Change Your Image
jinx5000
Reviews
Tapeheads (1988)
How are sooo many sooo wrong about this movie...
...oh, yeah, most people are braying morons who wouldn't know a whip tight 80's comedy if it came out on DVD 15 years later with jokes that could still bite a chunk out of Adam Sandler's/Ben Stiller's/even Will Ferrell's ass. I saw this in the theater when it came out and couldn't fathom how the rest of the country wasn't chanting "Let's get into trouble, baby!" Then I remembered the country's median IQ and dismal reading levels and it was clear that this flick just moved too quickly for cinema dwellers who were looking for something a little less challenging than "Mannequin". "Teach me to read." "Sign my butt." "Don't bulls--- me! I'm a big cello fan! Casales died years ago!" "Josh is a visual visionary he communicates in images not antiquated verbosity, maybe that's why he's been so hard to understand recently." RENT-A-FACADE. "The Blender Children are mulch!" "Waffles' just pancakes with little squares on 'em." Not to mention the fact that the whole shebang is a slap in the face to Mtv produced by the creator of the network, Mike Nesmith. If that ain't subversive enough for you then go rank "Mannequin 2: On the Move" a ten and leave the real comedy to those that get it.
Johns (1996)
how in the name of terrible gay hustler films did this rate a 6?
There must be more Arquette family members out there then I thought if this flotsam got over a 2. This is film is not just garbage but the kind of garbage that leaks that nasty melange of trash water whose brackish color denotes a mixing of foul condiment bases. Haas and Arquette (two actors whose stand-ins should get higher billing) play gay prostitutes who dream of saving enough scratch to make it out of LA for the dream factory that is Branson, MO!? As many wads as the two of them have no doubt taken in real life I swore I thought this was a comedy for the first fifteen minutes given their innate lack of talent. But then the clichéd writing and amateurish directing kicked in and I began laughing out loud as this cinematic abortion lurched to its trite "shocker" of an ending and I realized that "Johns" took itself seriously. No, don't go on that "last date" John! Don't go on this date at all. And don't get me wrong, it's not the subject matter (Chuck and Buck is a personal, if creepy as all get out, favorite) it's the execution-which speaking of, if you can hear me God, please put Arquette down like the dog this movie is.