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The Witch in the Window (2018)
A cup of festering...
Those nights when you just can't be bothered getting out of bed and going to the bathroom so you piss in a tea cup, put it under the bed and then forget about it. 2 weeks later there's an horrendous stench festering in the room and you remember your cup of old piss. Well, that's pretty much what this film is like.
The Journey Is the Destination (2016)
An Amateurish Attempt Runs Scared of Politics
The life of Dan Eldon is a story and adventure and tragedy which has all the ingredients for a great film adaption. Sadly the director here was not the man to carry it off, running scared of global and sensitive politics and badly misjudging the aura that the art direction would cast over the film. It plays more like a Sunday morning teen safari report for some children's channel. The first hour or more is done so poorly that you could actually skip it without losing anything of the film. It is littered with cringe-worthy moments with actors who look no older than 14. The seriousness of a life of photojournalism and art in some of Africa's most poverty stricken and war-torn countries is completely overlooked in exchange for teenage safaris and soppy scenes of light kissing and rolling about. The film does improve a little when we finally get to Somalia, but is still a major disappointment and still cops out and purposely evades the sensitive issues of international politics, religion and culture which all combined to result in the death of 4 respected journalists. I just hope that if ever I get hacked to death that this director doesn't direct it. Give it a miss... You'll be missing nothing.
Junkhearts (2011)
Great British Sci-fi yarn....
Junkhearts is just about the best sci-fi/paranormal activityesque film I've seen all week. My favourite scene is where the aliens descend and take away our anti-hero (eddie marshan) for some serious self-analysis to try and get his head better after returning home war-down. I think the director did a great job with the CGI effects on Eddie's looks... he kinda looks like something that Wes Craven never used in The Hills Have Eyes (1 and 2). I must admit, some of the outer space scenes seemed a little unrealistic, and the scene where Danny (Tom Sturridge) and Christine (Romola Garai) had a passionate embrace on mars just didn't work for me.
Still, sci-fi and genre aside, this little British jewel does have its serious side, taking us deep inside the mind of a mentally deranged soldier who is battling his urge to drink by going to war. With no more wars left, only those raging in the outer reaches of the galaxy, our marinated antagonist hits the bottle big time and that's when help (from a very unlikely source) arrives. It's here where I have what is probably my biggest problem with the film... the little props and scenery. The vodka looked like water and when the spaceship took off for the final time the cups in Christines house seemed empty and glued to the table. But this is a minor gripe considering just how great this film is. I guess when something is faultless you search out errors. It's like what My Physics teacher (Mr Knapton) once told me: "You'll NEVER get a 100% mark in your exam... 99.9%, yes, but NEVER 100. The markers will always find some error, no matter how irrelevant!" Well, I guess that speech hit me deeper than I thought, because here I am, 20 years later, proving Mr Knapton's theory 'One Star Down' theory correct.
But back on subject, and to sum this hard-hitting, low budget Brit-flick up, I'd say it's the best Sci-fi pic I've seen this side of insanity. The director done well with limited budget and ex-Craven rejects and managed to pull of a stupendous action/effects film... all without a drop of blood anywhere!
9 outta 10!!! Two thumbs up from Tristram Spencer!
Unthinkable (2010)
Unthinkable brilliance!
I've just finished watching Unthinkable and I must say it is probably one of the best 'lone island' films I've ever seen. Without giving anything away this movie is set on 'terrorist Island' and one of the bad guys falls foul of a tree and hole trap and is netted like a terrified bear! That's Mr L Jackson's cue to make an appearance, in one of his meanest, cleanest, leanest roles to date. And My God, what an appearance it is! Dressed in Gucci suit and Italian shoes, this leg end of the silver screen turns what could be a very mediocre film into one of the delights of the year. In a role seldom played by women he toughs out a terrorist until he admits that five bombs are planted around 'terrorist Island' and they need to be found before they all explode and cause a tsunami on the east coast of Thailand. That's the premise, sounds boring, I know. But this film has many surprises up its sleeve and you just never know what you're going to do next. It's a relief when Samuel L Jackson follows through while breaking wind and fills his pants up with seven bucket loads of organic mud. This certainly gets the chuckles, but is a much needed respite from the tense build up of the film and gives us all a little time to relax, suck it back in and cross our fingers.
All in all, a great piece of sub-genre film-making. Unthinkable brilliance which deserves more points than 10! Go see the film... no mystery island fans will be disappointed.
Punishment Park (1971)
Nearly a good film
Punishment park is nearly a good film. It revolves around a group of hippies who are suffering from some kind of political activism that has turned them into zombies intent on overthrowing all military might. Shot in documentary style fashion there are obviously many comparisons that have been made with The Blair Witch Project (a film that would come many years later and use different subject matter to tell the same story). Punishment Park fails in it's nihilistic premise of of outlandish bum sex scenes leading to a grand orgy of violence as the protesters are shot down and raped in front of a watching news crew. These scenes were a little overdone and the gore was of a very low quality. 3 out of 10. Watch this film only if you are a hippie.
The Great Global Warming Swindle (2007)
Thank You Film
I used to believe in Global warnings but now, thanks to this great docu- horror-drama I don't.
Although made on a low budget I thought the acting was great and the sets, though a little shaky, quite believable. The director did a great job in showing us the dangers of misrepresentationism in the medials today - making specific hotshots at Rupert Murderdoch.
Other reviewers have slated this film for basing its findings on shallow facts and flimsy scientific evidence, but they failed to give a nod of the hat to the great scientists who said "yes, I agree wiv dat! Truth be told!"
I gave this film a ten out of ten because there was no 11 out of ten. Great effort from a director who for me, will be the next Stanley Kubricks.