spanking_machine Reviews

Back to Black (2024)

This is one of the good ones.

[8/10 · 18 April 2024]

When Amy Winehouse died, many people felt the loss of a great artist, many could see this fragile creature, intoxicated, singing and dancing on the edge. Until her final day came and took her, and we were left with the incredible legacy that is her music, which touched and continues to touch many lives. Her music which remains to this day so poignant, shrewd, beautiful and even ominous at times, takes center stage in this movie as the story provides us with short anecdotes in an attempt to explain the meaning behind songs on the album Back to Black (and one on Frank.) Poignant is one word to describe this film which takes us to the very early beginnings of Amy's music career through her battle with alcoholism, and her scandalous on-and-off-again relationship with Blake. I was particularly impressed by actress Marisa Abela portrayal, she shows us an Amy that is fragile and tough at the same time, unique and always true to herself. Even though physically she's clearly not identical, she hit the nail on the head delivering a spot on performance and channeling the right mannerisms and demeanor. She becomes Amy!

My advice to everyone: go see it without any prejudices and I assure you, you will like it.

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (2022)

Great craftsmanship, content? Not as great

[6/10 · 28 December 2022]

I'm still shocked at the reviews that received this film when really the story has really nothing to do with Pinocchio. Did we watch the same thing?, I mean. What is Pinocchio doing firing guns in World War 2? When he should be having his non-warlike misadventures in 1826 (that's more than 100 years before the arrival of fascism). Let's say the director took some creative liberties, but can we still call it that when he basically changed everything about the story, from the beginning to the very end, removing important characters and adding new ones that didn't have anything to do with the original tale as written by Collodi. I'm trying not to give away spoilers but I feel like perhaps it would have been better and less harming if they had just come up with a completely different main character and a completely different name. But then I guess they needed the big name to sell it better?

I can't help but think about the recent movie Blonde and the scandal it produced after its premiere, people were outraged, they still are. How the director went too far with their creative liberties. And yet Del Toro followed that exact same pattern and he's getting praised for it?

It's a Sin (2021)

Is that it?

[6/10 · 20 July 2022]

It's a sin tells the story of a bunch of gay kids who move to London with big dreams, in hopes to become uber famous and successful, they all have that in common, oh and also the fact that they all die of aids. Minus two. See what I did there? That's the exact type of frivolity you will see in how this show decided to treat existential topics such as death, crisis and Aids. In every episode a character will die but you won't really feel sad or angry or anything, given that it will be impossible to empathathize with these one-dimensional, predictable and shallow characters. We don't get to learn much about them either, and whatever information is given to us feels so rushed, stereotyped and superficial that again, it's hard to take it seriously. I feel only Colin's character and story is an exception. Once he meets his fate, you might as well turn off your TV.

Elvis (2022)

Perhaps Luhrmann's best movie yet.

[8/10 · 17 July 2022]

We know about this director because we've all seen Leo Dicaprio play Romeo and Claire Danes play Juliet and we've loved it. His style is very typically marked by some kind of campy opulence that makes his films unique. This opulence translates into saturated colors, exaggerated acting and glitter glitter glitter. Well, forget all you've seen in Moulin Rouge and The Great Gatsby and all that hysterical glittery excess that permeated them.

In Elvis we can appreciate a more polished Luhrmann, capable of reaching new levels of visual balance and subtlety. This movie strives for a more real look however still carrying within it the director's signature mark as the spine that glued all the pieces together.

It is of course Austin Butler's very promising talent that contibuted largely to make this movie epic. You could say Butler's Elvis is on the same level of Rami Malek's Freddy Mercury and Renée Zellweger's Judy Garland. And I can assure you, it will grant him an Oscar nomination, at the very least.

Definitely, go see this in theaters as it will not fail to entertain you.

The Craft: Legacy (2020)

Next!

[3/10 · 17 May 2022]

I feel the civil obligation to warn audiences, most especially actual fans of the original The Craft movie from 1995, that this is gonna be on your top 5 of most disappointing movies from 2020, and I'll tell you why.

Starting from the opening credits you can tell Legacy tries hard to emulate the original The Craft, but keep in mind, this is not a remake nor a sequel. We know The Craft was epic because it inspired countless of movies and tv series. I can think of 'Charmed' as an example. But Charmed could stand on its own two feet and gain a large crowd of fans, thanks to its quirky characters and fun stories. Can't say the same about Legacy. Without all the memorable acting we saw in The Craft, and without the perfectly constructed characters that so many people could relate to. Legacy feels like a cheap carbon copy. A poor man's The Craft. Devoid of any originality or credibility. It's actually offensive to see the amount of elements that were stolen from the original movie from 95 to use in this bland and forgetable story. Makes one wonder why didn't they just go for a reboot?

The Craft (1996)

A unique and hidden gem that came from the 90s

[8/10 · 5 May 2022]

Here's the witch tale to end all witch tales. The witch movie that makes witch magic real. Cackling green old ladies with ugly faces, riding brooms and stirring their cauldron, you will not find here, just angst ridden teenagers and outcasts who crave social acceptance, money and power. But beware, cos these teens might just sell their best friend's soul to the devil to obtain what they want. Think Carrie meets Clueless, or Dawson's Creek meets Hereditary.

It tells the story of three girls that gather every night to chant under the ominous moon hoping to fix their less than perfect lives, until a new girl in town joins their school, seemingly answering their prayers. They make friends with the newly arrived and put all their knowledge of occultism into practice, that's when the fun begins. But soon enough things start spinning out of control and what once looked like an innocent game has now become a deadly threat.

The rather original plot is rich with smart dialogs, witty remarks, and brilliant acting. Universal themes like ambition, obsession, jealousy, rage, vengeance and insanity are in this Shakespearean tragedy. Also, thanks to the involvement of a real Wiccan priestess who was hired to assist on set, the film shows a close account of what pagan practices and rituals look like in today's world. This is a far cry from the gargantuan display of fantasy that you'll see in Harry Potter or in the powerpuff-girls like super powers of the 'Charmed' sisters. Speaking of acting, everybody gives terrific performances but Miss Fairuza Balk steals the show with her interpretation of sardonic, daring, sexy and scary Nancy Downs. As for the violence displayed, filmgoers will find that the content is mild for today's standards but it's a far cry from being a Disney movie. So what is 'The Craft' but a pioneer in its genre? A unique piece of cult classic that inspired countless movies in the 90s and 2000s, and spawned one of the most iconic, haunting characters that went down in horror movie history, inspiring endless Halloween costumes every year, Nancy Downs. This is why I urge users to give this movie a higher rating. We know this movie doesn't deserve a 6.5, it deserves an 8! Cos it's simply, one of the best witch themed movies that were made thus far, and we shall never forget it.

The Batman (2022)

A dive into the long lost art of film noir.

[7/10 · 30 April 2022]

I went to see this in the movies a couple of weeks ago, I remember going without any expectation. I thought the trailers were awful, and the fact that they used 'Something in The Way' for it, well don't even get me started on that. But it was Batman and people were saying good things about it.

I waited to give a proper review as I wasn't sure of how I felt about it at first, but the fact that it stayed with me is a good thing, right? I have to say, it definitely grew on me.

It seems like they merged so many different genres and the final product was this one-of-a-kind movie. Half super-hero, half detective. It takes you back to the essence of the original incarnation of Batman. Everything about it is so 60's Batman, and that is just one of the things that is so fantastic about it.

All the actors are brilliant, even Zoë Kravitz, who's faced some critism and backlash. In all honesty, her acting was great, she delivers a Catwoman who is sensual and cunning, she will remind you of Natalie Portman's in Closer. And surely she was better in that role than Anne Hathaway could ever hope to be. The problem is people were not prepared to have a Batman movie where Catwoman is actually kind. However people need to understand that writers brought this character back to life for this movie and surely Miss Kravitz did her best with what she was given.

With its pace and dark cinematography this movie falls somewhere beetween Tim Burton's Batman and The Crow (1994.) It's a nice blend with a hint of Film Noir. Don't compare it to Christopher Nolan's work,they are as different as night and day. Go see it if you enjoyed Sin City from 2005.

The Northman (2022)

Is The Northman predictable?

[6/10 · 27 April 2022]

A promising cast and an alluring premise. Vaguely based on the story of Amleth that would later serve as an inspiration for the play Hamlet by Shakespeare and set in an ancient Viking land, this movie will violate your ears with hours of endless strident yelling and it will assault your eyes with extreme and gruesome display of violence. The actors showed terrific performances for the most part, although I have to say, pretty over-the-top at times. Still some scenes are quite memorable. Surely its strength lies in its stunning cinematography, charged with powerful and mythical visuals that evoked the same darkness you will find in Goya paintings, but with a Nordic flavor. However is that enough to make up for the weak dialogs and the lack of an original story? What they lacked in plot subtance they made up for in excess of unsolicited gore. Do we really need this kind of violence on the big screen in 2022? Shouldn't this film be promoted as a horror movie? Had this film been advertised as a horror flick, instead of a Nordic saga, filmgoers would have been more prepared for all explicit content we were exposed to. Personally I think Eggers' previous work was by far superior partly because they were more subtle and nowhere near as obvious as The Northman.

Practical Magic (1998)

Light-hearted and fun to watch.

[7/10 · 14 March 2022]

I noticed that most of the angriest user reviews on this movie come from people who were unable to identify the genre of this flick. So they went on and on about how this movie doesn't know what it wants to be ecc.

Is it horror? Is it comedy? Is it a Hocus Pocus wannabe? The answer is no to all but who cares anyway. We're in 2022 and what genre would you say "The power of the dog" is? Next time why not try to appreciate a film for what it is, instead of spending all your time looking for a specific genre that's most likely linked to a bunch of preconceived ideas?

Now that's out of the way, we can discuss this movie which tells the story of these two modern witchy sisters and their romantic adventures -that are nothing but unfortunate-. Still, no matter how bad the situation is, these stick together through thick and thin. One embraces her natural talents, the other desperately seeks a normal life, shunning all the stigma that comes with being born a witch. Orphaned at an early age, the two move in with their aunts in a large Victorian house in New Salem, Massachusetts.

It's quite genuine in that they present us a more tender and vulnerable side to witches. In movies, we were used to seeing a cartoon version of witches, the Wizard of Oz comes to my mind, but these sisters couldn't be more humane if they tried to. It's equipped with good performances, including the excellent interpretations of Stockard Channing and Dianne Wiest, and beautiful picturesque scenery all around. The befitting soundtrack includes music by Joni Mitchell and Stevie Nicks. Don't expect some kind of intellectual masterpiece. I hardly think that's what they were going for! My advise, just enjoy it for what it is, it's a wonderful film.

Sid and Nancy (1986)

A rather romanticized Hollywood-esque version of the story of Sid and Nancy.

[7/10 · 17 December 2018]

It's not difficult to argue that this movie has become one cult classic among audiences that have been aquainted with the punk rock movement, and it's not hard to see why it's considered to be one of the best in its genre.

It shows a pretty stunning cinematography as it creates a rather romantic atmosphere in the midst of contantly chaoting circumstances. It does not fail to channel that reckless and violent energy that characterizes punk rock so much, however it feels like its version of punk is a little devoid of political awareness and individualistic ideas. So we're left with a version that feels a bit like a caricature version of it.

The same can be said of Nancy Spungen's portrayal by Chloe Webb. Somehow they took a girl who was physically pretty and very attractive, a girl that spoke with a a certain purr in her voice, and they turned her into a lady that due to her constant squealing and screaming, was almost unbearable to watch or listen to. I mean, no offense, but two things Spungen will always be remembered for is her stunning beauty and those effortlessly sexy poses she so naturally produced. With the body she had she could have passed for a model. However none of that was captured by Chloe Webb who, in the movie, looked like she was much older than her co-star Gary Oldman. It made me wonder why didn't they get Courtney Love to play the role of Nancy, and I remembered that director Alex Cox explained once, it was due to her striking resemblance to real Nancy Spungen.

We don't know whether the movie's portrayal of the events surrounding the tragic couple is historically accurate, some people say it isn't. But we do know that this is Alex Cox's artistic interpretation of what happened. And thanks to him, we have this unique biopic that rather beautifully encapsulates a reflection of that raw love story. Also we should mention that Gary Oldman delivers what is probably one of his best performances in here. So with that I say, it's definitely worth a watch.

2 Broke Girls (2011–2017)

In defense of 2 broke girls.

[8/10 · 19 February 2016]

I started watching this show a while ago, but I never cared enough to visit its page on IMDb until today. Just out of sheer curiosity I googled, I wanted to know more about the actors and writers.

I felt that quite a bunch of people did not get the show's gist and just couldn't help but sigh and roll my eyes at the comments accusing it of being "racist" or "tacky." And I would actually like to ask these people if they know what comedy looks like. and if they've ever seen a stand-up comedian perform and if they even know what that is.

Claiming '2 broke girls' is a bad show because of its tasteless jokes is like saying John Waters is awful because his movies are gross. You just completely missed the point, didn't you?

But it seems the majority of the negativity stems from provincial misogynistic minds who do not think that women can be loud. Even if said women were fictitious characters in, again, a comedy TV show.

It's really not surprising for I have seen this happening ever since I signed up, and it still goes on, strong as ever. The level of sexism among users on this website is astounding. You can see it all over the place really, Indiana Jones -All of his movies-, above 8 stars, Lara Croft, below 6. If the main character is a woman that portrays strength in any way the reviews will be bad. It's sad but it is there.

To the non-narrow minded and modern individual, 2 Broke girls is hilarious, witty, unpredictable, funny, original and, unlike some other comedy shows, it won't bore you.

And to the bitter people whining about it being "shoved down their throat." Nobody is holding you at gunpoint, if you don't like it don't watch it, find something useful to do with your obviously copious spare time. This show is being sold all over Europe and it will won't be cancelled any time soon. Ha, ha.

Vampira: The Movie (2006 Video)

With a pale white feline face, she came roaring.

[5/10 · 12 August 2013]

I just finished watching this documentary. It looks very promising in the beginning. You see names such as Jerry Only and Sid Haig in the opening credits, then it quickly falls flat as it unravels in this collage of dull interviews that look like they were randomly glued together but lacking an elemental connection to each other.

Having seen other interviews with Vampira, it's fairly easy to tell she was not looking her best in here. She looks a bit annoyed at some point. But Maila Nurmi can never be boring and her stories are always amusing. The director had plenty material he could have worked with, but he didn't. The interviews were roughly edited. The soundtrack choice is just as poor. To add insult to injury, for most of the movie, you're forced to hear what seems to be a sample of real bad techno music on repeat in the background.

If you're looking for a more enlightening Vampira experience, I recommend the entertaining 'Vampira and me.' and the poignant 'Vampira, about Sex, Death and Taxes.'