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Saw X (2023)
Running out of ideas
The movie started off OK then it went on the slow side for longer than it should until the 30 minutes when we discover the fraud and the action starts but then it quickly goes into a series of unrealistic and opportunistic scenes where every just happens at the right time or it's coincidence and up to the developments of the lasts scenes which were a bit far fetched.
In normal circumstances I would say we have reached the end of the sequel but if we check the box office stats we can quickly see that this movie was a big success as a business with a low budget of only 13 million but collecting worldwide more than 110 millions thanks to a clever marketing campaign, so it made 10 times what it cost so I won't be surprised if we see Saw XI soon enough because it's a money making franchise.
The Zone of Interest (2023)
If you have trouble falling asleep try this
This is one of the most boring, tedious and pointless movies I've ever seen. It's one of those movies where nothing happens but this one takes it to a new level of nothing happens. From the beginning all we see is this family doing mundane things in life like having breakfast, doing house work, children playing in the garden, talking about mundane things. I literally was fighting nodding off and after about 45 minutes and the realisation that nothing would happen I was often checking the time and couldn't wait for it to finish.
No wonder it went from the cinemas to prime video so fast. Good photography and settings but so, so boring and literally from beginning to end nothing ever happens. Why? What was the point of this?
Starry Eyes (2014)
What a missed opportunity to make it a cult movie
I love the first hour, every minute of it, the atmosphere, the superb acting of the lead actress, my God, she did an amazing job, the best I've seen in years, specially in this genre.
But where the movie fails is in the last 30 minutes when Sarah starts to mentally and physically deteriorate for some reason, and I say for some reason because there is no explanation about why everything that starts to happen is happening, why does she start to murder her friends? Why is she physically deteriorating? Why do her eyes turn green in the end and she looks like an alien? We know there is a sect and they did something to her when she met the producer but we don't know what, nothing was shown or said. Or perhaps her physical deterioration and killing her friends is just a metaphor for the transformation she suffered in her personality and attitude for accepting to have sex in order to get her part and kickstar her career in the film industry? I can't tell.
I was a bit torn on the rating, I initially wanted to give it a 5 because a 6 means it's good decent movie but this can't possibly be a good movie when the story is not told well but then I can't dismiss the first hour which was simply superb in all departments so I settled on a 6 rating.
Haute tension (2003)
When you try to be clever but end up being a fool
This movie will be shown at media and cinema schools the world over as a prime example on how not to mess up your movie at the last minute. Yes, I'm talking about the plot twist so many people have talked about and I agree that it does not make any sense no matter how you look at it. To me it looks like that plot twist wasn't on the script when they started filming and only introduced it later on in the belief that they were being clever. And I've seen movies with plot twists and some are well explained, others not so well but at least leave thinking but with this there is absolutely no way it makes sense and it's absurb.
It's a pity because the first 10 minutes or so were really good, with great photography and I thought that this could be a great horror movie but things quickly start to go downhill when you see the first killing which is silly and unbelievable that someone could be decapitated that way, it was as if someone had cut the head clean off with a sword and then the girl hiding everywhere instead of raising the alarm with her friend like any normal person would do. However, that stupid coward behaviour could be explained by the plot twist, that it was in fact her going around the house doing the killings but unfortunately that is not posible because she left the house in the back of the van so who was driving it? And later if she is chasing after the van someone must have been driving the van.
So in a nutshell a complete story telling mess.
Lost Girls and Love Hotels (2020)
Pointeless
It's a movie about an american young woman living in Japan and for some reason she's most of the time drunk and sleeping with random guys. We are never told why she left the US or why is she so depressed
What was the point of this movie? It's a total non story, nothing literally happens for most of it, I think after the first 30 minutes I started checking the time and then about 6 or 7 more times hoping that it came to an end soon.
The main flaw is the script, the story and it's a pity because the photography is rich and the main leading atress is very good but ultimately it's so boring and you soon lose all interest.
King of New York (1990)
In retrospective I bet Walkden is not happy with this movie
I've always liked Christopher Walkden but it's impossible for me and specially in 2024 to gave any sympathy with a drug king pin who goes around killing people non stop so he can take overvthexwhoke drug dealing in New York. I hated his character and all his black cocky nasty little helpers.
Then the director or the script for some reason want to portray the coos as the baddies just because they are sick of the system and worse still they try to white wash Walkden's crimes and drag dealing because apparently he got rid of very bad people in the business and also wants to fund a hospital in a deprive area. Well, no, sorry, I still hate the character he plays and that for me is one of the great fails of this movie.
Other failings are the implausible plot and development. It's not boring but I was glad it came to an end when it did.
So in a nutshell, unremarkable cop mafia movie but its biggest failing is to put as main characters a bunch of nasty unlikeable criminals.
Buffalo '66 (1998)
Disappointing and pointless
I just couldn't understand the point of this movie as very little happens and Gallo plays right up to the end a repulsive man that could only be described as an absolute ass hole. This is what best describes his character, unlikeable and nasty treating that girl like rubbish but somehow and unbelievably she falls in love with him.
Any girl that was kidnapped in that way would think that he just wanted to rape her so the instinct for any woman would be to try to scape but despite having plenty chances to ran away she decides to stay with him and play along the role of wife, I just could not believe that.
It's borderline boring towards the end when nothing really happens and you start to watch the time. All in all a disappointing viewing but mainly because the character played by Gallo is incredibly unlikeable.
Kwik Stop (2001)
Ridiculous script from beginning to end, a disaster
Unlikeable characters doing very unlikely things, that's how I would summarise this movie. The script is certainly one of the most ridiculous I've seen for a long time. In the end I was just literally laughing at what was happening in the screen. Let's not forget that the main femail character is underage by her own admission.
So his girlfriend is in juvenile detention and he has a canny plan to get her out by asking his ex girlfriend who he keeps rejecting to help him out by asking her ex to take her new girlfriend place in jail and the ex incomprehensible accepts with nothing to win. Just picture this, your boyfriend who keeps rejecting you ask you to take his new girlfriend place in jail so they both can flee and her ex remains in jail most probably with a criminal record for helping someone to flee, who on earth would do that?
Then we see this guy rejecting his ex girlfriend for more than half the movie because he is in love with his now pregnant underage girlfriend who he wants to take to Hollywood but when he goes to say goodbye to his ex then he has second thoughts and literally abandons his pregnant underage girlfriend?? How??
I could carry on with many more examples like this but it's not with it. Photography is good.
Barbarian (2022)
Avoid, it's a bad one
It starts very well and goes well for the first 25 min. Basically until the mam goes down the cellar but after that slowly but surely everything starts to go downhill until the final scenes where it all descends into the ridiculous and comical.
I was seduced into watching it by the trailer which incidentally it's a just a scene from the beginning which is quite interesting and the high rating on amazon prime of 4 stars. It just goes to show that you can't trust any rating. By the way, the 7 stars on imdb are puzzling for a movie this bad, is this incomprehensible high rating a software error or what? After those first good 25 minutes or so it has so many things that just don't make sense and so many, many silly scenes and then the actors making the wrong choices, the choices nobody would make in that situation one scene after the other. I won't even go into detail because it's just such a waste of time.
It was going to be a 5 star but those final 15 minutes are so bad that they lose 2 stars only for that.
I feel cheated to be honest, I was expecting something much better than this after watching the trailer. My advice to the director and writer is that they should not give up their day jobs.
Exit (2020)
Too budget, too experimental
The title of the movie is a giveaway, head for the exit I guess. I was tempted myself to exit the movie in the first 10 min. Because it's a mixture of small cuts with phycodelic music and imaginary that doesn'tmake much sense. The photography makes it look like it was shot with an old grainy mobile phone camera.
Then things pick up when something start to happen but it's all so odd and implausible sometimes with painful photography. The main mistake in my opinion is the short cuts that are constantly shown showing just for a few seconds things that will happen later. Then who are those two odd repulsive people running like a spy operation on the couples, not a clue.
By the way, what was all that xenophobic stuff about? All that constant hate about foreigners? Really disgusting
The only positive thing is that it can be a cautionary tale about not getting your drink spiked.
So in a nutshell, super budget movie that will be too much, too odd for the average viewer.
White Settlers (2014)
It put me off from visiting Scotland
This is a budget british terror movie so don't expect too much. The minimum we should expect then to make it a decent movie is that it's not boring and makes some sense.
It's made clear by the newsagent at the beginning that there is no phone reception in the house which sounds like a plot excuse more than anything else so the people are trapped in the house with no chance of asking for help.
It starts off well enough with decent photography but it then starts to go downhill once they hear noises in the house because the husband is so annoying, unhelpful and silly and then there is a lack of explanation as to why it's all happening.
The worst is the plot and that ridiculous ending. I've said it so many times before, don't these script writers or producers read the script once or twice and see if it makes sense, have a group discussion perhaps?
So in a nutshell, budget, unexciting, unremarkable, short and not boring at least but that ending is so implausible and stupid.
The Missouri Breaks (1976)
Too long
Boring, this is the main word I would use to describe this movie. Its far too long, just over 2 hours and at times throughout the movie you are just tempted to give up on it. Contrary to many reviewers here who disliked his performance here the movie is kept alive and interesting thanks to Marlon Brando odd performance. Jack Nicholson however is so out of place in a western.
Specially during the first 1 hour the movie is so tedious with this gang of thieves who are so uninteresting and I couldn't care less about them. At one point they leave Jack Nicholson behind and they go to Canada with the intention of stealing horses and the scenes are just so pointless and uninteresting.
But the worse is still to come and this must be one of the most unbelievable, cringy, ridiculous and totally unmatched romances in the history of cinema. This woman who is the daughter of the land owner all of a sudden falling in love openly proposing and with urges to have sex with horse thief nasty bearded Jack Nicholson? How? And what does Jack do? Keep on rejecting her advances. Cringy.
Here Before (2021)
Can't rate this
The reason this movie is difficult to rate or perhaps even unfair is because you just can't understand 10 to 20 per cent of the dialog due to those thick NI accents, which is a big mistake from a comercial point of view. A movie like this should always come with closed captions in English so the viewer is not left wondering what was said.
The other problem is the plot that leads you one way and then turns into something else that really it's hard to believe and it doesn't make much sense or it's not explained so it makes sense because for instance at no point we were given a clue that one partner from one house had a relationship with another partner from the other house.
As others said it's pretty slow going so you'll soon start watching the time and later again hoping that it all ends soon. For a movie this short this is obviously a very bad sign.
So I'm sorry to say that this is yet another mediocre film with a poorly thought out plot which if you think about it doesn't make much sense.
Open 24 Hours (2018)
Don't waste your time
It's one of these movies with an unlikely unrealistic plot full to the bream of corny jump scares. Don't waste your time like I did, a pain going through, I was shaking my head often watching this.
For instance she gets a job and the first time on her first shift she tells in detail her past criminal life story to the assistant he just met and then everyone from her past seems to know where she works despite getting the job in the morning and being in her first shift in the evening where all the action happens and like this I could on and on with countless examples.
Another thing, the movie is not scary at all, at no time you feel scared so the scary factor is zero.
It only picks up a little bit in the last 30 mins. But in no way it saves the movie. Sorry, it's a poor one. Photography is good but that's it, the rest is poor. Waste of time.
Gwen (2018)
A cure for insomnia perhaps
I really don't understand what the point of this movie is about. The young actress is good but the screenplay and direction well below par. There are very few good scenes like the one where she goes put of the house and screams in desperation but that's it.
Nothing really happens in the first 60 minutes so if by that time you haven't fallen asleep you'd come by now to the realisation that you have wasted your time and you'll be really angry so anything that happens after is of not use.
In fact, little happens after but most things are never explained directly or indirectly so you are wondering what's going on here. From a story telling point of view is an absolute failure.
An example of bad directing. There is a scene where the camera pans into a room turns right and shows the mother with a candle. As the camera pans into the room for some reason only the frame of the door is in focus while the background which is 90 per cent of the screen is blurred and its so painful in the eyes because it goes on for a good few seconds. What was the point of that?
The only use of this movie is to show how much people suffered at the time in those backward times full of brute, heartless and violent people. Don't waste your time unless you are looking for a cure for insomnia.
Men (2022)
Alex Garland does it again after Ex Machina
I had to watch it twice because after the first time I was left confused, I didn't know what to make of it. I wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad movie, I honestly couldn't possibly rate it. So I watched it a second time and this time everything became more clear, I'm confident now that Alex Garland is the most interesting british director I know of which is something because I'm not a fan of modern British cinema and often movies are of poor quality specially in the terror fantasy genre. Alex is a director I will be keeping an eye on, looking forward to his next project.
The movie is not perfect or a master piece and it can be a bit slow going for the first half hour or so I thought during my first viewing but after the second viewing everything went so much faster and smoothly, the time flew.
I disagree with most people reviewing the movie here saying that the first hour or so is so good and that it's messed by the last 30 min. I think the last 30 min. ,basically the moment she leaves the pub the movie steps up a gear or two and goes full surrealist fantasy. I love it from there.
Jessie Buckley gives an amazing performance, she reminds me to Juliet Binoche in Blue. I love it in the scene of the rebirths how she stands around watching the births over and over but she doesn't look scared, she is just contemplating the gross births like coming to terms with what is happening, her destiny. Magnificent scenes.
I wish it had other ending as it can be confusing or unrealistic but overall this movie is an oddity, original, attractive. You must watch it, I highly recommend it. Would I watch it again for a third time? Certainly yes.
Theresa & Allison (2019)
Excellent
One of the greatest vampire movies I've seen. And it's great because it's so realistic without the usual fantasy, magic and special effects we are accustomed in the genre and most viewers prefer judging by some of the unfairly negative reviews here. Despite the long running time it's never boring and manages to keep the viewer interested which is quite something nowadays
It's certainly an18 plus rating as there are plenty of violence, gore, torture and sexual violence. I was surprised this movie wasn't banned. You will not be disappointed if you are a cultured viewer in search of something good in this genre.
Loved it.
Lord of the Flies (1990)
Let's just hope
I read the book many years ago, I can't even remember it so I'm not interested in how good the adaptation is and I'm don't care about the usual people unhappy at the book adaptation. We are here to judge the movie in its own merit.
It's well told and developed, decent photography and good acting.
The ending is one the greatest I've seen recently, when they are chasing the boy and the boy stumbles at the feet of the military rescue man who surprised ask "what the hell are you doing?" it depicts masterfully the situation and the message of the movie, the adult, civilised man surprised and shocked at the wild antics of the children, that instant clash of civilisations and the chasing children look like they are so embarrassed to have fallen so low despite their supposedly Boy Scout child military training. The ending is glorious.
Let's just hope due to war or natural disaster civilised societies as we know them where law and order prevail don't break down one day because what we see in this movie is exactly what will happen. Scary thought indeed.
A Dark Song (2016)
Wasted opportunity
It's such a pity that a movie that started so well, basically the first 20 or 30 min or so are so masterfully done with an excellent photography composition that is something to enjoy, with intrigue and suspense and excellent acting. At this point I was thinking this would be a great movie but then come the 1 hour mark everything starts to drag on, little explanation as to what the rites achieve, little happening, even the woman gets frustrated as nothing much is happening.
Then a scene that is faulty, the one where she goes out of the house, walks and walks and returns to the same point, how? There are better ways to shoot this, it was confusing.
Then we come to the last 20 min where something supernatural is starting to happen. At no point any scene is scary, the corny unscary ghosts, the visions, nothing is scary. The voice of the boy it seems that he is talking through a speaker, why? It loses credibility. The score is too scary but the scene you are watching is not so it's a mismatch and the ending is just so flat and silly, all that to ask for the power of forgiveness? Come on.
The main problem of this movie is the script, it's a pity because the photography, acting, sets and score are so good. Had this same team had a better script they would have done an excellent movie.
I wish the last 30 min were re shot into something much better to make this a great movie.
I give it a 6 for the first 30 min and the surprisingly great photography throughout otherwise it would have been a 4.
Ex Machina (2014)
Sex Machina more like
I believe the producers and director dropped a capital S from the first word of the title so not to attract the wrong attention.
The less you think about the plot the better because it you think too much the movie is basically about a rich alcoholic reclusive man developing servant and obedient sex dolls with human like intelligence who has the strange idea of inviting an employee to his research facility to see if her latest robot can use him as a ploy to scape the facility proving that way that she is so intelligent, what? Yes, he's developing sexy lady robots with apparent functioning sex parts and in nearly every scene he's on the bottle, why the need for that?
However, if you put this at the back of your mind the movie is quite interesting because of the subject matter of AI and what the future could look like. I did like it despite the drawbacks. Acting, score, photography, settings and special effects are good.
Manhattan (1979)
It couldn't be made today
The movie is technically very good. I like it much more than Annie Hall. There is no question that Woody Allen graduated as a very good director making this. Great direction, photography, editing, soundtrack, acting, settings...it has a good flow to it, witty remarkable scenes, it could be close to a master piece but there is something that let it down badly, something ugly. The main character is a 42 year old dating a 17 year old. I was shocked, revolted at the thought of this middle age man having a sexual relationship with a minor. In the movie no one seems to bother about it and it could be because attitudes to that were different in the 70's I don't know and even though Woody tells the girl to grow out of it, don't take it seriously and get a boyfriend her age throughout the movie there are several scenes where they kiss which I found really revolting, almost paedophile like and in another scene it's implied that they go to a room to have sex.
The most disturbing aspect as I said is that no one of the characters seems to bother about it and no one of the older women seems to bother about that fact and I have this doubt in my mind, is it because it's the twisted world of Woody Allen or it's it because it was another time, the 70's?
So despite the great movie this ugly thought is always in my mind and spoils the movie badly.
The Last House on the Left (1972)
Silly implausible storyline
This is obviously every parents nightmare and while this could have happened to some unlucky girls the movie is let down mostly by an awful storyline full of coincidences and improbable scenes like breaking down in their gateway so near the girls house in that forest but when the girls attempt to scape they should know that place like the back of their hand but it seems the bad guys get the upper hand all the time and find their way in the forest, how?
I know it's 1972, there are not mobile phones, internet and people might be more naive but picture this, these parents have their daughter missing for a few days, they are so anxious and worried and they decide to invite in 4 strangers into their home and even put them up for the night, worse still, in their missing daughter's room? Crazy! In Ingmar Bergman's original it works because it was the Middle Ages and in the middle of the country but this doesn't work in a 1972 setting.
Then it's full of coincidences throughout to fit the storyline that it's too boring to describe and an awful and unsuitable soundtrack.
When the parents decide to murder the guests in their house wouldn't be easier to shoot them in their sleep with their rifle rather than set up traps all over the house for when they wake up? And the mother of the girl missing that she now knows is dead decides to give a blow job to one of them in order to cut his penis off? Wtf!
I have one final thought, movies that depict kidnap, torture, rape and consequent murder should be banned and binned so they don't serve as an inspiration for future psychopath rapists.
The Lesson (2015)
It's a bad one and incredibly tedious
The plot was interesting enough. We all know the problems with teens like that in the U. K. and how the law protects these evil brats so I was looking forward to a tale on revenge on this type of lowlifes.
The movie starts decently enough even though you obviously dislike all the three main young actors but it all goes downhill when two are kidnapped as the movie descends into a long unbearable tedious philosophical diatribe by the teacher about literature and spellings. At this point you better have the tv remote handy for the inevitable fast forward.
I really don't understand why the teen that wasn't the worse got tortured the most and the nastiest of the three was not caught and why the east European lady got taken by the teacher.
After the torture lesson is over the lady and the boy go home drenched in blood and all they do is sit in the sofa to watch tv, hello? After a few days they are at home in a room and start making love and the movie ends. Who wrote this nonsense?
The photography was good, but that is the only saving grace, the rest was awful.
The Brink (2020)
Interesting
Despite some poor acting, often inverosímil script writing and the usual constraints of a budget film this movie is an interesting take, a realistic take of what life could look like in an eventual post apocalyptic world where law and order no longer exist and we are going back to a cave man mentality and behaviour where violence and selfishness is the order of the day, just like in the animal kingdom.
It's over 2 hours long which is always risky if you don't manage to keep your audience entertained. This movie passes this test, it never feels boring which in itself is an achievement but could do with a few less scenes.
Sometimes looks embarrassing as when the supposed cut on the main actor's face looks clearly like a straight line of red face paint, come on!
Transformers (2007)
Yank fest and xenophobic
Poor Meghan Fox tasked with playing the sexy dumb girl and Shia who is running non stop like the Duracell bunny and meant to fall in love with each other when there is absolutely no chemistry between them
When an actor speaks Spanish his army captain says in an angry voice "English, dude, English" that did it for me. What the hell was that about?
Awful. Despite the good photography and special effects the script let it down badly with heavily stereotyped characters and silly and predictable actions scenes where the leading actors and the army people walk unscathed through all type of explosions, demolitions, flying debris and bullets while the rest get destroyed.
This movie is more suited to anyone under the age of 15.