jordang73 Reviews

The Witcher (2019– )

The Second Season is a complete mess

[5/10 · 28 December 2021]

I stopped watching it. Feel no interest at all. What is this mess? Retelling Beauty and the Beast + female Dracula and other old folk myths... I don't know what's going on, forgot what the first season was about... Hope they find their way again on the 3rd season if it does not get cancelled.

Don't Look Up (2021)

Back to real cinema in America?

[8/10 · 27 December 2021]

The last decades have seen Ameircan "cinema" going down to a seemingly endless hole of missfortune, producing all kind of garbage by the tons (marvel, super hero crap anyone?). Hopefully America is going back to start creating art again. If that happens I will remember 'Don't look up' as one of the first movies of the come back of American cinema. Smart as hell, authentic, funny, entertaining, masterfully crafted, terrific acting, socially aware of the main issues of American society in this century: polarized politics, inept corrupted politicians, social media frenzy, social apathy, anti science, the cult of ignorance and the trivial, the environment, etc.

Thanks to the producers of this fine wonderful gem. Best gift for new year.

Old (2021)

Wake me up when Shyamalan wakes up

[1/10 · 22 November 2021]

The guy who created The Sixth Sense continues to tarnish his reputation, and I don't know why. This joke of a movie does not even deserve a review, let alone a watch. This is a just a warning, a time saver for those who still have faith Shyamalan will some day wake up and produce something of value, ever again.

The Marksman (2021)

Why, Liam, why...

[1/10 · 10 May 2021]

I was hoping to see a movie with substance with some action here and there. It was not even the other way around.

What's wrong with Liam Neeson? It's about the money? Boredom? Why he keeps doing these school projects that seem to be written for... for what? The movie is not even entertaining!

Such a dull, lame mess out of touch with reality. Looks like a road thriller that you can't believe a single thing that happens here even if you drink a whole pack of beers while watching it.

And in regard of the political background, I don't even know what's the stance here. In favor of illegal immigrants and guns at the same time? Lol...

Skip this joke of a "movie" if you want to remain sane and in touch with the real world.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

A new level of dumbness

[1/10 · 1 May 2021]

This makes Indiana Jones look deep, and Harry Potter profound.

What was this? Something I can't understand is who is the target of this circus? Because with all the violence it will give your kid nightmares, and if you are over 18 then you must shut your brain down.

Was this a 2 hours trailer for a video game?

Whoever is responsible for this dumb abomination should be held accountable when a new generation of brainless zombies take over the Earth and destroy every thing that resembles human, normal and sane.

Nobody (I) (2021)

You better call nobody

[2/10 · 18 April 2021]

Yeah, better call nobody, grab a beer and watch this garbage alone.

Who doesn't need a silly movie, full of cliches that you have seen 1 000 000 times once in a while? Great for spending 2 hours in another universe made of cardboard characters and beyond impossible to believe situations.

Bang, bang, bad guy from the Russian mafia I'm coming for you! Yes, again!

Cheers!

Breach (IV) (2020)

Yes, Bruce Willis did this. He was bored

[1/10 · 21 December 2020]

This is a conversation between a Hollywood producer (or whatever company is behind this) and a "script writer":

-Hi... We need to make a sci fi movie... Can you write the script? -Yes, sure! -It will be like Alien, but with some Zombies also... You know, is fashionable. -Hmmm... Ok, no problem. -But, we need you to finish the script today, because tomorrow we start shooting. -Oh, wow, wait... Don't you think...? -I know what you are thinking, but don't worry... We will do as we usually do: false advertisement, we say is the best movie ever, bla, bla, bla... And we just put a movie star there... I think Bruce Willis is available. -Ok... so, let's do it!

Tenet (2020)

Uninspiring

[5/10 · 21 September 2020]

Another lame C. Nolan movie, overhyped and overrated.

This guy is obsessed with things going in reverse, time paradoxes and things like that. What about adding some substance to his next movie instead of keeping playing these silly brain stunts?

Good cinema is not about solving silly puzzles and showing actions backward and upside down.

Boring as hell. Don't waste your money.

1917 (2019)

OVERRATED

[6/10 · 1 February 2020]

Again, another overrated movie, along with The Marriage this year. What's going on in Hollywood? The movie is not horrible, and actually enjoyable. But why so many nominations? The cinematography is good, but not better (not even close maybe) than The Russian Arch. So, if you want to see a movie without editing cuts, oh boy, that Russian marvel depicting the Hermitage and the history of Russia at the same time will make you really happy.

Also the story does not really seem to be very impressive, since there are countless war movies with similar topics -Saving Private Ryan would pup up in my mind several times while watching this- and kind of simple as well (Guy goes on a mission, guy overcomes obstacles, mission accomplished).

All in all an enjoyable film, and probably a succesful experiment, but as a whole it really falls short of being the tremendous multy award deserving masterpiece they are promoting.

Underwater (2020)

Cthulhu under water meets Alien, The Thing, etc.

[5/10 · 18 January 2020]

What's the point of repeating the same story over and over again? Is that really profitable? Because who cares about anything else in Hollywood?!

Don't worry about this movie being predictable. It's not... Because you can't believe they will repeat the same thing again! So wait until the end in hope of something different will happen in this girl-and-the-doomed-crew-against-the alien-monster. Wait and see...

The Wandering Earth (2019)

Chinese revenge

[5/10 · 9 May 2019]

Well, this is like the Chinese answer to Independence Day and other similar movies. Now China is the leading nation, Russians come second. No Americans or English speaking characters (or almost) and they save the world. I guess the Kuomintang is behind the movie.

Aside from this the movie is pretty well done. But the propaganda stuff is in your face... Nice trying.

Aquaman (2018)

A little bit too much of mess

[5/10 · 18 December 2018]

Well, another blockbuster with too much emphasis on the visuals and no much care for everything else. A somehow uneven script, trying to connect an undersea story with an on the ground plot. I had a hard time trying to feel confortable with the connection of these 2 dimensions. I enjoyed the undersea battles, though. The worst part for me was the beyond dull characters that populated this movie. Aquaman's father: sorry for that guy, but it was like the opposite of substance, as well as the bad guy with a gun that looked like extracted from a gangsta movie from the 80's. I gave this film 5 stars because the protaginist did a good job and he seems to be like a cool guy in real life. Also the visuals were good and, oh! one the best actors on the planet got a role here... Guess who?

Mortal Engines (2018)

Not as bad as they say

[7/10 · 18 December 2018]

The movie had potential. The main idea, coming from a book was interesting. Something in the making, however, was missing. Not the most perfect script outthere: underdeveloped characters and some empty holes here and there, but not so horrible either. On the good side, stunning visuals. And if you are a fan of Castle in the Sky and Howl's Moving Castle here's the chance to see how it could look in CGI. Can give it a try.

Get Out (I) (2017)

An insult to the arts in the name of politics

[2/10 · 5 March 2018]

Hope this politically correct age passes by soon and people and critics start again appreciating art for the art sake. This B movie does not even deserve a review. Shame on all the "critics" that brought this mediocrity to the Oscars. If you don't believe what I say go to the theater or buy it and waste your money and your time. I can not remember a single scene of this garbage that is not overacted, dull or ridiculous. If you want to see black people acting for the sake of politically correctness there are plenty of movies out there that you can enjoy. You want to see great black actors, go watch every Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington or Samuel Jackson film, just to name a few, or go watch Black Panther, which is a decent piece of entertainment, not this forgettable thing called Get Out.

Shame on Hollywood for destroying aesthetical values one more time for the sake of politics.

Black Panther (2018)

Pretty good

[7/10 · 15 February 2018]

A definitely more diverse approach to the superheroes universe of Marvel. I welcomed this like a breeze of fresh air, and not only because of the aforementioned diversity of the characters but because of the quality of the movie as such. After being misrepresented lately by dull and ridiculous movies like the last installments of Captain America and Thor, the famous entertainment company can now promote Black Panther as a good sign of recovery.

Well acted, fun, humorous and passionate movie. This time Marvel allocates the epic and eternal battle of good and evil in the African continent, having its people as the protagonists of the story. Combining science fiction and fantasy, the decently written script leads the spectators through a well passed course of actions, supported with outstanding visual effects and a colorful and imaginative depiction of a richly recreated African universe.

A most welcome addition to a cinematic universe in need of fresh renovation.

Darkest Hour (2017)

Best movie I've seen in years

[8/10 · 15 January 2018]

Glad to take a break from all the cheap superheros sagas and go back to enjoy real cinema. As a sober, yet humorous and emotional depiction of a giant figure of modern western history, Darkest Hour delivers 2 hours of delightful cinema work. In the center of this English jewel the performance of Gary Oldman is a little less than epic. The veteran British actor has played some famous and difficult characters before (Beethoven, Sid Vicious and Vlad the Impaler) but I dare to say this time we got the real thing. Winston Churchill was simply back from the beyond, his spirit channeled through the body and the work of Mr Oldman. Recently we have had the chance to see some other major historic personalities brought to life by the magic of cinema, being Thatcher and Lincoln perhaps the most notable examples. Now you can add Churchill to this list, and put the name of Gary Oldman along with exceptional actors like Meryl Streep and Daniel Day Lewis.

This is a solid work in the old tradition of English cinematography. Outstanding acting, marvelous script, accurate editing and pleasant photography are some of the features that make Darkest Hour nothing less than a masterpiece. All those looking for historical facts and accuracy can entertain themselves on endless debates after watching this, but the ones who enter the movie theater in need of a satisfying cinematic experience will be highly gratified.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Another Marvel abomination

[1/10 · 10 November 2017]

If you want to make a movie like this take the following items and mix them together:

1- A long piece of a wrestling TV show 2- Several clips taken from Flash Gordon (the 80's version) 3- A long piece of Thor (the first installment) but without all of the kitsch (only 25 % of that is enough to vomit) 4- A Rhianna video clip 5- A movie trailer from Narnia 6- Several pieces of different really bad historical movies from the 50's (Cleopatra, all those kind of things) so you can show a sufficient amount of ridiculous sets. 7- A clip from Battlestar Galactica 8- Whatever other garbage you can get

Then take the mix and pour it into a waste disposal tank of an airplane after a long transatlantic trip. The resulting mix will be something similar.

And thanks once again to Hollywood for flushing norse mythology down the toilet.

Greetings from Scandinavia!

Noah (2014)

Noah the vegetarian? Not the Aronofsky I like.

[5/10 · 12 July 2014]

This movie got me by surprise, completely off guard. I thought I was going to see a serious depiction of the Hebrew myth, but instead I found my self submerged in a somehow childish recreation a la Lord of the Rings. Mr. Aronofsky has, definitely, a soft side that sometimes he likes to exploit, but so far to no avail. I like the Aronofsky of Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Black Swan, and of course, The Wrestler. When he goes deep into the personal dramas of tormented individuals he is a just brilliant. When he goes the mystical way he still does not seem to get it. Even more than in his previous mystical tale, The Fountain, Noah looks premature. Can we see personal drama in Noah? Absolutely. This time the chosen one is trapped in a very typical Hebrew dilemma: Is it just to sacrifice our own family in the name of God? Is there a higher purpose in life, something that goes beyond the individual goals, will, love an desires? That is what we got here, something that, by the way, sounds more like the story of Abraham, but I'm not against loosely interpretations and recreations of ancient myths. What I don't like is that this personal quandary seems to be overshadowed by wider philosophical and mythical problems —in this case, the relation between man and nature, animals in particular—, in a way that I consider very bad. And I don't think this theme should not be emphasized here (especially when that is exactly Noah's mission, to save animals!), but what I think is totally wrong is the moralistic tone in the treatment of the issue, something that Aronofsky has masterfully avoided in his other masterpieces. Is he getting old? Maybe. But he should remember how pernicious is trying to mix morality and art.

There is much that can be said about this movie, especially every thing morally related, but I just want to talk about a particular theme that I think makes this movie look terrible. This is a moralistic tale with a very evident, almost priestly message: men are horrible creatures because of the way they (us) treat animals, and, horror of horrors! because we eat them. Had this theme been addressed in a different way it would have been much better. I don't remember having seen this theme presented that way in the Old Testament, so I assume it's a personal interpretation of Aronofsky, with a clear modern meaning. If the movie had emphasized the issue of animal cruelty less poorly I would not be so mad at it. But I really felt like some one was screaming in my face that I am a sinner, a very immoral and despicable human been because I eat meat. There were some scenes depicting animal cruelty for the sake of being cruel (like when some of those horrible men threw a goat into the air or violently slaughtered a cow), but those were just a few seconds, and I don't think there is a need for reminding us the evil of those acts. They are self evident. However, I remember very clearly how bad Aronofsky made those people look when cutting up animals in a no much different way than butchers do it at the meat market. The images were gross, and I dare to say that they were properly arranged, with cinematographic effects, to emphasize how cruel this practice is.

I cant' help but seeing this like vegetarian morality in your face. I don't see how you can eat a beef without previously quartering the cow. I will not discus the ethics of vegetarianism here. I have nothing against that habit. But I don't like at all when the adherents of that trend (especially the hard core vegetarians) accuse other people for not adhering to those principles. And that is how I felt by watching this movie. Was it a subliminal message? I don't think so. I saw it like crystal clear. Again, I have nothing against vegetarianism but I do have something against people who see men like despicable creatures that deserve to be treated even worse than animals. There is a difference between education and sadistic punishment, let alone devaluation of the human species. We men have a lot to learn yet. We have no right to destroy nature. But the idea that animals are heavenly creatures that are even morally superior to men is plain childish. It seems that Aronofsky took this tale too seriously and used it (in all his rights) for his very particular world view. And by the way, if someone had told me that this was the last Shyamalan's movie I would have believed it.

The Great Gatsby (2013)

Almost an insult to Fitzgerald

[5/10 · 22 December 2013]

One of the most beautiful masterpieces of American literature has been unfairly mistreated here, one more time, as Hollywood and literature don't match often. Jesus Christ, whose idea was to cast Tobey Maguire for the role of Nick Carraway? I was just looking to Spiderman all the time, a funny character, childish, and sometimes plain idiotic. It only takes to read one page of the Fitzgerald's book to realize that Nick was a very serious man, almost depressed (as it was Gatsby, being both of them Fitzgerald's alter egos). This is a book about sadness, about the depression that plagued that period in American history. Fitzgerald was one of the most prominent exponents of the Lost Generation, and that's the feeling that the book conveys in a masterful way. This movie, however, looks for the most part (especially the first half of the movie) just like another fancy Hollywood movie, made with the intention to be a blockbuster and nothing else.

The entrance of Gatsby was vague and plain, diminished in front of the background paraphernalia. I can even tolerate the modern electronic music, but all those computer generated scenarios with the fancy camera movements a la Disney are just ridiculous. And of course, you have the speed, the very short shots that don't allow for a meaningful grasp of the situations and the characters.

There are some achievements, however, like some of the acting (I don't think De Caprio is that terrible, is just the entire thing what makes him look not convincing at times) and the girls are OK, as well as Buchanan and other minor characters. The visuals are sometimes pretty good and interesting, if you take off the Disney like stuffs. I understand that the director wanted to do something different, something ironic and postmodern, in the line of Moulin Rouge, but I think that it is just a failure to go that way with this literary masterpiece. It just falls very short, and does not make any justice to the stature of Fitzgerald.

Hierro (2009)

Underrated by the Hollywood followers

[7/10 · 21 December 2011]

A very underrated movie. This movie is good, the acting is terrific as well as the photography. The script is a descent one with a twist that works perfectly well, I don't see the so called evident predictability at all. And most of the complaints here are based also in that same old mantra: it's a slow paced movie. It seems that the Hollywood followers need one more century to realize the difference between art and fast food, not to mention the "lack of gore" and all the horror paraphernalia that they want to see all the time. Very good movie, intriguing, touching, visually beautiful. I hope the director doesn't pay too much attention to the unfair reviews here this time and move forward with contentment. Very well done.

Biutiful (2010)

Disappointing

[1/10 · 30 January 2011]

I just came from the theater with the sensation of wasting my money and my time here. Being an admirer of the early work of Iñárritu I have to say that since "Babel" he is going down. This guy could be an excellent director, but he still has to demonstrate his skills as a scriptwriter. Maybe he needs Arriaga back. The script of this new movie is a complete fiasco; I still don't know what was the main idea of the movie. After the first 15 minutes I started to note that something was going wrong, half an hour later I was still waiting for something with substance, after an hour I gave up. The lack of focus on a central idea is the main feature of this story, and the characters are plain and uninteresting. The dialogues, by trying to follow the plot (or the lack of) are consequently vague and forgettable, even ridiculous. I think Iñárritu had just an idea and he added up a context or a background, but missed the real thing. It's like a collage of non credible situations and subplots disconnected from a central theme. This script is at amateur level. Any college student majoring in film could write a better movie. I really hope this great director don't follow the path of Shyamalan, letting his ego to take control instead of getting advice from the millions of screenwriters around him that can help him out. (Actually, I hope both go back and start doing awesome movies again someday). The fact that this movie has been praised by many critics is an insult to the common sense.

Valhalla Rising (2009)

Another underrated canonic gem

[10/10 · 30 January 2011]

I was surprised when I saw the poor reviews from IMDb, because I tend to trust this site more than others like Netflix. So it leads me to do something in favor of this gem. I won't tell anything about the plot, just want to say that this movie, while enjoyable in general, has a deep message. If you like cinema and appreciate the work of Tarkovski and Bergman, this is for you. Minimalistic, almost silent and deeply intriguing, this is a masterpiece. If this movie were a book, I'm pretty sure Harold Bloom could include it in the western canon, along with pieces by Faulkner, Shakespeare and Cormac McCarthy. This movie is testing humanity, pushing the human condition to the limit, to de-limit it. And it is just great that this story comes from Scandinavia, where this delimitation of the human spirit is exposed in the most simple and clear way through their entire culture, their myths and their ideology. For the Scandinavian mind man is the link between beasts and gods, not being clear always which of these two other entities man is closer to, and this is what this movie is literally and visually showing, in the most astonish, beautiful and shocking way.