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PoemFreak519
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Reviews
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
You know you're watching a Laugh-riot extravaganza when...
Slumber Party Massacre II, (a present from my wonderful boyfriend who knows my taste in b-movies all-too-well) is a slightly different spin on the everyday stalk 'n' slash special. Now we could debate for hours over the quality of acting, the gore factor or even the somewhat borrowed plot.
****SPOILER AHEAD**** *********************
But you know you're watching a NON-STOP, PEE-YOUR-PANTS,LAUGH-RIOT-EXTRAVAGANZA when you see the following:
-A guitar-sporting leather-clad, greaser-drape esque Driller Killer. Any other sicko musicians out there who oggle this crafty little device? It's like Gene Simmons meets gruntled construction worker. Genius!
-The hallucination scenes... Ok, the exploding pimple...it's a little Nightmare on Elm Street-ish, but I think we can overlook that for the pure fact that it is later followed by poultry. That's right...I speak of the headless-flying chicken-squirting blood scene. Come on the..."Is this the offending bird" line just had me dead on the floor. And I have to admit that while I did have myself a little jump when Courtney threw open the refridgerator door...but when the chicken flew out...I damn near flew off the couch in an uncontrolable fit of laughter. I'm sure you all can relate.
-Feathers flying in a topless drunken pillow fight. The wine is opened ::pop fizzle, fizzle:: and...hey, where'd my shirt go? Ahh, yes, that's right. Horror movie rules dictate that drunken sing-alongs are clothes optional.
If you see any or all of the above you are pretty much assured of a highly entertaining experience... Oh, and girl bands are a plus in my book.
The Mangler 2 (2002)
Weak
I saw this movie on HBO just a few short days ago. While I knew all the while how poor the acting, script, etc. really was, I was compelled to watch until the credits rolled. This was for one thing and one thing only: to confirm my already-predicted ending. Awww, look, the loner girl saves the day (or her own ass, leaving everyone else to the Mangler)... or does she??? :::dun dun dun:::
We have here yet another piss-poor sequel that makes more than obvious attempts to grab the youth of america by the balls. (And though I am not equipped, being a girl, I'm pretty confident that I walked away unscathed by the wrath of the super-spooky Mangler)
From the painfully cliche characters... -the "goth" girl who obsesses over chaos -the skanky girl who was sexually abused by the headmaster I'll just end that topic here.
And let's not forget the soundtrack... For a second there I thought I was on ecstacy...all that techno rave music. Well, let's bring out the glow sticks! Ok, while we can all appreciate a movie score which echoes the plot (computer technology = techno), I doubt we could appreciate it as much when it's on a continuous loop. "Jo" could've been tying her shoe, crying over her meaningless existance some more, or hey, maybe even taking a crap and we'd still here that same techno track. I mean, come on.
And I know someone already mentioned the pointless product placement of sorts, i.e. the Mangler quoting "Tell me what you want what you really, really want" of the Spice Girl fame. Well, I did laugh...so I guess that was the attainable result of the writers. But I laugh only in mocking of their collective effort...and the miserable failure in the process. Not to mention that I was picturing a wired Lance Henrikson as the next Scary Spice...
But moving right along... I have seen, for lack of a better word, prequel--The Mangler.
And I have a few questions: How exactly did the evil spirit Mangler end up on the internet via virus? I was just wondering... oh wait, that's right. THE MANGLER 2 WAS NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM RELATED TO THE ORIGINAL. Ok, so there are many horror movie sequels that fail to acknowledge the previous installments. But for the love of all things sacred....could they at least leave us with something!? The Mangler 2 may as well been called...Killer Virus on Campus, or something. And by the other incriminating evidence (read: non-stop techno, empty stock characters), I declare The Mangler 2 to be in direct violation of movie ethics. The writers go far beyond focusing on a target audience...they dumb down the target audience to the effect of complete idiocy. Sure, we'll buy the latest shoe or guzzle the new flavors of the slurpee machine at the 7-11. But please, don't force-feed us with sugar-coated crap, if there is nothing in it for us. Not all teens, after all, are hell bent on chaos. And not all teens fit into those neatly-woven cloths they cut, in their close-minded cliche ridden dialogue. Playing some funky synthesizers and having well-endowed women on the screen does not ensue entertainment. I mean really, I am 19 years old. And even im my darkest hour of self-pity, I doubt I'll be putting any "Manglers" on my college's main frame. Then again... :::cue the techno music:::
Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell (1986)
B is for Budget
Where to begin... Gore-Met Zombie Chef From Hell won me over from the start. When I first set my eyes upon this little oddity on the shelf of the nearest b-movie retailer I knew I had to own a copy. Come on, "Gore-Met?" It doesn't get much better than that in b-horror, folks. Now some skeptics might say that this purchase was $30 wasted. I say...but how many people own this movie, exactly? Ok so maybe the movie itself cost less than $30 to make...sue me. This puts the b...in b-movie. They're on a budget for a reason. And you know something, if this movie was given a budget of let's say...the latest Vin Diesel movie...I'd say they just threw movie ethics right out the window. Higher budget does not ensue higher quality, or higher means of entertainment.
So let's talk about this quality factor for a few lines... Gore-Met Zombie Chef From Hell, did not fare well on it's one and only review here on IMDB. And this is understandably so. The acting was poor, the script stiff, the music repetitive, the plot sketchy...cheesy gore. Well you say potato and I say...yam.
Some may see this as negative feedback. I see this as positive attributes. Witness the art of b-movie magic: -Piss-poor acting and little character development -Nearly non-existant plot if not far-fetched at the least -pointless nudity -Laughable kill scenes -Gore, lots of it. -Oh, and let's not forget lack of adequate funding.
B-movies are sort of dangerous territory. Upon viewing we have to tip-toe around, having to decipher what's safe-playing ground. Ultimately, b-movies are judged by the masses. Once a b-movie is out to an appreciative public...it's eventually raised to cult status and BAM it's a classic. But obviously the masses aren't always in attendance, ie: Gore-Met Zombie Chef From Hell. I somehow doubt that this movie would elevate to cult status, given the opportunity. But I can say that myself, among others were highly entertained. And while some cringe at the thought of having to swallow their pride long enough to enjoy a b-movie for what it's worth, I'd say that judging by the latest chart-toppers we've swallowed a lot worse.