stephroberts_morgan Reviews

Saltburn (2023)

Pretentious tosh

[2/10 · 31 December 2023]

If it hadn't been for Tiktok I wouldn't have even bothered watching but for all the 'OMG!' I(clickbait) reactions, my curiosity got the better of me. (I should have just fast forwarded to the 'OMG' parts, yawn, yeah, yeah.. nothing to see here, move along!.. and not wasted 2 hours!)

Did I watch the same film that everybody else saw? Wasn't it supposed to be a psychological thriller? Where was that because it certainly wasn't apparent at any point, just about some student obsessed with some posh male totty who wasn't give him any - didn't require anything further on a 'deeper' level.

Those 'shocking' scenes were provided for nothing more than pure sensationalism and frankly, if anyone found them shocking then you need to grow up and watch films worthy of the title 'psychological thriller' - if you're not too sensitive that is!

Saltburn is absolute twaddle. The property and grounds were the best parts of the film, glorious building and landscapes, and shame on such good actors wanting to be involved in this drivel. Poor Richard E Grant.. what on earth were you thinking?! Was the comedic element intentional?

Saltburn should be renamed Marmite - one will love it or hate it. I fall into the latter category.. completely overhyped.

Leave the World Behind (2023)

What a load of tosh!

[4/10 · 11 December 2023]

Nothing new to see here. If it's not a film portraying America The Hero, then it's onr portraying America Under Attack.. blah blah, yawn yawn.. and as for that ending, that's someone seriously taking the piss. Does anyone have any new, exciting ideas anymore or are they just churning out from the same old crock of shite. How many times have there been 'end of the days', invasion, civil unrest type films.. if it was a sci-fi film production it might have been half way interesting but nope. This film could have been far more 'intelligent' but sadly it lets us down. What a long two hours to waste on nothing.

The Ghosts of Borley Rectory (2021)

Bad enough to raise the dead!

[1/10 · 3 May 2023]

Possibly the worst film I have ever seen in my 57 years. A shame as Harry Price was a famous psychical researcher and Borley Rectory his infamous research vehicle therefore it could have been very interesting in different hands.

Acting was either so cringingly amateur (the support roles) or hammed up to the hilt (Price character and Toyah Wilcox's medium). I can't understand why the local landowner had a cliche'd farmer 'ooh arr' accent when Borley Rectory was in the Essex countryside.

And the entity itself.. really? I mean.. an evil nun.. REALLY? ! And the part where its hand moves, twisting and turning, and hovers over the food, was simply laughable - which drama class did they learn that in?! Oh dear.. just awful.

An utter waste of time sadly. Did they really take it seriously or was it supposed to be tongue in cheek?

Absolutely dreadful film.

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

Talking of digging up old graves.. should have let the original rest in peace!

[2/10 · 30 October 2022]

Very rarely is a 'sequel' as good as the original. This was no exception. The original was brilliant - a spellbinding and energetic broomstick ride of fun and I will always associate 'I've put a spell on you' with the Divine Miss M.

But this? Thoroughly disappointed. Left scratching head trying to think if there was actually a story somewhere.

The stars did a good job but look, we're 30 years down the road here so there was definitely a lack of vitality even though they all (over)acted their hardest. Nope. This is one film that should have been left to carry its iconic torch forever. Definitely avoid this sequel if you loved the original. Puhlease don't make a triquel!!

Terrifier 2 (2022)

2 stars for make-up!

[2/10 · 29 October 2022]

Of course if people say 'Ewww', 'Oh my god!', '...can't watch' it's going to pique my interest and so for 2 hours I was waiting for the 'can't watch' moment. Did it happen? Nope... well not for me. I've never been a fan of slasher movies - I'm more into the traditional spooky sci-fi or paranormal genre of horror - but due to the hype I thought I'd see what it was all about. Admittedly I don't like clowns and Art was no exception though I loved his sardonic literal eyebrow raising moments, and the make up was excellent. But.. how many more films are going to use blood, intestines and brains to make some bucks? Where's the ingenuity? Beaten to death like Art's victims. If you like guts and gore then go for it otherwise use your brain and watch something a little more intelligent.

Mad God (2021)

You do or you don't...

[1/10 · 28 October 2022]

I don't. I didn't see the point (not that there was one). Thirty years to make? Two long hours to watch. And for what? Some gore, blood and guts (is this all directors/writers can come up with these days??) and various bizarre animated creatures that looked like they could have been knitted by my grandmother. Half expected Morph to put in an appearance, well actually, maybe his cousins did! Even Mr Potato Head could have had a cameo! What a load of pretentious, tried too hard, tosh. And reading the high reviews, this, ladies and gentlemen, is sadly how a pile of bricks becomes 'art'. Shudder... I definitely do.. art?! Heavens forbid!

Host (II) (2020)

Time to kill? Watch something better instead!

[3/10 · 9 July 2022]

A life-long horror film fan, I had some time to kill so an hour's horror movie sounded perfect. Hmm ok, a zoom sceance - let's see where this goes. So a little tension at first, something in the shadows, but then come the typical knocks and bangs, doors opening, the usual jump scares, one after another. Yawn.

Without including spoilers, can horror writers please use some ingenuity to actually make a film even a little unnerving these days, or perhaps I'm now so desensitised after 30 odd years of watching horror? Sadly another let-down. I can only assume that it's unseasoned young adults that have given this film high marks. I think one reviewer said they were 'blown away' by this film.. clearly not a 'host' of horror under their belt yet!

Gave the film three stars at a push because I actually enjoyed the zoom get together before all the vfx started!

Men (2022)

Not all bad...

[5/10 · 30 June 2022]

So basically the character is based on folklore of the Green Man, symbol of rebirth and fertility. That's all I have to say on the subject! Film.. interesting but ending unsatisfactory and I'm more concerned now about how to clean a white sofa!!

The Dark and the Wicked (2020)

Mediocre horror

[5/10 · 22 May 2022]

Someone on Tiktok reviewed this and 'was creeped out for days' so hmm, that sounds like a challenge as I haven't seen a good horror flick for a while.

I don't want to spoil this but it seems that all the usual horror effects were squeezed into this film i.e. Creaking doors, dark corners, creeping shadows, white contact lenses, usual 'strange' characters.. so yeah.. I was disappointed though to be honest, I didn't particuarly want to be that creeped out where I can't sleep.

It was a decent enough film but felt I'd wasted 1.5 hours. It's all been done before in various other films. Nothing to see here, move along now.

Newton's Cradle (2021– )

Started well.. bored after a dozen episodes

[5/10 · 20 February 2022]

Regularly watch Arabic shows with Arab husband and there are some crackers out there, This Evening, Eugenie Nights, Paranormal, Grand Hotel etc. This is not one of them. Main leading actors live up to their fame but the show could have been done in half the time instead of dragged out with laugh out loud and tiresome drama after drama (for goodness sake, someone sedate that woman!!) . Some of the other actors were dreadful.. Mr Bradley, the American lawyer, who couldn't decide whether he was American, British or his native German.. and no comment on the hospital staff, just cringeworthy. Back to more entertaining Tik Tok after 13 episodes..

Spencer (2021)

What a load of pretenious claptrap

[2/10 · 3 December 2021]

It's a film about Diana Spencer, hmm.. more like a film with Kristen Stewart wearing lots of lovely dresses, trying to convince us awfully that she's British and posturing heavily. I watched almost two hours of wondering ok, what and where is the story? Full of empiness, trying too hard. Complete waste of time.

Made in Italy (2020)

Sadly disappointing

[3/10 · 16 July 2021]

Apart from the one or two Tuscan vistas there was little 'Made In Italy, unfortunately. I was expecting so much more but let down badly. A big fan of Liam Neeson, I felt the acting of both main actors to be wooden and dry - the only spark amongst the cast was Lindsay Duncan. Humour, (really?) where? Good intentions that failed to deliver. There are so many better movies about restorations of European country farmhouses and the like, entangled with complex relationship issues - go and check out Under the Tuscan Sun, or A Good Year, and then watch this if you must.

Outlander (2014– )

Excellent except...

[7/10 · 17 April 2021]

It's not even Claire.. it's the actress playing her, in such a monotone, dull fashion. Is Claire supposed to be that haughty, and 27? Looks more like 37. Not entirely convinced by the acting. Rest of the cast is great however. But I will say this, there is simply too much gratuituous flesh on show. Not at all a prude but is it really necessary? I mean, Jenny lactating into a cup? Totally irrelevant. Sex scenes were far too long - fast forward - I wanted to see more of the Scottish landscape - the hills and mountains, not the manscaping! Aside from that, it's bingeworthy fodder for the masses and makes me yearn to go back up to the Highlands.

Safe House (2015–2017)

Huh?

[28 January 2021]

Watched 1st series and was on edge of seat - brilliant cast, plot and scenery. Couldn't wait to watch the 2nd series.. all going ok until the 4th episode - huh? What happened? Really... that's it? Talk about unfinished business. Very disappointing. Watch the 1st and enjoy, just don't bother with the 2nd as it will definitely not live up to your expectations.

Monsters of Man (2020)

Pretty good for an indie film

[8/10 · 23 January 2021]

Dubious about the production initially but once the story got going and the action started I was pleasantly surprised. I'm a big fan of humans v robots and had been looking for a new film in this genre for some time. This does the job nicely. Robots are convincing and have that, no matter where you are, they'll find you, attitude. Special effects believable. A solid two hours and perhaps just once or twice it seemed to drag a little but overall, very enjoyable. Now that's whetted my appetite again, we need more robot sci-fi, but less in the jungle and more in the everyday suburbs.. chasing and menacing humans. Finally, the storyline may not be too far removed from a reality that's hidden by high fences and security!

Broil (2020)

Modern day demons

[9/10 · 12 July 2020]

Excellent fantasy storyline with some twists towards the end. I'm scared easily and this was not scary at all so a very enjoyable 90 mins.

American Gods (2017–2021)

Hang on.. I'm catching up!

[8/10 · 29 February 2020]

The millenials' Twin Peaks, no?

Half the time I haven't got a clue what's going on.. same with TP but loved that show!

Hereditary (2018)

Not worth the wait

[4/10 · 26 August 2018]

Finally got to see the movie and it started well; creepy and captivating but as it progressed the acting from Toni Collette became quite irritating with her begging, 'please, please, please!; and the movie started to go downhill from then. Naked people standing in dark corners covered in white paint? WTH. And the ending.. really? I watched almost two hours for that?! Huh? Pathetic.

Very disappointing.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Bold and beautiful

[10/10 · 21 August 2018]

Comedy, sadness, strength, vulnerability - this film has all and more. It could have been twice as long but still kept the viewer in its grasp. I hope tempus fugit as we await the next installment!

Occupation (2018)

Want to kill time - you could watch this or do something better!

[4/10 · 22 July 2018]

Ideas taken from so many other films/series - i.e. Independence Day/Fallen Skies but with Ozzie accents. Some truly awful acting. And why most of the time do we have to 'humanise' aliens - oh wait.. they have four fingers, not five - my bad! It's low budget (I'm guessing) so don't expect too much. It did entertain me for a couple of hours - I've seen far worse.

The Ritual (I) (2017)

If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise...

[7/10 · 10 February 2018]

So some similarity to other films that are based on things that go bump in the forest at night, but with a good Brit cast, decent story line and more suspense and supernatural than gore, it's a not half bad way to spend a couple of hours.

I do just wish they would finish the endings on a lot of films these days but how does one explain what happened to your friends when you yourself are covered in blood carrying an axe, the authorities are hardly going to believe you when you say it's because you've been killing ritualistic worshippers who were sacrificing your friends, and you've been running away from a mythological beast!

It (I) (2017)

Very disappointing

[3/10 · 19 September 2017]

Settled down for a night of scares, expecting to be watching most of the film from behind my hands when the introduction early in the film to Pennywise from the sewer was probably the best part of the whole film! From there on it shifted very fluidly between horror and comedy. I really did think I was watching a new Goonies film. By the end of the film I was thorough disappointed.

On a positive note, I thought Bill Skarsgard played a good Pennywise; a little endearing even!

I'm sure I'm missing some deep, hidden meaning the film is trying to portray about feeding our fear, coming of age etc etc. but nope, didn't get it.

The Possession of David O'Reilly (2010)

Disappointed

[2/10 · 19 March 2012]

Having read the reviews I settled down for a little spooky affair, already familiar with these sort of films and being of a sensitive nature I was expecting a bit of a thrill.

Whilst I enjoyed the storyline and, by the way nice flat!, as the action heated up and the first demon appeared I started to be a bit dubious that this may be a decent ride. The plot for me was interesting enough - the frantic locking of the doors, power cut, knocks and bangs - all the usual tricks, did add to the atmosphere but the girlfriend's constant question 'What's going on?' reminded me a bit of Eastenders.. 'Oi Ricky, what's going on?!' Even the boyfriend started asking his made David 'David, what's going on?'. I actually laughed on a couple of occasions.

As we start to see more of the demons appearing from the shadows they reminded me of discarded Dr Who monsters - to be honest, we don't need to see them, there's more fear of what we don't see than what we do.

Towards then end it was pretty obvious what was going to happen because we always have to have someone being killed no matter who does the killing.

Was David insane.. probably, or.. maybe not. The ending doesn't need an explanation - it is what it is.

If you like gore then you will be disappointed, if,like me, you 'appreciate' truly supernatural spooky films, again you will be disappointed. It's neither. But, it's not a bad film to while away some time.

The first Paranormal Activity had me sleeping badly for months after - that's what I call a good horror film!