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Baby Reindeer (2024)
This Simply Does Not Follow
The only thing 'captivating' about this true story is the fact that despite being given virtually every conceivable reason (other than actual physical violence) not to encourage Martha's mad behaviour, Donny can't seem to just tell her to piss off. Perhaps he doesn't need to say it in as many words but let's be reasonable here - just say no thank you.
He cracks a sexually suggestive joke after she's showed up at his work every day for weeks and proven herself to be a delusional, compulsive liar.
He goes to a cafe with her for lunch 'as friends' after she's made it painfully obvious that she thinks they're much more. Again, this woman is clearly mad but he still takes her to lunch.
He has a cute moment on the bench outside his comedy club with her where he actually joins her in singing a romantic song. I don't care that he changed the words - that is moronic under the circumstances.
She comes to his house under a false name and then sits at a bus stop across the road after he asks her not to sleep over. Instead of calling the police or ignoring her, he finally goes outside and WIPES HER NOSE WITH A TISSUE.
Then he takes her home and has a nice fake breakup with her.
All this while she's writing him hundreds of e-mails a day and clicking through/commenting on every piece of his social media.
This is either the stupidest man on the planet or the stupidest plot of the decade or, like a sort of reverse-miracle, both. Whatever it is, it's maximal sub-par dredge dressed up as a 'modern emotional' thriller / drama / I'm sorry for everyone involved somehow. Watch Ripley instead. If you've seen Ripley, watch it again instead.
House of the Dragon (2022)
Uneventful, disjointed, and soulless
Like so many people, I had high hopes for this show based on the multi-dimensional successes of GOT. Imagine my disappointment after committing to six episodes of some of the most boring, detached TV I've ever seen. The entire thing feels like a contradiction - somehow the writers have managed to rush the season while simultaneously failing to generate any interest whatsoever. It's Game Of Thrones with neither intrigue nor action. I'm left feeling nothing for the characters and thus, disconnected from the plot altogether, and I wager that if it weren't for reputation of this show's predecessor, House of The Dragon would be sitting at a dwindling 5 stars on IMDb. It certainly doesn't deserve the 8+ rating that it currently holds...
Avengement (2019)
Poor Man's Tarantino
From the first few frames of this film you understand that a central theme behind the production (and a phrase that was likely written in production notes more than once) is 'Think Tarantino'. This in itself wouldn't be an issue if the film were executed better; the acting isn't terrible but it's not great by any measure, the music feels oddly flat, and the fight scenes, though arguably the best part of it all, grow repetitive. There is promise here, and I can see why someone would be encouraged to make this film but ultimately the soul of the picture is hidden beneath unnecessarily lengthy set-ups.
On top of it all, the plot is painfully predictable. Worth a watch if you're bored and curious but by all measures, a straight-up-and-down mediocre flick.
Day Shift (2022)
Painfully average
There's not much to this. Certainly nothing that hasn't been done before. How much do they pay writers to slightly re-work the irrelevant details of vampire lore? If you're bored, it will fill the time better than a lot of the rubbish on Netflix - Jamie Foxx is always fun to watch, even when spouting cliches at every turn. If you value your time, skip it.
The Batman (2022)
Did we need this Batman? No... we don't need another average movie
I was excited by this - a kind of Watchmen meets Seven tone seemed right up my alley. The first time I watched it I walked out of the cinema after about 30 minutes, annoyed. Nonetheless, I thought I'd give it a second chance, so went to another screening. I left feeling underwhelmed - the script is predictable to the point of my being able to quote it upon first viewing. The acting is decent despite the shoddy dialogue. The best thing about the movie was the Penguin, who got less screen time than he should have. Overall, I found myself asking 'why do we need this Batman?'. There's little, if any, originality here and in a world where superhero reboots are dime-a-dozen, I would say you need to do something more impressive than this to break out of the ranks of mediocrity.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Waste of time.
The film seems to be more focused on ramming liberal political ideology down your throat than actually being a decent movie. Acting was trash, story felt rushed and sluggish at the same time, somehow, and the notion that at the literal end of the world, the emphasis is on woman's rights and not 'stealing agency'. It's moronic. It's boring. It represents none of what made the original so great.
Aziz Ansari: Nightclub Comedian (2022)
Lazy and boring
Opening a set in late 2021 with 10 minutes of covid-19 schtick? Come on. My brother-in-law could make those jokes - he's not a funny guy. This is lazy writing. Picking the low-hanging fruit. Taking advantage of 'fad-mentality'. On top of all that, Aziz's 'just be grateful that I came down to joke casually with you by surprise' vibe smells funny to me. There's much better comedy out there by far less-conceited comedians.
Foundation (2021)
Strong start. Shoddy follow-through.
I never read Asimov's original writings, so I'm going in blind - unimpeded by the conversion process or hang-ups from expectations I might have otherwise had. The first couple of episodes were strong - interesting world building, enticing visuals and fairly good acting. From about episode 4 it all starts to fall apart - actors enter the fold who are clearly below the job in terms of skill, the story meanders and loses any believability. While I want to like this show, I really can't - another average sci-fi flick with the sense that it's so much more profound than it actually is.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Lacking originality, logic, emotion and depth.
This is one of the worst films I have seen in years. Certainly the worst I've seen this year (and I've seen some real stinkers lately). The title says it all really - I don't know why people continue to make films out of vapid, nonsensical scripts filled with characters that have no depth and little-to-no emotional value. You're better off watching cars drive past.
The Dissident (2020)
A well-crafted film on a subject of great importance
There's not much one can say about this documentary without chasing the very soul of the subject away, so to speak. Simply put, it is a vital detailing of the horrendous murder of an innocent man who spoke truth to power.
It's a rare thing to find a film of such vital contemporary importance. Every person who watches this is better informed about the world they live in and the power structures that govern - or seek to control - each and every one of us.
Pay no heed to negative reviewers, most if not all of which are almost certainly paid trolls with an agenda. This will be made clear in the film.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
A film for the times
Trash, short-attention-span nuggets sewn together in an altogether displeasing way.
I don't care about the perceived 'political agenda' or 'social commentary' that many viewers find in the movie. I care about the entertainment factor and the sense of soulful enjoyment that these kinds of films are supposed to inspire. This particular money grab, however, can only be described as a film without a soul.
Too long, too corny (coming from someone who likes Predator), unoriginal in every way that means anything and perhaps most disappointingly, a complete washy, would-be fun-loving mess. And I don't mean that it's goofy and self-deprecating. I mean it's rubbish that some tasteless fools threw too much money and too little feeing at. I love superhero movies, I really do. But this felt like no one even bothered to make an effort. Aside from a couple of goofy chuckles, there's nothing going for it. The scriptwriters should take a cold hard look at themselves, if only for having penned the pilot's moronic 'it's just wind...air...' monologue. It doesn't get much worse than that. Acting was subpar, with Wig giving the most predictably elementary performance possible. Don't get me started on the cat costume. Who gave the green light on using a giant cat costume after the Broadway adaptation's legendary failure?
Soulless and pointless - WW84's greatest impression is that you never knew you could want a movie to end for so long.
Mary Queen of Scots (2018)
PC culture in overdrive trying to pretend it's not in overdrive
'Things that we can do differently if we just consider everyone's feelings about all of these hotpoint socio-political issues'. That's the underlying idea here. The film was shot nicely, for the most part. The acting wasn't half bad either. Wardrobe and make-up was good but if I'm honest, not much better than what one might expect to see in period pieces made 20 years ago, and certainly no better than in some recent films (The Favourite, for example).
If you want to be constantly reminded of all-too-pervasive real world issues whilst slowly but surely coming to the realisation that this retelling of the past is both inaccurate and rather dull, then Mary Queens Of Scots may be just the film for you.
Robin Hood (2018)
Without a doubt, one of the worst films I have ever seen
I didn't go into this expecting much but by the end of it, I was absolutely dumbfounded by how so much can be overlooked when it comes to creating a basic template for a coherent and rewarding cinematic experience. The only thing this film serves as is a clear guide of what not to do if you're trying to make a good movie. Don't even waste your time.