perpetuity.

There is nothing to like or root for in any of this film.

If that is Jem Belcher's story, no wonder it's never been told. It sucks.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

THE Ghostbusters saved Afterlife

[7/10 · 7 August 2022]

I actually quit watching this movie with 30 minutes remaining. What started as a well paced, moving and poignant sequel began to morph into a clumsy, gimmicky exploitation of the first Ghostbusters. I fell out of love with it quickly. But then 12 hours later, I thought what the hell. Let's see how bad it gets. It doesn't. It gets great. The kind of great Ghostbusters deserves. Somehow the movie returns to how it began. I've seen the first two countless times. I'm not sure if I'll ever watch this one again. But I'm glad I did once.