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Old (2021)
More slop from Shyamalam
I don't wish to write bad reviews, nobody does. People who troll the internet just to write bad reviews of films are in a league of their own, and I'm not in that league.
This film needs to be exposed for what it is though - pure snd unadulterated crap.
The film is badly written, extremely poorly acted and follows no proper storyline.
Wooden acting from people where they use the same monotone voices even during moments of distress.
M. Night Shyamalam stopped to new lows with "The visit", but this takes the cake - nobody needs this trash in their life - it's not entertaining, it's frustrating and try's too hard to be "clever" while it actually comes across as pretentious.
The Perfection (2018)
AVOID THE HYPE TRAIN
Netflix should really be ashamed of airing this type of clunker film.
The script should not have gone past draft stages!
The dialog is terrible (once again the SCRIPT!), the story chugs it's way miserably forward at a snail's pace, and every single actor just mumbles and vocal-fry's their way through their lines for the sake of just getting it over with (it's also too long...even at 90 minutes).
As I had guessed (before watching), it is the director's first feature-length outing, but that's no excuse - because he's directed plenty of TV crap before (although NEVER horror).
A word of advice to would-be directors - if you're going to begin your career with comedy and teen drama rubbish, do your research properly before moving into horror, and don't just hire some CGI students to slap together some sequences of sub-par gore in order to try and pass yourself off!
Now, let's talk about the so-called "gross content that had people vomiting and unable to watch".
It's nothing, it's tame, lame and badly done, and if you've seen a few horror films in your life, you've seen it done much better and with more love than this mess. Seriously, if people (claiming to be true horror fans) are complaining that they could not stomach this - they're not true horror/gore fans and should probably stick to their Marvel series and episodes of Gilmore Girls.
0.1 out of 10.
Nowhereland (2016)
What an amazing flick!
A lot of people on IMDB are claiming that this film has "fake" reviews, rating it 10/10, but I am here as someone who is legitimately rating this film 10.
To begin with, the young actress Jessica Taylor Haid puts in an absolutely stunning performance as the young girl in the title role.
All of the other performances are equally as good, including Felix Ryan and writer/director Robin Bain playing the girl's Mother.
This is an unflinching film which pulls no punches, and holds itself until the end. if you know (or have known) anyone who's worked on the street before, you have to give credit to the makers and stars of this film, simply for putting it out there.
An important film which screams to be seen...
Annabelle: Creation (2017)
This is what Horror has come to...
Sadly, I am here to admit - I believe that the state of Horror film as we knew it (from the 70s and 80s) is dead and gone. Sure, people may try to re-hash it with unnecessary remakes and try calling them "re-imaginings", but the truth of the matter is that there will never be another two decades like that for Horror.
Now... We come to this atrocity - Where do I start? Pathetic acting, a very weak and watered down story line, massive amounts of CGI thrown in and overused for bad measure and you have Annabelle: Creation.
It is almost as though this was made for children, and the director tried to maintain a PG13 rating throughout the whole thing, but then we see a dismembered body hanging on a wall - Make up your mind - which is it??
The backstory was not explained in detail, things were only hinted at very slightly, and it was one of those horrible films where you get up to leave, thinking that it's finished, when there's...painfully STILL MORE to go. Several times this happened. Even after the credits rolled, there was...still more!!
If I could rate this no stars I would, it deserves it. NO effort or love went into this film, no passion for the genre, no authenticity, just MONEY MONEY $$$.
Avoid it at every cost.
This film and it's creators (if you can call them that) does not deserve your time, money or sanity, so save it for the small selection of horror filmmakers who are still trying to keep this genre alive.
Land of Smiles (2016)
Low Budget?? This is BEYOND Low budget!
This film infuriated me from the word go, really. I know a lot about low budget filmmaking and I understand that this film is not necessarily the worst low-budget film ever made... but it comes very close. Here are my two main gripes:
1. The acting - absolutely atrocious! From fumbling accents to people who can't cry/look scared properly, the acting in this stinker is all over the place!
2. The clown character in this is NOT menacing at all, with cheap costume, very bad acting (see above) and appalling voice characteristics, this character (who could have worked well) simply flopped.
Now, I am a veteran horror and low budget film watcher, 35+ years experience in watching them, and I have seen many films with HALF the budget of this which have been much better than this (not to mention half the trash that Hollywood spews forth every year).
There's no excuse for this - bad filmmaking that the director should be bloody ashamed of...
All Girls Weekend (2016)
Average modern-day slasher.
This film is not as great as it wants to be, but is still a cool little survival/slasher with some pretty good kill scenes in it.
I'm not going to bore everyone with a long-winded review (like I am sometimes accustomed to doing), because the premise for the film is simple, the film itself is also very simple, and laid out for you from the beginning.
Most of the girls do a pretty good (and relatively convincing) job here, and if you've got an hour to spare, this film should make you smile if you're a fan of the genre.
Direction-wise, the film delivers what it is supposed to, and there are some nice cinematography shots of the beautiful surrounding wilderness to take in (sometimes these are REALLY nice, and I wish there were more longer shots to take it all in).
Spellbinder (1988)
Forgotten film that should probably be left forgotten...
The summary above may sound harsh, but after just recently re-checking this film out after many years of forgetting about it the first time around when it was initially released, I can not really be anything but honest.
Kelly Preston is (of course) beautiful, stunning, in fact, but her acting skills are just not really up to par for this title, and I don't think they ever truly improved a great deal from this either.
In saying that, this film has a few jump-scares (the "classic jump-scares, not these modern day fillers), which are rather effective, and I really love the dog and cat which are in the film, they're so cute!
Another fine thing about this film is it's soundtrack, in particular the instrumental piece by Tom Scott - "Siren's Song" which plays on the stereo system in Jeff's apartment when he first brings Miranda home. This is true 80's jazz influenced brilliance in all it's glory, and I wish I had a copy of the tune itself, but it is incredibly hard to track down (and I don't think included anywhere but within this film's soundtrack).
All in all, a 4 out of 10 is rather generous, but I do love the animals in this, and Kelly's beauty is a nice distraction from this otherwise cliché and very boring late 80's thriller.
The Woman in Red (1984)
This film changed my childhood!!!
Quite possible I was one of the only children in my small town at the time of this film's release who had a crush on Kelly LeBrock. I know, I know, I was only eight years of age when I managed to see it, but something about it drew me in.
Gene Wilder does what Gene Wilder does best - plays a very gallant and clumsy yet lovable character. I had not seen him in anything other than Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory before this, so I did know who he was.
Kelly stole this film though for me. From her entrancing entrance on screen when her dress flies up around her waist to "that" lovely nude shot at the end - my eight year old heart had been stolen.
I immediately did everything I could (there was NO internet back then) to find out more about her, and began to slowly learn little details, and even wrote to her "fan club!" I like to think I would have been one of her youngest fans, yet I never did hear back...
Well 0ver two decades later, and I still adore Kelly LeBrock, have seen everything she's been in (even tried writing to her again after Weird Science and Hard to Kill came out), but seriously, this is possibly her best role - she suites it more-so than anything else she's been cast in (perhaps with the exception of Weird Science - but that's a whole different review!).
The comedic elements to this film are actually very few - I consider this more of a romantic drama with a couple of comedic scenes rather than a full-on laugh-fest.
The film paints a picture of Wilder chasing LeBrock which at times does feel a little forced, but is enjoyable nonetheless, because LeBrock is so beautiful, and Wilder is just lovable too! People who have rated this film low, have obviously no idea on what makes a good movie, nor a good story. This film is actually incredibly well written, and being an author myself, I can truly appreciate that.
It was also one of the very few non-horror films of my childhood that I saw, so for someone who was an absolute glutton for horror movies to adore this film just as much - it's gotta be good, right?! Do yourselves a favor and check this one out. You won't regret it!
Fifty Shades of Black (2016)
Possibly the worst film I have seen in 20 years
I see many films. I admit that Comedy is not my favorite genre (at least, let me rephrase that - American comedy is not my favorite genre - I do, however, like black comedy, UK comedy).
THIS film I knew nothing about, so I expected nothing. Usually when you expect nothing you are sometimes surprised right? Not with this - with this I expected nothing and got NOTHING. The "jokes" and I use the term loosely, are incredibly forced, as is the terrible TERRIBLE acting. The "plot" and I use that term even more loosely is practically non-existent, so there was not even THAT to carry the film through.
A few instances of the film tried to be "gross" to be funny, such as the incredibly long penis scene dipped into the cereal bowl, and the incredibly large blue-balls testicle scene.
Do not waste your money...in fact, don't even waste your internet downloading this complete and utter American trash.
Wentworth (2013)
Danielle Cormack ruins this from Episode One!
Danielle Cormack ruins this show.
She is a pathetic actress (and a native Kiwi like myself, so it kind of pains me to admit).
Her expressions were extremely forced, her face showed barely any emotion (I know she was in "prison", but people have emotions still).
Everyone else seemed to do a pretty good job with their role(even the other few NZ's I spotted!) - I had no compllaints, but when it came to Bea's role - it just wasn't right.
The original Prisoner : Cell Block H is an absolute classic, I grew up watching it, and even though it's old, Val Lehman did an amazing job as Bea. I would think that someone who is supposedly more accomplished (Danielle) would be able to do this justice (no pun intended), but it appears not.
The whole idea of re-imagining/re-making a show such as Prisoner : Cell Block H, is to draw a new audience, and also re-grab the attention of the old fans, yet all this has made me want to do is go back and watch the original again ;-) I will, however, continue this series for a few more episodes, to see if Danielle can grow into her role a bit more.
3 out of 10
It Follows (2014)
Completely pathetic. Here's why...
Hi there people,
This is MY personal opinion and review of this film, which may or may not upset some people (particularly Americans).
Let me give you a little background first - I have been watching horror films for well over 34 years, it's definitely my favorite genre - yet I do agree that the genre has become stale, stagnant and completely reliant upon cliché's in the past 10 years or so. Where did this all start? :
I blame Wes Craven, and the movie Scream (1996), seriously that was the first time I saw a horror movie and really started to wonder what was going on with the genre, it's film makers, and the people who were so willing to buy into it.
Since Scream's release back in 1996, I have not really enjoyed many "mainstream" horror films, and would quite realistically say that maybe 2-3 out of 60 have been bearable.
Now, this brings us to It Follow.
Let me start by pointing out my reasons for a 1 star scare:
1. Ridiculous characters, who seem to not want to do the obvious thing that would help themselves.
2. A plot which is relatively boring and pretty much just follows (no pun intended) a group of whining "teens" around a road trip from one place to the next.
3. The "curse" (if you will call it that) in the film is very badly researched, nothing is really explained about it's origin, or what can be truly done to defend against it.
4. Acting.... You cannot call it that really, it was soap-opera level at best, and I know this was a horror film, but come ON!
5. Predictable. This films was incredibly predictable, and remained so from the beginning and throughout. Nothing was left to the viewer's own mind, it was all spilled out for them from the beginning, and that which was not was hinted at so blatantly that a FIVE year old could have guessed it.
6. Very cheesy "cash-in" on the classic 80's vibe. The film tried to portray an 80's vibe throughout, but it came off as just looking bad. The 80's was a tremendous time for horror films (most of which were far superior to this trash), and this was not a "throwback" or "nod" to the films of that era, it was a goddamn insult. A try-hard affair.
Now, did I like anything about the film?
Not particularly - the only redeeming quality I can actually say the thing had going for it was it's score. This, however , was also over-used, but was lovely at times.
Summary: David Robert Mitchell - please do not direct another film , and if you do chose to - please don't do another horror. America does not need an "80's horror film revival", the 80's were perfectly fine without one, and you are so young you probably do not even RECALL the best of that era. Please, if you make more films (and they are indeed labeled as horror) try to come up with a style which is unique, and of it's own, something which viewers can be captivated with, which is not copied by previous masters of the genre (which you are not).
Summer of Blood (2014)
Atrocious
This "Film" (and I use the term loosely) had absolutely nothing going for it, like someone else pointed out - it was pretentious mumble-core garbage, with terrible acting, no visible plot and obviously a shoestring budget to match.
The main character (and everyone else) just would NOT shut up, even to pause for breath, they raced through their forced lines like they could not wait to get this steaming pile of crap over and done with and collect their meager paycheck at the end of it all.
Don't waste your time or money on this trash.
I seriously want my hour and twenty-five minutes of life back after this one, and I suggest it be avoided at all costs!
I Spit on Your Grave (2010)
Excellent film ruined by bad writing and acting!
This is going to be a hard one for me... I've not written a review for a film on IMDb before, and I just finished watching the Unrated version of I Spit On Your Grave (2010).
Right, here's the few good things that I found in this (another) remake of a classic film:
1. The Pr-vengeance scenes were excellent, the torture and the build up to the eventual rape. They were among some of the best scenes that I have seen recently, and the acting by the male parties was excellent.
2. The overall 'gore' (if you can call it that) was cool, and CGI was kept to quite a minimum, which is always nice to see
3. The atmosphere of the film was quite foreboding and dark, keeping in check with the original's values.
Now... nobody is going to like me here, but this is what I found bad...
1. The acting of Sarah Butler (all throughout the film) was atrocious. Her attempt at trying to sound and act scared was a complete failure, and her vengeance acting later on was even worse.
2. What the HELL was up with the terrible script in this film? More-so after the rape scenes, during all of the killing scenes, they've written in ridiculous one-liner quirks which are meant to be 'funny' in some way, shape or form - it just doesn't work!!
3. The character of the Sherri f?? Where the hell was HE in the original, and why did he need to be in this? Why did the director feel the need to add yet another rapist into the mix, was four not enough to satisfy? And come ON - Andrew Howard's acting as "Storch" (WHAT A NAME!) was atrocious at best - when he was angry he looked like he was happy, and when he was pleading for his life he sounded like he was going to crack up laughing!
4. And now...this is what everyone's going to slam me for - America, STOP MAKING GODDAMN RE-MAKES OF GREAT FILMS. I could leave it at that, but I don't think I will. America has ruined some fine foreign films by remaking them into worse products (think Let Me In, the Ring trilogy, The Eye etc), and now they're even ruining classics of their OWN making! How screwed up is that? NO other country is making remakes, only America - why do they see the need to 'cash in' on films that have made themselves popular and devoted a following?
All in all - a bad remake.