Change Your Image
Hayjohowe
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Ted (2012)
Still funnier than Pitch Perfect
Ted is A Family Guy Fans dream. Its a feature length film filled with fun characters played by the actors of family guy, what more could you ask for? The feel to the film is a lot like a long episode of family guy: Ted is often a slow witted but comedic guy, a lot like Peter Griffin. I find it fitting how they're voiced by the same guy. There's a lot of swearing, drinking, silly humor, profanity, and sexual content, much like an unrated family guy episode. The characters even seem to originate from family guy. There's John who is like an older version of Stewie, with Ted being Ruebert the Bear. Lori is like Lois, and her boss is like Quagmire or Brian, constantly after her. There's a creepy fat kid who is like a mix of Chris and the Jewish kid, and his father is like Mort. But it is still original and Seth MacFarlane does a good job at directing a feature length film. Unfortanatley I've seen a lot of reviews for this movie that don't appreciate its crude and slap stick comedy, but fans like me consider it to be one of the funniest movies ever made, so i say check it out.
Winterbeast (1992)
I just love this stuff
OK, lets review... What was the idea again? Nothing! This film has little to no plot, and even less explanation to whatever plot there is. The first shot is a guy sitting in a chair. When his friend asks if he's OK, he says he's fine and turns his face to his friend. Well, his face is half burnt, and he picks and eats at his guts through a hole in his side while a stop-motion tentacle man appears and the other guy falls over in fright. Then we cut to a shot of a skull bursting out of a guys chest. The former scene with the guy who picks at his gut is never explained, nor is it revisited ever again in the film. Then the movie starts with some ranger guys discussing a missing person on a mountain. They just run around looking for him and more people start to disappear. Well some sort of lodge owner or something is later found to be the villain, summoning up all these weird creatures. It's cause he wants to rule the world, or something, or I don't know. I mean I was paying attention, and I don't even know whats going on. Anyway these creatures are called up and start attacking people. The first one is a totem pole, which grabs naked chicks out of their homes, looks at them, and throws them against the wall. Then we have some sort of hairy sleestak creature that kills two hikers. Afterwards a six armed ET which kills a ranger. And then we come to the dragon dinosaur chicken thing that bites off some dudes head. Then we see a giant hawk thing which runs around cawing for 1 minute, then disappears.I like how whenever the monsters show up, they run around, cause some mayhem, then disappear, and afterwords they are never referred to again. All of these creatures are stop motion, and not good stop motion mind you, it's like a little six year old after they see a Ray Harryhausen movie and decide to make a creature out of plato. There's also a makeup corpse and the skull, which is seen again with the same clip, but still never explained. and there's the final monster which is some giant or something. HOnestly this movie makes no sense. So i guess you'll just have to leave your brain at the door and just sit back and enjoy. Honestly its a pretty bad movie that makes troll 2 look good in comparison, but it's definitely still the best worst movie ever made. Like the tag line says it must be seen to be believed...
Creepshow 2 (1987)
Not on par with the first, but still enjoyable.
Creepshow 2 was not on par with the original, with only three stories, and without George A. Romero's directing. That being said, it's still enjoyable if you're a fan of the original. The first difference in this story is instead of having the creep in the original, you have the bogeyman telling the stories. He's not as creepy as the creep, mostly because of his talking part. It was enjoyable to listen to him, but sometimes quiet is creepier. The comic book style was a little overused, having several scenes of cartoon animation, which makes it a little overused. But let's talk about the stories. In the first one, an elderly couple are running a store that is having less and less customers, and a Native American brings artifacts to pay off a debt his people have to the couple. The old man has a wooden model of an Indian Chief, which is creepy unto itself, and when the store is robbed and the couple killed by a couple of thugs who take the artifacts, the statue comes to life, and hunts down the three killers to get revenge. The second story features a group of friends that swim to a raft in the middle of a lake, and a strange organism that looks like an oil slick comes and attacks them. The special effects for this are well done, and make for a creepy story. The third story would be the unquestionable highlight, however it's repetitive dark humor makes it less enjoyable. It focuses on a lady, who driving home late at night, hits and kills a hitchhiker. His ghost returns to torment and kill her, and all he says is "Thanks for the ride lady." It gets annoying after a while, but is still enjoyable. Overall this movie is enjoyable but not as good as the first. Check it out if you're a fan.
Critters 4 (1992)
Swing and a miss...
Critters 4 looked like it would be the best of the franchise. The poster showed the critters overlooking a moon or a comet or a planet or something, but it had that "Lost-in-space-no-one-can-help-you" feel and you hope for a movie that is a lot like alien. However the critters are not seen that much and they don't do a lot of eating in this film. In the third film, Charlie was instructed to place the 2 remaining eggs in a pod, which would be launched into orbit. Charlie messes up, and ends up locking himself in the pod along with the eggs. In 2045, 54 years later, a space ship study crew finds the pod and takes it onto their ship. And take it to a space station who supposedly "lost it". Arriving at the station, they find it abandoned, and out of greed and curiosity, the captain opens the pod, releasing the critters and Charlie from their cryogenic nap. The critters then run around the ship, and set a course for earth. The crew try to wait them out, but encounter several problems with the station. Ug and a group of stormtroopers show up and search the ship to destroy the critters. Unfortanately, the critters had more eggs, which, using scientific technology, cause the eggs and the babies to hatch and grow at a speedy rate, and then they breed and do it over again. So now we have a lot more critters, which devour the storm troopers, but are later locked in a room. Ug is now a complete jerk, only wanting to get the last few eggs, going as far as threatening to kill some of the crew. In the end, all of the eggs are destroyed, Ug is killed by Charlie, and the crew escapes from the station on the ship Ug came in. The station is blown up due to a nuclear reactor meltdown, and the critters are all destroyed. This was weak writing, and the series could have continued after this if it had been written better. But the critters are well done, and fun to watch and seeing Angela Bassetts butt compensate for a mediocre film. If you're a fan, it's worth seeing, but just so you know, it's not as good as the others...
Creepshow (1982)
Creepshow- A horror fans dream!
Creepshow, as the summary says, is a horror fans dream. We have George A. Romero directing, Stephen King writing, and Tom Savini doing the special effects. You couldn't ask for anymore. It's not one but five short stories combined into a great movie that doesn't hold back. The first of the stories is about a cranky old man who comes back from the dead to get revenge on his family, and get some fathers day cake. It isn't the best, but it gets things started. The second story is about a goofy farmer who finds a meteor that spreads some sort of plant life to everything it touches grows some sort of vegetation until it consumes everything in sight. Making plants into an epidemic is genius and creative. Pair that with Stephen Kings over the top, comedic performance and you get a pretty fun story. The third story is about a man who finds out his wife is cheating on him, so he buries her and the lover up to their necks in sand on a beach so the tide can come in and drown them. After they drown, the return as wrinkle faced sea people ghosts that take revenge on the man. Leslie Nielson, known for his comedic roles, plays a vengeful evil mastermind, and it's pretty fun to watch him in this role. The third one is about a crate that contains a monster. I won't say much about this one, but it's one to satisfy. The fifth one goes for shock value and is about a man who becomes the target of a roach army. This one is both creepy and disgusting, so just a fair warning on that. My personal favorite though, would have to be the crate, because i always have loved a good monster story. Check this movie out, cause it's great.
Critters 2 (1988)
Critters 2 captures the feel of the original, but it's not as good
Critters 2 is a sequel to the 1986 movie critters, in which alien eating machines come to earth and prey off of the people of a small town. At the end of the film, the critters are all destroyed, but we see that they lay several eggs, which, in critters 2, are found and sold as easter eggs. The eggs hatch and the critters go on an eating spree, devouring everything in town. The townspeople hole up in a church to try and wait them out. The bounty hunters return, now with Charlie from the original as another bounty hunter in this film, and again, try to destroy the critters. One of them is devoured, and the other one slips into a deep depression. Now it's up to the towns people to find a way to destroy the critters. They decide to try and contain the critters in a Hungry Heifers factory, and then blow it up. It seems to work, but the critters burst out of the wreckage in a giant ball, of rolling, flesh devouring creatures. The movie is fun, but just not quite as good as the original. It's definitely still worth checking out, but don't expect a movie just as good as the first.
Critters 3 (1991)
Enjoyable
Critters three was a straight to VHS release filmed back to back with critters four, and stars Leonardo Decaprio in his film debut. In this film we find that some of the critters survived after their second attack on earth. They lay eggs in a camper, which goes to Los Angeles. The eggs hatch, and the new born critters take refuge in an apartment building. The critters grow rapidly, and attack the people living in the apartment. The family who drove the camper, an elderly couple, a maintenance women, a single lady, and Leonardo Dicaprio, who traveled to the apartment with his dad (the landlord) to evict the residents, hole up in a room,and the critters try to get to them. When the critters first attacked, the maintenance women shoved a flare in ones stomach, which fell down the laundry shoot, and set fire to the building. So after the critters break into the room, the group of people try to escape to the roof. Charlie returns as a bounty hunter to help destroy the critters. At the end of the film, Charlie finds two eggs, which he intends to destroy, but gets a holographic transmit from Ug, the remaining bounty hunter from the first two, who tells Charlie that since those were the last two eggs in existence, he couldn't destroy them, and must place them in a pod that would be launched into orbit. This film isn't nearly as good as the first two, but still has some pretty good critters action, and is worth checking out if you're a fan of the franchise.
Critters (1986)
Man-eating fur balls from outer space... Genius!
Crittes is one of those highly enjoyable monster-on-the-loose films, with special effects done by the Chiodo Brothers, so you know you're in for a fun time. In the movie, a group of fugitive alien monsters that roll around and fire needles from their back, and morph into evil hedgehog Tasmanian devil porcupine eating machines escape from an asteroid prison and land on earth and begin to feed off of the local residents of Grovers Bend. The critters are sought after by melty faced bounty hunters who can take any form they choose. The idea is to blend in with society, but one of them chooses johnny Steele, writer of the hit song "Power of the night" which plays constantly through this movie. Anyways, the critters focus their attack on a little farm house, and the family boards up inside and try to survive the attack. That's basically all of the plot. The critters or krytes as they're refereed to as by the bounty hunters, are really fun to watch. Whenever they speak, we get subtitles, which is fun to see. Critters spawned several sequels, but this is by far the best. Unfortanately, it lives in the shadow of gremlins, and some even believe it to be a rip off of gremlins. However the film actually went into production before the gremlins movie was even released, and had to undergo re-writes so the two films didn't seem so similar. But still this is a great movie, definitely worth checking out.
It Lives Again (1978)
My Favorite of the Trilogy
It's Alive 2 a.k.a It Lives Again, is the happy medium between the original It's Alive, which I find a little dull compared to the other two, and It's Alive Three Island of the Alive, which was much more violent and had a lot more profanity. But the plot to It lives again is nothing special: Affter his baby was killed, Frank Davis starts warning people who are ready to have a baby about what may happen, and what the government may try to do. He and a group of others devise a plan to help a pregnant woman and her husband (The Scotts) have their baby, despite the obvious fact that it will be a mutant. He uses a special truck with appropriate gear to do this. But when the baby kills the doctors, the team captures it, and takes it to a base with two other children to study it. But the government knows what is going on and is intent to stop it. When the three babies get lose, they run ramp-id on the base until the government kills all of them except the Scotts baby, Who kills Frank Davis when he tries to get it to safety. The Parents then offer themselves as bait, remembering what Frank said about the infants ability to find it's parents. The police waits in the area around a house that the Scotts stay in, while the baby makes it's way to them. Eventually it finds them, and they realize that the baby only wants their love, and they then care for it for a short time. But then the government group gases the house to poison the infant, and when the leader steps in, the child attacks him, and it's either shoot their own baby or let the man die. So in the end, Mr. Scott kills his own baby. It's a lot more tragic end in this movie, than in the first. Some may say, this movie isn't as good as the original, and it's probably not, but I say, go check it out, see for yourself...
'It's Alive!' (1969)
To much dialog, not enough monster...
It's Alive, from 1969, is a cheesy, low budget, sci-fi film, with way to much dialog, and little to no monster scenes. The plot revolves around a couple, who are very short with one another. They're going on a road trip, when their car breaks down, or runs out of gas, or whatever. They meet a paleontologist while looking for help, who tells them of a farmer up the road who may be able to help. So when they go to visit the farmer, he tells them he has no gas, and asks them to stay. While they're there, the paleontologist shows up, and asks about the couple. The farmer proceeds to knock him out, and drag him into a cave. So now we know he's a bad guy. He later shows the couple his cave, which is really a hiding spot for the farmers discovery: A giant lizard monster. He locks them all in the cave to feed his friend. When the husband is killed, it's up to the farmers abused wife to help kill the creature with dynamite the paleontologist has. In a predictable ending, the creature turns on the abusive, and insane farmer, and ends up being destroyed with the dynamite. The movie itself isn't bad. In fact, it would be pretty good if we saw the monster more than 2 times, and it was only for a brief period of about 1 minute each time. The rest of the movie is just stupid dialog. But really, if you're bored, then go check it out, and see for yourself what you thinks.
The Alien Factor (1978)
Surprisingly Good!
Alien Factor is one of those low-budget sci-fi movies that end up on a 50 pack of movies. I purchase these 50 packs for a few movies that come with them and Alien Factor was not one I was looking for on this pack. I didn't know about it until I saw a clip of it on the interactive menu, but then I knew i needed to see it. So I watched it, hopes not high, but it blew my expectations out of the water! The Creature costumes were very creative, the plot was OK, and the stop motion scene was pretty cool(Although it could have been dynamated in better.) The plot centers on a small town that has a meteor crash down, just outside of it. Later, a bunch of strange murders start to happen, and the doctors attribute the attacks to an animal. Upon further inspection, they find that this would be the weirdest animal of all time. But then a strange scientist shows up, and states a totally different and incredible theory: That the "meteor" is really a U.F.O. His theory is later proved upon investigation, and they find that the U.F.O. was a cargo ship that was transporting specimens from other worlds to a distant planet. When the ship malfunctioned and crashed-landed the animals escaped, and were now going on a rampage through the town, killing everyone in sight. The scientists offers his help in destroying the creatures, but is he really what he says he is? Throughout the movie, he displays vast knowledge of these creatures, that no other human could know. One by One he tracks down the creatures and kills them. One of them is a poisonous insect monster, the other a giant gorilla monster, and the third, a stop-motion lizard beast called a lemoid. Upon his encounter with the lemoid, we find that the scientist is really an alien from the same planet the creatures were being sent to, and his human skin is destroyed during the battle, revealing his grotesque alien appearance beneath. He is later shot because of his frightful appearance. This ends the movie on a nice note. Honestly, this isn't a bad movie, and is actually pretty enjoyable. So i say, go check it out, to see the cool monsters, fun plot, and just for a good time.
Night Fright (1967)
I'm going to be honest, i do not like this one.
Night Fright is a poorly put together film that centers around a small town who is experiencing murders. Upon investigation, the sheriff finds the print of a large creature. This is the only somewhat interesting thing that happens in the movie, until about 50 minutes of so in. The rest of the time is just people talking about whats going on. We see a group of kids planning a party, then (With horror and shock beyond belief) Go to the party. We see the sheriff doing nothing but talk about the mystery, and everyone else just listens. I didn't have high hopes for this movie, but I expected something a little better. We don't even see the monster until 50 minutes in, and when we see the monster, the lighting is so bad that we don't "See the monster". Anyway, there's a five minute chase scene, and then it's back to talking about whats going on, for another 15 minutes. They then decide to kill the monster using bait, and a mannequin strapped to a bomb. When the monster comes to take the bait (Two young teens), they run to the mannequin, which the monster grabs, and it blows the monster to bits. I do not recommend this movie. All it is is people talking, talking, partying, talking, and- Oh hey there's a poorly lit monster chasing a dude, more talking, more talking, and-Oh hey look the monsters gonna grab that mannequin and-OOOOOHHHH he just got the stuff blown out of him. I got this on a 50 pack of sci-fi invasion films, which cost about $10.00. so this movie cost me about 20 cents. Don't pay anymore than that, it's honestly not worth it...
Los nuevos extraterrestres (1983)
A touching story about a boy and his alien friend
Pod Peopl, a.k.a extraterrestrial visitors, gives a new approach to sci-fi movies, and sets the stage for movies like E.T. In this movie, we have a young boy, who finds an alien egg. When a creature hatches from the egg, the friendship between the two grow. We come to enjoy Trumpey, the alien who the boy befriends, as he is a kind and curious character, and fun to watch. But at the same time, another alien identical to Trumpey is terrorizing the family, and a group of campers, killing them off one by one. The boy refuses to accept that his new friend is the monster responsible. So he and Trumpey run off, before Trumpey can be killed. When the boy is attacked by the other alien, Trumpey comes to his rescue, and convinces his fellow monster to let the boy try to help him. But when the boys uncle attacks them both, the other alien kills him, only to be shot and killed himself. It is then that the boy realizes that there is nothing he can do to protect Trumpey, so he sends him off into the woods. The ending is very touching, because we get to hear the sadness in the boys voice because he has to say goodbye to his new friend. We also know exactly what Trumpey is thinking, even without dialog. The movie provides a new approach to alien films, and i'm forced to think of E.T. while I watch it, because of their similarities. Overall it's a good movie, but not amazing.
The Relic (1997)
Not like the book, but still a great movie.
People don't hate this movie because it has bad effects, or bad acting. They hate it because it didn't stick too well to the book. But I don't know what they're complaining about It's an entertaining movie, and a lot of people hated it, and i just don't understand why. It's about a monster that runs rampid in a museum, and eats people's brains, that's it. If you wanted something more, like the meaning of life, you're not going to get it. But anyway, the film centers on a museum, which has just spent money it didn't really have on a new exhibit called superstitions. Needless to say, opening night is of the utmost importance, but the problem is, people are starting to be killed. By what, no one knows, but the murders are way to grizzly and gruesome to be human. So now it's up to Leiutnenant D'Agosta and a museum employee named Margo Green to find out what is causing the murders, and put an end to it before the opening night of the big exhibition. But despite their attempts, they find no murderer, and the exhibition opening still happens. At this point we've gathered that the killer requires nutrients from a plant that it cannot find. It just so happens that the Hyptothalamus region of the human brain also contains those nutrients. So The murderer, or monster,r because if you haven't figured out that it's a monster at this point, there's nothing to be said to you, takes to eating the museum employees brains to receive enough nutrients to survive. And with the big Exhibition opening with hundreds of people, it's pretty much a big smorgesborg for the creature. So when it attacks, a group of people get trapped in the building by a security system run awry. And now It's up to D'Agosta to get them out to safety. I'm not really going to explain anymore of the plot, because doing so would give away the twist ending, and it's also like trying to explain quantum physics in a few paragraphs that i'm far too lazy to type. But what I really want to talk about, is the comparison between the book and the movie. The Book I felt left something to be desired with the end, and a few scenes were just uneventful, like when the swat team goes into the museum. But the movie does a good job of giving the scenes more life. But it also wrote off a few good characters, and had an ending that was completely different to from the book(But i prefer the movie ending to the book ending). The monster is well made, and the movie is just good. My opinion could be different if i read the book before seeing the movie, but the only reason i wanted to read the book is because i saw the movie. Overall, a good movie that strayed pretty far from the path set by the book, but did a good job with giving some scenes better life then the book did. So I say, go check it out, see for yourself what you think.
The Day Time Ended (1979)
Not bad, but it's missing some stuff...
I had never heard of this movie, until i purchased a movie from the web, and received a recommendation for this one. I remained oblivious to the recommendation, as i had never heard, or seen anything of the movie. But later I would purchase a 50 pack of Sci-Fi invasion movies and find this title to be part of the pack. It was in fact the first one i would watch. The plot was a little confusing, but I'll try to give you a little rundown, since i have never seen a trailer for this movie: There's a small family, living in the middle of no-where, and the youngest member, a girl named Jenny, finds a large pyramid like structure. From then on, it's pure weirdness. Stars start flying around, the house starts acting weird (i.e. it's lights glow green, it's water turns on by itself), and U.F.O.s are everywhere. We see a little alien in the beginning of the film, as he tries to warn the family about a strange craft, intent on doing them harm. But when they try to escape, the car starts acting weird, so they refuse to take it. Later, more stars start flying around, and a couple of goofy looking dinosaurs show up, and get into a wrestling match, which results in the death of one of them. The other one continues to plague the family until a time warp occurs, and starts to beam there house everywhere there is, past, present, and future, in the Space Time Continuum. It ends up separating Jenny and her mother from the rest of the family. There's also Jenny's father, who left the house earlier that day, but went back because he was worried about them. But in the end they're all united, millions of years into the future, and the time warp ends, so it's all good. The plot is a little hard to follow at times, and the explanation for every thing is a little hazy. That being said, this isn't actually a bad movie. I mean, if your looking for a way to spend a boring evening, check it out, but if your looking for awesome entertainment, then this isn't the movie for you, move on....
The Killer Shrews (1959)
A great Creature-Feature!
The Killer Shrews is infamously remembered as one of the worst movies of all time. That being said, I find it fun and enjoyable. The effects are so bad, that it's fun. You can't watch this movie without smiling. The dogs in rugs, though a pathetic approach to "Giant Killer Shrews" still come off as sincere, and provide eerie feeling to the whole film. The up close puppets are well made, and are quite fun to see. The plot centers on a group of people, stranded on an island infested with killer shrews during a hurricane. That's pretty much all there is to it. There isn't much of a plot, but it is still an enjoyable film. And now, about 50 years after the original release, a sequel is being filmed foe release in 2013. It's only a step away, and I can't wait!
Reptilicus (1961)
A great sci-fi gem
What a great film! The creature, Reptilicus, was not a man in a suit, it's a puppet. You don't get more fun creatures than that. He's also a great monster because of his name: REPTILICUS! But further than how he moved and his name, the plot was very enjoyable. When a mining team discovers bits of flesh on a drill head, they discover a reptilian tail, frozen in the muck below the ground. After being removed from the ground, It is transported to the Denmark aquarium, where, after accidentally thawing out, begins to regenerate into a full-fledged, winged monster. He escapes from his Aquarium prison, and goes on a rampage. Several people try to find ways of destroying the beast, but soon realize that blowing up the creature, could create hundreds of more reptilian behemoths. Do not miss this film it is a true gem of the 60's.