groovieknave-177-74234 Reviews

Man of Steel (2013)

3 horrible superman movies in a row...

[1/10 · 11 October 2014]

First of all, I love Superman. One of my favorites that I always follow. This movie is a complete inconsistent mess, and thoroughly destroys everything about Superman as we know him. In this movie, Superman is an idiot, and stands for nothing. He is also a murderer...

Despite all the senseless action, none of it makes any sense at all. They just did things without any sense of physics or consequences. So, all we get is something in the style.of DragonballZ. Don't get me wrong, I like action, but there was absolutely no problems destroying and murdering. I am sorry, but Superman does not do this if he can help it. When people say Superman gets the movie he deserves, they have no idea who superman is. Please follow the character if you're going to state things as fact, you might want to have some facts.

Superman does not kill, destroy, punch, go in fists swinging... but never kills. He always has citizens at the forefront of his thoughts and any actions he takes are to intelligently defend them. Superman is a self aware alien who knows he is all powerful, and chose to defend a city, a world, and its people without forcing anything. He knew long before he went to metropolis as would anyone with that kind of power. Instead this movie has him conflicting within like some bipolar in need of medication. Nobody stands in awe of superman... apparently this is just another day for the military. Super powered freaks... oh well, lets keep shooting at them in the middle of populated cities. After fighting a long senseless battle, tossing each other through buildings and space... they end up in a building where zod threatens with heat vision to kill some innocent people. But for some reason superman can't toss him or budge him... but he can break his neck?? I am sorry but if you can't move someones head away, there is no way you can break his neck. If you can break his neck you can move his head. There was no reason for him to kill zod, the writers chose terrible, irrational ways to shock people with story telling. How shocking! So shocking it ruins the entire history of Superman. The other god awful way of story telling was how Kevin Costner chose to die. This is the most ridiculous nonsense example of story telling. I am sorry, but why did he go after the dog? To protect a super fast, super strong alien secret? There were plenty of hiding places, plenty. He simply could have gone into the car and took the dog and sped out the other side unseen. Instead a frail old man goes after the dog... immediately I knew they were going against something superman can't do anything about. Human biology... a heart attack. Which is something much more devastating to Supes. Because the superman of old would have slipped out and saved him no matter what. Watching him die is not superman. At worst, he would have let the dog die and escorted his stupid father under the bridge with everyone else. Let the dumbass dog die or fend for itself... are you kidding me?? Who writes this...

There are plenty of other things I could tear this movie apart for. But those are the main issues I had. Superman is a soul-less, lifeless piece of crap wanderer, might as well be a hipster douche. He doesn't show his secret admirer love for Lois, he doesn't hide his identity... nothing about this movie is memorable.

On the other hand, I still remember Christopher Reeve on top of a school bus, shouting, "What about the people?!" Or saving Lois from falling out of a helicopter, or on the Eiffel tower, or when he crushes Zods hand and turns the tables.

Nothing memorable in this movie, just a bad feeling about a murderer who can't decide if he is good or bad... how scary coming from a guy with superpowers. What an awful message.

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Fun movie

[7/10 · 8 September 2014]

I had fun watching this movie, I took a few stars off because they had to draw scenes out just to make it movie length. It should have been a much quicker pace with nonstop laughs, instead it was stretched. Even though it was, they had plenty to keep me enjoying the movie. The acting is great, and the humor is funny like Family Guy. It's like an alternate universe where Brian the Dog is a human in the Wild West. Not kidding, that's the best way to describe this movie.

It's not meant to be a meaningful or award winning movie, it's just fun to watch. Don't over analyze it and get angry because it's directed by Seth... if you don't like Family Guy you won't like this movie.

RoboCop (2014)

One of the worst remakes

[1/10 · 18 May 2014]

This movie gets a 1 for neat fx.

Subtracted for:

No character development, with a long boring training to be Robocop.

No dark humor like the original.

A lead actor who is white but acts like he is black. I guess it works in The Killing. Not as a brain and cardiovascular.

No bad guy.

Pg13... it takes itself too seriously. What teenager would enjoy this garbage? I am enjoy more worried that people rated this movie so high with no good reasons.

The story is horrible. Why would they bother letting him think he is still Alex when they clearly don't want that. Then they take that away and for some reason emotions ruin robotics?? What retard wrote this??

No neat Robocop voice. No believable emotionless Peter Weller. Did the same guy who wrote the new awful Star Trek movies write the character too? Spock has emotions, Robocop has emotions... wayyy too much. In fact he's a complete whiner.

They kept his hand? Why? So he could use Michael Jackson's style in 2028??

Nothing ever happens that's really exciting. Its a whole lot of walking and riding a motorcycle and being propped up on medical equipment. A lot of whining and you never care.

After awhile of watching the dialogue no longer matters and all you wanna see is the action. I personally muted it and added my own.

The most annoying use of Samuel L Jackson. What a waste!!

Everyone in the movie complains in almost every scene.

There is nothing else good about this movie except the fx. That's why it bombed and I hope forgotten quickly.

Thor: Legend of the Magical Hammer (2011)

terrible

[1/10 · 23 October 2013]

The only good thing about this movie is the sound. The jokes are bad, the slapstick is the worst I have ever seen. Everything in the movie is completely stupid, obviously designed for a baby. But then they have some horrible chauvinist pig humor that most parents would rather not let their children see.

I don't know who wrote or cast this, but they had no idea what they were doing.

I wouldn't want anyone to see this, the acting is bad, the humor is the worst or full of over-used jokes. None of the characters are likable or relatable or interesting. The story is awful, and like every other movie being made based on the same rehashed content.

Do not bother wasting your time or exposing your children to this nonsense.

Beauty and the Beast (2012– )

Horribly done, boring

[1/10 · 22 October 2013]

I only watched the pilot, but I had to keep reminding myself I was watching something titled Beauty and the Beast. This is the most fake show I have ever seen, none of these actors sold their roles at all. They're all superficial and unlikable, Kreuk as a cop (or anyone on the show for that matter), is not a good role for her. This whole tough girl thing she does is not something she is good at.

The guy who plays "Beast" is more like the Hulk. I mean what were they thinking? They have absolutely no realistic police work going on, for a show that's centered around cops you would think they would pretend to be like cops or come close... They don't call for back up they don't work together, they don't report anything. So it is even easier for this "Beast" to run around saving people, yet he runs around complaining that he could be found. Especially when he pops up at crime scenes, that's when he says he can't tell Kreuk anything important. Why the hell not? Then he tells her to get away, but he shows up constantly. Ridiculous. The best way to be found is to show up at crime scenes... Give me a break.

None of these people acting have any expression or personality. They're all the same good looking zombie which is the only thing about this show, the way people look. Congratulations on finding the best looking people for the roles instead of people who can act and show some kind of emotion.

I have no idea why people like this show... I can't wait for the love triangles to start. Nevermind, I won't waste my time on this series.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

The Boring Knight Rises

[1/10 · 21 July 2012]

Spoilers ahead.

They could have cut out an hour and it would have been just as good as it is at 3 hours.

Robin or Nightwing or John Blake, gets promoted to detective. He walks up to some suspicious criminals, one tries to attack from behind, he floors him with some quick action but another jumps on his back. He ricochets a bullet off a truck into this guy and kills him. Oops. Broke the Batman code already. Then instead of jumping on the guy he floored, he jumps on the guy he just freaking killed and tries to question him! Real smart Batman replacement.

Catwoman has no purpose in this movie at all other than to advance the plot. They didn't even have the decency to turn her into an object of teenage fantasies.She's on the fence, good and bad, but mostly bad cause 1. She steals Bruce Wayne's family heirlooms, then his fingerprints, then his car, traps him in a cage with Bane like some prison rape scene. Later Batman is like, I'm sure there's still some good in you. They even wind up kissing! Typical bad relationships. There's never any explanation for Catwoman's behavior on either side.

Bane sounds like some old scrawny guy got trapped in a Darth Vader suit and is having a panic attack. Most of what he says makes no sense to me. It's like he's a record played backwards on helium sometimes spun too fast or too slow, I don't know. He isn't believable as Bane that's all I can say really. You could cut out everything Bane says and still understand what's going on in the movie. Just insert your own words, that's what I did in my mind since I couldn't understand what he was saying.

Everybody gets way too much screen time except those in costume. Batman and Catwoman are barely on screen, and barely do anything important. It doesn't feel like a comic book movie, although the story is built like one.

The battles between Batman and Bane are a joke. The first one is not nearly as dramatic as it should have been. The comic is more theatrical than the theatrical event. Batman doesn't do Batman stuff, he throws some cheap bottle rockets at Bane, not even a 5 year old would be impressed with. Why not something more blinding? Like a freaking flash-bang, or why not just shoot the guy? He's got nothing on for protection at all. An entire utility belt to use, and he uses the weakest stuff he can yank out. He doesn't zip line around, he's not even aerial, it's just a straight up boxing match. What kind of Batman fight scene is this supposed to be??? The weakest of all!

Gordon defies all odds by lobbying and directing a broken down police force to get this bomb delayed, just getting out of the hospital after months, he winds up jumping on a semi type vehicle and gets tossed around, just to have Batman fly the bomb out of the city just in the nick of time. I would have been a little upset if I was Gordon, why didn't he just do that anyways?? Besides, what if they DID make it with the bomb and disarmed it? Then Batman wouldn't have been able to make his exit... so really Batman made all of this happen just so he could stage his death. That's pretty bad...

Tom Hardy is terrible at being Bane, you can never tell if his voice is attached to the body. There's no movement or reactions, just some lifeless glare with no personality. Since his back-story is part of the plot twist at the end, we just don't care about anybody.

We could care less about Catwoman cause we don't know why she does anything, We could care less about Miranda cause she just shows up, we don't know why Bruce Wayne doesn't want to be Batman from the start, he doesn't even want to be Bruce Wayne.

Batman barely does anything, Catwoman shoots Bane dead for him, and Talia dies in a car wreck. Aside from a short sequence at the beginning and two very bad fights with Bane, all he does is get stabbed and stages his own death.

The movie is a jumbled mess. There's really no reason to watch it, it's better to let it end at The Dark Knight. This movie is awful. Aside from being excellent visually... there's nothing memorable about this movie.

The Hunger Games (2012)

Spoilers! But don't worry, it's already predictable and weak.

[1/10 · 27 March 2012]

The start of the movie is so obvious, with a tiny little girl scared out of her wits who has no business being in the Hunger Games, most predictably the lead actresses little sister it was obvious she was going to take her place. Even more less surprising we find out that the boy going with her has a crush on her.

On to 1 hour and 15 minutes of Woody Harrelson being not nearly believable enough as a crude alcoholic become soft hearted, a lot of senseless dinners, a lot of hype for the contestants we know nothing about, absolutely no politics or explanation of what the Hunger Games actually are or how it came about, and an awful underlying message sent out to viewers. "Just be yourself, but do what everyone expects!" Katniss went from being tough, to a weak and sleepy survivor.

Are you bored yet? So, they get thrown out into the Hunger Games, there is absolutely no build up whatsoever. The only person you know is out there is Katniss and the boy who came with her. The rest of the contestants you don't know, hardly have a clue as to what they're capable of, most of them die at the start anyway. Katniss runs away from the initial slaughter, to take a nap. Then she takes more naps. At one point out of the blue she finds herself in the middle of fiery doom, with fireballs launching at her, she barely survives. Well, lucky for her, though we were never told. she has some sponsors save her, with the help of a silent montage of Woody Harrelson laughing with a bunch of poorly dressed somebodies. She gets saved with super healing medicine! She takes more naps.

Later, we find out the boy who has a crush on her is teamed up with the last of the jerks, for some reason, in a game where only one survives, there are people who travel in groups. Okay? Why??? They make some pathetic attempts to kill her, then give up and sleep. Kat makes a new friend who seems to be the most resourceful, herbal expert. She tells her to dump a bunch of insects on them. Then while it takes forever for her to saw a tree limb off, we're told these are evil, dangerous insects that will kill you. How convenient! She gets stung a few times, and conveniently kills a girl with the bow and arrows, which just so happens she's an expert with. How lucky! Too bad she was stung by these insects, now she's going to take more naps and be saved somehow... by a tiny girl who knows herbal remedies. Wish we would have known that! They turn out to be good pals, what a surprise that is. Well, after a lot more boring stuff of not getting to know anything about what is going on, they randomly decide to go find out what the meanies are up to.

Turns out, they gathered all the supplies and somehow found a bunch of land mines to surround the pile. Okay? What's that supposed to do? Apparently, some girl isn't part of their group, she expertly dodges every land mine and gets away with something. So, instead of gathering some supplies, Katniss blows it all up. Then... runs away! Katniss and her little pal find each other, but get attacked, Kat swiftly dodges a spear throw, and sticks the attacker with an arrow. The attacker dies instantly. But finds out poor little girl was stuck by the big spear. Except it takes FOREVER for her to die, we don't know anything about this character, so we don't care, so the long drawn out death is stupid.

Well, Kat runs off alone and finds her boy who has a crush on her. For some reason untold he's not with the group anymore and he's badly injured somehow. Okay, they hobble off after way too long, and then find a cave where it takes way too long for them to get things going. She decides to go off on her own for some supplies, and gets attacked by a girl who takes too long to kill her, but some other guy out of the blue SAVES Katniss... for absolutely NO reason, and then... just leaves her alone! In a game where only one survives, with the perfect opportunity to turn the odds in his favor... just leaves her alone! She goes back, takes a lot more time, and finds out there is only one person left? Really? Thanks for showing us some of the action... but anyway they leave the cave, and the Hunger Game... techs, or IT people or whatever they are, unleash a bunch of dogs that are really big and full of muscle. Kat and her boyfriend OUTRUN all of them to a huge metal platform where they're surrounded by blood thirsty animals... who could easily make the jump to the top of the platform... don't. Instead the last guy, whoever he is, is bloody and looks like he can barely move, beats the crap out of both of them. How he got by the dogs is beyond me... but whoever can do that must be amazing, until, Kat shoots him in the hand with an arrow. This causes him to fall off and get eaten by dogs. But Kat feels sorry for him, and puts him out of his misery.

After this, there is nothing really to note. Nobody says anything important and nobody cares, they just wish it would end, because they don't really know what happened at all. They don't really know anybody but Kat, Donald Sutherland gives some meaningless scornful look, and walks off and the credits roll.