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Night Court (2023)
No.... no no no no no and more no
So let's put aside the fact that the characters in this show can't even hope to hold a candle to the original ones. Let's put aside the fact that John Larroquette is absolutely wasted in his reprisal of his role of Dan only now as a beaten down, crotchety old man who is now a public defender instead of a snarky, wise-cracking, womanizing ADA that made him such a popular character in the first place. Let's put aside the fact that other than Lorroquette none of these characters/actors are anywhere close to being witty or clever with their dialogue.
Actually, no, let's not put it aside because all of that and more is what makes this just a bad, bad show. I actually watched all 5 episodes aired thus far and I don't think I even cracked a smile once. The show just isn't funny and what's worse it doesn't possess ANY of the heart that the original series had. With the original series you had these moments, and they were plentiful, where the comedy flat out stopped and you as the audience were given serious, poignant, and thought-provoking moments of emotion that made absolute sense even in the context of a comedy show. None of that is in this show, because these are millennial writers who only know how to do millennial humor and have no idea how to write GOOD humor and mix it with needed moments of seriousness. Instead, we get a bunch of inane nonsense that you'd probably hear on a thousand different, junky sitcoms no one cares about or remembers and a show called Night Court that spends very little time actually in the court room during session. That very thing was the hook that kept bringing people back to the original time and again, the antics and kooky characters that took place during the court session and how everyone dealt with it, both comedically and seriously.
That's not present with this show, and it's painfully clear that, like every "reboot/re-imagining" Hollywood is doing because it's creatively bankrupt, there was zero heart put into this show. It was a cash grab riding off the coat-tails of a FAR better written and acted comedy from nearly 40 years ago that will wither and die after maybe one season.... if it even makes it that far.
Batman: Soul of the Dragon (2021)
This is NOT a Batman movie.
Just read the title of this review and that's pretty much the entire review. That being said, the movie as a whole isn't bad. It's a fun throwback to the 60's and 70's kung fu action flicks a la Enter the Dragon (hell, one of the leads is basically a Bruce Lee clone) with some supernatural stuff thrown in. In and of itself, the animation is decent (though I've seen far better from DC and Bruce Timm) and the story was fine, but the fact that DC marketed this as a Batman movie is beyond a shameless cash grab and downright insulting towards Batman fans to the degree of a big middle finger.
Basically, Batman should never have been in this movie to begin with, and the movie damn sure shouldn't have his name as the titular character in the title. Basically, there are four primary characters and Batman ranks dead last on that list of what the movie does with all them in terms of story and character development. He doesn't even wear the suit for the vast majority of the running time other than less than 60 seconds in the beginning of the movie and about the last 10 minutes. That's it. That's how long we get Batman in a BATMAN movie. What's more, even going on the basis that this is a "young and not as experienced" version like the movie jacket says, the character doesn't feel like Batman at all. He doesn't possess any of the intelligence and investigative skills that Batman is known for, even if this is considered an earlier version of him. I'd be fine if he was just lacking in martial arts skills from the modern day equivalent because, yes, this is supposed to be a younger version of himself, but one thing that defines Batman is his absolutely incredible mind, deduction and reasoning skills, and his tactical ability. None of that is present in this movie whatsoever, even to a developing degree. Not only that, but his costume is treated like it's some kind of lame superpower, like he gets stronger or faster or deadlier when he puts it on... which he doesn't. There's the barest flash of the Batman we were praying to see at the end where he sets up a quick ambush, but that's it. But honestly, it's not the underperforming Batman that's so irritating, it's the fact that he's essentially a B or C list character in his own movie. The only two out of the four primary leads that get any kind of character development are Robert Dragon (aka Bruce Lee) and Ben Turner (who is a mashup clone of Williams from Enter the Dragon and Shaft). They are actually the primary leads.
The worst part? They end the movie like they're teasing a sequel is in the works.
Between this, WW84, and how bad I've heard Death in the Family is, I just don't know what the hell DC is thinking anymore with their films. Honestly, they should have left Batman out of this movie entirely and just done a fun 70's kung fu-style animated movie. He had no purpose being in it and his inclusion, as I said in the beginning, absolutely reeks of nothing more than an utterly shameless cash grab banking on one of their top tier superheroes that for some reason they seem intent on destroying any way they possibly can.
Boku wa tomodachi ga sukunai (2011)
Do Not Watch, needlessly cruel for absolutely no reason
While the anime had a good core idea, it very quickly fails to bring it to any kind of fruition and actually becomes quite uncomfortable and unenjoyable to watch early on.
The premise of the entire show is that the lead character, Kodaka, has the appearance of a thug (due to his mixed race bloodline of Great Britain and Japanese), but is actually a decent and caring person. Because of a few misunderstandings among his peers, he's labeled as basically being a criminal and can't make any friends. He then encounters a girl named Yozora who is also "socially awkward" and basically forces him to join a club she created called The Neighbors Club with the express purpose of learning how to make friends. Now, on its face, this isn't really a bad concept for a slice of life/humor anime. You'd get to see how several socially awkward/outcast individuals try to figure out how to make friends before figuring out that they've already succeeded with one another and come to cherish their little group in solidarity.
Unfortunately, this is not what happens in this show. Instead, you have a really bad version of a harem anime, especially since the main character and only male protagonist doesn't actually seem to have any kind of romantic interest in anyone. That's kind of an important part when you have a harem concept. What's more, while it seems like he's a kind person, he's also a doormat with very little personality of his own. I get that he's supposed to be the "straight man" in the show, but honestly a plank of wood might be more entertaining than him.
The harem itself is just as bad. To make things easy I'll just list the characters off along with their never-changing traits:
Yozora-creator of the club, doesn't actually think she needs or wants friends, is unconscionably cruel to another member of the club for literally no reason other than she's a cruel, despicable person.
Sena-daughter of the school's headmaster, busty (but not comically so), likes video games, probably one of the few characters in the show that can be likable.
Rika-supposedly a genius whose only purpose at the school is to invent things in a private science lab even though we never see any kind of evidence regarding this supreme intellect, an absolute hentai addict, always refers to herself in the third person (no idea why, never explained).
Yukimora-a "boy" (I'll explain later) who looks up to Kodaka as a bad boy idol, yet for 99% of the running time of the series dresses and presents himself as female, despite not being a trap or transgender because supposedly a "real man" could do that and still not be mistaken as a girl, is diminutive and slender in shape, and is clearly voiced by a female voice actor.
Kobato-younger middle-school-aged sister of Kodaka who wants to join the club, is absolutely obsessed with a vampire anime character to the point that she constantly pretends she is the character by dressing like her, talking like her, and even acting like she is a vampire. One of the very few characters in the series that was actually entertaining to watch.
Maria-ten-year-old (yes, you heard that right), nun, FACULTY ADVISOR to the Neighbors Club who is in a constant rivalry with Kobato because... well... she's a nun and Kobato is a "vampire".
That's literally the only character traits for all of the players in this anime. I had hopes that the show would do something more with them, particularly Sena and Kobato because they really were the only two likable characters in the entire show, but the writers squandered the opportunity so poorly. What you end up with is crossdressing just for the sake of what really can't even qualify as "shock value" since the character was voiced by a female actor from the very beginning, really stupid rivalries that made no sense, and horrible nudity that absolutely falls into the realm of pedophilia instead of "loli" regarding Maria nd Kobato (to which our "leading man" never reacts to even though he damn well should have been).
The biggest offender of them all on this one is the way the character of Yozusa is used. This character is cruel just for the sake of cruelty and I honestly felt uncomfortable every moment she was on screen. While things started out pretty tame, what with her perhaps being jealous of Sena's far more impressive breasts, that quickly devolved into the kind of bullying you'd expect from a dark drama or even a horror movie. For one, she CONSTANTLY refers to Sena as "meat", presumably referencing her large breasts, along with a whole host of other derogatory slang in that vein. Secondly, Yozusa is absolutely cruel to Sensa for absolutely no reason other than she derives some kind of sick, sadistic pleasure out of torturing the girl. And yes, I do mean torture. There is a scene where Sensa asks Yozusa to put suntan lotion on her back and Yozusa proceeds to to so... using her foot. What follows in that scene almost had me shut off the entire series for good. While it's nothing graphic, Yozusa verbally and physically abuses Sensa by grinding her foot into the other girl's back, dumping very copious amounts of lotion on her (clearly symbolizing something out of hentai), and sneeringly telling Sensa that she probably secretly loves being treated in that way while also demanding she beg Yozusa to stop like a good little slave. Like I said, it's very disturbing and does absolutely nothing to forward anything even remotely like a plot. What's more, NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. Seriously, the entire cast of characters is witness to horrible physical and psychological abuse by one of their club members, and not only do none of them say anything about it, it is literally shrugged off in the very next scene like it never happened. Bear in mind this isn't the first time something like this has happened in regard to Yozusa. She does things like this throughout the entire series, though the scene I just described was easily the worst, and no one ever says anything about it. No one yells at her, no one calls her out on being a horrible excuse for a human being, nothing.
This, more than anything else absolutely tanked the entire series in my mind and I don't recommend anyone watch it.
Watchmen (2019)
It had potential.
Warning: This is a bit long and does contain spoilers, but these things need to be said.
Watchmen started off rather strong, but like so many properties utilizing established franchises, these days it simply couldn't hold onto it that very long before devolving into the destruction of established characters or turning them into caricatures of themselves as a way of "handing off" the franchise to its new ones while starting to get its audience to like these new characters before making us come to almost resent their existence and replacement of the old in the end.
When the show starts, it is indeed an interesting look at how life in the Watchmen Universe has progressed since the epic climax that occurred in the comic. That's one thing people who watch this show need to understand first thing. This series is not a continuation of Snyder's film, but a continuation of Alan Moore's graphic novel. As such, there are plot points that won't make sense if you are unaware of what occurred in the comic, such as the big climax involving an extra-dimensional squid appearing in New York. While we don't really see how the world at large has moved on outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma and Vietnam, we do get at least some sense of it and how superheroes have become outlawed to a degree there is even a specialized unit in the FBI to deal with them exclusively. At the same time, we see how their existence has influenced modern culture and practices, such as how the Tulsa police department has adopted the practice of having all of their officers wear masks and keeping their identities secret, essentially turning them all into masked superheroes. It's an interesting concept, but along with what seems like a policy that they are not allowed to carry lethal firearms without special, on-site situational authorization, it is quickly abandoned and forgotten about with the existence of the latter not even being explained.
One infuriating thing the series does, which seems to be symptomatic when it comes to Hollywood these days, is to really play the racism card. One major plot-point of the series is an organization of racists are some of the antagonists. While this in and of itself is not a bad thing, it really felt like the writers wanted to simply inject racism into the show and, once again, point out what every rational person should already be quite knowledgeable about: racism is bad. I appreciate that such ideals are still very much alive and well in modern times, but it feels like wasted screen time when it didn't even seem like racism was a very widespread issue in the current Watchmen timeline. At least, there's nothing outside of this specific story that indicated racism was a problem in America. That and the writers clearly couldn't resist the siren call of race-flipping a major character in the series that has become almost parasitic in Hollywood these days. More on that later.
With the old, established characters, the series did what so many bad, modern Hollywood properties with established franchises have done, they turned the "old guard" into caricatures of themselves to make the "new blood" look better. Rorschach was used as a symbol of racists when nothing in his character lent itself to something like that whatsoever. There is no explanation of why the antagonist group used his mask and his journal, something that might have added some serious weight and depth to the lore of his character, was given literally only a passing glance. Silk Spectre, had the potential to be an interesting character, having moved on from the superhero life to become a hardened FBI agent who went after costumed superheroes. They showed her to be smart and capable, and yet because they needed a climax they made this battle hardened warrior incredibly stupid. We are meant to believe that when an antagonist tries to engage a trap for her, openly, and the trap actually fails twice before engaging, this woman doesn't seem to possess any kind of danger or combat instincts whatsoever when we've seen plenty of evidence to contrary both in this series and the comic that came before it. They turned her into a "damsel in distress" simply because they needed the new protagonists to save her. It was, frankly, quite insulting. Owlman is not even utilized in the series, nor is there any indication what happened to him (possibly so they could use him in the next series) beyond using his ship design for the police. Dr. Manhattan... well, that part was particularly mixed.
Dr. Manhattan is brought back, and in something of an interesting way, but ultimately his use was very transparent. His initial introduction was well done, showcasing not his awesome combative powers, but in how he perceives time differently from humans in that he experiences every moment in his timeline simultaneously. This allows for the concept of a paradox done in an interesting and believable way, yet unfortunately at the same time it amounts to it essentially being fate in that it cannot be changed. It almost seemed like the character had absolutely no concept of self-preservation whatsoever and simply allowed future events to take place without even making an attempt at altering them for no reason such as the events of time cannot be changed because of "science-babble". Also, this is where Hollywood couldn't resist the whole race-flipping issue. While the audience is never allowed to see Dr. Manhattan's face during his introduction, because of a rather convoluted plot that had him turning himself human to be with our lead character, when he returns to his regular form his features are still that of the person he had been pretending to be for the previous ten years... that of a black man. There is no explanation for this and it really felt like Hollywood wanted to make the character black (in feature, he was still blue) because that's their current trend, to make white characters black. It's also the only time we see the character's face in his true form, which almost had the feeling like the writers didn't ever want the audience to identify Dr. Manhattan as ever having the facial features of a white man, once again pushing the whole racial concept that permeated the series.
As for Ozymandias, he also was turned into something of a caricature. While Jeremy Irons did well with the character, and he did show a fair bit of his genius-level intellect, his physicality that was also a core part of his character was completely lost outside of a tiny, throwaway scene. However, they turned him into a kind of mad scientist that did somewhat fit with the scenario he was in, but at the same time it felt like a fairly strong departure for the character. Once again, taking down the old character to make the new ones look so much better.
Of the new characters, some where interesting, but again Hollywood squandered this. The lead character of Angela started off interesting, leading essentially a double life as a cop, but she quickly became a surrogate for the audience in a way that detracted from the character rather than adding to it. The best I can use to describe her is meh with some interesting points. I will say they didn't go over the top with the whole "strong, independent woman" thing which is a point in the writers' favor. The character of Looking Glass, now that's where I felt the writing really failed. This character had the potential to be a kind of surrogate successor to Rorschach and it was utterly squandered. His hillbilly-like twang worked very well to highlight an incredibly keen mind as a police investigator and interrogator and it seemed like they modeled his mask to be somewhat like Rorschach's as well. Unfortunately, this was squandered halfway through the show when he started making incredibly stupid choices just for the express purpose of moving the plot forward and in the end resulted in him being little more than a side character.
There were other characters on the police force that felt like they should have had more done with them, namely the other two detectives that had their own superhero-like masks and costumes, but literally nothing was done with them other than giving one a Russian accent. It felt like a wasted opportunity.
That waste, coincidentally, came in the form of the last four or five episodes of the series. Essentially, the second half of this series was literally nothing but one, big backstory exposition dump. An entire episode was dedicated to Hooded Justice, which again Hollywood race-flipped by retconning it so that he was a black man so it could directly tie in to the main character Angela/Sister Night. Oh, and he was also apparently gay, with absolutely no explanation for this considering he was married with a wife and the two had a son. Literally there is no explanation for this. He gets recruited by Captain Metropolis into the Minutemen and suddenly they're having sex. There's no buildup, absolutely no indication whatsoever that he might be interested in men sexually, nothing. It's a blatant attempt to re-write Watchmen lore so the character could be black and have a modern day legacy. Honestly, this felt like such wasted opportunity and screen time that could have been used for further character development and not make it feel so ham-handed.
Overall, Watchmen did what so many DC superhero movies and shows have done as of late, utterly squandered their properties. It started off strong, with interesting ideas and characters, and quickly devolved into what has become modern Hollywood tropes that are treading dangerously close to SJW territory.
Ocean's Eight (2018)
unoriginal... uninspired
Okay, so let me get this out of the way first. When I first heard about this movie coming out, I had absolutely no outright objections or problems with it being an all-female cast. When it comes to movies, I don't care if a character's male or female so long as they're interesting and entertaining. Unfortunately, Ocean's Eight fails to deliver on almost every level.
So, first of all, let me just say that from a personal standpoint, I was seriously pissed that they killed off Danny in this movie. Not only did the loss not have any real weight with the characters, but it just felt really cheap in this case. There is a moment where Bullock's character does say she doesn't know if he might have faked his own death, but there's really no purpose other than the very beginning and in the literal last few seconds of the movie that doesn't pay off at all. Not to mention the two cameo's by Elliot Gould's 'Ruben' and Shaobo Qin's 'Yen' come off as only shallow versions of their characters. I was particularly pissed with how pussified they made Elliot Gould. Ruben was always one of the last few 'Good Fellas' types in Vegas, but in this he was damn near a blubbering mess because... they needed to show strong female leads compared to the males? I don't know. Regardless, it was pretty insulting to the characters.
Now, all of those complaints are, admittedly, small potatoes when it comes to the movie as a whole. Even with those issues I would still have enjoyed the majority of the movie... if it wasn't so damn BORING. That's pretty much the biggest complaint when it comes to Ocean's eight. Forget about the characters, forget about the motivations, this movie was flat out boring. I actually found myself completely tuning it out at times and when I snapped back in I didn't really feel like I'd missed anything. For an Ocean's movie, that is almost criminally bad since all of the others made it so you were paying really close attention to everything they did to see if you could spot the con or figure out how they were going to pull this off. With Eight, I honestly couldn't have cared less if they pulled off the job or not. There was absolutely no suspense or anything to grab and hold onto my attention.
Part of this, I think, is the significant lack of any real antagonist. In the other Ocean's movies, there was a 'bad guy' who was devilishly smart and necessitated the crew combine their talents and work together in order to accomplish their goals. In Eight, there is literally no antagonist for the crew to go up against. Basically, there's absolutely no sense of danger or suspense that any of them will get caught, and in a movie like this that's a big no-no. There's the one big 'surprise' at the end when it turns out that in addition to their primary jewellery target, unbeknownst to most of the crew, three of them were working a second job at the same time to steal a big collection of crown jewels. It's supposed to be this big reveal and the best it got from me was a mostly disinterested 'oh'. I didn't even really care when they did the whole showing how they accomplished it either. It was all just so BORING, and in a heist movie under the Ocean franchise, that's a death knell.
The movie also didn't know how to end. In the first movie, which this one was clearly trying to hit beat for beat, it ended with the crew gathering together and then going their separate ways, followed by Rusty picking up Danny when he's released from prison to reunite with Tess and they drive off into the dessert. In Eight, they do this whole montage of how each woman is going to spend her take and, frankly, and I know I'm repeating myself, it's boring.
And that's the crux of it here, what I've been repeating over and over, but that's just how it was. This moving was boring and, honestly, probably not worth your time.
Patient Zero (2018)
So much lost potential
While the basic premise of the movie, a massive, violent rabies infection that turns people into insane killing machines, was done much better in the "28 Days" franchise, the previews made it seem like there was a small chance this movie could have taken the concept and made it its own. Unfortunately, it did, with frankly disastrous results.
So, as I said, there's a mutated rabies infection that works exactly like it did in 28 Days/Weeks later. The difference with this movie is Matt Smith's character (who's American accent is atrocious. Seriously, you let Natalie Dormer maintain her native British but took Matt Smith's away?) was bitten but didn't turn into a rage zombie like the rest. The result was that he was capable of communicating with the infected... and there's where the problems begin. Not from the premise, that's actually very interesting and opens up the possibility for some great story-telling. The problem is that we never actually know how he is able to communicate with them. It literally goes from the infected snarling and roaring to speaking in a guttural voice while Smith continues to talk normally. We know those not infected can't understand, but we don't know why, a la are they using growls and snarls to communicate, telepathy, or what? That's just the first missed opportunity in this movie and boy are there a lot. It seems pretty clear that the writers had some ideas when it came to the plot and sub plots, but they simply never went anywhere.
Characterizations and motivations seemed to come out of nowhere, like an Army colonel who, in the opening scene, decides to just burst in during Smith's interrogation of an infected, one that's apparently giving him some seriously good intel, and just blow the infected's head off because... reasons? Seriously, there was absolutely no reason for him to do it other than to be an asshole and create conflict. This kind of operation has been presumably going on for quite some time so it's not like what was taking place was anything new. He just decided to kill the infected because the writers needed to move the plot along.
And here's where we get to the crux of the problems. The movie never adequately stays on topic long enough. It's dragging the story along much faster than it can be told and doing things that are completely nonsensical. There are a few slower moments, but they really don't make things interesting. The biggest wasted potential comes in the form of Stanley Tucci's character. Here we have an infected that, while violent, is completely different from every other infected we've seen thus far in that he is calm, thoughtful, and very well spoken... at least, by the standards of the infected's 'language' since we never hear what it's actually like. With Tucci's character, we get the opportunity to really dig into the infected and get a whole new perspective on them. The problem? It's the classic "We're not the infection, you are, the rage has always been inside of us" nonsense. This was the chance to postulate the idea that this isn't actually an infection, but a new stage of evolution that could very well be crucial to the survival of the species due to overpopulation or something. It was also a chance for some great back and forth between Smith and Tucci but it's completely wasted... largely by the fact that the trailer actually spoiled the entire movie by flat out saying Tucci was there as a distraction so the infected could invade the humans' base. I wasn't surprised by anything that took place outside of the ending, and that's because I didn't expect it to be done so badly. Like the ending of Sopranos cut to black kind of bad.
Really, this was a pretty bad movie that took an interesting concept and just buried it right from the start. If you can watch it for free, like I did, maybe it might be good for a few laughs, particularly listening to Matt Smith try to do an American accent, but definitely not worth paying for. I really love all of the principle actors in this film, just when they're doing other films or TV shows and not this one. It's not their fault, they can only work with what they're given, but they might want to be at least a touch more choosy about their roles.
Deadpool 2 (2018)
Great sequel
Without question, this sequel definitely topped the original. It maintained the humor of the first but threw in a much bigger dose of over the top, well done action that I actually found a bit lacking in the first movie. I only have one complaint, which is why I only gave 9 stars instead of 10. In the Super Duper Cut, in the final scene with Wade and Vanessa, the song playing in the background was changed from a beautiful, acoustic version of A Ha's 'Take On Me' to a soft, not-quite-acoustic-but-close version of the theme song 'Ashes'. It's not a huge deal since both songs fit well for the scene, but 'Take On Me' was perfect for it and I was really disappointed that they took it out. Beyond that, however, it was a great movie that any Marvel/X-Men/Deadpool fan would enjoy.
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Really good premise and really well executed, except...
First, let me just say that overall I really liked this movie. Much like Cabin in the Woods (though this movie preceded it), it turns the horror movie genre on its head, dealing with the whole supernatural serial killer aspect instead of, well, every other kind of horror trope. The way Leslie is portrayed as a relatively normal, if eccentric guy as he plans out the various steps until the ultimate slaughter was great. You saw all of the preparation he makes which his victims view as just happenstance. It, as well as the twist towards the end, also showed that he was far more intelligent and cunning than his happy go lucky demeanor lets on.
That being said, I did have a couple of complaints. One is regarding the editing and one is about the story itself. First, there was a scene that was apparently cut from the film's final edit in which Leslie demonstrates how a serial killer like Jason or Michael Myers can appear to simply be walking yet keep up with a victim who is racing away at a flat out sprint. It was actually a really cute and clever way to explain the entire concept and ended up getting cut from the film. Thankfully, it can still be found on YouTube (look for Behind the Mask deleted scenes) so have a look and I think you'll agree.
The other issue I have, and really it's the main one, is that you don't see Taylor or her crew get truly freaked out by Leslie killing people until after he's made his first double kill at the beginning of the climax. This is a BIG problem from a storytelling perspective because this actually wasn't the first time he'd killed someone in front of Taylor and her cameramen. He actually killed the librarian earlier in the movie and not a word was said about it. No one from the documentary crew even mentioned it and it was like it never happened. The entire event was utterly glossed over when Leslie actually killed someone right in front of them. I suppose it was perhaps an oversight either by the writers, the director, or the producer, but it's a pretty big one because by all rights Taylor and her crew should have started freaking out and having their "we can't just stand by and watch this" moment right then and there instead of at the climax.
Still, while this is a pretty damn big storytelling issue, it didn't detract from my overall enjoyment of the movie and I really would recommend it to anyone who wants to see a good horror movie that isn't a paint by numbers Friday the 13th/Halloween/Nightmare on Elm street schlock and actually takes the entire concept and twists it into a pretzel.
Fifty Shades Freed (2018)
No... just, no
First, let me give this movie the microscopic credit it's due... there's more nudity in this movie than probably the first two combined, which for a movie that's supposed to be about a hot, sexual, BDSM couple, you kind of need that. So, if you like seeing Dakota Johnson's bare breasts fairly often, you're in luck here.
And that's where anything good about this movie stops dead in its tracks. First, and this goes for the ENTIRE franchise itself, you don't actually see any real BDSM-style activity happen until literally the last ten or twenty seconds of the movie. By that I mean you don't see Ana actually being a submissive in a BDSM sense until then throughout all three movies. Everything else is nothing more than either kinky sex that probably half of the population has done at one time or another, or... nope, that's pretty much it. This movie is actually the first time in the entire franchise that safe words are even mentioned, which is a HUGE part of BDSM and is the very first thing discussed by any couple that partakes of that kind of lifestyle. Like, when Christian is spanking Ana 'so hard' (insert sarcasm here) in the first movie, a safe word would have been pretty damn important there.
What's more, the time she does use the safe word is because he's teasing her with a vibrator and not letting her orgasm. Now, the moment immediately following that make it seem like she's upset that Christian was using orgasm denial as a means of revenge on her, but that's not how the scene itself actually played out. For one, he was using the vibrator on her for maybe a grand total of five seconds before she's ready to blow, does maybe a couple of seconds of orgasm denial and teasing with her while saying that's how she makes him feel, and suddenly she's safewording out because the physical sensations are too much? She's handled hard spankings, ben wa balls, and butt plugs just fine up this point. If she'd safeworded in a way that showed she was pissed he was doing it for revenge purposes and that upset her I wouldn't have a problem, but she did it because she was saying it was too much. For a sexed up girl like Ana, who can't get enough of Christian, that just made it completely contrived to create tension.
As far as the villain part of the story... well, that was just flat out annoying. Not even boring, just flat out annoying and insulting to law enforcement. First, we're expected to believe Hyde is some kind of James Bond/Mission Impossible super spy that can (a) get into supply closets in Grey Industries using a visitor's key card (don't even get me started on how Hyde got in in the first place because either his security are morons or, well, see super spy comment), (b) hack what I'm sure is some pretty damn high level security encryption for the company's server room using a science fiction high tech 'reader' on the touch panel, and (c) plan a pretty damn high tech looking bomb in said server room. The suspension of disbelief here is just beyond acceptable. What's more, they have video evidence (which admittedly is shoddy at best but the movie says it's a crystal clear view of him) of him in the building planting the bomb, and the guy somehow breaks into their super secure penthouse condo with not a single member of security knowing about it, grabs Ana, and puts a freaking BOWIE knife to her throat before getting taken down by security. If that wasn't enough, Ana is visited by the detective for the case, one who thinks its unimportant to get all the facts right away so certain details can be forgotten with time, and says Hyde has a bail hearing (which this movie things defendants need to actually request instead of it being one of the legal rights and part of due process) and that he's going to argue that he was just trying to "talk" to her about him getting fired after assaulting Ana in the last movie. Right, so, the movie expects us to believe that there's even a slight chance that a court of law would believe a man who literally bombed a building and then broke into someone's condo to hold them at knife point with the intent of kidnapping her, with witnesses to this fact no less, when he says he just wanted to "talk". That they even pull the whole 'it's your word against his' bs is so utterly insulting to law enforcement it's disgusting.
So, of course, a guy with probably no money (because from the look of him he's spent it all on cocaine or heroin. Seriously, the guy looks like a career drug addict in this movie) is somehow able to post $500,000 bail and get out to wreck even more havoc. Right, sure.
Then there's the whole pregnancy thing because Ana apparently forgot to get her (I'm assuming it's Depo) shot that we are only NOW hearing she actually takes. Of course, this doesn't sit well with Christian, who promptly freaks out. Of course, abortion isn't even mentioned as a possibility. This leads up to a whole situation where Christian's sister is kidnapped by Hyde, which sets up a whole ransom plot that is just annoying as hell because no person involved at this point acts like a rational human being, and Ana is sent to the hospital because she was slapped twice and kicked once in the stomach. Apparently, this is enough to put a perfectly healthy twenty-something woman in the hospital to such a degree that its implied she needed surgery (she's taken to a surgical ward according to the wall signs so what else can we assume?). There are twelve-year-old children who do that to one another on the playground and are fine literally a minute later. And you can't say its because she's pregnant because she's only seven weeks along by this point, and the doctor says the baby is fine so it wasn't like she was in the process of miscarrying. This is basically E.L. James and her husband (who wrote the screenplay) trying to manufacture fake tension to garner sympathy for two characters who deserve none.
Beyond that, half of the movie is scenic B-roll footage, sex scenes... some of which literally come out of no where for no reason, and utter nonsense like Ana suddenly becoming incredibly skilled at high-speed evasion driving in a major city landscape, buying a house strictly for the purposes of Ana telling their architect (who irrationally wants to tear down a gorgeous old mansion instead of restoring it like any sane architect would do) to piss off and stop flirting with her husband, and Christian knocking some guy out for creeping on Ana in a nightclub because... we needed yet another scene to prove how possessive and protective he is of Ana I guess.
Ironically, Christian's very creepy possessiveness is still very much in force in this movie and shows itself right in the beginning of the movie when he gets angry at Ana for taking off her bikini top on a beach where just about all of the women there are doing it. This, of course, is ignored by Ana and they just jet ski back to their boat because by this point she's clearly suffering from Stockholm Syndrome which is the only way she would still be with and marry a sociopath pretending to be a dominant.
This movie pretty much insults the entire demographic it was intended for. It insults those interested in the BDSM aspects by completely disregarding everything about that particular lifestyle that involves safety and both parties actually caring about one another, it insults romance fans by making Ana this weak-willed girl who only has the appearance of strength because Christian says she's tough and wilful, and it insults pretty much every other kind of movie goer by throwing completely stupid, inane, and utterly unbelievable plot lines at us that would be laughable if they weren't so offensive to anyone with a decently functioning brain.
I didn't have to pay to watch this movie and I still want a refund for the time I wasted on it. Dakota Johnson is a very attractive woman and the multitude of naked or panty-only scenes were nice enough, but throwing some skin at the audience doesn't make for a good movie, it just makes for a cheap skin flick that didn't deserve a franchise with a Hollywood budget.
Suicide Squad: Hell to Pay (2018)
Worth a watch
First and foremost, it's best to go into this movie either not having seen the previous Suicide Squad animated movie, Assault on Arkham, and forget about that completely godawful live action version, because neither have any bearing whatsoever on this film. As a point of fact (and spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen Assault on Arkham) that first movie ended with the Suicide Squad being free of Waller and Deadshot actually reuniting with his daughter so he could line up an insanely long sniper shot on Waller's head. Regardless of either, this movie seems to have absolutely zero connection with them. While it will help to know some of the DCAU (DC Animated Universe), like most DC animated these days it can be a bit tough connect this one to any others. I will say Justice League Flashpoint Paradox is a must, as that film does connect with this one, if you're going to get a major plot point/motivation for one of the characters that's revealed. Beyond that, however, if you were to watch the first Suicide Squad animated
Other than that little continuity confusion, the movie overall was quite good. It was hardcore violence and didn't flinch away from the gore, which is good considering these are vicious criminals who have no issue with killing. The casting choices were pretty good too, though I did think Slater wasn't a great fit for Deadshot. It was nice to hear Tara Strong back as Harley, though I don't think the character was really given enough to do here. This really was a story that focused on two or three members of the Suicide Squad, and had a pretty potent spiritual component to it. It's also pretty clear this was a one-shot since (and major spoilers here) a LOT of main, well-known DC characters die in this.
Still, on a whole, this was a pretty well done movie with an art style that seems like is become the standard for the DCAU since it was also used in Justice League Dark and the Constantine short, 5-episode webseries, and I'm not complaining about that because I think it's a good style. Overall, this would be good as a rental vs a purchase since, although it's a good movie and worth watching, I can't see it be re-watched very often to justify a dvd or blu-ray purchase.
Constantine: City of Demons (2018)
Now THIS is how you do Constantine right (Full Movie Edition)
I knew that DC had plans to take this series of shorts and combine it into a cohesive story with a bit more added on after episode 6. As it stood, I thought the shorts were good by themselves and adding another 20 or 30 minutes to the end to wrap things up and make a pretty good solo Constantine animated series/film.
What I didn't expect was for DC to add a full HOUR in material as a follow-up to the shorts, and boy was the wait for this worth it.
I've always liked Constantine as a character and thought Matt Ryan was an excellent choice to embody the character. The one thing that always bothered me is up to this point we haven't gotten a truly good Constantine story. The short-lived live-show was good but it was hindered creatively by the fact that it was on network TV so they couldn't truly go dark with it. The animated film Justice League Dark did better, but because it was a team movie obviously each character needed their own time in the spotlight.
City of Demons is exactly the kind of story needed for John Constantine. It's dark and bloody as hell and doesn't pull a lot of punches with the visuals and story. It's also pretty damn heartbreaking too, but I'm not going to spoil that part because it really does need to be experienced fresh without any idea it's even coming. I really, REALLY hope DC does more of Constantine like this because damn did I need it after the Batman & Harley Quinn and Batman Ninja debacle.
I can't tell you how happy I am they took these six shorts and exploded it into a really good hour and a half film. Other than one specific point where they added on some footage to one of the original shorts that ended up transitioning pretty badly, if you're a DC fan and especially if you're a Constantine/Hellblazer fan, I'd say you're going to enjoy this.
Batman Ninja (2018)
Does DC hate Batman now?
The very idea of Batman and company being transported back to feudal Japan is an idea that had a lot of potential. As it was, the preview of the film gave me the impression the movie, while sci-fi in that it's a comic book movie and there's time travel involved, made me feel like I was in for a samurai epic (despite the fact that the title is Batman NINJA, yeah, I'll get to that later). What I got instead was a completely nonsensical story that just happened to have Batman in it. Fair warning, spoilers are following.
So first, Batman himself. I can certainly appreciate that when he loses all of his tech and gadgets that it would be something of a setback, after all, Batman is kind of defined by his cool toys. However, it was really annoying when he kind of fell to pieces about it. That and a disturbing lack of intellect that the guy is known for did not feel like Batman, who is not only one of the smartest investigators and tacticians in the world, but does not limit himself only to his gadgets. Batman spent years training in nearly every martial art on the planet, which means he is an expert in hand to hand and weapons combat. He might need to adjust his tactics if he lost his tech, which I have no doubt he prepared for, but he wouldn't suddenly go through what amounts to an identity crisis because of it. It just didn't fit with the character.
The other really big issue I had with the movie is that they took what could have been an outstanding feudal Japan storyline and turned it into freaking Gundam/Power Rangers/Voltron insanity. Forget the fact that there's all of this massive, sci-fi tech with absolutely zero origins as far as where the actual, physical materials to create computer monitors and holograms came from. This isn't even something as neat or quasi-believable as Steampunk, which MIGHT have made sense. No, we're talking about giant freaking ROBOTS. I realize this is movie is in anime style, but this went beyond ridiculous. When the robots of the five major villians came together (a la Voltron or Power Rangers), that was almost as bad as when a ton of monkeys first formed a giant 'man' that could actually fight, just before combining with an equally huge amount of bats to form an actual, no BS, giant biological Batman fighting 'robot'. It was absolutely insane, and if this wasn't a Batman movie I think I probably would have enjoyed it. The problem is, this WAS a Batman movie, and so doing all of this crazy Japanese anime mech nonsense took me completely out of the movie.
Then there was the characterizations. They weren't horrible, although the choices made for the looks of Poison Ivy and Catwoman were a little odd (Ivy with pink hair and Catwoman with very light brown hair?). Again, what bothered me most was what they did with Batman. The guy is a master at pretty much every fighting style known to man, which includes weapons. Hell, he studied ninjitsu and mastered it, which would include using a sword. Even if we were to believe that somehow the Joker, a man who, while reasonably capable in a fight, is NO WHERE on par with Batman's ability, somehow was able to learn fighting skills during the years he spent in Japan before Bats showed up, they still wouldn't be near enough to Batman's to put up the level of resistance he was capable of. Joker was always such a threat because he was insane, and thus hard to predict sometimes. He was never an expert martial artist or fencer.
And then there's the whole 'ninja' thing. Other than a ninja clan that basically worships Batman via prophecy (because of COURSE there's a prophecy *ding*), there's no 'ninja' involved with Batman, despite the fact that the guy actually is the ultimate one otherwise. The armor he ends up putting on is all samurai, right down to the katana, with not a single trace of ninja in sight. I guess that might be something of a nitpick, especially since it showed that was going to happen in the trailer, but I was asking the same question back then: "Why is Batman Ninja wearing samurai armor?"
There's plenty more, but, honestly, between this, 'Batman and Harley Quinn', and the live action 'Justice League', it really feels like DC is deliberately trying to get people to not like or anticipate anything with Batman in it anymore. I don't know if that's the case, but these days, if I see a DC product with Batman I'm pretty much expecting it to suck.
Deception (2018)
A complete and utter ripoff
So, apparently Fox and Hollywood TV in general have completely forgotten what an original tv show actually looks like. Many people have compared this series to Castle, in that a somewhat wacky, off-beat civilian with a creative skill of some sort discovers that his particular talents can be used to solve crimes. Well, the people who say that are only half-right. Why?
Because this is actually the most shameless, blatant ripoff I've seen in quite some time. See, Deception is quite literally a re-skin of the TV show The Mentalist that aired on CBS back in 2008 and only just concluded its series 2 YEARS AGO. That's right, the show that Fox is blatantly ripping off almost page for page has only been off the air for 2 years. This is beyond pathetic and is only further proof that Fox hasn't had a good, original, highly entertaining television series with an incredibly strong cast since House, and even that started to seriously flag in its final few seasons.
If you're thinking about watching this, might I suggest you instead encourage the network that actually came up with this story in the first place and rent, buy, or stream The Mentalist instead. I'm not saying it's a good show or anything, but give credit where it's due when it comes to who actually came up with the idea first.
Justice League (2017)
Stop DC, just... stop.
Honestly, when the trailer first dropped and the way WB had done it and Suicide Squad with a really bad retro rock n' roll theme, I had a very bad feeling this was not going to be a good movie at all. Unfortunately, I was proven more than correct. Honestly, there's so much to talk about in that regard I could probably sit here all day, so I'll just try to go with some of the highlights..
1) Nearly half of everything in the trailer didn't make it into the movie. Now this might not be a really bad thing since trailers these days tend to give a lot of things away, but there were more than a few scenes displayed in them that were, theoretically, designed to get people to come watch. One in particular where Alfred looks up and says: He said you'd come. Let's hope it's not too late. Theoretically he was talking to Superman, which might have made a hell of a lot better intro for the Man of Steel, but it was left on the cutting room floor. There was a lot of that and it's really pretty annoying since it felt like we got a movie that wasn't advertised.
2) The characters. None of them with perhaps the exception of Wonder Woman were executed well at all. Superman's revival basically took the ending of BvS, where the soil atop Superman's grave begins to float for a split second before the movie ends and gave it the middle finger. We as moviegoers, were led to believe that his return (which the entire world knew would happen) would be something far more epic than what it was. It was really a letdown. Beyond that, the characterization was just kind of... meh. He had more humor one-liners in this movie, but it actually off and wrong because he didn't have any of that in the previous movies. You can't take such a serious character and suddenly have him cracking jokes like he's always done it. Batman... sigh, Batman. WB/DC, what the hell did you do to the Bat? I know a lot of people were upset that you aged Batman starting with BvS a la The Dark Knight Returns (which you blatantly ripped off for parts of BvS itself). Honestly, that in and of itself wasn't too too terrible. What was was the way you essentially neutered everything about Batman. He had one really great fight scene in BvS that really showcased what a Batman fight should be... and that's the only true Batman fight scene we get between it and Justice League. There was none of the physical prowess, brilliant detective skills, frighteningly good tactical skills, or technical competence. Hell, he only used TWO gadgets for the entire movie, one of which was his serious over use of the grappling gun. When you used The Dark Knight Returns as your design for Batman in these movies, you completely ignored the fact that Batman because even more dangerous when he got older because he became so much more cunning and ruthless. In this movie, he just seems old. Honestly, he really had no purpose in the movie other than being the guy that forms the Justice League. Aquaman and Flash, these two were horribly miscast and miswritten. Aquaman is not some rock n' roll badass. He's a noble character with a great deal of strength, but also wisdom since he is a leader. He's not some surfer brah. And where is Flash's smarts? Barry Allen is supposed to be a wicked smart forensic scientist and we see absolutely NONE of that here. All we get is a neurotic moron with a phobia of just about everything and absolutely none of the wisecracking humor the Flash is known for. And don't get me started on how he runs. Just what in the hell kind of running is that? He's just flailing his limbs around. NO ONE runs like that. Cyborg and Wonder Woman were the only two casting and writing choices that felt close to what they are in the comics, though Cyborg was far more serious. Still, in this case it worked for him. The rest... hell no.
3) The CGI. Way, way, way too much CGI. Just, WAY too much. I can't really say much more and I can't say it enough. It made the movie far uglier than it already was.
I'll just leave it at that. There's so much more but suffice to say this was a really bad movie. DC needs start waving the white flag, leave the live action stuff to Marvel since they can actually do it well, and focus on the animated movies. THAT is where DC can really shine because they've put out some phenomenal animated films (along with some real stinkers). Stay on those and leave your mark that way.
Interstellar (2014)
Enjoyable enough, but grossly over-hyped
I'd heard a great deal of praise for this movie being so wonderful and scientifically accurate. I finally got to see it and, while it was enjoyable enough, it didn't blow me away like it apparently did for many of the viewing public. I will say that I was okay with the first act of the movie, however I would have liked to have known just what the heck happened to the planet and even what century the story takes place in. There is talk about what happened in the 21st century, but what century does the movie take place in? On the heels of that, if we are so far into the future that cryo-sleep exists, why are there not electric vehicles instead of continuing to use gas-guzzlers? That kind of struck me as being rather inconsistent. Again, this and many other questions go back to the issue of not having an adequate enough back story on what has happened with the planet, to say nothing about why society is now determined to follow that ridiculous conspiracy theory that man never landed on the moon/flew any space missions ever. Honestly Nolan, your movie is supposedly VERY scientifically factual, yet you're pulling the moon landing was fake conspiracy crap?
The next part that really bothered me was the introduction of the "villain" in the second act. Honestly, from almost the very beginning of his introduction, the idea that Matt Damon's character was the bad guy was pretty badly telegraphed, at least to me. The moment they showed the destroyed robot of his and his lame explanation about it, the only thing missing from Damon's performance to show he was a psychotic bad guy was an evil laugh. Additionally, while I understand that Damon's character had to die, why wouldn't Mat and Anne's characters just flat out say over the radio and intercom, "You're not properly docked, if you open the hatch you'll blow out and die!" instead of just constantly saying, "Do not dock! Do not dock!"
When it came to the third act, now I started having problems with the story. First and foremost, anyone who knows even a little bit about Black Holes knows that the instant you cross the event horizon of one you are dead...horribly, unspeakably painfully, dead. Basically every single part of your body is stretched out in every conceivable direction all at the exact same time. We are given no explanation for Matthew's character's survival other than because of some mythical 5th dimensional-accessing people that is apparently evolved humanity from the future. So, we are to believe that this mythical evolution of humanity is able to somehow override the absolutely mind-boggling gravitational forces of a BLACK HOLE??? Not only that, but these beings are apparently also capable of sending Matthew back through time so he can be the one to put in motion the events of the past? This just screams paradox to me. After all, if it was Matthew's character who facilitated the mission and his being on it in the first place from the future, how did he ever get involved with the mission in the first place in the past? I'll let you debate about the scientific and theoretic possibilities on this one.
The final set of scenes was okay, but really it seemed like Matthew had stopped putting out any emotion for his character from the moment he woke up on the space station. He sees his daughter, now as an old woman, and has completely missed out on her entire life. And yet, we see no kind of remorse, sadness, happiness, nothing. He just seemed to be playing a typical Matthew McConaughey cool cat character. Hell, he barely seemed to register any kind of emotion when he was about to embark upon what was very likely a one-way mission to go find Anne Hatthaway's character This was the part of the movie that truly bothered me. He made such a HUGE deal about getting back to his daughter that when he finally does get back to her he doesn't even react.
On the plus side, I really liked the robots and thought they were pretty cool and a rather unique design.
American Hustle (2013)
Hollywood really needs to stop telling us these movies are gold
Along with Wolf of Wall Street, this movie got such a great deal of hype, not to mention Oscar awards, that I figured I'd give it a shot. Just like with Wolf of Wall Street, I was quite disappointed by it. The story itself seemed to just jump around all over the place, flashing from scene to scene before the first one was finished. The characters as well seemed very uneven as well, making emotional leaps and nosedives all over the place without any real clear reason why.
You have our two "leads", Christina Bale (who I can't take seriously anymore after Batman) and Amy Adams, that are very close one second, then hate each other the next, then are back in close again without any real explanations as to why. They are supposed to be very smart con artists, and yet they don't utilize any of their skills to get out of the jam, or even try to, until the absolute last five minutes of the movie. Not to mention their "chemistry" seemed more like distilled water as opposed to any kind of fiery heat. I honestly couldn't care less if they ended up with each other or not by the end of the movie. And as far as the "friendship" between Bale's character and Renner's character, I only have Bale's voice over to tell me about this, because other than when Renner's character discovers what Bale's really been doing do we see any real emotion regarding the relationship between these two. Oh yes, and we have the film opening things with a shot of Amy Adams' character being a stripper, something that is never even mentioned again. So my question is, why even bother telling the audience about it? It brought absolutely no weight to the movie and quite honestly I forgot about that tidbit about the character five minutes later. The same could be said about Bale's character. The movie opens with him talking about how he shattered windows so his father would get business for his glass company so he wouldn't get "taken" anymore. Exactly how was his father taken? It's never even explained. Was it done legally or illegally? And, of course, there's his dry cleaning business, which is essentially pointless to this movie other than being a set piece in the beginning for Amy Adams to have a fashion show. Even Bale's art scam was pointless, as it had nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Hell, the scam he and Adams come up with made absolutely no sense. It was never really explained. What exactly were their marks giving them $5,000 for to begin with. Was it an investment, was it supposed to be money laundering? We're never told.
You have the FBI agent (Bradley Cooper) who is so obsessed with going higher and higher up the criminal food chain that the entire character becomes a cartoon. When he beats the living hell out of his boss because he wouldn't give him an incredibly expensive hotel room for a sting operation, and is then given accolades by his boss's boss instead of being thrown out of the Bureau and charged with battery, at that point the whole movie had jumped the shark. And that's not even talking about his inexplicable use of cocaine in one scene that is never even hinted at again, regardless of his manic behavior throughout the movie.
Jeremy Renner did do a fine job in the role he was cast. The character seemed rather sincere and wasn't a typical dirty politician, which was just fine for this movie. I can't say I have any complaints about the character other than it and the actor were wasted on this film.
Jennifer Lawrence was fine, I suppose, though instead of being conniving and sneaky in her own loud way, she seemed like she was either a sociopath or someone with bi-polar disorder. Seriously, I doubt you'd have much trouble convincing a judge, even one from the late 70's, that she was in no condition to take full-time custody of her child.
Then there were the accents. I was actually OK with Adams' British accent. It wasn't great but it wasn't too terrible either. The problem I had is she was supposed to be from New Mexico and yet she would inexplicably shift into a New Jersey or New York accent when not using her British one. This is after, in the opening scenes, we hear her normal accent which sounds Midwestern. It just makes no sense. That and Alessandro Nivola, Bradley Cooper's boss's boss sounded like he was trying to do a Christopher Walken impression the entire movie.
About the only thing this movie had going for it was wardrobe, and by that I mean having the two leading ladies (more Adams than Lawrence) wear outfits that showed off their curves to the utter maximum without being vulgar for the entire movie.
Overall, I just found the movie to be pretty bad and find it very disheartening that this and Wolf of Wall Street are what is considered wonderful, powerful movies these days. It seems that the people in Hollywood really know their audiences now and know they can cram any kind of garbage down our throats, as long as their PR people tell us it's the finest cut of fillet. Do yourself a favor and skip this one, or if you have to watch it make sure you don't pay a dime to see it, it's a waste of your money.
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
A showcase of how pathetically and dangerously sad society has gotten
When I first saw previews for this film, I thought it looked fairly decent. From the quick-fire clips it seemed like this would be a funny movie with plenty of serious sides with a good-natured sprinkling of sex appeal (i.e women in skimpy lingerie or even perhaps topless).
Within the first fifteen to thirty minutes of watching it, I came to realize just how incredibly wrong I was. Now, I can appreciate utilizing sex and drugs to make your point in a movie, such as Scorsese did with Good Fellas and Casino, but what he did with this movie was go light years beyond overboard. I don't think it's any kind of an exaggeration to say that 3/4 of this movie is about absolutely nothing other than doing extremely copious amounts of drugs, acting like a bunch of lunatics from an insane asylum, and having sex with anything that possessed the right biology. Oh, and of course, let's not forget the fact that the male leads are completely disrespectful and disgusting to every single woman that enters their lives, including their wives. Someone mentioned in an earlier review that this movie was reminiscent of the ancient Roman orgies, but I honestly think the Romans would have far better decorum than this film. All it seemed to do was showcase the absolute worst kind of sociopaths society has to offer without them being psychopathic serial killers. They even come close to doing that when the lead character decides it's a grand idea to snort a half a ziploc bag full of cocaine, put his four-year-old daughter in the front seat of his car, and go screaming out of the garage in reverse before slamming into a brick light post. Let me just say that thankfully the people who made this film did not depict the little girl being injured despite what looks to be an incredibly painful whiplash. If they had, I would have simply shut the movie off and never watched it again, regardless of how it might have ended.
Let me just say this movie has no redeeming qualities to it. The sheer volume of quite graphic full-frontal nudity, sex, and drug use would probably be enough to make even the raunchiest frat boy look at his buddy and ask, "Is this all there is with this thing?" The fact that this movie received so many accolades, award nominations, and even wins, makes me truly despise how pathetic of a turn our society has made. To glorify this kind of completely insanity, to make heroes out of complete sociopaths and psychopaths, to say that everything they did is just fine because it's entertaining is all the more reason for me to justifiably feel that the way our society currently operates needs to end.
The Family (2013)
Very disjointed
****Warning, spoilers follow****
From the previews, I knew this movie was certainly going to be on the violent side, so I was expecting that. I also knew it was being pegged as a comedy from the previews, however I didn't find the film all that funny. Sure, there were some small humorous moments, but even the heaviest of dramas can contain small bits of humor to make the characters seem more realistic. This movie did not feel like a comedy to me, not even a dark comedy. It seemed to fit a little better into the drama category.
The problems I had with it, though, are not because of the way the film was portrayed in previews. My problem is the film seemed so disjointed and all over the place that it really didn't hold itself together.
*You have the two teens, one of which is working on starting his own mini-mob operation in school and apparently doesn't even know how to write the English language properly (though in this modern age of college graduates not even having the knowledge of a 4th grader from fifteen years ago that isn't so surprising) and the other who's only function in the movie is to be a piece of lovely eye-candy (other than one or two moments where she actually asserts herself) who is ready to kill herself after what seems to be her first rejection by a guy. *You have the wife/mother who seems to actually be the one who holds the whole family together, even though she has her own quite violent tendencies, such as detonating a home-made bomb in a supermarket after the locals (in typical Hollywood stereotyping of the French) talk about how terrible American food is and how rude/fat/etc. Americans are. Oh, and of course they are speaking French during this interlude, which apparently the family understands but makes absolutely no attempt to speak the native language other than an occasional "merci". *Then you have the father, played of course by Robert DeNero, who basically seems to be portraying a caricature of his previous mob roles. He doesn't like something someone says, he beats the unholy hell out of them and nearly kills them, and his federal protection detail does absolutely nothing about it. As I've seen other reviewers already state, had this actually happened in Witness Protection, which is operated by the US Marshals and not the FBI by the way, the witness would have been kicked to the curb after only the first incident and very likely have been imprisoned on multiple charges.
The various plot lines that this movie throws about are so completely random and left completely hanging with the audience not being given one bit of closure on any single storyline. The son tries to start his own operation in school and then decides to run when he gets in a bit of hot water. How did this come about? As far as the audience knew, he had a whole crew that was willing to back him up. The daughter finally gets to have sex with the T/A she's been lusting after and suddenly she becomes a stereotypical dumb blonde who thinks she and the T/A will live happily ever after? This is 2013 (at least at the time of the movie), teenagers are more aware than ever that things like that do not happen, not to mention the fact that these kids have been exposed to more reality than most their ages. And for her to want to throw herself off a building when this college boy says he's not ready for a commitment, when he never implied anything to the contrary, is just ludicrous. Hell, it wasn't even like he did any of the pursuing at all. The girl is the one who pursued him from start to finish.
The movie on a whole was quite off-kilter, and not in a good way, and left nothing but a gaping hole in the story when it finished, with the family simply driving away into the night to assume another identity. I can appreciate that this is fiction, but I typically prefer my fiction to have proper tie-ins and completions to the storyline, even if it means leaving them open-ended.
Total Recall (2012)
Don't Worry About Comparing To The Original
A lot of people here have already summarized the plot, so I'll forgo that. What I will say is that I found this re-imagining of Total Recall to be rather enjoyable. If you're planning to watch this movie with the express purpose of seeing a nearly shot-for-shot remake of the 1990 original film, don't. Go rent the current remake of The Karate Kid with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan instead since that film was practically a shot-for-shot remake of the original.
This version of Total Recall, while sharing the bare bones of its plot with the original film, is a movie that can and probably should stand on it's own. If the writers had come up with some other means of bringing the lead character into the plot without use of Rekall, this movie would undoubtedly be considered an original one instead of a remake/reboot.
Most reviewers here continually malign the film because it doesn't have Mars, it isn't as colorful, and it doesn't have Arnie quipping away at any given opportunity. Well, why the heck should it have all that? The creative team behind the movie decided to make the world, and by extension of the film itself, much darker and grittier despite the flashy technology. One thing to keep in mind, most action films in the 90's catered to audiences who preferred the bright and almost happy action films that involved a nearly superhuman protagonist who literally laughed in the face of danger, a corny villain who you were happy to hate, and a host of minions that you just knew were going to be slaughtered in cool, fun, and graphically violent ways. The original Total Recall was a product of its time, and Arnie quipped and offered so many one liners after his kills because, frankly, while he had a lot of muscles, there really wasn't much athleticism to him other than throwing a punch or throwing a bad guy.
The new Total Recall is, once again, a product of its audiences given the direction movies have taken. Yes, there are next to no one-liners, the main protagonist is deadly serious the entire time, most of the rest of the characters have been re-imagined, and the plot is completely different by and large. What is wrong with that? Colin Ferrell has the kind of physique and athletic ability that Arnold never possessed, and thus is able to portray a very different version of the character, i.e lots more action and no need for one-liners to make up for the fact that his athletic prowess was limited.
If you had gone into this movie expecting either a shot-for-shot remake or even one with a very close resemblance to the original, then you have only yourself to blame. This movie was never advertised as a direct remake, so it was your own personal expectations that caused the movie to be less than what it was in your eyes, not the the actors, directors, and writers. All they did was try to re-imagine the movie in an original way.
Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 (2012)
Good movie, questionable creative and voice casting choices
Let me preface this review by saying that I read the original graphic novel series many years ago. I understand that such a work as done by Frank Miller could be difficult to translate into an animated film simply because of the nature in which it was written and the way in which the artwork was constructed. All in all, while I did feel some disappointment with this film, I did find it to be an entertaining re-telling of Frank Miller's original work. It seemed to hold the proper tone that Miller was trying to capture in that an aging Batman has to contend with a society that no longer wants his presence as well as his age handicapping his abilities.
One thing that did bother me was the lack of "voice-over" narration by Batman as seen in the graphic novel. While the lack of this narration did not detract from the film and it's impact, I think there would have been an even stronger impact upon viewers if we could hear those intimate, calculating, emotional thoughts that Batman had during each encounter. A perfect example is when he first comes back onto the scene and is climbing a rope to reach the bad guys. One bad guy says that Batman has to be old by now. In response to this, the Batman voice-over says, "Old enough to need to use my legs to climb a rope". This occurs in the comics, not the film, but I think it really allows the audience a peek into the mindframe and mindset of Batman while he engages in his crime-fighting activities. As I said, it is not a mood-killer that it was left out of the film, but I do think the creative team behind the film kind of missed out on a very good opportunity to really suck the audience of the film into the mind of Batman.
Another thing that bothered me was the voice casting for Batman/Bruce Wayne. Yes, Peter Weller did a fine job with this, and I give him his due credit for giving life to an aging Batman. I also understand why the creative team might have wanted to not utilize the legendary Kevin Conroy (the one and only true voice for Batman from the animated series of the 90's, the Justice League animated series, the animated movie between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and the Arkham video games) for the voice in an effort to open up people's minds to the concept of more than one person being able to bring Batman to life. Unfortunately, I feel like the creative team missed the boat a bit on this one. For anyone who ever watched the animated series from the 90's, you may recall that they did a storytelling episode that actually made use of Frank Miller's graphic novel. In specific, they showed a scene that blended Batman's initial attack against the Mutants with his final fight against the Mutant's leader in which he utter's the infamous expression, "This isn't a trash heap, it's an operating table, and I'm the surgeon." In this instance, the creative team behind the animated series made, in my opinion, an absolutely genius decision to utilize Michael Ironside ("Jester" from the film Top Gun) as the voice of Batman. I really and truly wish the team behind the Dark Knight Returns movie had decided to retain his voice or, if they had indeed tried to go that route, that Mr. Ironside had accepted any offer to do said voice for this film. While Peter Weller certainly exemplified the cold and dark visage of Batman, Michael Ironside, in just a ten minute clip, truly seemed to epitomize the dark, gritty, dangerousness of a Batman who, while having grown older, has also become a lot more calculating and deadly with his experiences. It was a truly missed opportunity.
Overall, I was generally happy with the film and look forward to seeing how they put the rest of Miller's story into film in part 2, particularly the verbal back and forth and eventual combat between Batman and Superman.