gray1937-1 Reviews

The Cape (2011)

Boooooring!

[2/10 · 17 January 2011]

Someone noted the reason to watch this pap was Keith David. I can't disagree that he is good -- and, hey, they fixed that gap between his teeth! (Wonder why that took so long.) Actually, the only reason I can see to watch past episode 2 is the exquisite Summer Glau, and her role is no way as pithy as the emotionless cyborg in "Sarah Conner." The problems with this show are that it is dumb, stupid and boring. The plot is right out of "Robocop," but infinitely slower, and David Lyons is definitely not Peter Weller. I can't imagine an audience big enough to keep this on the air until the beginning of summer -- unless they give us a lot more Summer. Where, oh where, did NBC go?

Mandrake (2010 TV Movie)

An Ecellent Sci Fi Channel Production

[7/10 · 4 October 2010]

"Mandrake" (a ridiculous title, about as ridiculous as SyFy, and no more so than IMDb's "Top Billed Cast") is such a superior Sci Fi Channel production as to make me doubt that being the origin. The lead actors, despite the aforementioned "Top Billed Cast" are Max Martini (from "The Unit) as McCall, Jon Mack as Carla Manning, Nick Gomez as Santiago, and Benito Martinez (from lotsa shows, including "The Shield" and "Saving Grace") as Harry Vargas. Basically the plot has Vargas sending Manning and others, including Santiago as guide and McCall as bodyguard, to recover an ancestral artifact from some place in a Central or South American jungle. Mayhem obtains as natives and a "protective" entity object to the recovery. The players, including the females, are attractive, but not gorgeous, get with the action in a reasonable, human -- not superhero -- fashion, get dirty, and in some cases dead. I found the movie superior for the genre, and as I said, excellent, for a Sci Fi Channel production -- if in fact it was.

The Good Guys: Bait & Switch (2010) Season 1, Episode 2

Light summer fare

[5/10 · 13 June 2010]

This show isn't great, perhaps not even good, but certainly not the horror the first reviewer characterized. It is decent light summer fare with talented and attractive actors and actresses. Yes,Bradley Whitford plays a Luddite too primordial to believe in this day and age (for someone younger than, say, 90) and hams it up to the nines, but you shouldn't expect him to be Josh Lyman every time out. After all, if Dule Hill can get away playing Stepin Fetchit as Gus Guster on "Psych", then most anything should be acceptable from the "West Wing" crew. In the first two episodes at least, the plots were a little thin, but the women are lovely. If you are looking for substantive intellectual fare, there's always "Nova."

NYC: Tornado Terror (2008 TV Movie)

Comparatively speaking, OK to good

[6/10 · 7 February 2010]

So the special effects weren't special -- well, the lightening and St. Elmo's fire were pretty good. And why send up an F-117 Nighthawk as a cloud seeder? Why not, it's a movie. Hey, they coulda used an SR-71 Blackbird. That is the best looking aircraft ever. Could something that looks like a mini-MLRS reach 65K ft? Well, maybe. Is the science legit? Just as legit as global warming. If you think this was bad science, be sure you miss "Meteor Storm."

The acting, particularly from the principles was unexceptional, but quite reasonable for the genre. I recognized Sebastian Spence, but I absolutely missed Nicole de Boer as Dax from "Deep Space Nine." She was, once, a hottie.

Plot, well there has been a lot worse. I was a little surprised that the eminent meteorologist didn't recognize a dust devil when she saw one. Girl's gotta get out of the city more. Actually, for this kind of flick it was amazingly cliché free. I mean, nobody got stuck in the elevator (again, don't see "Meteor Storm" if you don't like disaster flick clichés -- it is rife with them). I got a little bored with the kids wandering around in the tunnel -- do they really have those on Liberty Island? But the potential boyfriend got fried. I mean, those two did not have a happy ending. How outré is that?

Meteor Storm (2010 TV Movie)

Respectable cast, gag-all plot

[2/10 · 7 February 2010]

I don't need to repeat everything other reviewers noted, but maybe a few:

1. Every disaster flick cliché ever imagined was included. 2. Soldiers, even airmen, don't salute civilians -- except those in direct line of command like the SecDef and the CINC (President). 3. The science is pure hokum. Radio frequencies don't cause attraction or repulsion. If you're gonna blow up stuff in outer space, do it before it starts to heat up from atmospheric friction.

And then a couple no one has as yet mentioned:

4. Brigaders are about as high up the food chain as amoebas. A BG who gets the President on the phone is a joke. 5. I think that element 120 should have been named unbelievium. 6. Toward the end, Keri Matchett who plays the professor (the one who does qualitative analysis by looking through a microscope for Pete's sake) spends the last reel, rather than looking scared, concerned, or dispirited, with a sly smile on her face, as if she knows something none of the rest of us do. Well, she was wrong. A lot of us realized just how silly this whole thing was.

Arachnid (2001)

Better than average Creature Feature

[5/10 · 2 December 2009]

Sort of a middling "critter feature" seen on the Sci Fi channel. The basic plot idea is fairly interesting, but lacks quite a bit in execution. The acting is pretty good, particularly for this genre, but the critters are pretty bad, looking like closeups of small mechanical (or CGI) spiders made to look large. I particularly liked Chris Potter as Valentine and Ravil Isyanov as Henry Capri. The women were OK, in particular Alex Reid as Mercer, but neither were pretty enough nor hot enough to pull their weight in this kind of flick.

The movie starts with some kind of semi-transparent alien craft intersecting a stealth fighter and both crashing. The Navy pilot ejects and parachutes into a jungle environment where he watches the alien pilot get offed by a large pincered critter, then suffers the same fate. Maybe this is where the arachnids pick up their alien DNA, but since they are already large, maybe not.

Months later a group of doctors, with Valentine and friends as bodyguards, set off to the fair island -- where the natives are dying so some loathsome disease induced by venom -- in a plane piloted by Mercer (the stealth pilot's sister searching for her brother). Apparently some magnetic interference (never further explained) causes the plane's electronics (and their satellite radio/phone) to go bonkers. Don't expect any cavalry. The natives, by the way, are much more like South American Indians than South Pacific whatevers. They are too small to be Polynesians, and too light skinned to be anything else. Well, it's Science Fiction...

After the running and screaming, losing characters right and left to the critters evil machinations, the hero (Valentine), the chick (Mercer) and one of the "natives" off the mama spider and presumably escape the island -- I guess, but how? The plane is still down and the electronics still out. The production ran out of film? Ran out of money? What?

Beyond Sherwood Forest (2009 TV Movie)

Robin Hood vs. The Dragon

[5/10 · 30 November 2009]

This is better than an OK Sci Fi Channel flick. The basic story line is interestingly different, and the CGI dragon is awesome, repeatedly transforming into a naked chick (actress name not listed). Unfortunately for the male audience, since this is "for TV" fare, we have to use our imagination re: the nudity. Another "unfortunate" is casting Robin Dunne (Dr. Will Zimmerman of "Sanctuary") as Robin Hood. Name association is all this bad idea has going for it. Dunne does not look, act nor sound "heroic." Alan Ladd was short, but at least he had a voice. Julian Sands makes a serviceable sheriff -- Alan Rickman he ain't, but he'll do. Richard de Klerk as Will Scarlett and (another unlisted) as Little John both do well.

But there are some notable plot flops. Both good guys and bad guys often have bad guys and good guys at "ropes end" and seldom do anything about it. Robin, despite his rep, apparently can't hit the broad side of a barn with an arrow -- and maybe that's why he seldom tries. He is forever notching an arrow and bending his bow, but there is seldom any release (there may be an embedded gag here). When he does release (rarely) the arrow becomes an error and never hits its target. Near the end when Robin and his Merry Men are at swords point with the sheriff's posse, there are a couple of hangers-on with loaded crossbows standing around, just standing around. Shoot somebody for goodness sakes. Malcolm, the Sheriff of Nottingham, has his sword at Robin's throat for what seems like ages, but never makes the cut. Bad directing and/or scripting, I guess.

What this movie does have going for it is Erica Durance (Lois Lane of "Smallville") as Maid Marian. She's not much of an actress, and her "English" accent, amusingly, comes and goes like the tide, but she gets more beautiful every time we see her. Lovely, lovely to look at. (Did the Sheriff rape her or not?)

Star Runners (2009 TV Movie)

Far from SciFi Channel's Worst

[5/10 · 15 November 2009]

Yes, it the plot is incredibly formulalistic. Yes, the CGI is largely inept. But no one who has viewed "Centipede" or "AVH: Alien vs. Hunter" or the "War of the Worlds" remake with C. Thomas Howell could legitimately rate this one (1) out of ten (10). The movie is fast paced, though hokey; the actors (particularly Trinneer and Lee) are largely competent to good; the villains are evil enough; the chicks are attractive if not gorgeous. The plot is thin, but has some interesting science fiction content. The most negative thing I can say is that the evil humans are scripted poorly, directed without much spirit, and underplayed by actors who maybe don't have much talent. Michel Culkin (Colonel/General Bishop) certainly isn't Sidney Greenstreet, but probably suffers more from weak material and dull direction than acting ineptness. This is definitely not great theater, but it is certainly an acceptable SciFi (I just reject that SyFy inanity) space opera.

Feast (2005)

Very gory "Creature Feature" with lots of violence and few survivors

[7/10 · 8 November 2009]

As these things go, this was pretty darn good. The action was furious (sometimes too much so, as you couldn't really tell what was happening), with an enormous amount of blood and a lot of dead bodies. There was almost no temptation to skip ahead over the slow parts, because there just were not hardly any of those. The women were beautiful, most of the men were jerks (except Clu Gullager is a kick as the barkeep), and the monsters were vile -- what you really see of them through all the gore. They look about like off-shoots of the "Alien" which isn't a criticism because she is just bad to the max. If you like gory creature features this will do it for you.

The Giant Gila Monster (1959)

Classic '50s "Saturday Night at the Drive-In" movie.

[7/10 · 8 November 2009]

I'm not just a "fifties kinda guy," I am actually a '50s guy. I really miss these B&W "Creature Features." For a no-budget movie made in that era, this is pretty cool. The white socks and the hot rods are quite realistic. The "kids" drink cokes and have jobs; the girls -- for the most part -- wear skirts. That's how it was, back in the day. The acting, actors and effects aren't "Them," "The Thing," or "The Creature from the Black Lagoon," but as another reviewer noted, they are so much better than that Japanese trash that followed the original "Godzilla."

I liked the effects. The giant gila monster was actually a gila monster. (how did they get him to perform? Hmmm...). The train was obviously a model (like almost all the ships and submarine in that plethora of WW II movies). The dialogue was amateurish and the acting hokey... all as it should be for the genre. It was fun, and made an old man smile with the memories. Drive-in Saturday nights... I really miss 'em.

Moonlight (2007–2008)

Is CBS as nuts as FOX? (Rant)

[8/10 · 15 March 2009]

Why do networks expect good Sci Fi to draw as much audience and rating as dumb reality shows? Don't they know that most Sci Fi fans either are scientists or engineers or at least have that potential? Don't they know that we are vastly outnumbered by the beer guzzling, chip munching, brain dead couch potatoes that watch "Survivor Wherever," or "Biggest (fat ass) Loser"? This, like "Firefly" was a fun show, requiring a little intelligence and attention to follow the plot. It had an attractive cast, Alex O'Loughlin, Sophia Myles, Jason Dohring, and Shannyn Sossamon who played well fleshed out characters in interesting situations.

Yeah, it wasn't "CSI," or one of its clones, purveying fake science as well as fake roles. (Crime scene investigators carrying weapons and making arrests, now **that is science fiction**). CBS does a pretty good job with cop shows: "Criminal Minds," "The Mentalist," and "Numbers." If they won't give good Sci Fi a chance, maybe they should just leave it alone, rather than getting us hooked on something fun, then pulling the plug before it has a chance to build a fan base. Sixteen episodes -- no way.

Frankenfish (2004 TV Movie)

Terrible title, pretty good flick

[5/10 · 14 March 2009]

"Frankenfish" (ugh!) is a pretty good Creature Feature, starring a cast of lesser lights who do pretty well. The only cast members I recognized (Muse Watson who played Agt. Mike Franks (Rtd.) on "NCIS") gets killed off early, and Thomas Arana starts late. Probably helps with budget control. Interestingly (to me at least), three of the actors are from Louisiana. The lead females, Misses Aubert and Chow are both attractive, although Miss Chow's role is cut short by a (more than most) bizarre incident. The fish aren't bad, either.

An out of town (but initially local) medical examiner (Sam Rivers played by Tory Kittles) and a Fish and Wildlife officer (Mary Callahan played by China Chow) set out into the Louisiana swamp in a small (12 foot, maybe) john boat to investigate the cause of a dismembered corpse. As the two, strangers to one another, motor away with their 10 horse put put, one says to the other "Looks like we have a four or five hour trip." You have to be thankful movie characters never have to pee. They meet up with Elmer (Mike Franks) who takes them back to the "village" where the dismembered corpse once resided, a collection of three houseboats moored in close proximity. Subsequently, Elmer takes the intrepid pair off to an abandoned motor launch where the trouble begins. Elmer gets et by the creature. Sam and Mary return to the moorage. The creature follows. Things go down hill rapidly from this point on. The cast gets smaller and smaller.

Lots of action. Lots of gore. Lots of cast gulped down. On the whole well done and fun, as much as a creature feature can be. Oh, and the ending is mondo!

Lake Placid 2 (2007 TV Movie)

This was a HOOT!

[3/10 · 13 March 2009]

The acting was terrible. Presumably John Schneider was once talented, but he left it all in the dressing room this round. Sarah Lafleur, another of those attractive Canadian women, isn't too bad, but she plays too bland. Cloris Leachman is, pardon my opinion, too old. Lillian Gish could pull it off at this age, but not Miss Leachman, I'm afraid. Everyone else seems to have escaped from middle school drama class. Maybe it was the directing....

The CGI gators are mediocre. I mean, they don't look "real", but they do look mean. And the script. Ah, the script. It seems they run out of stuff to say/do, so they invent another gator. Even their "keeper" thought there were only three.

But, the action never stops. The sheriff's son, after a bad false start, turns out to have major cojones. There is never a need to fast forward through the ennui. And, although I don't think they really meant it to be, this flick is really funny. It is a hoot. With a little more panache and pizazz, Schneider could have really hopped it up. Maybe it was the directing...

Supergator (2006 Video)

Not a great movie, but great theater!

[6/10 · 25 February 2009]

I'm sorry guys, but if you didn't like this movie (Why is it not called Dinocroc II? Because they used gator DNA!) you shouldn't be watching the Sci Fi Channel. We've got a reasonable scenario, a scary beastie (near-decent CGI), and babes galore (most of whom, excepting Misses Lawson (Carla) and Stiefvater (Alex), you've likely never seen before and may not again) with so much gore I can't see how it avoided an "R".

The Supergator has gotta be the hungriest critter ever to have graced the silver screen, on in this case the boob tube. First it eats a pair of lovers who threaten to do "it" in front of the waterfall, but don't, take a swim instead, and become gator nosh anyway. Then with a swooping leap it eats a fey photog, and follows him up with a toothsome (pun) model. Next (or maybe not) he eats a couple of hiker chicks who though warned (Hey, this is Hawaii, there are no wild animals), mosey on toward the waterfall and .... Then there are the two skinny, drunken entrepreneur wannabes, chomp, while their fat friend runs away. The fat friend encounters the other model who fled the photo-shoot (and whom you thought escaped -- Ha!). They hide in a mango (or is a banyan) root maze until... yep, super-gator tea time. I don't know if this was actually shot in Hawaii, but it absolutely was not shot in Bulgaria.

Our heroes, the vulcanologist, Dr. Scott Kinney (Brad Johnson) and his crew climb the side of the long dormant, now gurgling, volcano and meet up with the paleo-geneticist (Kim Taft, who invented Supergator) and her white hunter, on the prowl to recover (like, terminally) the incredible creature (maybe we could call him Edipus Rex?). Scott's obnoxious student assistant goes off over the hill to reset a camera, and darned if he doesn't lose one fall out of one to the monster.

Both teams flee back to the waterfall lagoon where their boats are, and as Scott's two female associates, Carla and Alex, start to head back downriver to warn the town of the impending eruption, they **fall out of the boat**! Scott saves Carla and Alex is helped by Kim (played by Kelly McGillis) -- Kelly McGillis whom we all love from "Cat Chaser." If you don't know why we love her from "Cat Chaser," go rent the movie. Oh, she gets et.

Dr. Scott and the white hunter take off by boat to whack the creature, and the two girls (Carla and Alex) take off on foot to warn the town. They catch a ride with some jerk who stalls his jeep just as the super-gator intersects their course. Cameo appearance for our driver. The women flee on foot, only Alex doesn't flee quite quickly enough, and "another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust."

The crews, or what's left of them, make it back to town where the festival luau is about to go down (you might think of this as homage to "Jaws" except it's used in every one of these things). The volcano has quieted, but we still gotta warn the crowd that there's a prehistoric monster running amok. Since no one pays attention the super-gator eats the park manager and several patrons, actually I lost count, on his way to destruction. I won't tell you how, but you can figure it out about 15 minutes before hand. It's a gas.

In the epilogue Scott and Carla go off laughing about their experiences, which I found in quite poor taste. I mean, I was laughing, but the characters shouldn't be. Then there are the obligatory pictures of the Kileuea lava flow, which I don't get.

Alien Siege (2005 TV Movie)

Art Imitates Life?

[5/10 · 23 February 2009]

For starters this was a pretty good Sci Fi flick. Although I don't much like Brad Johnson, he does a yeoman like job with the Dr. Stephen Chase role. Miss Ross plays his daughter, with the (apparently) obligatory personality characteristic of always arguing when she's told to do something. I'd think the feminists would get tired of this ubiquitous character trait, but maybe it's one of which they approve. Ah, they probably don't watch sci fi anyway. Miss Lane, who plays Blair, isn't exactly a babe, but she's kick-ass tough. As she says to a couple of soldiers she's just taken down, "I have unresolved anger issues." I really like this kind of strong female character. Remember Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) in "Alias"?

I also don't have any issue with the technical stuff. The shuttlecraft, the ray-guns, etc. all seem adequate for this level of production. Unlike so many, even high-budget films, the good guys did manage a respectable number of hits for their efforts with automatic weapons. Dr. Johnson does seem rather too knowledgeable in the operation of alien devices, but he is a PhD, and he has been studying their artifacts for years, so maybe that's okay. I was amused that he managed to hang onto his coat, until at the very end when he finally went out into the cold Montana air and left it in the shuttlecraft.

As for the main theme of the movie and the ethical dilemmas it poses, I believe we may have a case of art imitating life, because I see "Alien Siege" as a metaphor for the Holocost: all the allusions to "race" and "blood"; hauling all the selectees off to the collection points; the total lack of resistance by almost all those selected; the co-operation of the American troops and officials in the whole process reflects near repetition of everything I have read about the roles of local collaborators with the Nazis. The big difference in the movie is that there is a resistance movement and that it is successful. That's an opportunity that the Jews, as a minority in all the occupied and co-opted countries, did not have.

I'm glad to see that Carl Weathers' character, General Skyler, got out of this with his hide. Carl often fares much less well at the hands of his alien foes. Remember what "Predator" did to him...

AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (2007 Video)

Mistitled: Should Be Alien & Hunter vs. Idiots

[1/10 · 23 February 2009]

What? There's no zero? Rating this abomination of a movie a "one" is really reaching! Acting -- one of the reviewers said William and Dee Dee were fine. On a scale of one to ten, I'd give the portrayers of the Hunter and the Alien a two, and those of the humans about half that. Can I say **UGH!** **Yeech!**? The only thing worse than the acting was the script (script?). Well, maybe the costumes of the Hunter and Alien. I suppose the Alien was a hand puppet -- it took me half way through to figure out that the thing which looked a bit like Rocket Man from the Moon with teeth, was really attached to the giant arachnid (well, I didn't actually count the legs...).

Oh yes, script. We have a cadre of idiots running from a couple (at least) of murdering, man-munching monsters, and they dawdle along like kids on there way to detention. Sometimes they are crawling through a supposed tunnel (you can't see the ceiling, but they're on their hands and knees so I suppose the audience is supposed to suppose it's low) and sometimes walking upright in a "sewer" that would make the Paris underground resemble an ant farm. This meander starts in some redneck's basement/cellar and winds up -- oops! -- in the Hunter's, or is it the Alien's spaceship? I can't tell because it contains a dead alien and the Hunter's spare cannon.

The best shots are overhead of the forest. Interestingly, sometimes it's green and sometimes it's brown... One might say "tempus fugit," but since all the activity (I won't dignify this excreta by calling it action) occurs in a single day, one might suppose it took enough time to produce this mess that a change of seasons obtained. Hopefully not. If they spent more than a day filming this twaddle someone ought to be fired. Or maybe someone just ought to be fired.

I was never sure whether the idiotic behavior of the cast -- and the insipid dialogue (upon receiving the Hunter's spare weapon, William says, "I've never seen anything like this before) was intentional humor, reflected the writer's opinion of the average person, or reflected the writer's person. They try to give it some play at the very end when the Hunter, who turns out to be human, says the local planet has been Terra-formed, implying that what we've just seen was not "life on earth" but some low grade mimic. I'm betting this was added by the producers when they saw the dailies and said "Oh my God!"

Infected (2008 TV Movie)

A Pretty Good Creature Feature

[6/10 · 22 February 2009]

Here we have a reasonable alien invasion/creature feature plot, with amusing allusions to super market tabloids, replete with accomplished players. The CGI is pretty hokey and the science a little outré -- well, can't really complain about that; it is *science* fiction (emphasis on the fiction). There is an acceptable love story; a massive conspiracy; really bad, bad guys -- well, the BEM (that's Bug-Eyed-Monster for you newbies) is, as I said, pretty hokey.

I liked the movie. I liked the cast; Bellows is an old acquaintance from "The Agency" as is Miss Rossellini from "Alias." Mr. Schaap makes a consummate villain and Maxim Roy is another of those ubiquitous, lovely Canadians. Judd Nelson again plays like he's stoned. Has he been spending too much time with Robert Downey, Jr.? Is that why they look so much alike?

Unearthed (2007)

Did I mistake this for the "Blair Witch Project"?

[2/10 · 22 February 2009]

This coulda been a pretty good flick. The plot, while tried and trite, is interestingly placed geographically -- although you gotta wonder about a county that has a sheriff with only one deputy, even in Arizona. The tie-in with the disappearance of the Anasazi is moderately cleaver. The actors are attractive enough, particularly the women. It's hard to tell if they are talented or skilled, though, because almost all of the movie is **shot in the dark!**

Another reviewer observed there was something wrong/strange with this flick. Well, you can't see it, that's what's wrong. The monster roars; the cast squeaks, screams, moans and mumbles, but you can't see anything much. It was **shot in the dark,** and when there's a little light the cinematographer jerks the camera around like a drunken sailor at Mardi Gras. He musta "went to school" on "Blair Witch."

It is really hard to have empathy with the characters or to feel their fear in the (presumably) scary parts because the movie was **shot in the dark!** Oh, and the monster looks like an "Alien" knock-off (and not a very good one), but you can't really tell because it was "...".

The writer/director Matthew Leutwyler should stick to writing. He may not be really good at that -- what dialogue there is sux -- but he is an absolute farce as a director.

Interceptor Force 2 (2002 TV Movie)

So-so Sci Fi

[4/10 · 22 February 2009]

This wasn't too bad. At least the action moves along even if motivated by gratuitous violence. I didn't have to fast forward through ennui saturated sequences at all. There's always enough shooting and (unnecessary) hand-to-hand to keep one's attention. I thought the CGI was more than adequate, and the morphing really well done, although the frequency of occurrence didn't seem necessary.

As for the cast, well what can you say. Gruner is *not* the next Van Damme. He may be no more (nor less) talented, but he's not nearly as pretty. And the chicks weren't all that hot either, but I did like Miss Wilkenson's role and and I guess she's kinda cute.

The plot is a plethora of clichés, but what the Hey. I view these Sci Fi Channel scripts as parking spots for writer wannabes. If these guys were any good, they'd have real jobs for real studios, writing scripts for real movies. For instance, perhaps some aspiring nuclear engineer can help explain why a dozen or so barrels/kegs (?) of HCl would be stored in a nuclear power station? Given this stuff will dissolve/react with nearly everything except glass, stomach lining and gold, one can be assured the screen writers majored in neither engineering nor chemistry.

The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon (2008 TV Movie)

Pretty nicely done, and acted, for a Sci Fi channel production

[5/10 · 8 February 2009]

The story line is pretty basic. Nineteenth century archeologists seeking lost treasure find bad things instead. There are few stupidities perpetrated by the script/cast save perhaps those of Dunbar and friend (comic relief?), and Dr. Langford (well played by JR Borne) who is somewhere between evil and uncaring, and the self-serving bitch Hildy, nicely performed by Ms. Doerksen. Hildy's fate is cleverly left indeterminate. One hopes she wound up as the willing sex slave of an Aztec warrior, rather than as a meal.

There are ample heroics by the good guys, Jacob Thain (Michael Shanks) and Dr. Jordan (the venerable Duncan Fraser). There is also a surfeit of evil (well, badness maybe) from the natives and from the monster (Quetzalcoatl – who never looked like this), poor CGI though it is.

The still toothsome Shannen Doherty, though not the stone fox of her "Charmed" youth, does well with what little she is given by the script writers. Her role coulda/shoulda been much stronger.

Speaking of writers, 20th century idioms, such as "hang in there" and "take him out", seem quite out of place in 19th century dialogue. And the human sacrifice scenes are thoroughly disheartening.

Wyvern (2009 TV Movie)

An Exceptional Effort for the Sci Fi Channel

[6/10 · 2 February 2009]

This flick is a clear six (6) as a general rating, and a 10 as far as movies made for the Sci Fi Channel go. It has a substantive cast including: a recognizable good guy (Nick Chinlund who often plays a detective); two really good old guys (Barry Corbin is an ace and the late Don Davis is well known as the general from the Stargate series); and two attractive young women (both Canadian I believe) including the very pretty Tinsel Korey who seems to be Native American. The CGI created monster is extremely well done. The plot has no spurious countdown timer to artificially bolster tension; no excessively stupid acts by the cast to increase it, letting the evil creature doing evil things create the necessary pulse pounding; heroic deeds by the protagonists; and a reasonably realistic terminal event. On the downside, I'm not sure that "the land of the midnight sun" is all that green and snow-free, and the solstice should come in the middle of the daylight period, not at the end as the script implies. However, this was really quite well done, and acceptably enjoyable as these things go.

My research shows, however, that the Wyvern is a wholly British beastie, and Corbin's character's description of it as Norse seems unnecessarily manufactured for the cinema.

Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon (2008 TV Movie)

Do the small things better

[3/10 · 1 February 2009]

Ah yez, the Sci Fi Channel produces Yeti another abominable movie. I was particularly taken by the scenes immediately following the crash where, as the survivors desperately searched for matches, at least a half dozen fires burned – with no apparent reason – at various points of the wreckage. Fire seemed to be a predominate theme throughout. They searched corpses for lighters and matches, and finally finding a box built a fire every day for, apparently, 12, but no one ever gathered wood. Then when the vegan (hah) burned the bodies, what did she use for an accelerant? I mean these guys were frozen – well maybe not. Despite the apparent low temperature everything the yeti ate, bled. Maybe it's just me, but even in a totally unbelievable tale (none of the survivors had ever heard of a yeti, or an abominable snowman, until the very end), if you take care of the little things the bigger deals become more acceptable. Oh, what did the prologue (1972) have to do with the remainder of the movie? And the revolver, warm enough to hold in his hand, froze up and wouldn't fire. Gimme a break. Well, at least we have Carly Pope, another eminently lovely Canadian lass. And, with little irony, Ed Marinaro as the coach.

Well I might as well add, the rabbit they ate (despite it looking like chicken) is not a rodent, but a lagomorph. Now if it had been a squirrel (or a rat) it would have been a rodent, but it still looked like chicken. And the writers missed a real chance to have someone note "It tastes just like..."

Cyclops (2008 TV Movie)

Worse than bad!

[1/10 · 5 January 2009]

Plot spoiler. Plot pits good vs. evil. Good wins.

What's with Eric Roberts? There can't be any money in making junk like this. That was Lord Oliver's excuse for making junk that was hugely better than this. Does ER perceive it as irony? Maybe he just drinks.

For the most part I thought Kevin Stapleton did a decent job. He's not Russell Crowe, but this isn't "Gladiator," either. I can't say much for either of the female characters. Usually the Sci Fi Channel junk has a couple of youthful cuties, hotties, even. Not so here. Frida Show (or Farrell as the case may be) is neither cute nor hot and though this is the "break-out" role for Tania Kozhuharova, she isn't either.

The CGI sux. It was abominable. So was the plot.

Someone said the sets came from the TV version of "Spartacus." Maybe they did, but my high school gym had more seats than the so-called Coliseum. The original structure seated over 80,000. Also, construction on this edifice began in 70 AD. Tiberius died in 37 AD. And it's fair to say that Rome did not revert to a Republic upon Tiberius' death, whether he had his head removed by a CGI beastie, or no. There is no Science Fiction involved here, just fiction.

Out for Blood (2004 Video)

Best Sci Fi Channel Fare of the Weekend (5/3-4/08)

[5/10 · 5 May 2008]

If I were rating this against only Sci Fi Channel fare I'd have to give it an 8 or maybe even a 9. The acting was decent, the story line (relatively) unfamiliar, but the monster sucked. Nosferatu was scary; Buffy's first uber-vamp (the Master) was scary; this guy (Vampire Leader?) ain't.

The idea of an having an Anne Rice wannabe also be a vamp wannabe is, I think, unique and also intriguing. It comes off quite well.

The delusional/psychotic cop who either is, or isn't, comes off well, too, although the very last scene lacks much imagination. A little more thought put into it would have done a lot for this flick. And Lance must be getting more than a little long in the tooth for even this easy a job. He brings no energy to the scene.

I have to admit, though, that as a big "Nash Bridges" fan, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe was the main reason I recorded and watched this movie. Overall, I'm glad I did.

Warbirds (2008 TV Movie)

Have I seen worse? Noooo!

[1/10 · 29 April 2008]

The plot premise and the CGI aren't all that bad. However, the plot development is atrocious. The WASP skipper can't take a single order without an argument. The "warbirds" out fly 300 MPH aircraft. They don't attack the Yanks in the Japanese camp after the first encounter -- they're scared off by the boy scout campfire? Gimme a break. They don't attack the B-29 under repair. Oops! We're fixing those two incinerated Wright R-3350-23 and 23A turbosupercharged radial engines with spare parts found laying around on a remote Japanese fighter base? Oh, and all the female flight crew just happen to be certified fighter jocks who are checked out in Japanese Zeros... yep.

I can't believe that people write this kind of crap, expecting to sell it, and I really can't believe someone bought it and spent more money producing it, and I really, really can't believe Brian Krause doesn't make enough off "Charmed" residuals to run yelling and screaming far, far away after reviewing this script.

I rate this a "One" simply because there is no "Zero" (pun)! You have to really wonder if the Sci Fi Channel would not be far, far better off rerunning old '50s B&W "Saturday Night at the Drive-In" features. Could somebody with a little clout make this recommendation before these guys self-immolate?