johnson50 Reviews

Snatch (2000)

Just a slice of everyday life for we Fenlanders!

[9/10 · 6 December 2003]

If you find 'Snatch' confusing, just come and live in my area for a month - it will all fall into place very quickly! When I heard that Brad Pitt had been cast as the pikey boxer, I groaned inwardly - Yanks telling us how to live our lives again! But no, he is brilliant. He has it down pat. He is just dirty enough, dishonest enough and unintelligible enough to make you think he really is a pikey! I was equally impressed with the rest of the cast - sterling performances all round! Considering Ritchie is an old Harrovian and has lived his life just about as far away as you can get from the world of the itinerant pikeys, he recreated their world to perfection. Well done!

I can well understand that many of you out there in the wide world would have found the dialogue almost completely incomprehensible but all praise to the director. He has sacrificed clarity for realism and come out on top. The plot, of course, is total nonsense but, so what, it's not a documentary, is it? The film has plenty of plusses. Loads of action, gratuitous violence galore, a rollicking pace and pretty (non) exotic locations.

I really liked it and thought it owed only a little to 'Lock Stock' which I liked equally well. Recommended to anyone who hasn't seen it.

The Way of the Gun (2000)

Excellent!

[9/10 · 6 December 2003]

I think this film is excellent. What a cast! I'm a sucker for any film that includes Juliette Lewis and Benicio del Toro in the cast - neither disappointed in the least. Juliette Lewis plays her part as the pathetic and exploited pregnant girl beautifully whilst Benicio del Toro is just so cool!

I loved the opening scene and the closing one, which left wondering why they had ever bothered. Loads of plot twists, loads of violence and, although much of the ground was pretty well documented already, they always seemed to come with a little variation, ie walking the cars in the chase sequence.

Recommended.

Redline (1997)

I actually quite enjoyed it.

[7/10 · 6 December 2003]

I actually quite enjoyed it. It is a rather confusing film but Rutger Hauer is, as always, good value for money and there was plenty of pace to the confusing plot - plenty of action and violence too.

It always makes a film more interesting when you have some connection with it, as I have with this one. It was filmed in Budapest and, in the the scene on Budapest Keleti Station, I saw the bench that fell off when I was asleep a couple of years ago! A pretty tenuous claim to fame, I suspect. That also explains why all of the prostitutes are half naked - it's always very hot in Budapest, both the climatically and socially!

Kingpin (1996)

Eddie McCraken rules OK!

[9/10 · 6 December 2003]

What a totally mad fim! Woody Harrelson is just brilliant as the one handed Munson, Randy Quaid is excellent as the naive Ishmael, even if he does seem a little old for the role, and Vanessa Angel........enough said! But it's Bill Murray who steals the film as the lascivious, crooked and thoroughly revolting Eddie McCracken. What a tour de force.

If you're looking for a sophisticated, light hearted comedy, then this isn't it. To say the comedy is crude, is an understatement but it is typical Farrelly brothers and hilariously funny, non PC and very crude. It's one of those films which, when you explain the storyline to someone who hasn't seen it, sounds totally ridiculous, confusing and pointless and leaves them with a bemused look on their face - a sure sign of greatness!

Army of Darkness (1992)

Love it or hate it?

[10/10 · 6 December 2003]

Well, I love it. It is so appalling that it's good! Surely that's the whole point of it. The entire film is nonsense and any connection with the two earlier films is purely accidental.

Bruce Campbell is wonderful. He's one of my all-time heroes and this film is his piece de resistance. Surely he added all of those incredibly funny one-liners as he went along? You couldn't script such rubbish! The scene where he splits into Good Ash and Bad Ash and fights himself is hilarious, as is most of the rest of the film.

Personally, in the same way that I think Tim Burton made a mistake calling his film 'Planet of the Apes', I think it was a mistake to call this film 'Evil Dead III'. I can see why they did but I think people then watch with an expectation, one that this film certainly will not live up to. It's about the unscariest film I've seen - and so does my nine year old grandson, who thinks it is hilarious. It's his favourite film.

Deadly Manor (1990)

Not bad at all

[6/10 · 5 December 2003]

Contains Spoiler I took a chance on this one and bought it anyway. It turned out to be really quite good, despite the plot being old and predictable and some of the acting just a bit dodgy.

There are some quite nice touches:the smashed up car as a memorial, naked pictures of Jennifer Delora all over the house (and well worth seeing!), the hitch hiker who turns out to be a red herring.

Also your stock 'stupid teenagers' who aren't at all put off spending the night in this 'abandoned ' house (with no broken windows) by coffins in the cellar, bottled scalps in the cupboard, yesterday's paper in a chair and lights left burning.

Nevertheless quite an entertaining, cheap film and far better than many that cost much more to make. Worth a look.

Make Mine Mink (1960)

A real treasure

[10/10 · 5 December 2003]

Very odd film. The sort of film that only the British could make.

Terry-Thomas is cast out of his usual flash, boisterous role as the rather timid Major Rayne, down on his luck and living in a boarding house with the weirdest collection of women you're ever likely to see, including a very young Billie Whitelaw and a masterful Hattie Jacques.

By pure mischance, they embark on a campaign of fur robbery in order to support their landlady's charitable work. The film is a wonderful caricature of the down-at-heel gentry in Britain at that time, includes some very endearing characters and is genuinely funny in its naive fashion.

Recommended to any fan of the wonderful Terry-Thomas and British comedies of this era.

Too Many Crooks (1959)

If you've never watched a British comedy film, watch this one.

[10/10 · 5 December 2003]

If you've never watched a British comedy film, watch this one - it has everything! A superb cast, an extremely silly plot and wonderfully stereotypical characters. The plot has pace and develops delightfully, if somewhat predictably, with some lovely little quirks along the way.

The matchless Terry-Thomas plays Billy Gordon, self made millionaire, serial philanderer, tightwad and general, all-around cheat. A gang of 'master criminals' played by mastermind George Cole, a very pithy Sid James and the incomparable Bernard Bresslaw set out to rob him by various means. Eventually, they kidnap his wife and from here on the comedy level just escalates madly.

If you like '60's British comedy, then you'll love this because it don't come much better!

Your Past Is Showing (1957)

Excellent film with a stellar cast

[10/10 · 5 December 2003]

A truly wonderful film, highly recommended.

Starring Terry-Thomas, as one of several blackmail victims of the ever urbane Dennis Price, it marks one of a number of successful collaborations between the young Peter Sellers and himself. Sellers is also brilliant, as another victim, no doubt an early forerunner of the infamous Inspector Clouseau. The film also stars Peggy Mount, Joan Sims and Shirley Eaton.

The whole film is rather silly, no part more so than the ending, but is very entertaining and very funny as the bungling victims try to kill either themselves or their tormentor, each with an equal lack of success.

Sueurs (2002)

Odd but interesting - some SPOILING

[8/10 · 2 December 2003]

This is strange film. I was drawn to it because I usually like anything with Jean-Hugues Anglade in it. With the added bonus of Joaquim de Almeida, it had to be worth a look.

There is little attempt made to give the viewer any background or put us at a place in time. We know nothing about the main characters, don't know where they are, we just know they have stolen a large quantity of gold (we don't see the robbery) and we don't know that for about 20 minutes. Basically they are just tearing across a desert in a huge tank transporter and being attacked.

The rest of the film covers their journey to the coast to meet a ship. Inevitably they all fall out. I won't give any more away.

I really enjoyed. The performances are undisciplined, almost manic at times. The photography is pretty spectacular and very real (loads of in-cab stuff on the vehicles). It's also pretty violent.

If you get the chance, watch it. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Johnny English (2003)

Don't bother

[5/10 · 2 December 2003]

I have always wanted to find Rowan Atkinson funny and he consistently disappoints me, with the very notable exception of the 4 'Blackadder' TV Series, which were extremely funny.

I don't suppose you should expect too much of a film that is based on a series of TV Ads for Barclaycard. The Ads were actually quite amusing, but then they only lasted for a couple of minutes each. This film is tedious and predictable and just tries too hard to be funny, failing miserably. I admit the scene with the Aston Martin on the lorry is quite good but that's about it.

The Bean film was absolute rubbish, 'Rat Race' is nearly as bad and this is worse. Unless you're a die-hard Atkinson fan, I wouldn't bother. Watch the episode of Blackadder III with the Comte de Frou-Frou and the Scarlet Pimpernel instead - now that is Funny!

Up Pompeii (1971)

Only the British make rubbish like this!

[9/10 · 2 December 2003]

This film is rubbish! I know - I've seen it 23 times! Perhaps you need to be British even to understand it. Just reading the names of the characters makes me smile.

The film has its origin in a British TV Series and was certainly much better in 30 minute chunks but, at least when they made the film, they took the effort to come up with a plot, puerile though it is. The cast is pretty well unchanged from the TV Series too.

Frankie Howerd (Lurcio) based his whole theatrical career on dodgy double intendres and this film is full of them. His habit of making asides directly to the audience via the camera is hilarious. In fact, most of the comedy lies in those two attributes. The visual side of the film, the physical comedy, is more or less one long chase scene with breaks and is not really that funny.

There are some very funny scenes though. The orgy and its aftermath and the wrestling match stand out. The ending is very clever too.

Worth a watch and far better than the two sequels it spawned, 'Up The Chastity Belt' and 'Up The Front'.

Signs (2002)

Ultimately disappointing.

[5/10 · 1 December 2003]

This film was strongly recommended to me by a number of people (usually a bad sign!) so, when I saw it for sale cheap, I bought it.

I quite enjoyed the first half. Quite tense, a few mild surprises, Joaquin Phoenix trying hard, quite promising. But what happened in the second half? It turns into a thinking man's 'Mars Attacks' crossed with 'Independence Day'! I was glad when it ended.

And what about Mel Gibson? Not only has he lost what acting talent he had, he is hardly recognisable as 'Mad Max'. Is he going to stand for Pope when the present incumbent finally snuffs it? I think he should!

If you haven't seen, then don't bother.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

Recommended but read the book.

[9/10 · 1 December 2003]

I'm a big Ellroy fan so I'm probably not the best person to comment on this film. The book is better and I'm glad I'd read it before I saw the film, which I found a little confusing, but then perhaps that was because I'd read the book.

Excellent performances by Guy Pearce, who is very under-rated in my view, and Russell Crowe, not then the mega star he is now. I found Spacey a little bland and uninteresting. How fit is Kim Basinger? She was wonderful! Even Danny DeVito, who usually annoys me intensely, was well above average.

Recommended viewing but then read the book or any of the other LA-based novels by Ellroy - they are superb!

Rob Roy (1995)

Tour de Force from Roth

[7/10 · 1 December 2003]

Not much of a film really. Liam Neeson is about as convincing a Scotsman as Groucho Marx would be, you just want Jessica Lange to get raped and the pair of them are just too bloody holier-than-thou to be true.

But Tim Roth? - brilliant! He sneers his way through the entire film, when he isn't crawling to John Hurt that is. Even his name is a sneer! What a loathsome character he portrays and he does it so well, ably aided and abetted by the masterful Brian Cox, doing quite nicely in Hollywood in his old age.

As for the rest of it? Rubbish! Certainly not a patch on its contemporary 'Braveheart'!

The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Surely it's a comedy?

[9/10 · 1 December 2003]

Other reviewers rate this film as a horror movie - I have never laughed so much!

I don't find it in the least bit scary - bizarre, yes - weird, yes - dark, yes - but not frightening.

The main characters are so extreme that the intended horror just becomes farcical. The idea of people living in the wall cavity? (How wide are the cavities in American houses? 3 inches in Britain!) Rottweilers trotting around with hands in their mouths? Men in leather suits shooting holes in the walls with pump shotguns? This is scary?

The only straight part in the whole film is given to Ving Rhames. A hero called Fool? And how theatrical is the squalor that his family live in? The girl is like Tinkerbelle and the mute boy is a refugee from 'Mad Max III'!

Still, as a COMEDY, I love it. As a HORROR film, it's crap!

Léon: The Professional (1994)

'No women, no kids'

[10/10 · 30 November 2003]

How could anyone not like this film? It has so much going for it!

Despite all of the violence, it is basically a love story, love between a hired killer in his 40's and street urchin of 12 - no, not smutty, either. Their love is a pure and caring love, each of them damaged and flawed. They play and fight like children, care for each other like children, she the older. Oh, and it's a triangle, of course, because there's a plant involved!

Here we have a number of wonderful ingredients - the matchless Luc Besson, le directeur parfait, Jean Reno, surely one of the best character actors around, Gary Oldman playing Gary Oldman yet again and the nubile Natalie Portman, brilliant but surely with even better to come.

The way Besson develops each character and the plot is nothing short of brilliant and, when Portman's entire family get wasted, what sympathy you feel is for her and her little brother, none of the others - I almost enjoyed it, especially when her sister got hers! By the time the film's climax arrives, you just know what's going to happen and it's horrifying. You can taste the satisfaction you feel when Oldman's character gets his just desserts. And I defy anyone not to wipe away a tear at the ending.

What I need now is the French Version Longue!

Hard Boiled (1992)

Just brilliant.

[10/10 · 30 November 2003]

Alright, so there's not much plot or story to it - but then Hong Kong movies are famous for that shortcoming. Who needs them?

Chow Yun Fat is brilliant, easily as good as 'The Killer'. The action is relentless, noisy, gripping and exciting. It must be good because Hollywood has stolen virtually every scene for later films. How many scenes have been recreated in Bruce Willis films?

Shame is that John Woo's Hollywood efforts are very disappointing against the best of his Hong Kong films, the dire 'Hard Target' being a good case in point. 'Face/Off' is the exception.

I love the film, especially the climax in the hospital - it has everything - and Tequila certainly has every character trait you want your hero to have.

Brilliant. In a class of its own.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

One of my favourite flicks

[9/10 · 30 November 2003]

Why is this awful film one of my favourites? Because it is so bad, I suppose. I can't watch it as a film, it's so ludicrous, but as a series of vignettes, it is magnificent(ly bad).

I find it difficult to believe that, having failed with this turkey, Messrs Kuzui and Rosenman then resurrected it a few years later, took out all of the humour, just making it bad, and then made a fortune out of it.

Why do I like it?

Number 1 - the cast. Do any of them take it seriously? Rutger Hauer's performance is so over-the-top as to be farcical and Paul Rubens is magnificently silly as his sidekick, Lefty (a very old Transylvanian name!). They seem to have swotted up on everything that made Vampire movies so awful and included it. Both are wonderful. Donald Sutherland seems to be trying to play it straight but failing. David Arquette and Luke Perry surely are just in it for the laughs. David Arquette's vampire Benny just has me howling! The females on the cast are equally stunning. Kristy Swanson makes a wonderfully buxom Buffy (Is she fit or what?). I love her characterisation of the empty-headed, spoilt little rich girl, so ably abetted by Hilary Swank and the others. Their dialogue is marvellous. I only understand about half of it. They are just so wonderfully, cheerleaderishly, spoilt, rich, vacuous and stupid - they're alright by me!

Number 2 - the plot. How ludicrous can it be? The whole thing is total nonsense which is perfect because you don't have to bother with it. Forget it and watch each sketch.

Number 3 - the characters. Check out the following:- The high school principal after the massacre, Paul Rubens dying, Rutger Hauer trying to speak around his fangs, the scene when the van hits the tree (trying not to give too much away here).

My favourite line? Favourite scene too. The basketball match! Cry from the crowd, 'Hey, there's a girl on the court!' and a gasp from the audience. Magic!

Favourite 'actor'? Hilary Swank. Just brilliant. Her best line? After she lets the vampires into the dance - 'They're seniors!' she whines.

Yes, it is rubbish. Yes, it is stupid. It's also very funny and, something which endears me to it even more, much hated by fans of the later Buffy tripe!

La Femme Nikita (1990)

Probably one of the best films I've ever seen

[10/10 · 30 November 2003]

Firstly, all hail to Luc Besson, a God amongst film makers. I have never seen one of his films that I don't rate very highly, although some are a little bizarre.

Secondly - Anne Parillaud! Simply stunning and a pretty good actress too. How much better than is this than it's awful Hollywood counterpart? - no one can make a French film like the French! And as to the subtitles, I'd rather have them than some dreadful botched dubbing job.

Then you've also got Jean-Hugues Anglade and Jean Reno in support, both matchless (How long has it taken Hollywood to discover Jean Reno?) and a fine performance from Tcheky Karyo to round the whole thing off.

The action is non-stop, the character development is excellent (no flat characters here) and the plot has pace, covering several years of her life without the need to tell you it is doing so.

Not going to give the plot away but if you find, buy it, but make sure its the original.

Pretty in Pink (1986)

One of the best of its genre

[8/10 · 30 November 2003]

I suppose its all been said, really. There were many very poor teen angst films made in this period and this is probably one of the best.

Excellent contemporary soundtrack, good cast made up of stalwarts and the up-and-coming, some fine performances from them too. Predictable script, slushy but tempered by humour and quality acting.

Don't really go for Molly Ringwald that much - a bit whey-faced and pathetic for me - but just check out Annie Potts!. She and Jon Cryer just are this film! How Molly Ringwwald could have chosen Andrew McCarthy's wormy 'Blane' over the Duck Man is a mystery to me. Stars of the film for me, though, are James Spader and his obnoxious girlfriend, Betty. If he was any more jaded and laid back, he'd be unconscious! If she was any more stupid, she'd be a vegetable! Mind you, on a 'schwing' scale of 1 to 10, Annie Potts' 'Iona' is an 11 for me! Also, check out Harry Dean Stanton as Dad. One of my favourite 'B' movie actors alongside Charles Napier, Jack Elam and Lance Henriksen. Most of the true pathos in this film lies with him and Molly Ringwald and their rather strange relationship.

Good film, well worth watching. You must have seen it but if you haven't, then do so.

Shout at the Devil (1976)

A real ripping yarn

[9/10 · 30 November 2003]

As a World War One naval buff, I enjoy this film on one level. As a film enthusiast, I enjoy it on another, all the more so for it being based on fact.

The actual story of the Koenigsberg is actually far less glamorous than the fate of the Blucher in this film but no less enthralling. After the ship was destroyed, her crew joined the German land forces under Count Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck and, together with their few thousand fiercely loyal African troops, fought 1 million British soldiers to a standstill for 4 years until, after the Armistice, they surrendered to the Portuguese, undefeated and proud. A tale well worth reading, far better than the fiction.

Back to the film. The central character is one Flynn O'Flynn, a thoroughly disreputable character, played by Lee Marvin. Always good value for money, he merely reprises Ben Rumson in Africa - no effort required! Roger Moore, aged 49, plays the 'young' interest! Mind you, he don't look bad for it! He is married to the delectable Barbara Parkins, Flynn's daughter Rosa, really the only female character in the film, a grim role she carries off to perfection. Fleischer, the evil German, the exact opposite of von Lettow-Vorbeck, is brilliantly overplayed by Rene Kolldehoff - he really is unlikeable! Also look out for Ian Holm as the mute Arab servant Mohammed.

The film has great pace, really rolling along, well shot in wonderful scenery. It has been well researched too. The Blucher, an actual German cruiser, has been pretty accurately recreated. The whole film has a very genuine feel.

I can see why it's not popular with female viewers. It's quite bloody, very cruel and Barbara Parkins character has a dreadful time of it. The scene in which the farm is burned is quite harrowing.

There are plenty of laughs too. Flynn O'Flynn has all of Ben Rumson's comic characteristics. The big fight between Marvin and Moore is very funny. And then there's Roger Moore blacked up as an African porter - he's about as convincing as I would be - and I'm blond!

If you're a fan of Ripping Yarns, then this one is for you. If not, then I wouldn't bother.

Countess Dracula (1971)

Ingrid Pitt - Mmmmmm!

[9/10 · 30 November 2003]

Let's be honest here - I went to see it as a callow youth of 20 for the same reason that I watched it last week - to see Ingrid Pitt in the nude! What a body she had in those halcyon days before the god Sillycon appeared on the scene!

Ridiculous story, supposedly based on the equally ridiculous 'true' story of Countess Bathory. Shot on a back lot behind the studios at Twickenham. I watched three Hammer films in two days and the same location is used in all of them - you can recognise the trees! The castle looks as though it would fall down if you touched it. How they ever got actors of Nigel Green and Maurice Denham's stature to appear in them I'll never know - there couldn't have been much of a payday in it, after all! As for Sandor Eles, well, he was in 'Crossroads' so it's all he deserves. Lesley Ann Down too - unbelievable! And I never cease to be amazed by the number of young, beautiful and mainly blond peasant girls, all virgins mind, that populated Central Europe 300 years ago - you must have been tripping over them!

But sweep all of that aside. Ingrid Pitt is the reason for watching and there's certainly no shortage of her! I bet it made a fortune at the box office in sex-starved 1970!

Two Way Stretch (1960)

For its day, a most enjoyable and influential film.

[8/10 · 30 November 2003]

A very influential film in the history of the British cinema that spawned one of the most popular TV series that there has ever been in Britain.

The characters are all wonderful. Peter Sellers as the suave and crafty Dodger, Bernard Cribbins as the not too bright Lenny, David Lodge as the old lag Jelly, Lionel Jeffries in a masterful performance as Mr. Crout (who bears more than a passing resemblance to Hitler), Wilfred Hyde White as the slippery and devious Soapy Stevens and, my favourite, Liz Fraser as the ravishing Ethel. Most of these characters plus others were lifted wholesale from the film, with name changes, to form the cast of the hit TV series 'Porridge', still one of the funniest things on British TV, even 30 years down the line.

The plot is inventive and extremely silly, if a little predictable, and there are plenty of laughs even if some of the vehicles are pretty well tried. The film stands the test of time well I feel. The characters are well stereotyped and so live on and prison doesn't change much, I suppose, and so it retains its relevance.

Quite what non-British viewers would make of it, I'm not sure, as there is much British slang in the dialogue and much of it would be meaningless, but if you can get round that, this film is well worth a watch.

Oh, Mr. Porter! (1937)

British comedy at its very best.

[10/10 · 30 November 2003]

One of my all-time favourites.

Silly characters, silly plot.

Supposedly set in Ireland, it was actually filmed on the moribund Basingstoke and Alton Railway in Southern England (note 'Southern' on the tender of the express engine!) I suppose, for its day, it was probably quite innovative with a lot of camera tricks, even though some of the footage is shown in reverse! See the opening credits for instance - British railways drive on the left!

Hay, Marriott and Moffatt are hilariously funny, trotting out well established characters and routines, but no less funny for that, my favourite scene being the one involving Gladstone and the shunting of the carriage - priceless.

If you see it around, watch it, and then check out some of their other films. This was their best but plenty of the others are very funny.