Azuria-Vita Reviews

Cell (I) (2016)

A movie based on the book, rather than an accurate adaptation

[8/10 · 13 June 2016]

I must say I don't really understand the negative reviews. I've read and loved the book, but I was always aware that the movie was not going to be an exact copy of it. Yes, people who expected it to be will be disappointed, but don't spoil the fun for others who just want to see a good movie - because it is still a good movie in itself. Giving a movie a bad rating just because it didn't meet your personal expectations is kind of stupid. You should always try to see the movie and book separately. Some scenes, when translated to a movie screen, just don't come out the same way. What sounds amazing in a novel doesn't need to look fantastic in theaters. And that's coming from a writer.

Of course, it is a lot harder to make you feel for the characters on a screen than when you read about them in detail. I still felt for the characters. I like that the movie changed a couple of things, but still kept stuff that will remind you of the book (Alice's white dress, the ice cream truck etc....) Some of those book references were used in a different way, but it made me smile. The new ideas were pretty unique and I don't want to spoil the experience. I think the most important parts were still well performed and - last but not least - it was entertaining, interesting, different, suspenseful. 8 Stars - I take two stars away, because some improvements could have been made.

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011 Video)

Don't waste your time on this, unless you're looking for a good laugh

[3/10 · 22 November 2012]

Let's start with the positive:

+ acting talent and make-up of the cannibals + the very beginning of the movie + it was entertaining - just not in the way it wanted to be

Negative:

• Just about everything else

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The movie starts out really well, giving you an insight to how it all began. It's cool and I'd have enjoyed much more if it continued like its bloody beginning (pun intended) Even though I'm usually not into that. But then the teenagers pop up and the class is ruined. The script is awfully written, I must add. The characters are flat out boring and the one who is credited for creating them should feel ashamed of himself. Your IQ needs to go pretty low for you to accept this as a great movie. This is one of the times I ask myself: "Why do they turn such screenplays into movies? Why?!" Here's some of the movie's fail highlights for you:

• Remember that Lesbians need to kiss each other and sit on each other's lap more than usual couples. They are also the only ones who care if their partner dies and even cry a couple of tears.

• The guys in that movie have no balls - at all (Even the chicks have more guts)

• A bunch of cannibals who have never been anywhere near decent civilization know exactly how to repair a vehicle amazingly fast and how to stop its functioning!

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 1: Someone gets chopped and eaten in front of you. Right after that a crazy person throws a bloody shirt with a round looking object at your friends' feet. DO NOT WARN THEM ABOUT WHAT IT COULD BE! Spoils all the fun.

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 2: If a girl has barbwire around her neck and is being pulled up - help the cannibals cut her head off by pulling her legs!

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 3: You've just learned that the building is full of crazy people who killed your friends in a very brutal way. Forget the adrenaline you'd have in such a situation! Who needs that anyway? Instead, when you're out in the cold: Worry about having forgotten your jackets and the fact that you'd have to walk through a snowstorm. Let one girl go look for help on her own without anyone by her side who could keep her warm and return to "safety". Because dying in a house of cannibals is so much more fun than possibly finding help.

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 4: Leave women behind without a single man to look out for them.

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 5: If you're in a building full of creeps and one of them has just recently passed you, let the others go ahead while staring at an axe until they're around the corner. Then get caught and eaten. Awww, you sacrificed yourself! How sweet!

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 6: Don't check if each of your TWO friends is coming with you. Only look for them when they start screaming.

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 7: You're in a huge building. The door of the room in which you're hiding gets a massive hole during an attack. Don't switch rooms! The chair in front of the door will protect you. It's not like a creep would be capable of reaching through the hole and pushing it away ... right? In fact, why don't you sleep in that very same room? Especially after all the terrible things that happened, sounds like it's a good time and place to rest.

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 8: Always have mercy with crazy cannibals who ate your friends. Don't kill them! And if one of your friends plans to do so - stop him from doing it!

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 9: Take your time while escaping from crazy people. Wait until your friend has entirely gotten through the tunnel to freedom - because someone's foot accidentally kicking your face is worse than being eaten alive.

• How to react wrong (turn) - Lesson No. 10: Creeps surround you on snow vehicles and they suddenly disappear. Don't run away - stay exactly where you are while one of your friends looks for a weapon. The crazy people might come back! Let's wait for them!

• Finally the last lesson: When all of this is over and you and another friend are the only two survivors: laugh like insane people as though you had plotted this whole thing the entire time just to be the Lesbian's new girlfriend and get rid of some annoying friends. Who cares about mourning, right? YOLO!

These are just a few examples of the many facepalm moments. At least the movie is pretty amusing. Watch it and laugh, but don't expect a classy horror movie - not even remotely.

Age of the Dragons (2011)

A Waste Of Time

[3/10 · 12 June 2011]

This movie is so full of clichés that it could actually be a spoof.

• Bad acting (especially the main characters with their permanent "WTF??" look on their faces)That's why Danny Glover seemed like he was overacting cause he was one of the only talented actors in the movie.

• From the beginning almost everything that will happen later is obvious

• The good-guy & the cool chick everyone has a crush on are the main characters (as always)

• Almost nothing that happens has a deeper meaning or reason

• Most of the characters are so flat that you will be disappointed if you want to know a lot about their background stories.

• Many things the characters do don't make any sense

If you have never seen a movie before or if you want to have a good laugh you might like the movie.

The movie was funnier than its Outtakes. Without wanting to be.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Amazing and really scary but NOT for people who are only into superspecialeffect movies

[10/10 · 22 May 2011]

• Very realistic movie (except for the part that they kept on sleeping in the same bed after all that happened) - Don't be deceived by the bad ratings or the way the movie starts cause it keeps on getting creepier and creepier all the time - Makes you feel like it's something that could actually happen to you and if you google this phenomenon you'll see that it did happen to people already. But you think it would ever go public that someone is haunted by a demon? Who would believe that person, try to put yourself in the characters situation. Who would believe you? Where can you go for help? - It is truly scary in a very subtle way so better don't watch this movie alone. - The fear of the unknown, invisible is perfectly captured in this movie.

Please don't watch this with any prejudice on the hype or the one-star- ratings. Just let it get to you and make your own opinion.