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Reviews
Left Behind (2014)
Spectacularly bad, but kinda fun...
I'd heard plenty of hype that this was the worst film ever made so, of course, I was eager to check it out. See, I've seen some serious schlock over the years from flop blockbusters to the trashiest no-budget horror cinema and rather like a bit of 'so bad it's good'.
Anyway, Left Behind is basically a story about some people vanishing into thin air on a plane, the plane hitting another plane, and an adulterous pilot saving the day with the help of his estranged daughter and a tight-bloused sex kitten out of Neighbours. Pretty typical multiplex junk, then.
The only thing that makes this concept vaguely interesting is that the people weren't taken by aliens and dragged into another dimension but were sucked up to heaven in God's Rapture. It's based not so much on Christian teachings but rather on a narrow, prophesy and end times obsessed reinterpretation of the bible called 'dispensationalism', which was dreamed up in the 1800s and became a hit with American fundamentalists in the 20th century when crazy new sects were all the rage.
Thus this 'Christian' film will not just seem bonkers to non-believers but to Catholics, Orthodox and most mainstream Protestants too. Alien abduction might have been a better explanation to account for the missing passengers but then this movie's really a theological propaganda piece pushing premillennialist dispensationalism.
What Cage is doing in it I have no idea.
United Passions (2014)
Breathtakingly awful propaganda from the Mafia that killed football
If your organisation is rotten to the core, harming something billions around the world love, what do you do?
Well, like any shady regime, you pump out propaganda. The trouble is, in this case everyone is well aware of FIFA's corruption, which makes this film not just poor cinema but unintentionally hilarious with great lines like, "Being president of Fifa will bring no glory, no money!"or, when Blatter is introduced with, ""he is apparently good at finding money" (in brown envelopes, we presume).
Like Nicolas Cage winding up in Left Behind, it's baffling how actor of the calibre of Tim Roth, Sam Neil and Gerard Depardieu. I guess none of them are football fans.