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Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)
I would rather watch a low budget X rated home video from the 70's
Where to start?!
- acting? Atrocious!
- characters? Non existent!
- script? Horrible!
- dialogue? Painful!
- plot? ... they lost the plot!
- gore? Hello seventies!
- CGI? Hello eighties!
- tropes? Hello nineties!
- cheap jump-scares? Hello two thousand's!
- music score? Hello Radio Shack!
... complete with subpar camera work
Honestly, the only horrifying thing about this "horror" is its existence.
What a way to wreck another franchise, by turning it into a collection of all the known movie sins.
Spare yourself the pain of watching this sell out of a soulless failed money grab.
I would rather watch a low budget X rated home video from the 70's... written, directed and produced by Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby; that would at least be honesty terrifying.
K-Shop (2016)
Keeps you "hungry" for more.
Loved it!
A decent horror film with a good narrative and a compelling message.
The production values are good, the acting decent and it has a nice multilayered story arc, that kept me watching all the way to the end.
I like the fact that it has realistic characters, who evolve in a relatable way.
Having said that, the ending is also the weak point in this film.
It seems a lot of filmmakers today struggle with finding a good ending.
This is also the only reason why I gave 9 stars instead of 10.
I definitely recommend this film.
Road to Red (2018)
T...E...D...I...O...U...S.......... yawn
I added 1 star for the half-decent camerawork.... you're welcome.
The acting is ok-ish at best.
But my word, the pacing of this film.
I mean, If I fast forward in a film, it means something is wrong.
Now I don't mind a slow story, if it's actually developing into something.
This was nothing if not anti-climactic and utterly boring.
Some parts were just ridiculous.
Professional surfers/skaters who just managed to jump and clear relatively big gaps, suddenly panic and collectively jump off their boards when they encounter an unimpressive gash in the track?
And a rabies infection from a rat? Did he get super rabies? He become symptomatic within mere hours.
How did the guy get the candles where did he get the lighter or matches from?
And whilst we're at it.... where does this obviously malnourished underground dwelling hermit, living out in the middle of nowhere, get his superhuman strength from? Surely a couple of fit, sporty young people should be able to defeat this guy right?
And what about the crosses? Does he keep a ton of them lying around?... just incase a few delicious humans happen to pop around in his makeshift cathedral?
Personally my biggest grievance is the pseudo philosophical ramblings scattered throughout the film.
Lord have mercy.
The only redeeming quality of this film: a couple of nice shots.
What a wast of time.
Critters Attack! (2019)
Cheesier than a Swiss Fondue
If like me you grew up in the 80's and 90's and have fun memories of the somewhat corny popcorn horror genre, then do not watch this film.
Not once did I get spooked.
The critters aren't scary, the plot is ... well ... non existent.
Overall bad acting, bad filming and cheesier than a Swiss fondue.
It is the hallmark of lazy Hollywood. Capitalising on hits from the past.
It never fails to amaze me how an industry that has had such a boost in technological advances, so readily and cheaply available is still capable of producing such utter rubbish.
1 star for ruining another childhood memory and for the sheer laziness of producing a worse film than the in the 80's with modern day technology.
Save your childhood memories and skip this one.
Deep Dark (2015)
Not horror, but a surprisingly pleasant find.
A really really good film.
I expected a horror film, but what I got was a delightfully strange film.
If you're looking for a classic horror film, than this is not it.
Despite that I would recommend seeing it.
I would consider it an intriguingly gloomy arthouse film.
It is a surprising multilayered well written story, that successfully plays on different societal critiques and the mundane absurdities of daily life.
I especially like the deconstruction of the conceptual art world.
Despite the film being a low budget production, it doesn't show.
The acting is good and I like the fact that they don't go out of their way to explain the weirdness or the plot.
The special effects are not over the top and you're not being drowned in second rate bombastic orchestra music.
The only criticisms I have:
- the voice from the wall. Maybe it was the way it was edited into the film or the sound of the voice itself, but it felt to me like it didn't fit with the atmosphere of the film. Maybe too sensual and polished.
- The ending. Specifically the story thread with the uncle. Unnecessary and convoluted in my humble opinion.
Other than that, a truly great and underrated film. Loved it.
Dead Story (2017)
The only horror, is in watching it. Cringe rating 10+
Lordy lord lord... where to start.
Actors who can't act, ridiculous inconsistent dialogue, no story development, terrible special effects and music, sloppy editing and photography.
A grown woman in her prime... seemingly incapable of fighting off an aging out of shape woman.
Truly, the only good and most impressive part were the end credits.
This would have been a film even in the eighties.
The Last House on Cemetery Lane (2015)
Yawn
And another Sunday evening ruined by a badly made film. The cover looked pretty promising, but straight from start it fails at impressing the viewer. But okay let's give it a chance, maybe it'll improve. Unfortunately ... it doesn't. My word, what a bad piece of film this is.
It utterly fails to pick up speed and you really have to struggle to keep paying attention... and this is a horror film. Well it's labelled and marketed as a horror movie... which is an insult to horror fans like myself.
The music is distracting and corny, the special effects would make early film makers laugh... Then there's the horrible dialogs and the dreadful acting. You'd be better off watching the Wizard of Ozz for a good scare. The only horror is that I wasted precious time watching it.