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Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)
Wasted Talent
The cast members must have owed The Firm big to have taken roles in this stinker. The director appears to have motivated them to high test mediocrity.
The plot is a lame derivative of everything from The Magnificent Seven to John Wick, only without any filmmaking craft, without a a script, without suspense, without even a half decent fight scene. In short, this is a lugubrious attempt at film making with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Whoever thought this script needed to be written, much less filmed, should go back to film school.
American Gods: A Murder of Gods (2017)
Gods at War: Mostly a Bore
American Gods is one of those shows, alas, like so many others these days, that takes an interesting premise and forges it into a sleeping pill. The epic nature of the novel requires a substantial volume of exposition. In lieu of developing an imaginative approach to adapting the story more suitably to the small screen, the writers opted to simply expound. And expound. And expound.
Lovejoy, I mean Swearengen, oh, sorry, Ian McShane,turns in his usual energized, entertaining turn as Lovejoy, I mean Swearengen, oh, sorry, Ian McShane. Emily Browning performs with the most honesty and immersion in her role of all the principal performers.. Ricky Whittle by contrast, seems completely out of place in the role of Shadow Moon. At the end of the day, he's a better print model than actor.
To be sure the series hits on a few great visuals, and as has been noted almost everywhere, the soundtrack is one of the most creatively put together in recent memory.
Ultimately, the series fails due to inertia and the visuals and the tunes can't really save it. One would expect a war among the Gods to be dramatic, exciting, theologically challenging. None of this exist in "American Gods."
It's more a case of "American Nods (Off to Sleep)," with the occasional nudity and gore, and what the hey? Crispin Glover, thrown in, in an attempt to keep things interesting. The Crispin Glover thing almost works.
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Better to Visit Your U.N.C.L.E
I could scarcely keep my eyes open, thought about leaving, but with 100 degree heat making life miserable outside, I opted to stay the course. No reason to do this if you're in a more hospitable climate.
The script is dull and humorless, no suspense included, and never any real sense of an impending nuclear threat, that might moved audiences a little closer to the edges of seats. The lead actors appear uncomfortable throughout. Neither Cavill nor Hammer seem to have any humor at all with which to infuse their roles, though as per the posters make stylish very male models. Better seen that heard. There is absolutely no chemistry whatever between them, hence the wit of the original series is totally lacking in the effort.
With the exception of Hugh Grant, who delivers the only real performance of the film. His turn as Waverly, all too brief, is wry, energized, and surprisingly evocative of a younger, hipper version of Leo G. Carroll's Mr. Waverly.
The visual nods to the mods are many and varied but go only so far. I found myself watching the "It Takes a Thief" era Chris Craft pulling away from the dock, the quick glimpse of the stand up, rotary dial Ericofon and Elizabeth Debecki in full 60's high fashion mode and thinking "Almost cool. But not quite."
For my money Ritchie is much more effective with smaller films like "Snatch." He writes them better and directs them better. He seems to have gone from over the top with the Sherlock Holmes efforts to bouncing along the bottom with U.N.C.L.E.
In the end, your better off visiting your U.N.C.L.E in TV Land.
John Wick (2014)
Brave New Franchise
In John Wick, writer Derek Kolstad and director Chad Stahelski have finally found a use for Keanu Reeves: Placeholder. This is a relatively watchable action/revenge picture with a title character that could have as easily been portrayed by a cereal box as an actor.
The good news is Reeves makes a great cereal box. He doesn't have to speak, and barely has to act.
The mood and style of the picture are well accomplished, and the plot is straight linear: widower, retired hit man John Wick is out for revenge on the Russian mob punk who stole his car and killed his dog. Since Reeves is at his best when he is not speaking, there is plenty of time for him to slaughter a boatload of Russian mobsters in pursuit of said revenge. And the actions scenes are well executed. (Pun intended.)
The film is enhanced by some well placed characters, well crafted by fine actors. Ian MchShane, Willem Dafoe, John Leguizamo, and Dean Winters all turn in well drawn, interesting and amusing characters whenever there is a break in the action. Bridget Moynihan plays Wick's flashback wife in a kind of gratuitous cameo. Not much to do for her, though what little she has to work with is done well.
There is already talk of John Wick becoming a "franchise."The producers might do well to take a cue from the Bond films and rotate the role of the title character. There are plenty of actors out there who can actually act.
In the meantime, this debut is damn good fun.
Crossbones (2014)
Another Dismal NBC Pilot
I had hoped that with John Malkovich starring, Crossbones would hold my interest. Alas, not so. This script must have originated in the Ministry of Silly Pirates, without so much as a nod to any kind of historical accuracy.
The Blackbeard character is written for Malkovich to mug as Malkovich. His every move and utterance seems to be designed to persuade us that Blackbeard was some kind of evil philosopher king. (Say, what?) You can literally feel the actor not caring. Worse, the sound editors seem to have processed his voice so as to sound unnatural.
So much craziness, so many other shows.
The rest is dross. A bunch of political correct casting, confused relationships and full on Hollywood banality. You can almost hear the pitch meeting: Okay, Blackbeard's not really dead, okay?
Not okay.
Killer Women (2014)
Killer Women: Dead Off the Mark
There may be dumber programming yet to come this Spring season, but it's hard to imagine a sillier, more poorly written and acted program than Killer Women. This show has virtually nothing to recommend it.
In perfect sync with Hollywood's penchant for marketing to the lowest common denominator, this program features a leggy, voluptuous, lady Texas Ranger played inexpertly and with an overdose of melodrama by Tricia Helfer, who's tough and tender. Gimme a break!
Executive producer Sofia Vergara couldn't have demonstrated more clearly that she is not ready for prime time. Witless and ridiculous, "Killer Women" is merely Deadly Dull.