onionhead101 Reviews

Abomination: The Evilmaker II (2003 Video)

Garbage in a video box

[1/10 · 19 July 2007]

Easily the worst 90 minutes of my life, irretrievable. Better time could have been spent on the toilet with diarrhea. John Bowker is Satan, his movies suck pig puke, and The Abomination, a SEQUEL no less, is probably the worst film I have ever sat through. Kathy, the heroine, searches for clues to the disappearance of her sister, runs afoul of stupid characters in stupid situations in stupid settings, and at one point exclaims, "I'm getting tired of this s**t!" This was probably directed at her part in the movie. It certainly was my opinion. The absence of a plot, horrible acting, abysmal grade-school level special effects--it worked for Plan 9 from Outer Space, but this pile steams. Better save some money for the Immodium you'll need after this bowel-churner, or better yet just buy the Immodium and skip this crap.

Happy Feet (2006)

Baby uh-huh, it DOES work

[10/10 · 15 March 2007]

I am 44 years old, and I am actually looking forward to this film's upcoming DVD release more than my children. As a victim of childhood taunts due to birth defects, I side with Mumble and his pain as the other young birds mock his differences. When Gloria's heart song Boogie Wonderland is finally answered by Mumble's feet song, the rest of his young Emperor sisters and brothers break into dance with him, embracing him, chanting his name in joyful unison--simply stirring. To anyone who has been ridiculed or spat upon, it is a moment of sheer triumph. I can't remember feeling this good about any other film in recent years. Beautifully animated and acted, this is a joy.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Disturbing, unflinching

[9/10 · 21 January 2006]

I picked up a tape at Movies to Go in Tacoma many years ago, the cover art depicted a figure gazing disaffectedly into a blood-spattered mirror, with the tag-line of "He's not Freddy. He's not Jason. He's real." So into the VCR I popped it, actually not expecting much--I had been horrendously duped by covers before. It was the most uncomfortable 82 minutes I've ever sat through, a sociopath's slice of life presented documentary style. The film has been much maligned, either by those who call it gratuitous, or who were unimpressed. The is actually little violence shown, but the aftermaths are graphic and disturbing. John McNaughton barely bats an eye in his offering of what amounts to a Day in the Life of a Psychopath, injecting bits of grim humor into an otherwise relentlessly sickening life. Michael Rooker is exceptional as Henry, a drifter who views the lives of others as trash. Tracy Arnold and Tom Towles are effective as Becky and her brother Otis, a pair of bleak losers who lucklessly enter Henry's path of destruction--Towles portrays the scumbag Otis so well that for me it was hard to divorce the actor from this character when playing other roles. A repellent, unflinching, unforgettable experience, with one of the most chilling openings and conclusions ever committed to celluloid.

The Little Drummer Boy (1968 TV Movie)

Timeless classic

[9/10 · 3 December 2005]

There are other productions in the Rankin-Bass library that may be more endearing (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, foremost probably), but this one from 1968 has the most emotional punch, delivers the most goods in telling what Christmas is really about. Aaron, the titular drummer, wanders about the desert with a hate filled heart until circumstances guide him to the stable in Bethlehem, where lies in a manger the embodiment of love and hope. Ted Eccles voices Aaron, Jose Ferrer is Ben Haramed, June Foray and the eternal RB player Paul Frees are on hand and are all at the top of their game; and Greer Garson's narration is on-spot. The climax in Bethlehem is a heart-wrencher. This is the only animated film that can reduce me to tears. Santa? Rudolph? George Bailey? No sign of 'em--this is what Christmas is all about.

Monster's Ball (2001)

Holy Crap!

[3/10 · 27 June 2005]

Spoilers, maybe. Though spoiling might be a good thing . . .

I rank this as a 3 only for Peter Boyle--what a change from the acidic Frank Barone!--whom I've admired since Young Frankenstein. So Billy Bob Thornton guards murderer P Diddy, walks him to the execution chamber, drives his own son to suicide, screws Halle Berry, puts his father in a home, and names a gas station after his girlfriend. Much has been said about this film dealing with racism, loss, sorrow, redemption, but I have seen better on all fronts. The graphic sex scene seemed unnecessary and is used just as a selling point, IMO. Heath Ledger was a diamond here, but bows out far too early.

Prototype (1992)

Star Wars it ain't (not even Hardware Wars)

[25 January 2004]

I saw this quite a few years ago, probably on a Friday night when I had nothing better to do and had no desire to hit the bars--which would have been a better option, considering the movie. I remember being markedly unimpressed by the film, so much so that I woke up at one point and thought, Man is this thing ever gonna end? I remember seeing Kato Kaelin's name in the end credits, but never had the desire to rewind it and look for him. There aren't many films I have fallen asleep during, particularly early in the evening after a good night's rest, but this thing was like a Valium to a guy on Speed. Highly recommended as a curative if you are an insomniac.