realvedmak Reviews

Avenged (2013)

Racist piece of crap film

[1/10 · 12 April 2014]

If somebody made movie portraying any other demographic as badly as this movie portrays white Americans in Mid West it would be called racist right away. If it was just minor group, if they were teens (so technically still mentally developing) ... but in this movie nearly every white person is racist against everything. Its way over the top, and I find it to be offensive portrayal of white people.

Acting overall was atrocious. I guess its what you get when you pay people in beer and not money.

Writing was even worse. I think if they asked 6 year old in any regular school kid could have came up with better composed story.

And this is type of movie where I'd usually just not post a review, but seeing all the fake reviews made me spend my 5 minutes longer than just to give it 1 star to write this.

If stars were given just for effort, even then I could not go above maybe 3. Yeah its low budget, but that can excuse bad special effects, not nonsensical story.

Nobody, and I mean not a single person, with any sense whatsoever, would ever stop to help somebody as portrayed. Nobody that stupid would be allowed to roam free, we have institutions to place people with such bad judgement. So maybe that's supposed to mean that deaf girl is stupid too? Is only non imbecile in the entire movie supposed to be Apache Shaman? Or was it that writer was too lazy, or too incompetent, to develop rest of characters properly?

Sometimes script is where movie idea should end. This is one of those times.

Unless you really hate white people and want to get your rocks off watching them get what is coming to them, pass on this pile of garbage.

The Villain (1979)

Not even mildly entertaining

[1/10 · 26 March 2014]

The worst thing in this entire movie is how bad of an actor Arnold was. First movie I ever saw him in was Predator, and that role he did well enough that 6 or 8 year old me liked it.

Maybe if I saw this movie when I was 2, back in 79, and my standards were not yet developed, maybe then I could give this movie more than a 1. But considering its movie with Kirk Douglas, who happens to be excellent grade A actor (watch "There was a crooked man" to see him shine), I feel its criminal how much his talents were underused in this film.

Only possibly reason I can see for this movie even being made is that Arnold polished somebody's pole really well and they gave him this as reward. There is no way any sane person would have hired him as actor with that bad of English to star in same movie as Kirk Douglas if there was not more to it.

I Am Soldier (2014)

Very Unrealistic Fantasy about SAS

[1/10 · 20 March 2014]

Whoever wrote this crap is either delusional or really sucks at writing propaganda movies.

Movie is basically about SAS recruitment process, except everything was left out but the torture porn part making it look like SAS just enjoy sexually abusing and torturing all potential recruits. As I never joined SAS I have no idea if they in fact are that demented and weird, but even if they are I doubt they would really want to publicly represent themselves in such manner.

So, after being tortured and being extremely happy about it, protagonist participates on some raid against Bosnian Muslim extremists and performs better than Rambo. He is about 5 feet tall, guys he is fighting are about 7 feet tall and 400 pounds of pure muscle. He gets hit, just shakes it off, he slaps those brutes, they keel over like he shot them with a shotgun. Bloody ridiculous. Too badly choreographed to even begin to be entertaining.

Soldier of Destiny (2012)

When you can't say anything nice

[1/10 · 11 March 2014]

They say when you can't say anything nice you should not say anything at all. Well, what do they know. If there were no people like me, telling people like you that you can avoid pain and suffering by avoiding films like this one, what would you do?

You welcome!

See that SPOILER checked? Yup. So here it is. He dies. Yeah, big surprise I know.

Problem with all religious mumbo jumbo films is that they do not have same impact in 21st century that they had when overall IQ level of humanity was far lower.

This crapilicious film is basically about a guy who does not believe in God, then he does, then he dies. If you, like me, do not care (or simply do not believe), then entire thing is exercise in pointlessness.

The Experts (1989)

Badly done propaganda piece

[1/10 · 7 March 2014]

I spent part of my childhood behind the iron curtain in few Communist countries that 80's USA liked to trash.

Funny thing is, there was no propaganda against the USA on the other side at all. We watched all kinds of movies, including American ones,listened to all kinds of music, including American, and when I eventually decided to move to North America there was nothing epic about it, other than epically hot stewardess I was making out with during the flight.But she was Dutch and they were kinda neutral in the entire mess that was Cold War.

Somehow I missed seeing this movie until today. After seeing it I can understand why. Cheaply done, stupid, anti-Russian propaganda.I am aware Germany did create some faux USA city during WW2, I have no idea whether Russians did as well, but keeping people in it for 30+ years ... idea is stupid, characters are not believable, movie is boring, and John Travolta could never dance no matter what his PR team and few delusional souls would have you believe.

Do you know what won Cold War? Coca Cola and Blue Jeans. Better music. The way of life.

But Russians still have far better looking girls.

Moonlighting (1985–1989)

Worst Bruce Willis Role Ever!

[1/10 · 4 March 2014]

OK, maybe Unbreakable is near it as far as roles he should have ran like the wind from, other than that, the worst crap he ever acted in.

His role reads like it was written by failed middle aged woman who has no concept of real relationships between men and women. Perhaps woman that married guy she did not really click with and reads romance novels.

His character is a WEAK man. They went for type of a guy that never really grew up, would be good with children, is sensitive ... in other words shallow dream of a lonely woman, a beta, not a real man at all and not what mentally well adjusted woman would want.

I hated the show, my wife hated the show, my sister hated the show, my mother hated the show, and I could not find a single person on my FB friends list who could say a nice thing about this piece of crap.

Receptionist character is horrible too. Nobody sane would stay 5 minutes in room with her.

Cybil's character is just typical failure of a lonely middle aged woman who still thinks she has it, when she lost it long time ago.

Very unmemorable show, which is why after 30 years there are so few votes on it.

My personal biggest objection is amount of breaking fourth wall they do. It felt like cheap comedy act that gets boo'd, not something starring Bruce Willis. Disappointing!

The Sword Identity (2011)

Terrible, boring, ... somebody liked this?

[1/10 · 27 February 2014]

This is definitely most boring recently filmed Chinese movie I've seen. No doubt about it.

I also saw Flying Swords of Dragon Gate same day, and I almost gave that one a 2, just because of how bad this one is. But, no, both got a well deserved 1, as movies like this should never be created as they are waste of time and money for everybody involved, especially the viewers like me.

Maybe its trend with movies based on Anime/Comics/whatever, but over the top still posing and slow moving action are NOT a good thing. I cannot imagine mentally well adjusted individuals finding crap like this movie entertaining enough to sit through it.

Flying Swords of Dragon Gate (2011)

Cheap CGI, worse movie

[1/10 · 27 February 2014]

Jet Lee did some great stuff over the years. This is not one of those.

Plot is worse than Disney.

Entire movie has 0 decent martial art choreography. This is NOT a martial arts movie! What it is, is nonstop unrealistically stupid, badly done, CGI.

Part I hated the most is that there is better flow of moves in Batman Origins Video Game than in this movie. Good for Batman Origins, very, very bad for unmemorable Dragon Gate.

These is far too much posing, stopping, pausing, centering on badly acted facial expressions ... I really do not like Anime, so maybe that is part of the problem here, but this thing felt like C-budget Live Action Anime Roleplay by fans who are not really actors and have no professional experience.

Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

The dead are flipping in their graves!

[1/10 · 22 February 2014]

Only watch this if you could not possibly care less about actual history, facts, or if you just want to see how badly these idiots can insult the dead.

None of characters portrayed in this film have anything to do with actual historical people, they are all figments of drug addled mind of whoever wrote this crap. I did not bother to look, but its probably somebody known considering how much ass kissing this movie got.

Movie has two-three decently choreographed fight scenes. That is offset by having Orlando Bloom as main character. Having his character turn down to be king kills rest of what this could have been.

The Man Behind the Badge (1953–1955)

Crappy Biased Crime Solver Reenactments

[1/10 · 22 February 2014]

I marked this SPOILER, so if you do not want episode spoiled STOP reading now.

As sample of how craptastic this TV show was I'll use episode called 'Case of the Dying Past'.

A 'bad guy' in this episode is moneylender who charges 'outrageous and illegal' 20 percent interest.Really? What a terrible person! Twenty percent. And he would threaten to tell family members random things if his 'victims' did not pay what they owed him. Mind you, not break their legs like modern day Shylock would have his goons do, no, he would 'verbally abuse' his 'victims'.

That's how STUPID this show was.Made by weak willed individuals for the weak willed audience. Not my cup of tea.

If you are dumb enough to agree to 20% interest, then you should honor your agreement, you are not a victim. Legality of issue is matter of whatever times you live in and has nothing to do with keeping your word and personal integrity.

Oldboy (2013)

GARBAGE! Watch original, and skip this TRASH!

[1/10 · 19 February 2014]

It is insulting to human intelligence what happens when American cinema takes a foreign gem and vomits all over it.

I think last time I saw film this violated was American remake of French movie "13". I like Jason Statham's acting, but that was one movie he could have skipped. Then again maybe he was starving. Poor starving actor who had to set aside morals for few bucks and a crappy role in terrible remake. Give Jason some food, have mercy!

Oldboy is a film about revenge and incest. Original Oldboy was a masterpiece. This remake is a pile of defecated vomit. Now, if I did not see the original, it would be 'ok'. But I did.

First problem is difference of values between countries that created a movie. I do not wish to ruin watching the original for anyone so I will leave endings out of it. American idea of 'morality' is over the top. Its just far too influenced by extremist Bible thumpers to be anywhere near what it should be.

Just go see the original, make up your own mind.

Split (1989)

People high on drugs should not make movies

[1/10 · 7 February 2014]

Guy is 'on to things' so he shows it by living like a bum, eating out of garbage, and behaving like a raving lunatic.

Somebody reviewed this crap as 'ahead of its time'. another as 'matrix on budget'. I can assure you its neither. Its what happens when people get high, think they are creating and instead they are making fools of themselves.

What this movie feels like is exactly what it is. A waste of time.

To force a 10 line review for this type of garbage is also stupid.

If you really enjoy feeling persecuted, dining out of garbage cans, wearing stupidly ineffective disguises, listening to endless, pointless conversations reminiscent of what intoxicated film students converse about ... then this might be a film for you.

If however you have any taste or sense stay away from this steaming pile of poop.

Exodus (1960)

Insult to anybody who cares about actual history

[1/10 · 31 December 2013]

I did not read any reviews about this film prior to seeing it.

In retrospect I should have, as it would have saved me from wasting time on cheap trash.

This film is extremely badly done piece of propaganda that has next to nothing to do with actual events it is supposed to portray.

What exactly is the reason not to tell the real story? Why change even basic facts that can be proved such as origin of the ship (it was USA and NOT Cyprus), and historical fact that British actually sent Jewish people this movie is about back to Germany.

This film has nothing at all to do with actual history. Its nothing but piece of garbage. A very boring one at that.

Bank Roll (2012)

Badly done

[1/10 · 8 December 2013]

You know all those scenes from Tarantino movies where characters talk about random stuff to each other? Tarantino does them right. Whoever did this movie does not.

That would not be much of a problem if there was more to this movie, however that is ALL that this movie is. No action, just those rambling stories.

I liked few jokes in scene in a car between guy with dreads and guy with glasses, but that was just about only barely OK part of entire movie.

As I marked this 'spoiler' here's a big one ... there is no bank robbery. The entire thing is basically just bunch of guys talking about how they are going to do it, and then just nothing.

It left me feeling disappointed. In a bad way. Like being young in back of the car with girl, but her going 'this is as far as I go' and going home with blue balls. Not cool.

Little Favour (2013)

Brilliant Short

[10/10 · 7 December 2013]

Version I just saw was 18 minutes long (plus credits).

When it comes to short movies I never know what to expect. Sometimes great things can be done in little time on screen. Usually I see short films as part of some sort of compilation, like ABC's of Death.

Its hard to give review for this film without revealing plot.Its quick, action paced movie, constant action for most of it, and its one of those things you either love or hate, nothing in between.

I found beginning bit vague, the first three minutes, but its quickly apparent what happens why, then we have masterfully executed plot twist, and great ending.

I want to see more from makers of this.

Sex.Violence.FamilyValues. (2013)

Great Movie

[10/10 · 27 November 2013]

This movie is compilation of three short stories set in Singapore.

I saw around 40 Mainstream USA made movies this year and they were mostly utter crap. Too many are just be veiled pointless propaganda (White House Down), and the rest are trying to be profound in some stupid way (Cloud Atlas)and all use such overdone repetitive stories we've seen million times before that they ceased to even be OK as distraction.

Sex-Violence-Family Values is funny. Really funny, not lame funny like 'This is the End'. Each of three stories reads like a joke with a punchline. Version I saw was around 47 minutes and there are no boring parts, and I'd rather watch ten 47 minute movies of this quality then even one pointless three hour 'nouveau cult' movie.

Act of Valor (2012)

Too much badly done propaganda

[1/10 · 23 November 2013]

If this was cut to around 50 minutes and consisted of just action sequences, I'd give it a 10. In that department it actually beats most recent action movies.

Problem is, the other 60 minutes is nothing but treating viewer like he/she is an imbecile with endless propaganda.

There are scenes where SEAL's do not shoot women. If that were true in reality, SEAL's would all have died due to their stupidity. When elite combat force attacks enemy encampment in middle of the night they shoot everything. Women, children, dogs, cats, everything. If it moves, it dies. In this movie, these guys are all white knights full of self sacrifice. What a bunch of bs.

If you watch this movie objectively, without taking sides (which is hard as suicide bombers are full retards), it pops out that SEAL's as portrayed in this movie are as fanatical as what they are fighting.

I can totally see idiots joining US Army/Navy after watching this crap. If any of those are reading this, don't be stupid, real military is far from entertaining, just visit any vet hospital and talk to those people.

The Starving Games (2013)

Mindless comedy exactly as advertised

[10/10 · 14 November 2013]

If you did not see Hunger Games, see it before watching this movie.

This is a parody of Hunger Games, and it does that perfectly. Humor is dumb, but it is supposed to be dumb. If you watch Beavis and Butthead, you do not expect Mike Judge to make it a masterpiece, it is what it is. This movie is that sort of humour. Besides, it has half a second of Gangnam Style and Gangnam Style makes everything better.

When I came to rate it, it was standing at 3.1 on IMDb. That is just not right.Overall it is a 5 or a 6. I only give 1 or 10, so since it is a movie I think lot of people would enjoy, and which I enjoyed watching with pizza and friends, I gave it a 10.

I Declare War (I) (2012)

Movie that could have been OK, but sucks

[1/10 · 10 November 2013]

Story this was based on was probably really good.

Unfortunately, this movie is so badly executed it will be quickly forgotten.

Kid actors did their job perfectly. I question casting choices simply because P.K does not look like kid that would have been a leader, but that type of kid that gets picked last. Girl should have been dressed more intelligently, rather than like a poor peasant girl with no taste in clothing.

Where this movie really starts to suck is unclear division of reality and fantasy. Adding sounds of gunfire, explosions, making kids look like they just crawled through pigsty, these were not good choices. This movie apparently happens one nice afternoon. Unless they are supposed to be living in ghetto and be dirty 24/7, there is no way normal kids would get this dirty that quickly.

Some parts were written like kids are 6, some like they are 20. Not having read the original story, I have to guess that these were changes made by somebody at some point, and that somebody is pretty clueless about child psychology.

Its movie that is about halfway there, and if I believed in 1 to 10 system I would probably give it around 4, but since I only believe in 1 or a 10, this movie got all I could give it, a 1. You will lose out on nothing by choosing not to see it.

Syrup (I) (2013)

This movie is 180 degrees from cool

[1/10 · 8 November 2013]

Basic premise of this movie is that ads and hype sell products regardless of quality of actual product.

If you are trying to make a quick buck and never get to sell anything ever again that would work. However, with almost two decades of experience in marketing I can tell you that there is a solid reason big companies spend billions on developing flavors, and that is that people might buy crap, but people will not continue to purchase it.

But I digress. This movie is pretty stupid. Girl that was supposed to be 'hot' is more along lines of girl next door type, so miscast in my opinion. Yet everybody is supposed to want her. I just did not buy that.

Main male actor is kinda weird looking too. Not interesting weird in a likable way, like Steve Buscemi, but strange weird like Elijah Wood in his role in Sin City. Honestly, guy like that would never make it, no matter how good his ideas were, he'd just get used up and tossed away. Considering his character acts conceited and pushy entire movie, and girl is supposed to have attraction for him, I really did not buy his character at all.

Finally, no company would treat suicide the way they tried to portray it in this movie. They would deny responsibility and NOT fire people admitting guilt, as that course of action would open them up for class action lawsuits.

All in all, this movie is less realistic than a Disney movie. It is better than that crap 'Branded' but still far cry from any good.

Star Trek (1966–1969)

This show is pathetic!

[1/10 · 20 October 2013]

Lets just sum it up. One character has basically one line for every stupid episode over course of three seasons this crap lasted, and that is "He's dead Jim!".

Virtually every single episode they are on different planet. So that means there should be ton of different races, different cultures, ... well, no. To writers of this show that meant to recycle Nazi's, Roman's, Greek's, God and Wild West, over and over and over and over until sane person just wants to scream ENOUGH!

I expected so much more out of this show. Instead its just stupid and lacks creativity. Even one character worth perhaps few redeeming points, Spock, only has his superpowers when suitable. And Kirk is probably in Top 10 list of most one dimensional, non creative, characters ever made.

I actually like William Shatner. I love Tekwar. I liked his sitcom too. But this role is what made him famous, yet its something he is probably embarrassed about as an actor as he seemed so much smarter than this to me.

This TV show should not have lasted even one full season. No wonder it died at season three. If you are looking for Star trek fix, Next Generation delivers so much more.

The Phoenix Rises (2012)

Garbage

[1/10 · 18 October 2013]

Whoever made this should either stop making movies or stop doing drugs.

This entire movie is basically extended torture scene. It starts of badly and it simply never gets any better. It really would not surprise me if somebody prone to seizures got one from attempt to watch this crap. Just imagine somebody holding directional strobe light pointed directly at your face for entire length of bad movie and you get an idea of what this movie plays out like.

Acting is also just atrocious. I do not see these people getting much work as actors in their future. I think any decent actor would be ashamed of being in this movie and unwilling to be credited in it. Those without foresight to request they not be credited, ... my condolences.

A Day of Violence (2010)

Well ...

[1/10 · 17 October 2013]

First, bit of advice to girl that did nude scene. There are movies where you can do it and people will think 'ok, it was needed for the scene', and then there are movies where its completely pointless and you should not have done it as it does nothing for you. This movie is the latter.

This movie is worse than "I against I". Unbelievable. I really did not think I was going to run into movie that deserves for me to say that this year. I used to love Brit movies, but in recent years it looks like everything made there that reaches North American market is just garbage.

All great Brit actors like Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham and Tim Roth seem to be mostly in USA movies now (I guess they pay far better than UK ones)and new talent in UK movies seems not to have a clue how to act.

The Internship (2013)

What is working at Google like ?

[10/10 · 14 October 2013]

Was this movie funded in any part by Google? I did not bother to look it up. Parts of it play like it was propaganda piece for Google. However, since I like Google if it was their idea it was great, if not, its great anyway.

At its core this is a stupid comedy. Template-y. Think typical college humour movie, but set at Google internship facility instead of college/university.

I find it little bit hard to believe that there could be two people in 40's completely ignorant of internet, even harder to believe that Google would seriously accept two such people as interns, but story is not really any more unbelievable than rest of films I saw in this category.

I would probably get kicked out from internship like this one as I would be dating coworkers, bringing food back home, winning at Quidditch by any means needed, and my unique perspective on solving problems that might not really be politically correct, but I would still have loved to try it anyway.

If you have no idea who X-Men are, or what is Google or Cosplay, you might not find humour appealing.

Otherwise this is perfect movie to watch with bunch of friends.

Pacific Rim (2013)

Is there no end to bad movies this year?

[1/10 · 10 October 2013]

Right before this I watched three really, really terrible low budget movies, All Hallows Eve, Butcher Boys and The Dirties. All sucked so I was saving this one for the end as "sure shot". Yeah, right.

I will quote another review of this, lets call it a movie, that I agree with:"dull, unoriginal, corny, heavy-handed, humdrum, ordinary, phoned in, stale, uncreative, unexciting, unimaginative, unimpressive, uninspiring, uninteresting, and uninventive." That actually really defines this movie extremely well.

At 17 minutes into it I already started wishing it was over. After watching three horrible low budget movies. This movie is a pointless mess of underdeveloped story and characters.