eben-gewers Reviews

Torque (2004)

This is soooooooo BAD!!

[30 March 2004]

I went to go watch that movie Torque yesterday in the foolish hope that it would be better than that Biker Boyz crap. I cannot believe how bad the movie was though. The first 10-minutes or so is brilliant 'cause the filming is excellent, they make fun of The Fast & The Furious and they actually get their knees down on some twisty roads as opposed to that Biker Boyz rubbish where they just raced in straight lines. Later though, the movie becomes absolute rubbish because about half of the farken time they're riding on gravel. Yep, gravel. With R1's, Gixxers and Aprilia's. It's so bad though 'cause you can clearly see that they've modified off road bikes by putting fairings around them to look like the normal street bikes. The bad thing is that you can CLEARLY see this by the wheels, high handlebars etc. What a load of crap. You should also see the impossible stunts they pull in this crap. At the end these two chicks are fighting each other while on their bikes by wheelying their bikes without moving and slapping each other in the face with the front wheels. They also take their hands of the throttles for so long while fighting and shooting at each other without the bikes slowing down at all. I don't know what kind of compression ratio's those bikes are running, but what I do know is that I want my money back. Hey Hollywood, BITE ME!!!

Don't go see it. Ever! Rather take the movie ticket money and shove it up your backside 'cause that'll be money better spent than on this NONSENSE. Man, I hate Hollywood.

Biker Boyz (2003)

RUBBISH

[1 October 2003]

This movie is absolute rubbish. Not only is the plot incredibly predictable, but the realism is non-existent. As someone who's been riding street bikes for many years, I was horrified to see the characters racing with very powerful bikes on gravel roads, clearly smaller capacity bikes beating faster ones on a straight road where no real skill (apart from a good launch) is needed and one of only two female bikers in the movie suffering the usual lesbian stereotyping. I can almost see the movie executives sitting in an office and going "hey let's cash in on Fast & Furious by doing almost the exact same thing, but with bikes". Crap, rubbish and a waste of good actors' talent.