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4/10
The horror... of wasting 2 hours on this trash...
5 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
In short: boring, unoriginal, and full of plot holes.

You know those cheesy, boring, and inconsequential 'horror' movies where a bunch of ignorant teenagers go camping and end up all dead? That's what this was, at its core, with better visuals. No substance whatsoever! The main elements that make a horror movie effective - an scary villain, characters we care about, and an element of mystery - are all missing here.

There was nothing original about the alien creatures. The baby xenomorphs were kind of cute, but certainly not anything to crap your pants about. Long gone is the horror we felt toward the xenos in the original Alien movies. They are just not scary anymore. The one new thing we learned is that the creatures like to chat with androids using language. Go figure... I just wonder how David learned to speak Xeno, and why a xeno would ever stop to have a chat with anyone. Stupid.

The other villain - David - is a little more interesting, but only on the surface. It turns out there isn't much under the hood - he's just an AI-gone-bad with a penchant for experimenting on anything made out of flesh and bones. We still don't know what motivates the crazy android, other than superficial curiosity, which is what the entire premise of the movie is based on.

When David showed up and saved the group (for a few minutes at least), I thought that the movie could still be saved at that point. David's appearance was a last hope for the story, because everything up until that point was just another stupid-teenagers-gone-camping-end-up-dead type of thing. But things only went downhill from there. David's story was such a letdown. Basically, he survived the events in Prometheus only to travel to another planet, kill off the entire population - those who created humans, and experiment on them. I don't even know what adjectives to use to describe this nonsense. Given how advanced our creators were (who also created the virus), I would question how any of this was even remotely possible, including how David's ship was allowed to approach the planet in the first place. I don't know how Mr. R. Scott approved this garbage. This part was very disappointing.

One aspect of David's backstory is a particular slap in the face to the original Alien movies - the xenomorph's origin story. It turns out the xenomorph that we are all familiar with was the result of genetic experimentation by a crazy android stranded on an alien planet. This is such a weak story that it cheapens the image and reputation of the big bad aliens we've come to respect and fear from the first two movies. I think the xenomorphs should be in horror...

While we're on the subject of androids, another weakness in the story is the fact that at the end of the movie David managed to pass for Walter and fool everyone. How is that possible, given the technology level? It's hard to believe that there is no way to distinguish the different androids. Why on Earth would Peter Wayland manufacture new upgraded androids that look and sound exactly the same as the old version, which was defective and unreliable. Why take the risk of confusing the different models? Even an idiot engineer/designer would consider differentiating the models in their appearance, or something that would allow people to tell them apart. That's just ridiculous and unbelievable. Another cheap trick to move the story along. Is this the best R.Scott could come up with to move the story along, and keep the door open for a sequel? Disappointing.

The crew... I don't know where to begin. What do you get when you mix some poorly written and generic characters with bad acting? You get A:C. A bunch of incompetent morons are put in charge of the mission of their lives - colonizing another planet, but instead they decide to stop by and check out the neighborhood, and go sniff some alien spores on another planet that they know nothing about. What could go wrong... They meet an older version of the android, and even though his model is known to be unreliable, they automatically trust everything he says, given that he's been there all alone for 10 years, simmering in his own broken emotions, and doing who knows what. Oh, and nobody thought to ask David what was the flash/flare weapon he used to repel the aliens - something nobody had been able to do before. But apparently that's not important.

It's amazing, considering the level of technology and importance of their original mission (colonization), how woefully unprepared these people were for anything unexpected. Their attitude and preparedness was, at best, adequate for a scenic stroll in a forest on Earth where mosquitoes are the worst enemy. I never got the sense from these people that they were on an alien planet. Utter lack of emotion. Some of the xenomorphs connected better with the audience. The characters are so generic and boring, that when they started dying off, I didn't care one bit for any of them. That's the main reason there was no horror in this horror movie.

The story in Prometheus was better because it had an element of mystery, e.g. aliens created humans, but who created the aliens, etc. A:C took a big axe to all that, and all that remained was a stinking carcass that melted through the floor. Intelligent horror movies are so rare these days...

Good special effects.

Other than that, I wish I'd never seen this movie. I hope I can unlearn the garbage I was fed.

If you do decide to see this movie, I suggest you leave your brain by the door, so it doesn't get contaminated with this virus. Watching this is like sniffing alien plant spores.
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4/10
This was a finale? At best it was an average, mostly boring and forgettable episode.
3 April 2017
Warning: Spoilers
So what was the result of that rather non-consequential, boring, and poorly executed gun fight? Nothing. After a long and tedious build up with Sasha listening to bad music and remembering irrelevant crap, things are back where they started. Nothing is different whatsoever. With Rick's failed retaliation plan, Negan is preparing his army to once again take over Rick's people, and bash some heads in. I'm so bored with this show at this point, I WANT TO SEE someone important get their head bashed in just for giggles. I feel no connection to any of the characters anymore. They've become stale and one-dimensional.

Also, I can only take so many scenes of Negan threatening folks with a baseball bat (a bat that he seems to be rather intimate with, btw, it's some kind of fetish that I don't understand). It is getting old. It was thrilling for one or two episodes, that's it.

What is the big picture here? Where is the show going? Where are the walking dead in the Walking Dead? Where is the horror and the thrill? What are these people fighting for? Now every season is about a new bad guy who just wants to rule or terrorize people. That's getting old. After the story about the governor, the terminus cannibals, and other villains , the Negan story felt boring and unoriginal.

If I had not heard about show and I just happened to see an episode from this season, I would not have guessed it was the walking dead, and I wouldn't be the least bit interested in watching it.

Can we please go back to a zombie-apocalypse-survival-horror story? What is going on with the zombies? They've become background noise and distraction, and people are not even afraid of them anymore. I want to know where the world is headed. Is there hope? Is anyone working on a cure, or immunity? Again, what are these people fighting for? I remember the thrill of the first couple of seasons. That's long gone now. It's all noise.
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Passengers (I) (2016)
3/10
Logic is out the window. The entire premise is a practical joke.
6 March 2017
Warning: Spoilers
It's OK when a well-made science fiction movie requires the audience to take a leap of faith, especially when it's a space thriller. For example, most sci-fi fans take for granted concepts such as time-travel, hyper-space, FTL, wormholes, etc. As long as the story and characters are good, everything else is secondary and certain far-fetched ideas are acceptable. In this movie, the main premise is that a super-advanced, highly automated, human-made space ship transports people in stasis pods to a distant colony while traveling at half the speed of light, and the whole trip will take about 120 years. OK. Fine. This is the future, so we can accept that. The problem is that many of the events driving the story contradict that basic premise.

1. Transporting humans in stasis – that's the single most important function of the space ship. That's what it was made for. Well, it turns out that whoever designed the ship did not plan a fail-safe in case a stasis pod malfunctions. In fact, this incredibly advanced ship automatically comes to life when someone wakes up, and it can sense what a person wants to drink at the bar, or how they feel, but somehow the ship doesn't 'see' the bigger picture - that someone is awake 90 years too soon! And how do they explain this in the movie - "The pods were not supposed to ever fail". This is absurd. That would be like building a limousine with a bar and an entertainment center, that didn't come with an airbag because, well it's not supposed to ever crash.

2. Can't go back into stasis once you are awake. Yea sure, this ship - a feat of human engineering, whose main purpose is to transport people in stasis over vast distances over hundreds of years of flight time, does not have the capability of putting someone back into stasis. How is that nonsense explained in the movie – "going into stasis is a very long and complicated process that requires special equipment, which is not available on this super-advanced ship". Just to clarify, we are supposed to believe that letting someone go back into stasis is MORE complicated than building a ship that can travel at 50% the speed of light, that can automatically sense incoming asteroids and divert power to the main shield to protect itself, and that can slingshot itself around a red giant star while withstanding super-hot temperatures. But putting people back to sleep… well that's just way too complicated, so to hell with it. If someone wakes up… tough luck.

3. But wait, it turns out later that that's not entirely true. There is one automated medical pod that can possibly put a person into stasis. HUH? Wait, so it CAN be done after all? Why didn't they engineer that capability in all the stasis pods? And was there really a SINGLE med pod on the entire ship supporting 5000 people? What about spares? What if that med pod malfunctioned? LOL! It turns out that ship was only advanced in certain aspects, but it's really crappy when it comes to preserving human life. The writers basically wrote themselves into a whole, piling up ridiculous explanations as to why only one person on the entire ship could go back into stasis, but two people couldn't. Very weak.

4. The stasis pods can actually kill someone in a slow and agonizing way, by inducing hundreds of life-threatening conditions AT THE SAME TIME. Fantastic! I thought the ship was designed to recognize a pod malfunction and interrupt the stasis BEFORE a person is killed or severely harmed.

5. The flight crew are never awoken, even when critical systems start to fail. So, basically, this ship was designed, so that everyone will either reach the destination, OR everyone will die in their sleep. No matter how bad things get, and how necessary the engineering crew is, there are no fail-safe systems to wake up the people who can actually fix stuff. The only time anyone is pulled out of stasis is when their individual pod malfunctions. Obviously the ship couldn't repair itself without human intervention, so why wasn't human intervention pre-programmed as a response to major breakage? Why would anyone go into this flying death trap? Ridiculous.

Now, about some of the decision making by the three passengers.

6. Why didn't Gus take the pain meds knowing that he had to survive for as long as possible to repair the ship, and why did he later regret not taking them, right before he died? Just another stupidity that remained unexplained.

7. Oh, and when the ship was about to fail completely, why did the two protagonists stop by the bar to deactivate Arthur? For some reason they decided that fixing the android bartender was more important than saving the ship and everyone on it. These two deserved to die just for that stupidity.

8. And more… when they searched the main engineering section for "something broken", the guy said that it would take too long to wake up the crew. So, somehow he came to the conclusion that it would be faster for two unqualified passengers to troubleshoot and fix a super-advanced space ship, than to wake up a crew of engineers whose job was to fix the ship? W.T.F.! They should have woken people up the minute they saw flames in the engine chamber, or even sooner.

Am I overthinking these things? How do I leave my brain by the door before watching a movie? In some scifi movies the 'science' part is supposed to be ignored to some extent, but this is not one of them because the whole story revolves around the science aspects of the ship, many of which make no sense. FAIL. 3 stars for the special effects.
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Once Upon a Time: Swan Song (2015)
Season 5, Episode 11
3/10
I give up.
8 December 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Character switch between good and evil at a whim. All this back and forth is giving me a major headache. Magic is being invented on the go.

A few episodes ago the pirate suddenly turned evil for no apparent reason and the story line has revolved around that ever since. In this episode, right before Hook finally achieves his evil plan, he suddenly has a change of heart in the last minute. And again without any explanation.

Oh wait, that's not the end of it. After how many transitions between good and bad, Gold went back to being an asshole again, in an instant. AND AGAIN no explanation. What is going on with these people? Bell can't make up her mind about staying with Gold. She keeps leaving and coming back. This is getting old.

And the magic crap keeps piling up. First it's a bunch of dark ones trying to switch places with people on earth. Talk about a stretch. Why now. Why are we JUST finding out about this, right before it's about to happen? This is bad story telling. It's like they're making crap up on the go. No story development whatsoever.

OK fine, so it seems everyone is doomed. But wait, of course someone pulled another magic solution out of their ass - lets put all the dark ones into one person and then kill them. Yea, of course that's possible. Why wouldn't it be? In this show anything goes, no matter how ridiculous.

But hold on a second, that's not ACTUALLY what's going to happen. Gold somehow came up with yet another cool trick that changed everything. All the dark ones will be channeled into him (now with his sudden switch to being evil yet again). And again all this happens in a matter of seconds, with no explanation how this is even possible, or why it's happening.

All the major events in this season are so sudden, random, and unexplained, that I can't keep up with this crap anymore.
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Once Upon a Time (2011–2018)
5/10
The show lacks foundation. Season 5 is getting ridiculous.
3 December 2015
Warning: Spoilers
The show is superficially fun for the most part, but I've never taken it too seriously. The later seasons completely lose focus, and I can't tell where the show is trying to go.

The biggest problem is that the creators make stuff up on the go. Magic doesn't seem to be based on any set of rules, and it is abused by the producers to achieve pretty much anything in the plot. Most plot twists feel forced and characters behave out of character. Anyone good can turn evil in an instant. Two people who truly love each other one minute, suddenly want to murder each other the next minute. Worst of all I never get a sense that any of the important characters are ever in any real danger. If you thought someone died, think again - in a few moments someone will pull a new magic trick out of their ass and the dead will rise again. Nothing is at stake here.

There don't seem to be any limits on who can yield magic, or who can be the dark one (I lost count of the dark ones), or who can lose their memory, or what kind of curse can be invoked at any given time, etc. etc. etc. All of this seems to happen at random to conveniently move the story forward, which is why all the plot twists feel very forced and artificial.

Example: In order to block someone's powers, a new magic-blocking bracelet suddenly appeared in the story out of thin air. Then, when the plot required Zelena to get her powers back, all of a sudden we find out that the pirate's hook was conveniently imbued with the right kind of magic to free her. It's all very random.

After five seasons I still don't have a good sense what magic is, where it comes from, how it works, and what its limitations are. New undeveloped characters with random magic powers just pop in and out of the story, and many of them are of no consequence. It's a soup of witches and wizards from all kinds of fairy tales, thrown together for no apparent reason. Are some wizards and witches more powerful than others? Why? Are they classified in any way? Is magic? Some history of magic would give the show ground to stand on.

Since anything is possible with magic, and characters switch between good and evil so frequently and so randomly, I never know where the story is headed.

I understand that this is a fantasy and not a science fiction show, so not everything needs to be explained. But a multi-season TV series with an adult audience should take itself a little more seriously than the 30-page fairy tale about Cinderella.
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Battleship (2012)
2/10
Garbage.
12 August 2012
Warning: Spoilers
WOW! Money well spent! Instead of producing this garbage, the producers should've sent the money to Africa. I would've been much more impressed by that.

This brainless crap hardly deserves a full-fledged review. So, I'll just give a few highlights to summarize the nonsense that takes place.

1. Super geniuses at NASA decide, for no apparent reason other than stupidity, to send a greeting signal to another Earth-like planet, without any prior knowledge of it, any preparation, or worse-case scenario plan. "Fu** all, let's just see what happens" kind of thinking. No half-functioning government would ever allow such bs. And what do you know - the worst case scenario happens.

2. A super advanced alien race that can travel between galaxies comes to Earth. But wait, they've sent only five Lego-looking spaceships, along with a big-ass antenna to call home. Oh yea, and these advanced aliens discover that if they crash their ONLY antenna into buildings and stuff, it actually breaks. NOoo! If only they had brought that spare antenna... damn it. I guess they couldn't dial home from space, before crash-landing on the planet, and breaking the antenna. Apparently the aliens are worse at contingency planning than the NASA 'geniuses' mentioned previously. So once they brake their antenna they have to use human satellites to call home. Sure. It all makes sense. But they've mastered intergalactic space flight, so they're cool... Moving on.

3. After landing in the ocean, the super advanced alien ships suddenly lose their ability to fly. Instead, they just hop over the surface of the water like grasshoppers. I guess it would've been too easy to just fly OVER the human ships and wipe them out. Oh but then the movie would be over too soon, so that's not an option. OK, we go with the water-hopping.

4. On one hand, we realize that the aliens have come to Earth with the single purpose to annihilate the whole neighborhood. On the other hand, occasionally they act all non-hostile and pacifist when they're not being targeted by human ships. Maybe they want to have some fun with the prey? Maybe they feel a misplaced sense of nobility before wiping out the planet? These aliens are a true enigma!

5. The alien super-killer ships seem to be very bad at aiming. The fast-moving human ships must be difficult targets. I guess the aliens must've been really flabbergasted when they lost the ability to fly. Yep, that must be it.

6. The entire movie consists of two major plot developments: 1. A single human ship takes on the entire alien fleet while all other military forces are either counting sheep or nowhere to be found. 2. A disabled veteran with a cane, along with his sexy trainer, climb a mountain to kick some alien ass and save the world, while the rest of the world is too busy to worry about an alien invasion. Maybe they're all busy tweeting and updating their facebook status. Oh wait, we don't know that, because WE NEVER SAW WHAT THE REST OF THE WORLD WAS DOING DURING THE ALIEN INVASION! I guess the writers didn't find that very important, so they skipped it.

The lack of a logical script in this movies together with the bad acting feels like someone took a bunch of broken components and assembled them into a block of illogically connected mess. It's garbage.
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3/10
boring and tiresome to watch
17 January 2012
Warning: Spoilers
The story does not go anywhere. I mean that literally - no development of story beyond gremlins hurting people in most improbable ways. There was no culmination to speak of. It was the same basic mini structure repeating several times during the entire running time - the little girl is left alone and is attacked by funny little humanoids over and over again, who simply refuse to kill her for some unknown reason. The movie could've ended in the first several minutes if the gremlins decided to (logically) just kill the girl, eat her teeth and bones, and be done with it. But then there would be no movie to speak of.

When the credits started rolling, I was in dismay that the movie was over. It was left hanging, with no sense of closure whatsoever. In most horror movies people attempt to take action and fight back in some way. In the end father and daughter finally decide to leave the house after girlfriend is gone. No questions asked, no investigation, utter disregard for any evidence of evil 'stuff' happening, gremlin limbs and dead bodies sitting around don't arouse suspicion, non-existent world beyond the house. Just another day in a gremlin-infested house... no big deal.

Characters are even stiffer than the story. Most of all the dad - he is actually scarier than the gremlins, because he is a walking talking zombie. If he were any more oblivious to his surroundings, he would most likely stop existing altogether. To think that his little girl (with no history of mental illness or crazy behavior) was physically capable of turning the house upside down all by herself, besides all the contrary evidence, makes him the scariest monster in this movie. Just because he doesn't believe in funny little gremlins doesn't mean that he should disregard all evidence, and assume that she is responsible. For all he knows there could be a real animal living in the basement causing all the havoc.

Also there is no actual 'horror' in this movie other than the dark and gloomy house itself. The creatures are comical rather than horrific. I think ants would be more effective than these goofy mini goblins. In fact I would rather fight these things than any bug infestation.

Overall there are too many logic-defying moments in the movie which makes for a frustrating experience. No story or characters to like. Waste of time.
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Breaking Bad: Cornered (2011)
Season 4, Episode 6
4/10
Jump higher!
22 August 2011
The shark said "jump higher", and so they did...

The writers may be running out of ideas in season 4 cuz the show jumped the shark somewhere in it.

On one hand the entire cover story of the laundered money is becoming too cumbersome and unexciting.

On the other hand, character development has come to a halt. Everyone is static. Skyler, Jesse, Walter Jr. are completely motionless.

Well, everyone except maybe Walt, who's actually going backwards. Walter White from season 4 is some kind of carbon copy of the original, a faint shadow. Whereas the original Walt was smart, sensible, with lots of common sense, this one is reckless, hateful, and more unstable than a chemical reaction gone bad. For a meth cook who seeks job security, as well as personal security, he behaves in ways contrary to what one would expect of him. What's worse is that he's not only losing his common sense, but he seems to be losing his short-term memory as well (fugue state maybe?) For example, after the scene with the expensive champagne, we expected Walt and Sky to be on the same page about being frugal spenders. All of a sudden Walt decides that champagne wasn't enough, so he buys a Dodge Challenger for Jr. Excuse me??? I don't recall Walt being drunk at the time...

Which brings me to my next point - the writers should stop using Walter-gets-drunk-and-can't-control-himself cheap shenanigans to artificially push the story. That's crap.

So while the story is receding from fun characters like Saul and Hank, it's also reducing the main characters to carbon.

The show had a decent run though. It was fun while it lasted.
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Breaking Bad: Shotgun (2011)
Season 4, Episode 5
5/10
The show jumped the shark in episode 4.5 .
15 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
So far I've been able to overlook a few nonsensical twists and turns in the last couple of seasons. For example, on account of Walter's unequivocal, extreme, and unexplained devotion to his so called partner Jesse, they both become cold-blooded murderers. That's a bit much. Also, Gus, a perspicacious and overly cautious businessman, would probably 'deal' with the Jesse problem long before things get out of hand, and Walter would have no choice but to work with him anyway. Why Gus puts up with Jesse is baffling.

For the first time though, in episode 4.5, Walter really caught me off-guard, and not in a nice way, but more in a wtf-that's-not-like-Walter way. After all the trials and tribulations he's been through, in order to secure his and Jesse's job at Gus's lab, and to ensure his family's safety, one would expect him to celebrate at the news that Hank is dropping the case. Apparently though, Walter's pride is so humongous, that he sends Hank back after Heisenberg. Regardless of how you look at this, it just doesn't make any sense. On one hand Walter would kill (really) to buy himself time and safety, on the other hand he gets bored when the DEA isn't after him.

Is Walter schizophrenic by any chance? (and no, a few glasses of wine don't make a person schizophrenic)

P.S. This show is now officially in dire need for a little "Game of Thrones" character 'reconstruction'. I'm not saying kill off half of the main characters, like George R.R. Martin likes to do (which makes for a great show btw because it keeps you on your toes), but at least raise the stakes to some extent, for crying out loud. At least one main character should kick it. Jesse is the obvious choice. He would have been killed off in season 1 anyway, if it wasn't for the Writer's strike.
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2/10
unwatchable
20 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
50 minutes into the movie I stopped watching because I wasn't able to handle another second of the characters' stupidity. The actors did an OK job with what was given to them. It's the story and the characters that were poorly written. There are a gazillion movies where dumb idiots go backpacking in the middle of nowhere, but many of them are bearable. However the characters here are unrealistically stupid, which is what makes the movie utterly unbelievable and annoying.

here are a few unrealistic moments:

  • the chicks went AWOL in backwoods Argentina without telling anyone


  • got drunk in the local pub provoking every horny kidnapper there


  • got separated in backwoods Argentina because of a chick fight


  • when the blond tried to rescue the brunette, they had 10 chances to neutralize the Argentinian idiot and didn't (and yes he is also an idiot in the movie, I'm not just throwing names around)


  • when the American guy was pointing the gun at the two amigos, he just decided to turn his back on them, only to get a bullet in the back. At least he was looking somewhat smart, up until that moment...


And to top that, we're supposed to believe that an entire town is conspiring to kidnap tourist girls (which is often the case in this kind of movies.) This aspect is not entirely ridiculous but it's a stretch.

I liked the beginning of the movie with all the scenery, but unfortunately that remained its strongest point.

The actors had nothing to do here. They were stuck with shallow roles with no room for real acting. This was a big step down for Karl Urban and the two females. This type of movies can work, as long as the story and script are believable enough, without having to reduce the characters to imbeciles, which is just frustrating.
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Salt (2010)
2/10
biggest waste of 90 minutes in my life
15 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Utter garbage! Ridiculous story, preposterous action, total waste of time. It's shocking that this trash is getting 6+ rating. Amazing what people like these days. Movie audiences are really getting dumber.

highlights of the movie:

-- this chick is stronger and more agile than batman (and she doesn't even have his gadgets)

-- as usual, American cops/agents don't know the first thing about securing a prisoner.

-- it's extremely easy to infiltrate CIA and plants moles/spies

-- In the end, after killing everything and everyone she (supposedly) cared about, it was unclear what her mission was and which side she was on

Oh did i mention this movie was trash?
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4/10
this movie is in top 100? ARE U KIDDN' ME
7 October 2007
This movie may be many things but definitely not top 100 for all times! that's just ridiculous, what is up with people these years, what is up with Hollywood. All those big production companies pay "rating agents" crazy money to boost their movie ratings on websites like this one. IMDb is going down man :( Ultimatum is JUST another unrealistic action-hero flick. Stupid shaky fight sequences gave me a crazy headache, you can't even see the actors. The bad guys (CIA in this case) are BEYOND dumb as they're so easy to spy on, trick, beat, infiltrate, rob, etc.... its RIDICULOUS, so far from reality. And the Bourne character is basically a Robocop/Bruce Lee/Terminator/Batman mix. Its far beyond action-hero stuff, its SUPER HERO! It reminded me of Die Hard 4 which was even more ridiculous LOL

Which one of you uneducated creamy-pie-loving boys and girls can tell me how this movie can POSSIBLY rate higher than movies from Stanley Kubrick, Akira Kurosawa, Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, Quentin Tarantino, Hayao Miyazaki, Ridley Scott, Oliver Stone, Christopher Nolan, etc... One day these names will be entirely gone from top 250 list because of bs like this. Its sad that movie goers are getting dumber by the generation...
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