kristoferthompson Reviews

2025 Armageddon (2022)

2006 + 25 = 2031

[5/10 · 23 February 2024]

This film starts in 2006, the jumps forward 25 years. That makes it set in 2031. NOT 2025. I doubt gis was deliberate, The Asylum don't care that much.

Over all this is an average Asylum film. Not as good as the first Sharknado or Methgator, but still watchable. The performances are what you'd expect from a movie of this caliber. No one os going to win an oscar, and the special effects are a lttle lacking.

At least the know how to take the piss out of them selves. There are a lot of tongue in cheek Aslyum jokes here.

If you enoy the Asylum films you'll enjoy this. Nothing new but it does what it says on the poster.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

Hopelessly derivative and predictable. Ultimately boring

[1/10 · 26 December 2023]

4th rate Nazis, with a knock off lightsaber, invade Amish land. In order that the audience understands just how evil they are, the space Nazis by attack a local girl.

Fortunately Joanne Wick turns up to waste them all before the plot to The Magnificent Seven kicks in and we find out that actually Mos Eisley is just over the horizon where a shadow of Han Solo is recruited.

Next a quick trip to Hogwarts where anorexic Hagrid tames a griffon in a "lets gamble for our lives" scene straight out of Star Wars Episode 1. Our next hero come from The Forgotten Realms, where an Asian Drizzt Do'Urden, with 2 magic swords fights a drider to prove her worth.

And of course we need space pirates.

Ultimately this "film" is just a bunch of scenes ripped off from other movies, then jammed together to create an unoriginal and predictable story. Even the betrayal in act 3 in not surprising.

If you feel like wasting a few hours watching Mary Sue Wick bizarrely recruit a team of wooden allies, with little to no character development or struggle or obstacles, then you'll probably enjoy this garbage.

PLEASE don't make a sequel!

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Cliched garbage

[1/10 · 27 May 2022]

Just as dull, crap, and boring as the first piece of rubbish.

Another tom cruise snooze fest. Fails to get off the ground.

Sadly no hilarious death scene.

Definitely not worth watching. Should have stayed unmade.

Spencer (2021)

You knew this was bad going in

[1/10 · 18 January 2022]

Once again stewart sleepwalks her way through another movie.

If you want to see a wooden, stiff and emotionless Diana this is the perfect film. I understand this is supposed to be the end of the relationship but wow, you think Diana would be a little upset, or sad or something., but no stewrt can't portray any emotion at all. Who keeps employing her?

This bring nothing to the Princesses legacy, and this pathetic boring port rail is an insult to a woman who did so much and showed so much emotion throughout her life.

Vanquish (2021)

Atrocious

[1/10 · 16 April 2021]

I know 2020 was a difficult year to be making movies but there is no excuse for this awful awful film.

Wooden acting, Disjointed plot. Unrelatable characters/

DO NOT waste 90 minutes watching this garbage.

Once again lump of wood ruby rose does her usual abysmal attempt at 'acting'. Who keeps employing her?

Avoid this film at all costs.

SAS: Red Notice (2021)

Ruby rose. Enough said

[2/10 · 18 March 2021]

You knew this was bad going in. Ruby rose is on the poster. And once again she drags an average film down to aweful.

The rest of the cast do their best with a poor script. That's the nicest thing that can be said about this film.

Once again the ruby rose rule - if she's the star it sucks.

Walker (2021–2024)

A soft, touchy, feely reboot.

[3/10 · 22 January 2021]

This is a poor imitation of the original.

Padalecki doesn't have the gravitas to pull of being Cordell Walker.

If this had been Son of Walker it might have been ok.

If you loved Walker Texas Ranger, avoid this. Everything from the original has been watered down into some bland police drama destroying everything that was great about the original. There no chemistry, no charisma, nothing.

After 1 episode I really don't care what happens to any of the characters.

All the 10 star reviews are either written by bots, or by people who never saw the original.

Underwater (2020)

Awful

[1/10 · 2 April 2020]

90 minutes of Kristen 'lump of wood' Stewart Composing an email in her head.

The premises of this movies was interesting. Aliens crossed with The Abyss. I can go for that. But WOW this was garbage.

I knew going in it wouldn't be great. Any movie with lump of wood in is going to suck but this was just atrocious. I gave up after 20 minutes because quite frankly no one cares about what happens to her character. There was no emotion, no engagement, no life. How does she keep getting work?

Don't waste your time.

The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)

What a rip off

[1/10 · 20 July 2019]

The most pathetic version of Taming of the Shrew you will ever have the misfortune to see. Avoid this waste of cinema at all cost.

Kevin Hart: What Now? (2016)

Made comedy history?

[1/10 · 30 November 2018]

Was this 'Comedy history' because it was the first time this stadium was sold out? Because NOTHING about this was historic. 17 mins of garbage before it started, not he biggest selling show ever. What is historic? Maybe how middle of the road and derivative it is, I have no idea.

Ben-Hur (2016)

Not Bad, Not Great

[7/10 · 1 December 2016]

Not a bad movie.

Just don't expect to be blown away by something new.

Don't compare this to the Heston version, these are two different films.

Although they both came from the same source they have been made very differently.

The action is good, the horse racing, the slavery in the galley, the chariot race is fantastic, and the story carries it along quite nicely.

What really lets this movie down is the very very end.

Why is the some crappy pop bint warbling over the end credits? This just left a sour taste in my mouth after what was an enjoyable movie.

American Ultra (2015)

Been done before, and better overtime.

[2/10 · 8 April 2016]

This only gets a 2 because of Walton Goggins.

I was expecting it to be bad going in after all kristen stewart is in it. If you like watching a lump of wood for 90 minutes this is your film. Eisenberg does what he always does, and even the stoner sleeper agent can't lift her terrible acting. Why do people keep employing her?

Everything else about this movie is just poor. This movie has been made so many times before and every single time it has been done better. The plot is highly predictable. The dialogue is standard, quite a bit of unnecessary swearing, and the acting is run of the mill.

If you like quirky spy movies watch something else!

Shades of Blue (2016–2018)

This is just awful. Avoid it!

[1/10 · 11 January 2016]

If i could give this a 0 I would.The description makes it sound bad, but bad is not an awful enough word to describe exactly how rubbish this show is. jlo is like watching wood. She is also the worst cop i have ever seen on TV. Mostly she is relying on her jiggly old boobs to get her through. The script is stock, I don't care what happens to any of the characters. The only small saving grace is seeing Ray Liota back on the screen. Shame he chose this pile of poo to do it. I wish i could unwatch this pile of garbage. I hope the network cancels this now before it contributes to s further dumbing down of the TV industry. Do yourself a favour and block this so you can never accidentally switch it on!

The 100 (2014–2020)

Not a bad series

[8/10 · 8 July 2014]

This series ha a lot of potential. The characters are pretty good, and start to develop nicely. I found myself hating some characters at the beginning but starting to understand and even like them by the end of the series. There are a lot of "Lord of the Flies" influences here, however I felt it didn't detract from the overall story. The comments on overpopulation and resource exploitation will probably get missed by many, but are useful background plot device.

The worst part of this series is the music. Every time there is an intensely emotional scene it is ruined by some whiny, hipster, indie, cold play BS music that completely ruins the atmosphere, and will date this production. If this whiny music was cut this would be a much better series.