LaoagMikey Reviews

Free Guy (2021)

Way good except for sound mixing

[9/10 · 30 September 2023]

I almost didn't watch this. The plot blurb did not really catch me. I watched it because Ryan Reynolds is in it. I trust his choice 9f stories and chats years. This is his movie. He makes it happen. The plot is strong with good guys and bad guys battling, each for their own reason. But as much as I like the movie and CGI, I could not give it a 10 because of the sound. This movie is the worst, EVER for sound that is murderously loud when music or sound effects are playing and whisper quiet for dialog. I go from 40 to 99 on my TV to try to hear everything. I hate subtitles but 8 have to keep them on so I can keep up with the story. THIS BS MUST STOP! It was tries and hated in the 1980s and after those directors retired, suddenly it is a good idea again? NOPE!!!!

Put new batteries in your remote, finger on the volume buttons and watch a great, fun movie.

The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens (2008 Video)

Not horrible but not good, either.

[3/10 · 28 September 2023]

If you try to compare it to Harry Potter, you will rate it a 1 or 2. If you rate it on what it is, maybe 4 or 5. Yes, there is little story and the sets are non-existent but in exchange for that, the acting is pretty bad. Kids look at the camera sometimes. So just watch it when there is no other choice. Of, yeah, some of the dialog is overcome by music is sound effects. Don't worry, you don't really need it, anyway. Think Goonies on 10% of the budget. That's all. 126 characters to go. Why that requirement? Ok, 82 more. Almost done. 55. Will this never end? 28. Bye bye... 15.9.7.4.2 Done, finally.

Glitch (2015–2019)

So far a pot boiler but the fire is off

[2/10 · 1 September 2022]

Season 1 left me wondering why I watched this disaster. So many inanswered questions. S02 started with 1 answer but more questions. I don't think I will finish it. Too feadly dull with lingering pictures of trees and grass. Too much irrelevant content. Way too much cutting between stories. Yes, they are relayed bit this cutting pace is not required! Goodness how much to get 600 characters. Not enough yet, so here is more filler. What a stupid requirement. Ok even more filler required to make this thing submit. Ok, how much more must I type? Ok even more filler required to make this thing submit. Ok, how much more must I type?

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

This is an actor's movie or director's movie.

[2/10 · 28 July 2022]

This is not for general release. This is an insider's movie. And there are not that many of those insiders around. It never should have gotten release outside of Los Angeles. The almost constant drum and snare is irritating. The inside jokes. The self-introspection is boring. It is an actor talking to an actor, not meant for the public. THAT is why there are such low reviews of this movie. Wrong audience! Actors are boring nut cases. They are paid to constantly lie and that makes them crazy. This movie is airing that dirty laundry of the crazy inside of actors. 38 minutes in and it feels like it should be over but there is still an hour and 20 minutes left. I don't think I will make it to the end of the mocumentary.

Murder in the Blue Room (1944)

A Musical, Dance numbers, murders and fun!

[9/10 · 18 July 2022]

Some have down-rated this due to the slapstick and, maybe, the singing and dancing mixed in with a murder. Well, I feel it was expertly woven together and quite well directed. It is a feel good movie with a good plot and subplots. Watch it with someone who like some of all of these parts and you will both be delighted. Yes, it is in glorious Black and White!

UFO: Target Earth (1974)

Not the worst movie ever made, but close!

[3/10 · 6 July 2022]

This is surely some college assignment. First movie for all of them, writer, director and actors. Even the boom mic holder. I gave them 3 stars for not being ashamed of making this thing. One of my favs is the horrible white wig the "old relic" guy wears. It moves a bit and does not cover his own gray hair. It looks like a plastic helmet in the front. Funny. The entire premise is so silly but they do stay true to it. Watch and enjoy something so bad it is OK. Cheap effects. Poorly lit. Everything is wrong but you should see it. It won't make you cry.

King Richard (2021)

A must see movie!

[9/10 · 12 May 2022]

I did not think I would like this movie but I did. A lot! It was well done and balanced (feeling). It showed a focused, forceful father figure (with some help from his wife and other) who molded two daughters, Venus and Serena Williams into tennis stars. Yes, there were others in the story and there was lots of interplay with all of the characters. Very strong characterizations. Good writing, well photographed. It should be seen. It is an inspiration to others.

The reason I did not think I would like it was the press I had heard, in years past, about the attitude of the father. He was reported to be much more pushy and forceful then was portrayed in this movie. I don't know which is right. I don't really care. This was a good movie, no matter what. I am sure some liberties were taken (based on reality), as always for dramatic effect, but it came out great! See it if you can. And let me know if you like it. I give it 9/10. I have never rated anything 10/10.

The Mummy Rebirth (2019)

Halloween store fake spider webbing? Really?

[1/10 · 21 February 2022]

When I realized I was watching a high school final exam movie was when the Halloween store fake spider webbing started being seen on several places. Really, guys? And its ever so much worse. Dreadful! And the girl looking at an obviously blank rock reading from it. So bad!

Boss Level (2020)

Why make a movie with no ending

[2/10 · 25 January 2022]

Here's another one that you invest time and interest in, leaning the characters and plot and just when the ending should happen, the credit roll. You waited for it and, there was nothing there. I HATE THIS!!! Don't bother with this. It is just a bunch of action, shooting and fighting and dying and when it is time to resolve it all and get on with everything, they run out of film and only had enough left for the credits. What a waste of my time. Don't fall for this. TOTAL WASTE OF TIME! No spoiler here since there is nothing to spoil. No ending!

The Midnight Man (I) (2017)

Watched by accident

[4/10 · 22 January 2022]

There are a LOT of movies named The Midnight Man. I thought I had the right one and started playing and when they mentioned playing a game, I thought it was the right one but, it was not. This is like so many "you see the threat" movies that are static. This one seems like it was a stage play. VERY limited sets. One set it used for most of the movie. Limited characters. 10 day shoot. Probably very low budget. Ken Foree channeling Sam L. Jackson. I am ready for it to be over. There is some mention of a satisfying ending. Waiting..... 16 minutes left and... SOMETHING HAPPENED! Don't know what, yet. Everything happens in the last 16 minutes so either dump out quick or stay for the entire, mostly boring, ride. SURELY not worth 10/10 like the producers brother rated this. Just a 5. If they had cut out about 40 minutes, it would be a 7. Finally ended. I found the entire movie uninspired and somewhat boring. And confusing. And no resolution. With the weak ending, just reduced to a 4.

Targets (1968)

Big, long waste of time

[1/10 · 14 January 2022]

This is like two movies spliced together. And the scripts of the two movies have almost nothing to do with each other. You are slapped back and forth between them until they come together at the end but the union of the two plots is essentially accidental. It need not happen. It could have been anywhere and anyone else. No plot. Well, two no plots. Just trash. No spoiler here, there is nothing to spoil! Pass this one and go watching something worth your time.

The Boy Behind the Door (2020)

Not worth a low rating! Well done!!

[8/10 · 8 January 2022]

The two boys, especially the black boy (Lonnie) carried 95% of this movie. If you want to see two up-and-coming young actors, watch this just for that. But, there is so much else to it. It is somewhat predictable and the ending is one you can see coming down the long and winding road but, altogether, it is worth a good watch. The kids really do carry the movie. It is shot quite well. Some scenes are a little dark but not so much as to be irritating. The villain(s) are interesting. You think you know who it is but.... wait a minute.... more to come! I would really recommend it, even if you are not bored, for the acting, alone. Script ho-hum. Setting well selected. Well paced. You don't get bored at any point. Yes, sometimes you will be screaming at one of the boys to do something that the totally miss but, if done, would end the movie right there so, like in any horror movie "the darling little girl hears a noise in the dark basement with the lights burned out and goes down to check". Yeah, that happens except there is no girl and no basement so not a spoiler. Just a horror flick cliché. Enjoy this action, suspense piece. I know you will since I am hard to please in my old age.

Come True (2020)

This movie does not know what it is!

[2/10 · 6 January 2022]

A great premise but it was jerked all around, left laying on the floor and another movie too over at the end without any setup or reason. Yeah, twist ending at my thing. I like to be surprised but, this... No! Lots of running and walking and walking and running. And, then, it turns out to all be a dream. ALL of it is a dream. I know, suspension of disbelief but this no only suspends it, it BREAKS IT INTO LITTLE PIECES then TRAMPLES ON THEM ON THE FLOOR! I just wasted 1 hour and 45 minutes that I could have used watching a good movie. Remember the season of Dallas that was all a dream. NOT AGAIN!!! That's been done. So, essentially, NOTHING HAPPEND IN THIS MOVIE! All taken back in the last moments and then the credits. SO USELESS!!! I give it 2 instead of 1 because the girl was a reasonable actor. The others were cardboard! No talent first timers. Waste of film!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Card Counter (2021)

Who? What? When? Where? Why (this movie)?

[3/10 · 30 December 2021]

This is a disjoint piece of work that is not worth your investment of time! It jumps around too much. Is preachy in spots and usually wrong about the games it is preaching about. Note: Roulette Red/Black is NOT the best bet in the house!

So, we are left to wonder why this guy has picked up this kid and decided to bail him out of his indebted life.

We ride along with no backstory until the very end and, then, we find that he randomly finds the son of a guy killed by another guy who he finds with no setup and threatens him with a gun to a duel.

This movie is all over the place. It is written backwards. I hate movies that are written backwards. You are trying to figure out WHY the story was written while you are trying to capture the story in your brain. This means that you cannot really concentrate on the plot. You are busy doing what the author should have been doing: telling you a coherent story from beginning to end.

So, 8 minutes till the end, we finally get a plot point that should have been worked in an hour and a half earlier so we would have some idea WHY this story was presented, WHEN the backstory happened and WHO the members were.

What a waste of time. My attraction was from being a tournament poker player but there is some of this but no connection with any of the story. It is just filler.

And he is back in jail. Just round and round with no character arc. No story arc. And it quits. Sorry I watched this mess, wasting time that I could have used to watch a good movie that tells a proper story with a beginning, middle and end, in that order and characters we care about and the story has an effect on.

The Stylist (I) (2020)

Had to rate it low. Boring. No ending!

[2/10 · 30 December 2021]

This thing DRAGS you through the VERY SLOW moving plot and finally gets so the end of the film (did they not have money to buy more film?) and you get a very unsatisfying (non)ending. It just stops, mid-plot. The 3rd act is about to being and, then, there IS NO 3RD ACT! It just stops and the credits roll. What happened to her after the big reveal? We are not told. We have to write the rest of the missing plot for ourselves. I am not good at film script writing or I would do it for a living. I pay OTHER PEOPLE to write plot endings and I go to see them. Trouble is, this one has no ending. That's a BIG disappointment after investing 100 minutes in a film, learning what's going on and having an investment in the outcome to not get one. BAD!!!

I always check spoilers although this one is hard to spoil since nothing happens. Boring. No ending!

Censor (2021)

A slow descent into complete madness.

[9/10 · 26 December 2021]

This is one you have to watch. It is full of nuance. It starts very slow but that's so there is a contrast to the finish. The film builds in intensity from the slow beginning to the big finish. It is low on plot. There is just the one plot line but that's enough. Don't look away. Don't play on your phone. Actually watch this film and you will get a big payoff. It is well acted and well timed. Although I would have liked a little less of the setup, slow parts, I stayed with it for the big finish. People rate this low because they didn't really watch it. Maybe watch it twice if you don't get it the first time. Well worth your time! Think Videodrome.

Braindead (1992)

Both the Best and the Worst Zombie movie ever

[8/10 · 20 December 2021]

This is really WAY over the top in several ways. The religion angle is so over the top and all of the effects are just splattered in blood. They must have used many, MANY gallons of fake blood. It is funny and horrible. It is hard to be grossed out and laugh at the same time but that's what happens here.

The son serving lunch scene is just so crazy! They obviously were going for this since it is not subtle in any way.

I would not recommend this to anyone unless they enjoy satire, blood and guts, killing, eating flesh and some rotten live and dead people.

It has it all. See it with a full bowl of popcorn.

Altergeist (2014)

Not bad, just slow and boring

[4/10 · 12 December 2021]

I am 40 minutes into this movie. It is not bad. It is not bad, really, but it is just slow and somewhat boring. I expect I will finish it. It is a little all over the place. There is plenty of teen angst! Lost of baggage here that has nothing to do with the story except, maybe, as filler. I would rather they move the plot along instead of showing all of this interface stuff. Face to face and we don't care since we have no history with these characters. In the 10th show of a TV season, yes, but not in this movie. Just wasted film. See it if you are a little bored. Hoping it will speed up a bit.... Hoping...

Promising Young Woman (2020)

So much potential here but fell flat for me

[3/10 · 26 May 2021]

Sadly, we are back to the 80s and 90s when directors thought that music and sound effects should SCREAM and dialog should w..h..i..s..p..e..r. And this is not the first one of the late crop to do it. But it loses 4 stars for forcing me to keep the remote in my hand to ride the gain up and down continuously. Then, we are also back in that same time period with a story that just starts cold. You don't know the people, you don't know the motivation and you have no idea where the story is going so you are distracted by all of that and have lots of trouble collecting all the players and facts that you need to enjoy the story. So we are here with our eardrums under attack and our brains left out of the process by a backstory that only happens an hour into the movie. The, it was so very weak till the end. Just kinda phoning it in as they say. I almost quit watching but wanted to see where the writer took it. Reasonably satistying ending, I guess, but I was left unimpressed since there was such potential here. Nice photography, good looking actors that were doing their jobs but the script left them lacking anything to bite in to. Sad. Like Even Horizon. Excellent sets and acting but no story. I came to be relax, enjoy and be told a story. They have forgotten that these days. Now you have to work and dig and come out tired of having to do the work the writing was paid to do. I PAID, you do the work and give me a good proeuct! Not here, sadly...

Thunder Force (2021)

Yes, it really is that bad.

[1/10 · 11 April 2021]

Two of us watching it. An hour in and neither has laughed other than me at a really ridiculous scene. The "humor" attempt is forced, physical and horrible. The "jokes" are non-existent. Total waste of time. Couldn't they have spent the money making something that would be enjoyable??? Guess not. Sad...

The Atheist Delusion (2016 Video)

Invalid Comparisons lead to Invalid Conclusions. That should be the title of this mess!

[1/10 · 3 April 2021]

I am open to learning, unlike religious ones. I am watching "The Atheist Delusion". I challenge religious people to read this review. You won't! You are not open to criticism of your invalid viewpoint.

They immediately start down the road to false information.

They start building a skeleton of "knowledge" based on us being here by random processes. Of course, that is wrong. We are are not random. We are evolved over millions of years. They then go onto the "something from nothing" theory. But, they neglect to mention that their god came "from nothing" so they have the same problem with their viewpoint. Conveniently ignored!

So funny and so very sad at the same time.

Seven minutes in, they have already invoked the "intelligent design" line of BS. They keep going over and over that point but forget to apply it to their own BS belief. Where did their god come from? Nothing? They apply this to the creation of us but not to the creation of their god.

They proposed that DNA made itself. They throw in falsehoods mixed with truth snippets and concoct a framework that sounds good but is built on absurdities to try to say Atheism is wrong.

Now there is the eye falsehood. They eye had to be designed. If any part of it is not like it is, it will not work. This is easily proved wrong. So many lies in so little time!

It is amazing what fantasy you can weave when you ignore how things really work. They are keeping on about the "random creation" thing. That is false. That is NOT how it happens. This is not how things work in the real world!!

They are going over the same lies, over and over. They finally are getting some push back but they ignore it and go along without learning. They have an agenda and keep repeating the mantra. More invalid comparisons! They want to call DNA a book, then say that books don't just occur at random. SO invalid!! Books are not living while DNA is. Yet they continue to compare these two things as if they operated the same. Books don't evolve, don't live. What BS.

Now comes the chicken vs. The egg BS. They pull up every possible absurdity they can to try to make their invalid points. Do people actually not see this when they watch this BS?

Now here's the eye things again. Eyes had to be made in one design stroke. No place for evolution in their cracked theories. Now they are destroying the timeline. How did animals live before oxygen appeared on earth. Now Heart vs. Blood question. Which came first. They ignore reality SO MUCH.

This is so difficult to watch. So much distortion. So many misleading "questions" that are actually propaganda being spouted. So stupid!

Now they are mixing physics and the bible and letting the bible win. Outrageous!

Now morals. They think they own morals. That's another large lie. If you need a dictator to make you moral, they you are not a moral person! If you will go out and kill people because there is no dictatorial god telling you not to, then I am afraid of you. You have no morals!

Now back to the "book same as DNA "lie. They just run round and round on this invalid comparison and use that to base all of their other lies. That's insane! At least they are not Flat-Earthers.

Now they are saying that DNA is mentioned in the bible. Totally absurd!

Here's more lies. That tries are where oxygen come from. Now food is here for us. No, we are here because of food.

If god want to prove himself, just come on down and say a word. Any word. Why do humans ALWAYS do the talking for god. How is it that some humans KNOW what god thinks?

Oh, now they are taking credit for the beauty of nature. We like it because that is what is here and what we see and learn as we grow. Now they say the world is round and that is in the bible. There goes the Flat Earthers!

Now they are taking credit for morals again. They have to have their god to be moral. These people scare me. Can you tell I am typing round and round, well that's because this movie goes round and round on selective "facts" (mostly lies) and some minor truth to give it authority.

Here comes heaven. Never mind that, from the bible, heaven was full thousands of years ago. Again, very selective points being made, over and over.

Apparently, only Atheists download music from the internet. SO ONE SIDED!!!

They twist and deflect so very well. This is so full of distortion. And why does he care whether someone has looked at porn? What is it to him? Why does he need to push his agenda on everyone? Why can't he just live his life as he wants but leave other alone? That never comes up! SO ONE SIDED!!!

If you are religious, you will love this since it is so full of lies, distortions and false comparisons to try to prove an unprovable point.

If you are atheist, you will laugh or be completed upset and offended by the lies, distortions and false comparisons to try to prove an unprovable point.

What utter rubbish! Just like religion. ALL religions!

They sum this up with the "everlasting life" lie. And you will have to pay 10% for it for your entire life. And the music. What a con job! 10 minutes left. The pain is almost over. This guy is so practiced. A lie for every point. Talks so fast that he is not thinking. He is just spewing. He is NOT thinking. You think about that. One more thing. They are invoking "the god of the cracks" line now, to sum up. Anything we don't know must be god's action. And so many weak minds interviewed. 5 minutes... will I make it?

He says he is not pressuring these people but then immediately pressures them to change and asks for when they will do it. That IS pressure!!! He lies all the time during this movie. He even glorifies giving up your own will. What a horrible thing to do!!!

The Invitation (I) (2015)

How to totally waste a couple of hours

[1/10 · 19 March 2021]

There is almost no back story. For most of them, none! Who are they? From what little we ate told, a bunch of old friends are invited to a party and it goes to hell. We don't know why. We don't know who they are or their motivation. When most all of them die, we don't care because we don't know them and, therefore, don't give a damn.

What is this about? Not the first clue.

Nothing to spoil because nothing happens that could not have happened while the opening credits were rolling. We learn nothing more during the movie. It could have lasted 2 minutes and had exactly the same pact (none). Sorry I wasted my time on this stinkburger!

Tales from the Quadead Zone (1987 Video)

Absolute junk

[2/10 · 12 March 2021]

One of the way I rate a movie before I even see it is to count credits for the same person. Most people get only one credit. Sometimes, people have two credits. This one has topped my previous total of credits (3) with four credits for the same person. That means that there was no oversight, no committees, no second guessing, no fixing of problems and one person has to have too much knowledge about too many things and that's impossible. So, right away, I was skeptical about this movie having any qualities to make it good. And I was richly rewarded with that initial viewpoint.

There was no story. No actors with any experience. No videographer with any experience. Nobody with any money for location or sets. I would assume that their budget for everything was at least a dollar and a half. Certainly less than two dollars for the whole thing.

This is pure garbage with no looping. Hard to understand the actors (do I dare call them actors?). No lighting. Hard to see the actors at times. No story to speak of. Just bad in every respect. I really wanted to give it 1 star but I was trying to be nice. Not sure why! Made by two brothers and their friends. Yes, I am trying to get through it but this is a tough watch. Only for the foolhardy!! You will either remember this for the rest of your life or forget it instantly. I hope I will forget it instantly!

Watch at your own risk!

Color Out of Space (2019)

Wow, did this ever suck!

[1/10 · 26 January 2021]

Maybe better with lots of drugs onboard. I don't know. But it is straight out of 1971 when the sound was BLARING for sound effects and whispering for dialog. That, immediately, makes me dislike a film because I have to keep dropping out of the experience to adjust the sound. Then there is the acting of Cage. Too bad there was so little of it. Mostly banging on stuff. Not realistic to me.

The other characters were all over the place, too. If you want to waste a couple of hours, be sure to watch this. If you want a good movie, watch something else!

The House That Jack Built (2018)

Pretentious Junk, Confusing, Boring

[1/10 · 2 January 2021]

This is the worst movie I have seen this year and I see hundreds of movies per year. It is all over the place. It tries to be serious and scary and dark funny all at once. It misses everywhere. Why? The bad casting. I never have been convinced that Matt Dillon was doing anything but phoning it in. He, like Keanu, runs the gamut of expressions from A to A. It seems they have a dried rubber mask on that can't move to show any emotion.

The plot has some holes you could walk right through. The writing (mostly feels improvised) was not any help.

And who or what is the voice that suddenly becomes "real" and then they end up in this volcano tube... What?

It feels like a Lost Footage movie. And as bad as they are, this is worse:

1 star because -10 is not an option.