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Genopsycho666
Reviews
Blood Feast (1963)
The decrepit grandfather of gore!
- This review contains what some might take as spoilers. -
So this is it. Yup! The `legendary' ancestor of all them gore flicks: `Blood Feast' (read in most dramatic voice)!!! My eagerness to finally watch this `cult' movie totally surpassed the final impression I had after having endured this trashy nonsense. No, let me tell you, this movie is definitely not as worth watching as many so-called connoisseurs would like you to believe. There are, of course, many sequences that will provoke lots of unintended laughter: The incredibly bad acting (I especially loved to see all those `actors' obviously reading off their dialogue parts), the miserable attempt (by director H. G. Lewis himself) at creating a suitable soundtrack, and last but not least the complete lack of talent in terms of direction. Let me admit, though, that the gory effects will surely please the bloodthirsty masses. So let's see what we've got: An eye ripped out of its socket plus a leg hacked off inside a bathtub; a brain torn out of a young lady at the beach; a tongue forcefully ripped out from between another lady's red, red lips; and so on, and so on
Yes! That's all there is to it. Subtlety is completely lost on this movie, but we all DID know beforehand, didn't we?
Flesh for Frankenstein (1973)
Artsy fun? Funny art? Brainless art? Brainless fun!
I'm trying hard not to get too carried away by the humble fact that Udo Kier is simply the God of German actors (well, there ain't too much competition) in order to focus on giving objective judgement... But then - why bother: I hereby proclaim I was deeply satisfied by the entertainment this fine example of a brainlessly pretentious 70ies EuroTrashArtHorrorPseudoParody had to offer. And let me assure you that no small amount of humorous potential is to be found on the German dubbed version I had the opportunity to enjoy/endure. The cheesy acting, some nice set pieces and especially the amount of displayed gore effectively drown out most of the anemic tedium the original screenplay might otherwise have induced.
Der Krieger und die Kaiserin (2000)
Not bad, but much too artificial.
While other filmmakers like, let's say Julio Medem, effortlessly provide their movies with a metaphysical, bigger-than-life-kind of eeriness, Tom Tykwer stays true to pseudo-philosophical artificiality when it comes to storytelling. Featuring excellent cinematography and surprisingly good performances by the entire cast (even by anti-actor Benno Fürmann), "Der Krieger und die Kaiserin` fails to attract deeper sympathy for the mainly quite unapproachable characters. The direction is somewhat pretentious (a common problem among German films) as well as simply too artificial; the same applies to some of the dialogue. The biggest flaw might be the running time: 130 minutes is just too long, and the movie could have been tightened by omitting some unnecessary sequences. Let me admit, though, that this is still one of the more watchable German films - at least it got this certain cinematic feeling to it which most, if not nearly all German productions lack.
Squirm (1976)
I've seen scarier worms inside my cat's poo!
Admittedly "Squirm" offers some quite gross sequences that induce a slight EEK-THERE'S-A-COCKROACH-BATHING-IN-MY-BREAKFAST-CEREALS-sort of uneasiness. And yeah, my girlfriend definitely objected my showing her some of the highlight scenes (which do NOT abound) and afterwards she hated me. Then again, which girl would not hate you for choosing this obvious trash pic for a strictly romantic occasion. The long weeks of enforced celibacy that followed permitted me to isolate some of the many flaws that turn this movie into a tedious, though at moments unintendedly funny, sit-through experience. First of all, the characters suck! As soon as they're introduced, you wish to see them suffer a painful death (and some of them do, in fact). The backwoods setting is just so clichéd that you wouldn't mind all those (I might suggest: mostly inbred) rednecks being bitten and/or devoured by those...er... killer worms. The dialogue is even worse - at least the dubbed German version leaves no doubt at that! Sadly enough, this is were some of the fun parts may be found. I mean, I've seen a lot of much worse movies... but missing this one won't hurt. Believe me. Somehow words are lost on this one. If you freak out at the mere sight of a wormlike creature (no allusion to persons living intended), this might be your movie. If not... well, just grab any other video cassette surrounding the one entitled "Squirm"! A lousy 3 out of 10 (for unintended laughs only).