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Reviews
Cinderella (2015)
Sincerely ashamed of this movie
I had seen this remake of Cinderella from 2015, since my favourite Disney character as a child was Cinderella. My niece is now 4 years old and she is obsessed with the first version of the movie. She loves the mice, the cat, the evil sisters and fears the evil stepmother. She perceives the fairy godmother as a grandmotherly-like figure, a bit distracted, and Cinderella as someone who works a lot but still has space to cherish her dreams and to fight for them.
We have watched it dozens of times over the last weeks, I even bought her the blue Cinderella dress, but when I tried to show her this different version, just to take a break from the original one, I felt ashamed. It is cringe and bad at so many levels. First the CGI on the mice and the cat, their stupid and pointless interactions that end up simply suggesting that the cat is so dumb as to run into a piece of furniture just because. So forget about all the fun my niece could have had. CGI failed us again in the scenes with the fairy godmother - terrible, terrible, that stupid disguise, all the magic is lost. Her dress looks like coming from a carnival fair. The insistence in making these women dumb - both Cinderella and the godmother, the terrible effects on the pumpkin growing inside the small green house.... Their faces on the glass, I couldn't believe how they were recycling the same things over and over, seen from other movies when trying to be funny. It did not entertain a 4 year old, who kept saying "I don't like it, can we watch something else?". The very scene of the dress... i mean, Cinderella wants to take her mother dress but it is completely transformed into something else? They way Lily spins and moves her arms and looks down at the dress... never ending cringiness. I could blush just by looking at my niece from the corner of my eye. The lizards? Oh my god... how I wished the green man with bad teeth and vampire eyes had never been on screen. But it gets worse in the scene where she returns home and we see her inside the pumpkin and the lizards awkwardly transform back into their form. It is not a credible world, its crazy and inconsistent and my niece did not buy it.
A true pity, Ever After brought magic again into Cinderella's story, made it real and made Cinderella a model to follow. Disney's 2015's Cinderella says "accept the terrible conditions you live in because one day a guy will go above and beyond to claim you."
Bridget Jones's Baby (2016)
Totally uninspired and unacessary
It pained me to see a movie that felt like it had a good budget making it rain over invitee guests (Ed Sheeran) and a good playlist, but that's it. As a CD, it would be great. As a film wrapping up Bridget Jones story it is just cringe, recycled, ridiculous. The trope is terrible, but the way it was depicted... the misunderstandings, the overall stupidity that took over supposedly successful people... nope. Didn't work. The empty hospital when she arrives, even Emma Thompson felt bored. Nothing felt real or logical. The acting was painful too, I guess the actors are super tired already. Can't blame them!!!
Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023)
No rythm or real emotion
For a movie that is supposed to be about dance, sensuality and female desire, it fell flat from the beginning. I had to forward many times because it was so slow... the characters were weak, no one really came through as interesting, not even Mike. Slow pacing, slow dialogues, cringe moments such as the speech the actress that is supposed to play Isabel makes when she decides she wants to join the boys show. No "wow" momento. No sugar, no spice. The show itself, that is supposed to be the climax of the story, is just... out of pace, just like the rest of the movie. Awkward in many ways, has no "magic" to offer.
Love in the Villa (2022)
Two ridiculously attractive people acting like 3 year olds
This movies goes so many places at once... it wants to be romantic, but it also wants to be quirky and funny, and it is full of clichés. The characters are not consistent... I hated it from the moment an adult teacher convinces a man to let her stay in the villa he had rented BEFORE her, where he is already settled, and decides, just because, that she will act like a child and kick him out of the villa when SHE KNOWS here's there at work and there is NO AVAILABILITY in the city due to a wine event. For that, she uses his ALLERGY to cats. Did I mention the man was there for work? And did agree to let her stay?
They lost me from there on. The food fighting scene was just stupid... Cringe. I kept looking at the actors and feeling sorry for it. It wasn't funny, it was ridiculous.
It has a lot of potential though: the Fiat driver was great, the italians delivered it, the scene in Villa Caruso (?) where very nice, it seemed that I was watching a different movie, an actual good rom-com...
Again: too many places, and it made me not care for the main character since the moment she decides to kick out someone who was there BEFORE and AT WORK. This lack of maturity in characters just doesn't work for me.
Blue Smoke (2007)
No budget for hairdresser?
I mean, all of this Nora Roberts movies are so bad I have to keep on watching. I mean, I am about to witness a train crash, how can I look away?
Terrible soundrack. Cheesy characters. Stupid dialogues. People falling in love in slow motion... but here is what I cannot forgive... the main character's hair. Hope they didn't pay for it.
365 dni (2020)
A golden cage
To sum this plot up, an Italian (greek) God falls for a woman he saw once from a sort of fortress on the very day his father died. From that day, he didn't keep the memory of his father dying in his arms, but the sight of the woman he saw by the shore. Five years later she goes to Sicily on a tour and he sees her at the arrival. As any other man in love would do, and being the head of mafia he is, he kidnaps her. She is an empowered polish woman with fake dark hair, fake lashes, fake nose, fake nails and I suspect fake lips as well. As an empowered woman would do, you'd suspect she'd try to flee her captor, but she trie it thrice in very stupid ways and then decides to tease him. Any woman would tease a stranger who had her emprisioned, for we do not fear rape! So she goes around teasing him, until they both have sex, and sex, sex again. Next thing you know, she loves him. Also, they never have a really conversation throughout the movie. He says he kills bad guys who hurt children, she buys it and finds it romantic. She teases him in childish ways and he loves her too. In the end she puts on a blonde wig and makes the cringiest smile ever while trying on her wedding gown. The only nice thing about the movie is the camera, it is visually gorgeous, but the actress just got on my nerves for looking so pretensious. Also, I've learned that it is a female fantay to take man out for shopping. By the second shopping spree I was sincerely feeling sorry for him, for she was having the best of time with her captor.
Carnal Innocence (2011)
So bad I couldn't help but keep watching
Non believable characters, dialogs, everyone was inconsistent, unecessary drama, forced acting, nothing ever made sense. A killer dropping female bodies in her lake and she coveres up the broken windows with plastic and tape? Doors are always open? Also, this is supposed to be a romance and it is not believable that a man of his league would be interested in a woman who plays violin and seriously look like his mom. So bad I find it the finest of bad romance/thriller movies. It wins both cathegories.