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Hudson Hawk (1991)
9/10
Yet another film, hated by some, loved by others.
13 August 2003
MSN just came out with a list of Hollywood's greatest bombs, turkeys, and flops. This film was listed as number nine; a travesty.

While true that the film did not make as much money as was spent, that seems to be a fluke combination of expensive sets, and just plain old bad timing in that the public wasn't in the mood for this movie at this time.

The entire feel of the movie is very akin to the Fifth Element, also starring Bruce Willis. Let's face it, both movies are comedies. If you watch expecting a deep, subtle movie, just give up now. Hudson Hawk is pun filled, featuring a plot starring the CIA, the Vatican (yeah, the Catholic Church is a main player), a common thief (Bruce Willis), and maniacal rich people (Sandra Bernhard in one of her few watchable moments). This movie simply must be watched to be truly understood however; a description just won't do it justice.

Plan on comedy and terrible, if mostly clean, puns. Again, very similar in style and sense of humor to the Fifth Element (which is much more favorably ranked; maybe this genre just plays better in space). I, personally, loved it, and while the box office seems to disagree, I think this is one movie that can be safely moved from the terrible movie rack to the cult hits...movies that were enjoyed only after their theatre run.

I give it 9 out of 10.
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1/10
I still shudder just looking at the reviews...
7 April 2003
I purchased this steaming pile on eBay after hearing about: 1) its badness 2) its first appearance of Boba Fett and 3) its historical significance in the Star Wars series

I am ashamed to say I paid money for this. I sat through the whole thing optimistically thinking that perhaps something good is going to happen next... I allowed my college dorm floor to watch it (for which they still want to kill me). The Holiday Special does have some quality to it (mostly the fact that it is Star Wars related), but should not be viewed under any circumstances! Lets face it, many things have historical Star Wars significance like Splinter of the Mind's Eye and those crappy Ewok movies, but I won't subject myself to those (again) and this is by far worse than those.

Imagine, for those of you who have seen Sonny and Cher or other variety shows, that this is a variety show starring the cast of Star Wars along with <shudder> late 70s icons. I hope that Lucas merely gave permission to do this because I'd hate for his reputation to be sullied beyond what inventing Jar-Jar did. For gosh sakes, Chewbacca has a son named Lumpy in this thing! The only thing that could've made this "special" worse is if we had found out that Chewbacca had a speech impediment all this time and all the other Wookies spoke perfectly good English.

Bottom line, this is one horrendous -thing- and should be avoided by all but the most hard core fan (and even then be forwarned). It's really not even worth the first appearance of Boba Fett except to brag to your friends that you have lived through a viewing. I give this craptacular masterpiece a 1 out of 10 (Mind-numbingly bad on the ragnarok47 critique-o-scale).
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Prehysteria! 3 (1995 Video)
1/10
wow...wow
7 April 2003
The summary above is roughly about all we could do in our college dorm when this came on. We literally couldn't move, this movie just drained the life out of us. Now granted, I'm writing this review a few years after having viewed it (I refuse to watch it again) but I must say this is, or is at least near, the worst movie ever made. Not for any particular reason, but that it was like a bad car wreck. Not funny even in an Army of Darkness intentional cheese or even a Plan 9 unintentional cheesy way. All of us in the dorm lounge could not move while the movie was on. I would call this movie a vomitous mass, but I probably couldn't have even up-chucked while the movie was on...just stare in hypnotic horror.

As for a more than one line summary: ingredients for a cutesy movie...

-cute little (poorly made) miniature dinosaurs check

-cute little girl and her family check

-cute miniature golf course that said family owns check

-not so cute villain plotting to take miniature golf course check

I don't know what went wrong, but something surely did. Perhaps it was the over-done cartoonish plot of the family business being taken over by an evil villain (but a miniature golf course?) <shudder>. Perhaps it was the fact that the miniature dinosaurs did nothing but look cute...literally nothing beyond cute posing for these things <shudder>. Maybe it was just the fact that this movie sucked.

Ah well, avoid at all costs (if you don't have a very young child that is amused by Teletubbies...this <may> be on his/her level. 1/10
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