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Jambareeqi Reviews (2012– )
2/10
An utter bore
23 August 2014
Jambareeqi Reviews is yet another Internet review series. Not like there's a shortage or anything. What does Jambareeqi have to other that other reviewers don't? To be truthful, not a whole lot.

Our good pal Jambareeqi first burst onto the YouTube scene with a show called "Review Anything" - only reason I know of it is because of Asalieri's video on it. In it, Jambareeqi dressed up in green and "reviewed anything" - anything in this case being mostly old cartoons. I watched an episode and it was horrible - he droned on and on despite having little to say. He made a few episodes before Asalieri reviewed him, and I guess he took it to heart because he closed up shop.

I went back on Asalieri's video a few weeks ago and saw a comment noting Sour Apple had returned as "Jambareeqi". So I trudge over to Jambareeqi's channel and watched a few videos. I have to say I'm not very impressed. He's definitely improved over his Sour Apple days but there are a number of kinks he has yet to work out.

Jambareeqi's reviews basically come off as 15 minutes of "I liked it/didn't like it". He reviews characters/plot to try and add depth, but he comes off as so wooden and uninterested in what he's saying that it really just bloats the videos. He just talks and talks and talks, and fails to say anything interesting to. He basically just spits out his shallow thoughts while clips of the movie roll on.

The reviews also feel very disjointed. They rumble on from one subject to the next, without anything smoothly transitioning his thoughts from one point to the next. In his review of "Pirates!" he muses about British humor for a few minutes before suddenly discussing how the film offended lepers. Then he jarringly shifts the focus to the film's historical inaccuracies. These make his videos feel clumsy and rushed. Jambareeqi tries mixing it up by attempting comedy sketches, but it makes his reviews feel like TGWTG rejects and his cookie-cutter review format doesn't lend well to this type of stuff.

Overall, although Jambareeqi has shown some improvement over his dreadful "Review Anything" series, similar issues plague his new show as well. There's too many Internet reviewers who simply relay generic criticisms about films in front of a camera, and Jambareeqi has done nothing to stand out. He adds some dull computer visuals to try and make his reviews nicer, but it's putting lipstick on a pig. Jambareeqi is just an uncharismatic reviewer and I don't care what he has to say in his videos. He failed to address much of the important criticism given to his Sour Apple videos and that's pretty sad. I would avoid watching Jambareeqi unless you HAVE to know his run-of-the-mill thoughts on "The Simpsons Movie".
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Movie 43 (2013)
1/10
Sucks.
25 January 2013
I have never written a review before, but I feel that writing one is the best way to clean my mind of the crappy film I have witnessed. This movie was extremely awful. The humor attempts to be "offending", but it instead sounds like something an 8th grader finds humorous. In fact, even an 8th grader would tire of the pathetic nonsense that is Movie 43.

The plot centers around two teenagers that make up an outrageous picture. However, I've heard it's different for other parts of the world. I'm currently in the UK, so the kids wraparound is what I saw. Their little brother looks for it on the world wide web and ends up finding lots of clips that we get the displeasure of seeing. There's one called "The Catch" where Kate Winslet goes on a blind date with Hugh Jackman. However, get this: Hugh Jackman has penises where penises aren't supposed to be! Just hear the crickets sing. I can hear the screenwriter just laughing and laughing as he adds more unfunny jokes about poop and semen.

Also, the hilarious basketball sketch where they comment on the fact that basketball players are mostly black! Wow! It's so funny! Naked women and iPads! It's funny too!

In short, Movie 43 is a disjointed mess, full of lousy jokes, terrible writing, and actors that no doubt deserve to be in something else. Now, I'm going to rally up Best Actor/Actresses winners to be in my new screenplay, "Boners of Fire". Just kidding, of course. I'm not THAT evil.
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