UrsusProblemus Reviews

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018)

Another heartless product

[3/10 · 5 May 2024]

This is just another American movie about money and violence. There is nothing amazing or surprising about it, it's just another one of those movies where a group of strangers come together, and then revelations happen, and there is money somewhere at the centre of it, and there's also plenty of violence (which I'm personally never bothered by).

When the movie is over, you realise that it has made no impact on your life, except for being mildly entertaining, and that you will forget everything about it by the end of next week. There is a reason you've probably never heard it mentioned and simply came across it while browsing Disney Plus.

Hell or High Water (II) (2016)

Very, VERY American

[6/10 · 28 March 2024]

I'm not saying you necessarily need to be American to enjoy this film, but I suppose it helps. For everyone else, this is a well crafted, but ultimately a pretty average drama about the things that seem the most American to us - pursuit of money, guns and barely comprehensible Southern accents.

Bridges is doing a superb job, and in terms of acting, there's nothing bad to say about the film. However, somehow it fails to provoke a great deal of emotion, which, for a drama, is a bit of a problem. I'm not sure what the root cause of this is, but I suppose this might be because the focus is on the bandits (and you just want them dead) and not on the lawmen.

Napoleon (2023)

Another reminder to not care about people's opinions ever again

[8/10 · 8 March 2024]

Yes, the film is somewhat disjointed. It would have been much better off being a mini-series. However, apart from that, I can't really fault the movie, and it's an absolute mystery to me why everyone seems to hate it so much. Granted, I can't really judge its historical accuracy, I'm merely speaking about its merits as a drama. Well, it's beautifully shot and it never gets dull. And it's still way above average. I would definitely rank it higher than Scott's "Last Duel", too.

To think that I've almost missed it reading all the negative reviews here on IMDb. This will be a lesson to me. Movies used to be more fun back in the day without the internet.

Come from Away (2021)

Great message but really bland - and hardly a musical

[4/10 · 8 November 2023]

It feels kind of wrong to criticise this show because of its serious matter. And the message is obviously great - it's about kindness and tolerance, and yes, this is how the world should be. But... There is absolutely nothing that is genuinely interesting about this musical. The humour is lame (the show would have been better off without it), none of the songs is remarkable in any way, and since there are so many characters, you don't develop any attachment to any of them - simply because neither of them is explored. You want to like this show, you really do - but it's just so freaking hard because it honestly lacks anything that would make it stand out.

I suppose people from the US might see it in a different light, though.

Insidious (I) (2010)

Desaturated money-grabbing exercise that somehow does work

[7/10 · 18 August 2023]

There are a number of negative things that could be said about "Insidious": It looks and feels like a TV movie, it doesn't have an original bone in its body, i.e. Is comprised of all the standard horror film elements, the characters are uninteresting and not particularly likeable, either, and you never forget that you're watching a movie that was made to extract money from your pocket. And of course, whenever there is a ghost, it is emphasised with an musical shock effect.

Having said all that - the movie is never boring and offers plenty of scares. Those are pretty much of the same nature and nothing you haven't seen before, but "Insidious" ultimately delivers what it promises.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Has more heart than the first one

[8/10 · 15 June 2023]

To be honest, I thought the first "WW" was just average and nothing special at all. So, after reading all the awful reviews, I almost gave this one a miss - I'm very glad I didn't. The sequel is stylish, very pleasantly old-fashioned, hugely entertaining, beautifully made and has more heart than the original, or most Marvel movies, for that matter.

The only thing I severely disliked was Gal Gadot - Diana seems weirdly distant and uncaring, and there is something dead about her performance. She never lets you forget she is just an actress delivering the lines.

But by all means, do give one a go and judge for yourself.

Telstar: The Joe Meek Story (2008)

Very decent

[7/10 · 8 April 2022]

The movie seems a bit disjointed at the beginning, but the more it progresses, the more its focus becomes clear - and this is when it develops its impact. "Telstar" is definitely above average and even though it's not one I would call tremendously exciting, it never becomes dull, either.

Click & Collect (2018 TV Movie)

Annoyingly lazy writing

[2/10 · 1 April 2022]

British films tend to be wittier and more subtle than Hollywood stuff. However, this one is a saccharine parade of clichés. Its only redeeming quality is its running time. It's not even worth a longer review.

Turning Red (2022)

Conservatives turning blue with anger

[7/10 · 27 March 2022]

My partner (38) and I (40) just watched it. Just the two of us. Both of us thoroughly enjoyed it - we're both Europeans, atheists and liberals. There's nothing wrong with this movie - unless you are of conservative persuasion - and this is who many of the 1-star reviews seem to be from. Yes, if you're from a family where values and tradition were everything, better skip this one. If you want the typical Disney formula of entertainment + message etc., then "Turning Red" is a pretty safe bet.

Redemption of a Rogue (2020)

I'm not into artsy indie films... and this here isn't one of them

[8/10 · 4 March 2022]

The fact of the matter is - I honestly didn't have to force myself through this film. It's fresh, it's quietly emotional, it's genuinely funny, it's unique in its own way, and even as an atheist, I didn't feel bothered by the Biblical motives. Do give it a chance please - it's not even that long!

Trouble in Mind (1985)

Bunch of actors saying their lines

[4/10 · 17 August 2021]

The film feels like a sequel to a movie you've never seen. It's disjointed, and although it has a lot of good moments, I rarely cared about what was going on. You have no idea why the characters say what they say and do what they do. Ultimately, though, the biggest sin of this film is: you never forget that you're watching a film. You look at the screen, and you don't see the characters - you see actors saying their lines.

Could have been so much better!

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Yes, this is silly and ultimately pointless, but...

[7/10 · 21 June 2021]

It is also kind of original, in spite of the daft and derivative plot, and it's also pretty charming. All in all, a nice counterforce to the superhero-ridden cinematic landscape. The breaking-the-4th-wall gags come across as pretty childish, but who knows, there may well be some kind of hidden meaning behind them. But regardless - the film never gets dull. Unless you can only watch CGI fests.

Dead Sushi (2012)

Cheap but extremely entertaining and funny in a trashy sort of way

[7/10 · 27 May 2021]

I would say I got exactly what I was expecting. For a Western viewer not used to Japanese humour, this kind of films always come as a bit of a culture shock. The humour is so bizarre it couldn't possibly be explained with words. The CGI is cheap, but the film isn't ashamed of it - it's almost as if it celebrates its own tackiness.

It's full of mindbogglingly grotesque idas and quotes, and it's devilishly entertaining!

The Last Post (2017)

Wasn't sure about it, but...

[8/10 · 26 May 2021]

In recent years, I've become a chicken and don't take as many risks as to what I watch nowadays. So, I always check IMDb reviews, and if I see that there aren't many, this might put me off. However, I'm glad I gave this show a chance. I deserves a wider audience.

Don't get me wrong, it's not OUTSTANDING, but it's very good nonetheless.

Bottle Shock (2008)

Completely unrelatable

[3/10 · 21 May 2021]

In his book "What Lie Did I Tell?", the famous script writer William Goldman remembers writing a film called "Year of the Comet". During the test screening, people started walking out after five minutes, and the film was a box-office bomb. Reason: when you have characters talk about wine, the audience will feel stupid and won't be able to relate.

This is exactly the problem here, too. You don't really understand what the characters are babbling about, and their problems seem to unrelatable, too distant and too petty. Films about life are the best kind of films - but I supposes not everyone's life, after all.

Tokyo Trial (2016)

Good history lesson but fails as a drama

[7/10 · 3 April 2021]

Saying something negative about this show somehow feels wrong - this kind of show is always needed. I don't regret watching it - you learn something, and you're never really bored. The only issue is: it feels like you're watching a history book. All the dialogues are directed at telling you some fact. Which is already good enough by me. But as a drama, it is not great - it feels way too artificial for that.

Logan Lucky (2017)

Another soulless US product

[3/10 · 24 March 2021]

While never boring, the movie lacks anything resembling a heart. This is just another unremarkable flick about Americans trying to make a quick buck. You may read how great Daniel Craig is in it, and fair enough - it's interesting to see him speaking in a white trash American accent, but that's about it.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

How cynical does one have to be to hate this?

[9/10 · 5 January 2021]

I've got to admit, I'm not familiar with the ballet. Neither do I have kids - and yes, I do have to admit there are one or two images that might upset small children. But for the rest of us... Listen, I'm a 39 year old male, I'm a cynical nihilist and I can be overly critical when it comes to films. But this one was stunningly beautiful. You know how most blockbusters nowadays have settled on being mediocre? Well, this one goes the extra mile - or two. It genuinely is one of the most beautiful films I've ever seen! And at no point did I get bored. Can't believe I almost missed it because of the terrible reviews.

The Debt Collector (2018)

Thugs as heros?

[3/10 · 3 January 2021]

Now, this is a martial arts B-movie, and as such it delivers - the fights are plentiful and are very well staged. Also, there's some shooting, too. You wouldn't expect drama to Scorcese standards. Still, the two main characters behave like utter thugs, and the film's uncritically positive attitude to their behaviour is pretty bewildering. Would have given it 5 stars without it.

Shadow (2018)

Only one flaw - it's painfully dull

[3/10 · 18 June 2020]

It's hard to find any technical flaws in the film - it really is beautiful. Visually, it offers everything one would expect from a Zhang Yimou film. Now, I normally have no problem with slow burners. I don't need to have things happening all the time, as long as there is some sort of interesting dialogues. This film is not only painfully slow (at least in the first three quarters), it feels cold and dead. All the ingredients were there - but it just fails to entertain. In fact, it fails so spectacularly in this respect as few other films do. What a pity!

The Beastmaster (1982)

An uninspired product that takes itself way too seriously

[2/10 · 16 June 2020]

The film has one major flaw: to put it simply, it lacks anything that could be considered interesting. You know that type of movie where everyone is only doing it for (not much) money? Well, this is one of those. The story is unoriginal and cliché-laden, the action is mediocre, Marc Singer doesn't seem to care much, and I couldn't help wondering: Why on earth am I watching this? The movie has absolutely nothing to offer!