TheSteak002 Reviews

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

*HORRIBLE* Watered down Hollywood garbage

[1/10 · 26 May 2006]

The first two X-Men movies were tolerable. The characters were cast pretty well, and seeing them in "action" made it all worth while. There wasn't very much "action" in the first two movies, and none of the mutants really utilized their powers. For a bunch of super powered mutants, the action scenes were pretty lame...

In this third film (X3), a lot of the mutants get to use their powers and it looks good on screen. But then "Hollywood" makes up their own characters that are completely foreign to the Marvel universe just to fill in plot lines. Then they come up with a ridiculous storyline involving a weapon that turns mutants into humans and it all goes down hill. Then they water down all the mutant's powers to the point that they might as well not even have their powers to begin with.

I've read the comics since I was a kid, and always loved the series... The first two X movies were tolerable. But this was just plain terrible. Now I understand the fact that you can't re-use stories from the comics, but the characters and their powers should at least stay true to the comics. The movie seems like it was written by people who know nothing about the comics, and they're just using the character's name and likeness and just making up the rest as they go. (Totally ignoring many of the powers and abilities that make the characters who they are!!!)

In a nut shell:

Mistake #1… Not allowing people who actually know ANYTHING about the comics to write the screenplay.

Mistake #2… Not waiting for Bryan Singer to finish 'Superman'.

Mistake #3… Not choosing Joss Whedon to direct X3.

Mistake #4… Choosing Bret Rattner to ruin the series.

Mistake #5… Making up characters for the sake of the movie.

Mistake #6… X-Men 3

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

I could write a better story by "The Day After Tomorrow"

[1/10 · 2 June 2004]

This movie is TYPICAL Hollywood. And by that I mean it's all glitz and glamour without any substance. Don't get me wrong… the special effects are great (although weather effects are easy to pull off at this point). But the movie has no point what so ever!!! Whatever little plot there is, is terrible.

*Spoilers*

OK, basically it goes like this… Big storm comes, and spreads around the world in a matter of days threatening humanity with the 2nd ice age. Storms destroy all the big cities, blah blah blah… Since the movie follows Sam Hall (Jake Gyllenhaal) most of it is set in New York. So NY gets hit with tidal waves, and then it all freezes over and then you have everyone stuck in the NY public library. Not bad so far… but that's it. Jack Hall, Sam's father is some kind of weather expert specializing in Alaska and global warming so he predicts this whole storm. So when he finds out that his son is trapped in NY he WALKS (drives to Philadelphia and then walks the rest of the way) from Washington D.C. to NY in like two days (All during this 2nd ICE AGE!!!!). No trying to stop the storm or anything… he just WALKS. He's not even trying to save his son because he can't… he just walks hundreds of miles to meet his son. That's it.

Oh yeah, and during the middle of the movie the kids trapped in the library in NY must venture out in the 'STORM' for medicine… and as luck would have it (or Hollywood overkill) they're attacked by a pack of wolves that escaped from the zoo. And the wolves look TERRIBLE. The special effects for the weather are easy so that all looks great… but these wolves looked horrible. Like these kids were being attacked by cartoon rejects from 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'

They just made this movie cause they could make the effects... there was no thought put into anything else other than the effects. I've seen porno's with better story lines.

Paycheck (2003)

I should get a "Paycheck" for making it through this movie.

[1/10 · 1 January 2004]

POSSIBLE SPOILERS

Johnny Mnemonic meets Minority Report minus any redeeming qualities either movie had.

I just saw `Paycheck' two days ago and I'd love to have it wiped from my memory (like they do in the movie). The movie is basically about a reverse engineer that's contracted to find secrets in competitor's technologies. Then Affleck (the reverse engineer) is hired for a top-secret assignment and when he's finished his memory is wiped clean. After he remembers nothing he's being chased by everyone and he can't remember why. Ok, the movie NEVER explains Ben Affleck's character! They make him out to be the smartest person in the world that every company needs to build them something. They stick in a random scene (looked like a Daredevil outtake) of him stick-fighting in a gym to give him some credibility when the action starts. So now he's the smartest guy in the world, and he fights like a superhero. So aside from not explaining anything, the movie is so far fetched and ridiculous at times it's funny. Last but not least, I figured I'd be ok since John Woo directed this movie. Boy was I wrong. The action was weak, very little gunplay, although the chase scene was decent. With all of John Woo's trademarks this movie had nothing. no good gun fights, no dramatic slow-motion shots, no flying boats, no action. Although there was the slow-motion shot of the birds flying towards the camera. This movie is not worth the price of admission.

Thursday (1998)

Review by a Tarantino fan

[10/10 · 27 December 2003]

First off, I'm a huge Tarantino fan and I appreciate movies like this. Some people classify it as just another Pulp Fiction rip off, but in my opinion imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. THURSDAY has a great opening scene, and a lot of great situational humor. All in all it has some slick writing that keeps you guessing, all the while throwing the characters into unique situations. Definitely worth seeing, I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a crime or action movie... plus its pretty funny too. The movie was written and directed by Skip Woods who also wrote the movie "Swordfish". I thought "Swordfish" was very well written and on top of "Thursday" I try to keep my eyes open for anything else Skip Woods might be working on in the near future! (Yeah that's an exclamation mark)